Hanging Stars On Big Willow Creek: A Novel

by Sarah Hill

  “Then why kiss him?” he asked, his eyes heavy.

  “I never fully healed. There was no goodbye. When I saw him again, I allowed myself to get wrapped up in those old feelings. It felt good to feel the passion we had. I would be torn apart if the shoe were on the other foot. I can’t imagine you kissing another woman the way you kiss me.”

  Spencer closed his eyes and through gritted teeth said, “I can’t believe I’m going to ask you this, but was there more than kissing? Did he touch you?”

  “No.” She hesitated and said, “A few roaming hands, but mostly kissing,” she replied, calmly.

  Pursing his lips together, he nodded and with an exhale said,

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?” she said, her forehead wrinkling.

  “It’s going to take some time to get past the images in my head. I’m not happy. It angers and hurts me, but I love you and I’m not going to lose you,” he said, his jaw flexing. “Rylie, I’m going to do better at showing the passion you’ve been missing, the passion you deserve.”

  “Spencer, I know you love me. Don’t blame yourself for this. You have zero fault in anything that happened. We’ve both been absent in the passion department. The fact is, I know I love you and there was never a doubt for me. There’s only you and I shouldn’t have let it happen. Be angry with me,” she said, nudging his arm.

  “I am. We’ll need to do some more talking,” he paused, looking in Alex’s direction. “Now isn’t the time.”

  Rylie nodded and then said, “I need to ask you something.”

  “What?” he asked, his eyes narrowing.

  “Del invited Maysen to dinner tonight. They know nothing about what happened between Maysen and I and she wants him to meet you. I can call him and tell him not to come. He’d understand,” she said, pressing her lips together.

  “You want him there?” he asked, frowning.

  “No. It doesn’t matter to me if he’s there or not. I’m not asking you to be okay with it. I just need to know if I should tell him to excuse himself,” she said.

  “No. Let him come. I’d like to see this guy,” he said, his face hard.

  “Spence, I’m going to ask you something I have no right to ask,” she said, swallowing. “I need you to be calm tonight and not say anything. At least not in front of Del and Norm.”

  A crease formed between his eyes. “How is this going to work?”

  “How’s what going to work?” she asked.

  “Visiting Del and Norm. Do I need to worry about your feelings the more you see him?”

  “No. As terrible as this is going to sound, I think I needed the goodbye we didn’t get when I left. There is no comparison to how I feel for you, my love.”

  “I don’t want to make this easy for you, but I understand your need for a goodbye. I’d want the same if it been you and I,” he said, looking past her.

  “Spence. Nothing excuses my behavior, but I do think we should work on making us a little more important. I didn’t realize how much our passion had gone to the wayside until I came back home.”

  Spencer met her gaze and nodded. “I agree. Although we don’t fight, we have allowed other cracks into our marriage,” he paused and said, “I think kissing anther man was the wrong way to get my attention.”

  “I know. Do you think you’ll ever be able to trust me again?” she asked, frowning.

  “I trust you, Rylie. You’ll never visit Idaho without me again, but I can see the regret in your eyes. I won’t hold this over your head,” he said, leaning over and kissing her forehead.

  “Spencer,” she said, her voice cracking as a tear escaped from her eye.

  “We’ll get through this, sweetheart,” he said, wiping the tear away and hugging her. “We will heal together.”

  Not confident that she wouldn’t burst into tears, Rylie nodded with a tight smile.

  “What do you say we gather up that crazy kid of ours and go see Del and Norm?” he asked, tapping the tip of her nose.

  “Sounds wonderful,” she said with a teary-eyed smile.

  October 18, 2010 ~ Evening

  It was hard to keep Del in her bed when they arrived. She tried to crawl out of it the moment she saw Alex walk into the living room. They talked her into staying put and allowing Alex to gently lay beside her in the bed. That worked for the first twenty minutes before Alex got bored and started playing with the control buttons. He had the top and the bottom of the bed elevating straight up so he and Del were getting squished in between. Spencer got the bed laid back out and made Alex sit in the recliner beside Del instead.

  “Tell me, did you enjoy our little zoo?” Del asked Alex, as he reclined in the chair.

