Songs of the Heart: Lyrical Odyssey Rock Star Series Book 3

by B. Rose, Charli

  I stood and stepped into the aisle. Andrew pulled me into his arms. A weight lifted off my chest at his simple gesture.

  “Do me one favor, Son.” His eyes were serious.

  “What?” I’d deny him nothing at that point. Knowing that I had his acceptance and forgiveness was such a relief.

  “Don’t disappear on her again. If you do, I will hunt you down myself.” He raised his brows.

  I chuckled. “I promise.”

  “See you later, Son.” With that, he loped off in the direction of the elevators.

  Chapter 13

  Izzy

  Once Dawson left with my dad, an awkward silence filled the room.

  “How are you, Beckett?” Mom asked him, trying to ease the weirdness. “And how was the concert? I mean… uh…”

  “I’m good. And the concert, at least the part I stayed for, was amazing,” Beckett said with a tiny chuckle. “Isabelle, has the doctor been by yet this morning?” he asked, turning his focus to me.

  “Yes. It was really early. Still dark out. He said he’d be back by in a bit to check in and maybe let me go home.” I tugged my blanket up around my body. I’d been cold since Dawson climbed out of my bed.

  “I’m going to go find him and give him a copy of your records. While I’m at it, I’ll have him update my files with everything that’s been done since you were admitted last night. I’ll be back in a bit. OK, babe?” He shook his head sheepishly. “I mean… Isabelle.”

  A smile lifted my lips. “See you in a little while. We still have some stuff to talk about.”

  I needed everything cleared up before I could focus on the future. And even though I was beginning to realize just how wrong Beckett and I were for each other long term, I didn’t want him hurt. Over the past couple of years, he’d become important to me—first as my doctor, then as my friend, then as my hope and that had somehow morphed into more. But it wasn’t enough.

  “We will. Promise.” His eyes darted to my mom before he spun on his heel and walked out the door.

  Mom quirked her brow at me. I bit my lip, choosing to remain silent for a minute.

  “You want to explain to me what’s going on?” she finally asked in that mom tone that brooked no room for argument.

  “I’m not really sure where to start or how to explain.” I fidgeted with the hem of the thin, scratchy blanket.

  “How about at the beginning?” she suggested in her logical mom voice.

  Sighing, I started, “Well, ever since your party, Dawson and I have been kind of talking again.” I shrugged as her eyes widened and her mouth turned down.

  “Just phone calls and texts, Mom. As friends. That’s it. Or that was it,” I said.

  “And Beckett?” she asked, lifting one brow at me in question.

  My eyes filled with tears, and I drew in a deep breath. “I swear I didn’t cheat on Beckett, Mom. I only intended to try to be friends with Dawson again. Once I saw him again, I just couldn’t say goodbye. It would hurt too much. My head knows how impossible it would be to try again.” My finger traced the abstract bruise covering my forearm.

  A new frown transformed Mom’s face, but I didn’t dwell on it. I needed to finish telling her everything. “I mean, he’s launched to stardom in a way he only dreamed of. He’s going to be a super nova. I don’t remember much from astronomy, but I do remember that nothing can exist in the proximity of a super nova. Everything gets incinerated. I know I can’t go through losing him again. So, I need to be content to admire his light and bask in his warmth from afar.” Tears burned my eyes and my nostrils at the thought of the distance necessary to keep my heart from imploding.

  “But—” Mom started before I held up my hand to halt her words.

  “But even though my head knows all that, my heart doesn’t care that it’s impossible. My heart is alive again with him back in my life. The world has color again. And I want to make the impossible become possible,” I whispered.

  Mom’s fingers reached out and cupped my cheek. “Oh, sweetie.”

  “Anyway, I was content to just have him back in my life, warming me up. Shining light on all my grey areas. Things hadn’t really changed between me and Beckett. We were still in this pleasant place. It was safe and content. But love isn’t supposed to be safe and content, is it?” I looked up at her, seeking the answer in her gaze.

