Burning for Love

by Evangeline Anderson

  And so it went, endlessly on and on, and all Rissa could think was,

  Is this really how I shall spend the rest of my life?

  44

  “Look at them—dancing together. Both of them with the Sheen to their skin and looking like such a lovely Royal couple.”

  James dragged his eyes from the dance floor and looked down at Lady Mildew, who had come to stand beside him at the outer edge of the dance floor. The older female had expressed nothing but hostility to him in the past, so he was surprised that she would be civil to him at all, let alone that she would seek him out to talk.

  “They do seem…evenly matched,” he said at last, nodding as Ka’rissa and her new suitor spun in a graceful arc in the center of the ballroom’s marble floor.

  “Evenly matched? Why, ‘tis a match made by the Goddess of Mercy herself!” Lady Mildew exclaimed. “And him being so young and handsome—her ideal man. I don’t always approve of all the Steward does, but he chose right this time,” she added, nodding her head in apparent satisfaction.

  “They may look like an ideal couple,” James said in a low voice. “But the Princess does not wish to marry him.”

  “Because she wants to marry you, do you mean?” Lady Mildew looked up at him sharply.

  “I do not know if Princess Ka’rissa wants to Join with me or not,” James said stiffly. “I only know that she has told me she loves me.”

  “Well, of course she does!” Lady Mildew exclaimed, frowning. “Only look at you—so big and strong and handsome! And a dashing foreigner to boot—what silly young girl wouldn’t lose her head over the likes of you, Kindred?”

  James frowned.

  “The Princess is not ‘silly.’ She knows her own mind.”

  “She would—if you’d give her a chance to,” Lady Mildew exclaimed. “If you’d get out of the way and give her a chance at happiness—true happiness—with a man of her own class who can help her rule Regalia Five as an insider, rather than an interloper.”

  “What are you talking about?” James demanded. “I am no interloper—I was asked to come here.”

  “As her guard—not as her suitor,” Lady Mildew said severely. “But let’s suppose that the Princess somehow gets the Steward to change his mind so she can marry ‘the handsome stranger who came to guard her from beyond the stars.’ What do you think would happen then?” Her tone was jeering, as though the idea of James joining with Ka’rissa was completely preposterous.

  “I think I would do my best to make the Princess happy for the rest of her life,” James said, frowning.

  “Yes. And exactly how happy do you think she’d be with half the planet revolting at the idea of a foreign-born man on the throne? Not even a man—a robot!” Lady Mildew demanded. “There’s already a movement to dethrone the Monarchy, you know. And the idea of being ruled by a conqueror from another race—a whole other species—”

  “I did not come here to conquer anyone and I wouldn’t try to rule anything,” James protested. “If we did marry, I would be the Royal Consort—not the King.”

  Lady Mildew waved away his protests as though they were inconsequential flies.

  “Oh, please! Everyone knows that in our society, the man rules the woman! So whoever marries the Princess, will be the ruler of Regalia Five, whether he bears the title of ‘King’ or not!”

  James stared at her.

  “Is there truly so little equality between your sexes?”

  “It seems to me, you have two choices,” Lady Mildew said, ignoring his pointed question. “One, you can try to marry the Princess. If you succeed, she will be shunned by her social class—an outcast at Court. Not to mention the fact that it will probably cause a bloody civil war that may engulf the entire planet and cause permanent ill-will between our people and the Kindred.”

  Her words shook James to the core.

  “I…never thought of it that way,” he admitted.

  “Your other choice,” Lady Mildew continued relentlessly, “Is to let the Princess go. Oh, she may grieve for a little while, but she’s young and her broken heart will mend,” she went on. “And in time, she’ll learn to love the handsome, charming young man the Steward has picked for her. The young man with Royal blood in his veins who will not cause the people to rise up and start a civil war because he is not a foreign robot from another planet trying to rule them! Peace will be preserved and the Princess will make a lovely Queen and a happy wife and mother. Her future of happiness and prosperity will be assured.”

  She glared up at James. “Those are your choices—the way Ka’rissa’s life goes is entirely up to you, Sir Robot. Which will you choose?”

  James just stared at her for a moment, trying to process her words. He had to admit, he hadn’t thought of the long-term consequences of a Joining between himself and Ka’rissa. Oh, he had considered how it might impact the relations of the Regalians with his own people, the Kindred. But he hadn’t thought about how the Regalian people would feel if they thought a foreign male was ruling them. He had simply taken for granted that they would treat Ka’rissa as their rightful ruler, no matter who her Consort was.

  Now he saw that was a misconception. In a society as unbalanced and unfair to females as the Regalian one, it wasn’t at all surprising that they would believe James to be the true ruler if he Joined with Ka’rissa. And of course they would resent him.

  “She has a chance at true happiness now,” Lady Mildew said, breaking into his thoughts. She grabbed James by the arm and peered up at him earnestly. “Let her go, Kindred! Let her be happy.”

  James looked across the ballroom and saw Ka’rissa dancing in her new suitor’s arms. She was smiling up at him, the way she had smiled up at James himself, when they had danced together. Lord Shammington looked happy, too. He was gazing down at her and laughing at something she had said. Already, he seemed to be halfway in love with the pretty little Princess.