  “Yeah. I liked the giraffes and playing on the slide,” he said, messing with the wooden lever on the side of the chair. “Oh!” he exclaimed, sitting up with eagerness. “I fed the goats too!”

  “You did!” Del exclaimed, in mock excitement. “Well, that sounds like a lot of fun!” Rylie and Spencer laughed at Alex’s high-pitched giggle as a knock echoed through the kitchen.

  “I’ll get it,” Norm said, standing up.

  Rylie felt a weight settle in her stomach. She prayed Spencer would be strong enough to keep any feelings hidden. Feeling his hand grip her thigh, she looked over at him. He had a forced smile painted on his face as he concentrated on Alex and Del’s banter.

  Rylie leaned over and whispered, “If at any time you need to go for a walk just give me a squeeze. I’ll make our excuses so we can get some air, okay?”

  He jerked his head into a nod and looked at the doorway as Norm and Maysen walked into the living room. Spencer’s jaw tightened and Rylie gave his hand a firmer squeeze.

  “Spencer,” Norm said with a proud smile. “This is Maysen. He’s part of our family.”

  Maysen’s face was guarded as glanced at Rylie and then looked Spencer in the eye and put out his hand. “Spencer,” he said with a nod. “It’s good to finally meet the man who’s given Rylie the happiness she deserves.” Rylie held her breath as she watched Spencer’s minor hesitation.

  After a moment pause, Spencer gave a hard nod and shook Maysen’s hand. “Nice to put a face to the name,” Spencer responded. Rylie noticed the extra squeeze Spencer gave Maysen’s hand and sighed. It could have been worse she told herself.

  Maysen looked at Del and said, “I brought the dinner you asked for, Del.”

  “You had him bring us dinner?” Rylie asked, frowning at Del.

  “We paid for it,” Del said, her voice a little high. “I swear, Rylie. You act like I take advantage of him or something.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way,” she said, then turning to Maysen, she added, “thank you.”

  “I brought in a few of the take-out boxes,” he said, looking at Del. “There are a few more in the truck. I’ll be right back,” he said, turning to leave.

  Spencer stood up and said, “Let me help you with those, Maysen.”

  “Spence,” Rylie said, touching his arm.

  He leaned down, kissed her head and whispered, “It’s okay.”

  Maysen, looking wary said, “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

  Rylie watched as Spencer followed Maysen out of the living room. Her heart felt like it was going to jump out of her chest. “I’ll get some plates and silverware,” she said, standing up. “Alex, be good while I’m gone, okay?”

  “I will,” he said, with a mischievous smile.

  Hurrying to the kitchen window, she peeked out towards the driveway. Spencer was waiting beside the truck as Maysen grabbed the rest of the take-out boxes. His back was to her so she couldn’t see if they were conversing or not. Maysen handed Spencer a couple foil pans and then stood back with his hands on his hips and nodded. They were talking about something. Maysen’s mouth was a hard line as he stood listening to whatever Spencer was saying. A couple more nods and they shook hands. Spencer turned and headed back into the yard as Maysen retrieved the rest of the tins from his truck.<
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  Rylie went to the cupboards and started taking plates out as Spencer walked into the kitchen. Their eyes met as she turned towards him and he smirked. “Spying?”

  “No,” she said, her shoulders sagging. “Maybe a little.”

  Shaking his head, he set the foil pans on the counter and took her in his arms. “I told you I’d be good,” he said, leaning down to kiss her. He kissed her softly at first, but then he grew more eager and forceful.

  Rylie broke away from him and laughed. “Whoa there, cowboy. Dinner first.” She ducked out of his arms and came face to face with Maysen. Her smile fell from her face.

  Maysen tore his eyes away from her and put the tins he was holding on the counter before going into the living room.

  Rylie looked over at Spencer and frowned. “Look. I know what I did was wrong, but don’t torture him, okay?”

  Spencer looked down at his feet and nodded. “Weak moment. I’m sorry,” he said, his voice low.

  “Don’t apologize. I get it, but there’s no need to mark your

  territory,” she said, tugging at his shirt collar. “Come on, help me make a plate for Alex so I can get one made up for Del.”