  “Not only safe and content. It should be fiery and passionate too,” she confirmed my fears.

  “Anyway, Beckett had an epiphany or something at the concert. I’m not sure exactly. We haven’t had time to really talk about it yet. He just told me that we each deserved more. That we weren’t right for each other. And then he left halfway through the concert.” I twisted a lock of limp hair around my finger.

  “And you jumped right back into things with Dawson?” Mom asked, pulling no punches.

  “We aren’t officially back together. We haven’t had time to talk yet either. But we did kiss,” I confessed.

  “And?” Mom nibbled her lip anxiously.

  “And it was everything it used to be and more. And I don’t know how to rein in my heart. It’s somewhere out there in the stratosphere with little recall of how much it hurt when everything fell apart before. And I don’t know how Dawson felt about the kiss. Maybe it wasn’t the same for him. Maybe our friendship is enough. I just don’t know, Mom. I’m stuck somewhere between my head and my heart. Somewhere between being sensible and being… impulsive. Between being content and being…” I trailed off with the inability to find the perfect word to describe what I could have.

  “Overjoyed?”

  I nodded.

  “Sounds like there are a couple of conversations you need to have, young lady,” she said sternly.

  Before she could lecture me further, Daddy walked back in with a cup of coffee. Silently, he handed it to Mom then rounded the bed to sit in the other chair.

  “How are you, sweetpea?” he asked gruffly.

  “I’m fine, Daddy. Really, I am.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed.

  “I don’t just mean about the accident. Dawson told me about…” He glanced at my mother.

  “You don’t have to pussyfoot around me, mister. She told me about kissing him,” Mom admonished him.

  “What kiss?” Dad asked, sitting up straight in his chair.

  I blushed a thousand shades of red. “It was nothing,” I said hastily.

  “It was most certainly not nothing, sweetheart. You don’t have to downplay your feelings just to protect your father’s fragile ears. He’s a grown man. He is well aware that you’re an adult and have… done things,” Mom said passionately.

  “Mom—”

  “That’s enough, Sue. I don’t need any visuals. I know she’s grown. I just prefer not to think about it. She’s always going to be my little girl.” He crossed his arms over his chest in a defiant manner.

  “Well, if a possible reunion isn’t what you were talking about, then what did Dawson tell you,” Mom asked with a frown.

  “Um… about the person stalking him,” Dad muttered.

  Mom gasped. “Dawson has a stalker? Is someone keeping him safe?” Her hand clutched her throat.

  “Yes, Mom, someone is keeping him safe. The band has security. They hired the team they used to work with at their old record label. The head of it, Joe, is a former police officer. Everything is fine. You don’t need to worry,” I patted her arm and shot Dad a look, begging him not to mention Dawson’s suspicions about my accident. I didn’t want Mom to start thinking that Dawson should keep his distance from me.

  “Well, that’s good then. Most of those stalker types just want attention, I think. Ignoring them is probably the best thing to do. Eventually they move on to someone else when they get no reaction out of the person they’re stalking. I’m sure the security team is advising Dawson on how to act.” She nodded to herself as she rambled on.

  “Knock, knock,” Beckett said as he peeked around the doorframe.

  “Come on in
,” Mom invited him.

  Beckett pulled over a chair and sat next to Mom. “So, I just talked with your doctor. All the tests look great. He gave me copies of everything to include in your file. I don’t anticipate any issues or complications with your condition. You shouldn’t have any setbacks. But, of course, you need to be diligent about letting me know if anything changes. Just to be on the safe side, you know,” he had on his doctor voice.

  I nodded. I’d never take my health for granted again.

  “I mean it, Isabelle. You have to call me if you notice anything at all, even if you think it’s nothing. Tenderness, nausea, dizziness, vision issues, headaches, lightheadedness… anything other than perfectly normal. Understand?” His eyes searched my face.

  “I got it.” I pressed my hand over my heart. “Promise.”

  Silence blanketed the room, allowing not only the worries about my health to simmer, but also the unspoken things between me and Beckett.