  Ordinarily, the sight of another male with his female would have sent James into Rage. But now he had to admit that the Princess wasn’t his female. And he also had to admit that the things Lady Mildew was saying to him made sense—they were logical.

  If I had a working emotion damper, I would be able to acknowledge the truth of her words immediately, he admitted to himself. Of course the Princess would be happier with one of her own kind—one her people accept and expect her to marry. Not a foreign interloper like me who is not even completely organic.

  “Thank you. I will…think about what you have said to me,” he told Lady Mildew, who was still looking at him expectantly.

  “You do that, Sir Robot,” she said, frowning at him. “You think long and hard if you really want to ruin Princess Ka’rissa’s life for her, just as she’s about to ascend to the throne! And then you think about what you’re going to say to her the next time you see her. Because if you tell her you love her, she’ll be as much in love with you as ever—I’m certain of it. But if you tell her you don’t love her, why, that will clear the way to let her love the man she ought to love—the one she’s going to marry.”

  And with a final nod, she stumped away into the crowd, leaving James to think about what she’d said.

  45

  “What do you mean, you’re leaving? James, you said you loved me!” Rissa felt as though her heart was breaking as she looked up at the big Kindred. Lady Mildew had—quite unexpectedly—allowed her a few moments alone with him this evening before her bath. But what he was telling her was terrible news!

  “Princess, I must leave after your wedding tomorrow morning,” he repeated stoically. There was no emotion in his metallic blue eyes as he spoke—no regret or sorrow that Rissa could see at all. “My mission will be over once you are safely wed,” he continued.

  “But…but I was hoping that maybe you wouldn’t want me to wed Lord Shammington,” she whispered, looking up at him hopefully. “I could go with you, James. I could abdicate the throne.”

  This thought had occurred to her during the interminable d
ancing that night. She was fairly certain one of her ancestors—called by the history books, King Thomas the Hasty—had done so, when he wished to marry a foreign woman from another planet. Why could she not do the same?

  But James was shaking his head.

  “I am afraid that is unacceptable, Princess,” he said coldly. “You cannot give up your Royal responsibility to Regalia Five because of me.”

  “Yes, I can!” Rissa protested. “I can because…because I still love you, James! I shall always love you,” she continued in a whisper. She waited, her heart pounding, to hear him say it back.

  But he only shook his head.

  “You are allowing illogical emotions to overcome your better judgment.”

  “I don’t care about any of that! James, did you hear me? I said, I love you!” Rissa exclaimed. She reached up and tried to pull him down for a kiss, as she had after the duel, but the big Kindred was solid as a rock and he refused to lower his mouth to hers. “James, kiss me!” she demanded desperately. “Tell me that you love me too, as you did only a week ago!”

  “I am afraid your emotion is one I cannot share or reciprocate.” He spoke woodenly—no, robotically, Rissa thought, feeling sick. He hadn’t sounded so stilted—so unemotional—since he first came to Court to be her guard.

  “But I thought—” she began.

  “I am deeply sorry if I gave you an incorrect impression,” he went on relentlessly. “But as you know, I have no emotions and so I cannot return your sentiments.”

  “But you said you loved me!” Rissa cried again. “You said it, James, and I know you felt it, too—I could feel it in the kiss we shared!”

  He shook his head.

  “My emotion damper was temporarily malfunctioning. Please accept my apologies.”

  “I do not want your apologies!” Rissa exclaimed, reaching for him again. “I want your love, James! If you could only see—”

  “I see that you finally have an acceptable suitor who is your own age and who seems to be an honorable male with Royal blood,” he interrupted her. Gently, he took her hands away from his shoulders and put them down by her sides. “Princess,” he said. “You must go on with your life and forget about me. I was only sent here to guard you for a short time. After your wedding tomorrow morning, I must go home. And then you and I will probably never see each other again.”

  Rissa felt as though her heart was breaking into a million pieces.

  “Never again?” she whispered. “Do I really mean so little to you, James?”

  For a moment he hesitated, and she thought she saw a look of misery on his face. But then it passed, so quickly she wasn’t even sure she’d seen it in the first place, and his features became as impassive as stone again.

  “Forgive me,” he said formally. “But I believe it is time for us to part.” He bowed low to her. “My best wishes for your health and happiness, Your Majesty,” he murmured.

  Then he straightened up and turned away, leaving Rissa with tears in her eyes and a pain so big inside her, it felt like it was tearing her apart.

  46

  James had never known physical pain like the emotional agony he was experiencing now. Pretending that he had no feelings for Ka’rissa when, in fact, he was burning with love for her, had been incredibly difficult. And though he told himself over and over that this was for the best—that she needed to be with a male who was of her own race and who had Royal blood, he still couldn’t forget the tears of pain and betrayal in her lovely eyes as he had turned away from her.

  Also, despite his firm conviction that he was doing the right thing—not just for Ka’rissa but for the whole of Regalia Five and for his own people as well—James still had that nagging guilt feeling that he had done something dreadfully wrong.