  Del ordered so much food they all ended up eating more than their stomachs could hold. There was little talk as they shoveled chicken, pork, rice and spring rolls into their mouths.

  “Del, Chinese was a good choice,” Spencer said, wiping his mouth with his napkin.

  “It’s one of my favorites,” she said. “I figured I’d give Maysen a break from playing chef for us.”

  Maysen looked up and smiled as he chewed. He’d been the quietest among them, only chiming in with one-word answers or to answer the questions Alex asked him about the ranch. Del and Norm didn’t seem to notice his silence, because they were so wrapped up in Spencer and Alex. Rylie tried several times to catch his eye while they ate, but he seemed determined not to look at her.

  “Hey Alex,” Norm said. “How would you like to visit the baby calves?”

  “Let him finish eating,” Del said, swatting at Norm.

  “I’m done,” Alex said, handing his plate to Rylie and running over to pull on Norm’s arm. “Come on, Grandpa.”

  Norm’s smile met his eyes, forming creases at the corners. Rylie always loved how Norm’s eyes smiled along with his mouth. “Alex, don’t pull on Grandpa. Be patient,” Rylie said.

  Norm stood up and looked over at Spencer. “What do you say Spencer? Want to join us?”

  Spencer opened his mouth and then looked at Rylie. “Uhm,” he started.

  “Oh, go on Spencer,” Del said. “This group of calves is especially cute! You don’t want to miss out.”

  “I thought I’d help Rylie clean up,” he said.

  “Oh, Maysen can help her, won’t you Maysen?” Del asked, looking over at him.

  Maysen hesitated, looking between Spencer and Del. “I, uh. Yeah, sure.”

  Defeated, Spencer’s shoulders drooped. “Okay,” he said, looking over at Rylie. “I guess I’m going to see some calves.”

  Rylie forced a smile and said, “Don’t get any ideas about bringing any home. I don’t care how cute they are.”

  Spencer leaned over and kissed her and whispered, “That wasn’t marking my territory. I just wanted to kiss you.”

  Rylie smiled and gave him another quick peck and then winked. “Have fun.”

  “I’ll be right back,” he said, following Norm and Alex out the door.

  “Here Del, let me take your stuff,” Rylie said, standing. Glancing over at Maysen, who was still avoiding her gaze, she started towards the kitchen. As she was scraped the last of the fried rice from Alex’s plate into the garbage, Maysen entered the kitchen and walked over to the sink.

  “Hey,” she said, as he turned on the water and set the stopper in the sink.

  “Hey,” he answered, his back to her.

  “You okay? You seem a little off.”

  “I’m fine. Spencer’s a nice guy and Alex sure is a little ball of fire,” he said, swishing his hand in the water to mix the dish soap.

  She walked over to the sink and put the plates and silverware into the water. “Yeah, I’m lucky.”

  “You know. I should’ve learned by now that I need to start bringing paper plates with me. I’m starting to get soggy hands,” he said, with a laugh.

  “Move over. I’ll do them,” she said, tapping his side. Scooting over, he allowed her to take the spot of dishwasher. “I told Spencer what happened between us.”

  “I know. He told me,” he said, his voice barely audible.

  “I figured he did. I hope he was cordial,” she said, handing him a clean plate.

  “He’s a better man than I am. I wouldn’t have been so calm,” Maysen said, drying the plate and setting it on the drain board.

  “Except for the jab he took kissing me in front of you like that. I’m sorry.”

  Maysen shook his head. “Don’t apologize for him. He’s your husband. I kissed you, he earned the jab.”

  “I’m sorry for how unfair this is for you. It’s tearing me apart.”

  Maysen shrugged. “Everything happens for a reason, right?”

  “May I ask what he said to you?” she asked, curiosity getting the best of her.

  “That though he was angry, he understood your need to say goodbye to me.”

  “He meant to our past. We’ll be back for visits more often,” she said, looking over at him. “I’m not skipping town and never coming back.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Maybe after a few visits you guys will be friends and we can hang out at the fire pit. I’d love Maddie and Kevin to meet Spencer and

  Alex.”