  Mom cleared her throat. “Andrew, I’m getting kind of hungry. Let’s go grab something to eat.” Her chair scraped along the linoleum as she pushed it back to stand.

  “What? We had breakfast before we got here.” Dad’s brow wrinkled in confusion.

  “I couldn’t enjoy it then because I was worried about Izzy. But now I see for myself that she’s fine and going to be discharged soon… She is going to be released soon, right, Beckett?” Mom turned to Beckett who looked puzzled over their exchange.

  “Um… yeah. The doctor is going to sign her papers after lunch,” he answered.

  “See. She’s fine. Let’s go eat. We’ll be back before they release her.” Mom tugged Dad up from his chair. “If they release you before we get back, text us,” she said to me.

  Dad gave my hand a little squeeze then stepped to the other side of the bed to shake Beckett’s hand.

  Mom leaned over to give me a hug. “Now’s the time for one of those conversations.” She looked at me sternly.

  “Yes, ma’am.” I swallowed hard. Nerves made me nauseous.

  When she moved to the other side of the bed, she pulled Beckett into a hug. “Thanks for taking care of our girl again.” Her eyes shimmered with tears.

  “I’ll always look out for her. No matter what. She’s important to me,” he said meaningfully.

  Mom and Dad left, leaving an awkward silence to fill the room. Beckett sank into the seat closest to the head of the bed. I drew in a deep breath, unsure where to start.

  He seemed just as hesitant as me.

  We both opened our mouths to speak at the same time. A giggle slipped past my lips, breaking some of the tension.

  “You first,” he offered.

  “This is weird. I don’t want things to be weird between us. Not after everything we’ve been through,” I started.

  “I concur. So, how about we make a promise right now to not let that happen? No weirdness or awkwardness, just honesty. I mean friends can be honest with each other, right?” he asked as he picked up my hand and rested it gently between both of his.

  Relief filled me at his desire to remain friends. “Yes, friends can be honest with each other.”

  We stared at each other despite our vow to have no awkwardness.

  “So…” I said, drawing the word out.

  “Yeah. I… uh… guess saying no weirdness isn’t really the antidote to stop things from being weird,” he said with a shrug.

  “I guess not.” A tiny smile played on my lips.

  “Before we get into last night and us, I really want to make sure you understand how important it is that you keep me apprised of anything going on with your health. If things change and the treatments don’t… last, it’s important that we get you on a regimen to get your disease back into remission. OK?” His eyes were filled with care and concern.

  “I promise I’ll check in with you and keep you updated,” I whispered.

  “Now that’s out of the way, about last night. Actually, not just last night,” he said, sighing.

  “I’m really sorry. I never intended for any of this to happen. I honestly thought I was moving forward with my life, with you. Or at least starting to,” my voice wobbled a tad.

  “Please stop apologizing. You did nothing wrong. We did nothing wrong. And I’m not saying that you and I were bad together. We just weren’t right together. You know?” He brushed a lock of hair off my forehead.

  “I know. And we were good at the moment, weren’t we?” I asked, needing to hear him say that what we had meant something. At least for a little while.

  “Of course, we were.” His thumb rubbed the back of my hand. “I cherish what we had. We were important to each other. We cared for each other. Loved each other. But last night, I realized that we weren’t in love with each other. And no amount of time was going to change that, was it?” his voice held a hint of uncertainty, like he was second-guessing his decision to end things.

  ♪ Happier by Marshmello ft. Bastille

  Sadly, I shook my head. “I don’t think so. I don’t know that I believe there’s only one person out there for everyone. But I’m pretty sure there is only one person out there for me. Now, that doesn’t mean it will work out for me and Dawson. But it isn’t fair to pretend my heart is available. I’ve been in denial about it for a couple years now. Thanks for opening my eyes and my heart back up.”