  You never should have allowed yourself to fall in love with her in the first place, he told himself sternly. That’s what you did wrong. Never should have gone on this mission when you knew your emotion damper was malfunctioning.

  But he had done those things and now he had to live with the consequences. His deepest regret was that he had hurt not only himself, but Ka’rissa as well. He wished desperately that he could take back his actions of the past solar month, but that was, of course, impossible.

  The only thing he could do now was to witness the wedding ceremony tomorrow morning and then leave the planet as quickly as possible. Then, once he was back aboard the Mother Ship, he could get his emotion damper fixed and try to forget about Ka’rissa.

  He only hoped that in time, she could forget about him as well.

  47

  The wedding passed in a blur.

  Rissa had read many a romantic novel in which the heroine is just about to wed the wrong man and then the dashing hero bursts in at the last moment to stop the wedding and rescue her so that they can ride off together and spend their lives together. Deep down inside, she kept hoping secretly that the very same thing might happen to her.

  It didn’t.

  Oh, she saw James in the crowd. He was being as watchful as ever, scanning the crowded chapel for threats and protecting her until the last. But his face was like stone and he showed no emotion whatsoever as he watched Rissa plight her troth to the sleekly handsome Lord Shammington and vow to love, honor, and obey him in all things from this day hence. In short, he acted like the robot he was reputed to be, with no feelings at all—only cold logic.

  Rissa went through the wedding feeling like a robot herself, mouthing all the necessary words and making all the necessary motions, but feeling nothing for the man she was marrying. Even her Heat Cycle, rising with the stress of the occasion, couldn’t make her feel anything. In fact, she almost wished she could burst into flames right there at the altar, so that everything would just be over.

  Other than her Heat Cycle, the only thing she was aware of was the dull, throbbing pain between her legs. Lady Mildew had forced an even bigger plug inside her that morning, saying that it would “get her ready for her wedding night.” The pain of the Chastity Device’s dull blades digging into her inner channel was intense, but it was nothing to the pain in her heart.

  Rissa bore both agonies with a smile plastered on her face. She had been taught from an early age that Royalty never showed pain or unhappiness to the outside world. She must always look brave and strong and happy and set an example for the Court and, indeed, for all her subjects among the commoners as well.

  The Royal wedding was being broadcast into every home on Regalia Five and the streets were thronged with adoring crowds, shouting their admiration and love. The noise was so loud, it could be heard like a dull roar outside the chapel, though the palace grounds were vast and no commoners were allowed inside the perimeter.

  Rissa held her head high, aware that her image was being captured for all the world to see. No matter how much she might be hurting, inside and out, this was not the time for her private grief.

  So she kept it inside and tried to ignore the way that James simply watched, his face impassive, as she was married to another man.

  48

  “Commander Sylvan, I have failed you.”

  The words seemed to burst out of James, the moment he saw his Commanding Officer again. He had barely been back aboard the Mother Ship for five standard minutes, and the other male had come to meet him at his return. But the moment Sylvan congratulated him on a job well done and offered his arm for a warrior’s clasp, the words—no, it was more of a confession, James admitted to himself—simply came out.

  “What? How?” Commander Sylvan looked startled. They were still clasping arms and he leaned forward, looking James in the face, as though searching for something. “J-8,” he said, using James’s old designation. “Are you…having emotions?”

  James took a deep breath.

  “I am,” he admitted. “And I have been having them since before I went on the mission you assigned me on Regalia Five. And these emotions are what caused me to fail in my mission.”

  Sylvan shook his head.
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  “I don’t understand. I received word from the Steward of Regalia Five that you had fulfilled your duties and that you were coming home to us.” He frowned. “Of course, I did think the message was worded a bit curtly, but I put it down to language differences and possible translation problems.”

  “There were no translation problems,” James said. “The Steward is displeased with me because of my failure to contain my emotions.”

  Sylvan frowned.

  “Perhaps we’d better continue this debriefing in my office. Come, J-8—let’s go.”

  “…and that is how I failed in my mission,” James finished, sometime later as he sat in the seat across from Commander Sylvan’s desk, exactly where everything had started, just over a solar month before. “I allowed myself to have feelings for Princess Ka’rissa and when she began having similar feelings for me, I encouraged them. I…I let myself love her and she loved me in return,” he finished hoarsely.

  “I see,” Commander Sylvan said. “This is…not exactly what I was expecting when I assigned you to this mission, J-8.”

  “I know, Commander. You chose me because I had no emotions and I betrayed you by allowing myself to have them after all.” James put his head in his hands, unable to meet the other male’s eyes any longer. “I will understand if you wish to sanction me, or even remove me from the Elite Espionage Corps. I would richly deserve any punishment you decide to give me.”

  “I don’t know about that.” Sylvan’s voice was surprisingly gentle. “It seems to me you’re doing a pretty good job of punishing yourself already.”

  James looked up at the other male.

  “I have never known such pain,” he admitted, his voice raw and honest in his own ears. “Please tell me how to bear it, Commander. How do feelers deal with this kind of agony? This constant longing to be with a female you cannot have?”