  “You are welcome to that fire pit any time you’re here. It’s as much yours as it is mine,” he said, finally looking at her. “I doubt I’ll be joining you though. At least not for a while.”

  “Why not?” she asked, her heart sinking.

  “It’s like Spencer said, we got our goodbye. A few years late,” he said with a shrug. “Now I need time to heal. I can’t do that if you’re sitting in front of me.”

  “I won’t be. You’ll have time before we visit again.”

  “Someday, Rylie. I promise, but now, I need time,” he said with a small smile. Putting the last plate on the drain board, he tossed the towel aside and dug into his pocket. “I still want you to have this, though. It doesn’t deserve to be entombed behind some old rock,” he said, holding the little black box out to her.

  “No, Maysen,” she said, shaking her head. “You keep that. You’re right, it deserves better than a cement grave and so do you. You find the girl who deserves to wear that ring. She’s out there and when you find her, I’ll be rooting the loudest for you.”

  “I’m going to miss you, Rylie,” he said, holding her gaze.

  “Hey. We gave our past the goodbye it needed, but we’re opening a new chapter. We still have a lot of story left to write, Maysen Banks.”

  The side of his mouth turned up and he let out a small laugh. “That would be nice. I’m going to make myself scarce for the next few days. Give you guys the time you deserve with Norm and Del. No distractions. I’ll see you on your next trip out, okay.”

  “You’re saying goodbye?” she asked, her eyes filling with tears.

  “For now,” he said, nodding. “I’ll be okay, Rylie. I have a good feeling about what the future holds. Knowing we’ll still be friends gives me the peace I didn’t know I needed.”

  “Friends forever,” she said, hugging him. “I’m sorry for the gap.”

  “It’s okay,” he said, squeezing her. “I’m going to go. Tell Spencer thank you and Rylie, you were right, you have a special little boy in Alex.”

  “That he is,” she said, smiling through tears.

  “Don’t cry. We aren’t saying goodbye forever,” he said, wiping a tear from her cheek and turning to go.

  “Hey Mayse,” she called to his back.

  He turned and looked
at her, his eyes glistening. “Yeah?”

  “You’re a good man. One of the best I’ve ever known.”

  “Top ten?” he said, forcing a small smile.

  “Top three, easy.”

  He nodded and then disappeared around the corner.

  Rylie went and sat on her bed, resisting the urge to watch him leave through the kitchen window.

  June 2017

  The motor shuttered and the truck jerked to a stop. “This sucks!” Alex yelled, beating his hands on the steering wheel. Laughter from the passenger side fueled his irritation and he glared over in that direction. “It’s not funny! You need a newer truck.”

  “You sound like your mother,” Maysen said, chuckling. “You can do this. Take a deep breath. You’re getting too frustrated.”

  Alex huffed and took a couple deep breaths. Turning the engine over he shifted into first gear and tried again. As the truck gave a little jerk, he applied more gas. The jerking eased and the truck started a smooth motion down the dirt road.

  “See? You’ve got this!” Maysen exclaimed, lightly punching his shoulder. “You just need a little patience.” Maysen looked at his watch. “We better head back or we’ll be late for dinner.”

  “Did you want me to pull over?” Alex asked, his eyes still on the road.

  “No, I think you’ve proven you know what you’re doing. It’s time to show your parents. Take her home, Jeeves.”

  A smile spread across Alex’s face as he took the road back to his grandparents’ house. He laid on the horn as he drove past the yard where everyone was lounging around the barbeque pit. A few heads turned and Alex waved out the window.

  “Okay, stop showing off. Both hands on the wheel,” Maysen said, laughing.

  After parking, Alex ran ahead of Maysen to the back yard. “Dad, did you see me?” he said excitedly.

  “I am impressed, buddy. You can do something I never learned to do,” Spencer said, high fiving his son.

  “Don’t feel bad, Spencer,” Maysen said. He looked over at Rylie and grinned. “Rylie never got the hang of it either and she grew up

  here.”

  Rylie turned from the conversation she was having with Maddie and another woman and glared in Maysen’s direction. “You needed a new truck! The one you used to teach me was a dinosaur!”