  “You know, after your parents’ anniversary party I suspected that this was where we would end up. I heard the CD he made for you. I didn’t mean to listen. I accidentally hit the button while I was driving back to your house while you were sleeping. It was shocking to hear about all your memories. I didn’t listen to the whole CD, but I heard enough to know how deeply he loved you. And then I saw him on Elle’s show. And all these bits of information swirled in my mind.”

  He stopped speaking and looked deeply into my eyes, searching. Then he continued, “But I was in denial too. And two days ago, when I got into town… back at my hotel… I almost convinced myself that I was wrong, that we were right for each other. I was going to redouble my focus on our relationship and try to draw out the parts of yourself that you seemed to have lost.”

  His free hand reached up to cup my cheek, and his smile turned sorrowful. “But as I listened to Dawson sing that last song at the concert, I realized that you and I have never once said I love you. It’s always been love ya. I wracked my brain just to be certain. When I couldn’t come up with one time when either of us had said the fully committed, three-word declaration, I knew I needed to let you go so you could have the love you deserve.”

  His face was so sad. My heart ached over causing him this pain.

  “I understand your decision. And you’re right. In your shoes, I’d have done the same thing. I’m not sure what the future actually holds for me… and Dawson. There’s a lot we have to work through. A lot to let go of and sort out. It may be an impossible feat.” I shrugged one shoulder and glanced out the window.

  Beckett gripped my chin gently and turned me back to face him. “Impossible is no longer in your vocabulary. You being alive right now should be impossible. Yet here you are. So, don’t talk to me about impossible,” his tone was playfully scolding mixed with a sternness only a doctor or parent could pull off.

  I gave him a half-smile. “I know that, but some things just can’t be healed—no matter how great the doctor is.”

  In the sobering light of day, I knew the obstacles between me and Dawson hadn’t been overcome by a couple of heated kisses and “I love you” declarations.

  “You might have forgotten, but I’m a pretty good listener and sounding board,” he offered.

  He was right. Those qualities were what drew me to him in the first place, back when the darkness enveloping my life was deep and never ending.

  “And just what did you have in mind?” I asked skeptically.

  “Talk out what went wrong. I don’t need the nitty gritty. But I’m a trained observer and analyzer—it’s the scientist in me. Let me help. As your friend,�
�� he pleaded.

  “Wouldn’t that be weird?” I wrinkled my nose at him.

  With his index finger, he smoothed out the lines on my brow. “What’s a little weirdness between friends? If we tackle it all now, then when I come to your art show, the weirdness will be gone.”

  “You’re still coming to my show? You don’t have to, you know.” I couldn’t stop the smile that lit up my face.

  “Of course, I’m coming to your show. I want to see what you’ve been working on. And friends support each other.” His eyes sparkled as he gazed at me. “So, let the weirdness commence.”

  “OK. Where should we start?” A slight feeling of trepidation filled me, but I did long to have someone to sound off on.

  “At the beginning of course. I know from the photos at your parents’ house that you’ve known Dawson since you were really young. When did you guys start dating?” he asked.

  “Which time?” I asked with a laugh.

  Beckett’s brows shot up to his hairline.

  “I’m kidding.” I chuckled. “Kind of. Dawson was my first boyfriend when we were eight. My first kiss when we were eleven. My first… well, you get the picture. Dawson and I were each other’s everything without being anything,” I explained.

  “I don’t understand.” He leaned forward, devoting his full attention to me.

  “Well, we were both so afraid of it not working out and losing what we had that we remained friends. Maybe a little more. But never official. At least not until I was in college, and the band was starting to take off… Anyway, we were officially a couple for three years. We broke up right before I got sick two years ago… Well, before I knew I was really sick.” I paused to take a sip of water.

  “Huh? Dawson, lead singer for Lyrical Odyssey, was in a relationship for three years? How did that escape the gossip magazines?” Beckett mused.

  “That would’ve been the work of the band’s PR person back then. The label insisted we keep our relationship a secret. We weren’t to be seen in public. And Dawson was supposed to flirt and act single whenever he was out,” I said, my lips turned down at the memory.