by Carol Ashby
They headed toward the garden at the rear of the house. Claudia’s heart beat faster when she heard his deep voice. She couldn’t quite make out the words until...
“Remember that Jesus warned us what following him might involve. The Apostle Matthew recorded the words of Jesus for us. ‘Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.’
“'For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.’
“So, my brothers and sisters, let us always be in prayer for the ones we love who have not yet chosen to follow Jesus. So much depends on their choice, both for this world and the next.”
Claudia froze. It couldn’t be. The man she loved more than life itself was one of the people she hated most of all. It felt like a dagger had been driven into her heart by the one she trusted most in the world.
As tears sprang to her eyes, she covered her mouth with her hands and turned toward Miriam. Miriam reached out to take her hand, but before she could, Claudia whirled and ran.
The gatekeeper opened the gate before she reached him. She almost stumbled as she looked over her shoulder, back toward the garden where she’d dreamed of a future with the finest man she’d ever known, the garden where love and hate had collided and torn the heart out of her.
Miriam ran after her mistress, but her limp made her fall far behind. Even when the mistress turned in at their own gate, her fear knew no relief. Miriam needed to catch up with her. There were too many knives there.
When she finally reached the house and passed through the kitchen to the inner courtyard, she could hear the mistress sobbing in her room. She rushed up the stairs as quickly as she could manage and found her mistress prostrate on the bed, her face buried in her arms and shaking as she cried.
Miriam limped over to the bed and sat beside her. She stroked Mistress Claudia’s hair. God, please give me the words that will help.
“Don’t cry, mistress. It’s going to be all right.”
The tears slowed, and Mistress Claudia rolled onto her back.
“It’s never going to be all right. How could I have known him for so long without him telling me he was a Christian? How could he keep that secret from me and let me fall in love with him? Do you know how many times I’ve told him I hated Christians, that I wished they’d all die, especially the ones who got my father to follow Jesus?
“The very first day we met, I told him I could gladly watch Titus cutting them down and even kill them myself. I thought it was strange that he looked sad when I said that. It might have been Philip’s father who made Father become a Christian. Malleolus said the man who would rescue me was one of Father’s close friends, and no one I ever met at our house owned merchant ships. It had to be someone he worshiped with. Philip might even have had something to do with it. When we first met, he told me he’d talked with my father. Where could that have been except at a gathering of Christians?”
Mistress Claudia pressed her palms against her cheeks as she fought the silent jerks that threatened to release a new flood of tears. Miriam had only seen such pain in her eyes those first four days before the nightmares ended, when the mistress was consumed by grief over her father’s death.
“How could Philip deceive me so?”
“I’m sure he didn’t deliberately plan to deceive you, mistress. Maybe he didn’t tell you because he knew it would hurt you to know before you were ready.”
“Ready? Ready for what?”
“Ready to see that it wasn’t the Christians or Jesus who killed your father. It was Rome.”
“But he let me fall in love with him. He seemed so wonderful. So kind and patient, so wise, so happy in spite of all he’d suffered with his burns and scars.”
“He is all of those things, mistress, and it’s probably his faith in Jesus that made him into the man you love.”
“The night before I came to Titus, I told Philip I wanted to marry him. He told me he couldn’t marry me then even though he wanted to, that the reason might make me hate him. Was that because he’s a Christian?”
“Probably, mistress.”
“Oh, Miriam! I don’t care if he’s a Christian. I still love him, and I want him to marry me so much. But Titus hates Christians, too, and he’d never let me marry Philip if he knew. He’d probably kill Philip if he ever thought he had anything to do with Father’s death.”
“Then we just won’t say anything to the master about Philip following Jesus.”
Mistress Claudia had stopped crying, and Miriam wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks.
“The master might be coming home soon, and we don’t want him to see that you’ve been crying. He might ask why, and I don’t think you want to tell him. I’ll get some cold water from the well, and you can wash your face and make yourself beautiful, like always.”
Claudia sat up on the bed, drew in a deep breath, and let it out slowly.
“You’re right. There’s no reason why Titus needs to know. Philip and Penelope are coming to dinner tomorrow night. If I could spend so many weeks on the ship with them without discovering they were Christians, I’m sure Titus won’t figure it out during a single dinner.”
Worship had ended, and Philip was talking with one of the brothers about his new grandson. Then his gatekeeper approached and stood patiently waiting for him to finish the conversation.
“Is there something you want to tell me, Timothy?”
“Yes, master. In private.”
Philip excused himself, and the two men walked away from the area where the fellowship meal was about to be served.
“What is it?”
“Something happened while you were teaching that you need to know.”
Timothy paused and fixed his gaze on the ground.
Philip’s eyebrow dipped. “Go ahead. Tell me.”
“You told us not to let Mistress Claudia know we were Christians. Well...I’m afraid she knows now. She came to the gate with Miriam, and I let them in. I thought it would be all right since Miriam is a believer. I thought she was bringing Mistress Claudia to the worship service. When they got close enough to hear what you were saying, Mistress Claudia got very upset and ran back to her house. Miriam ran after her.”
Philip’s stomach knotted. Claudia had not just learned he was a Christian, but a leader in the church as well.
“Thank you for telling me, Timothy. I understand why you thought you should let Claudia in. I should have warned you before she came.”
The gatekeeper bowed and returned to his post.
Philip closed his eye and ran his hand slowly through his hair as he stood shaking his head. During his last trip, he’d spent many hours praying for guidance on how and when to tell Claudia about his faith. He hadn’t been shown a clear path, but this would certainly not have been the way he would have chosen. In fact, he couldn’t imagine a worse way for her to find out.
She was expecting him and Penelope for dinner tomorrow. He’d planned to drop by after the worship to surprise her. He hadn’t wanted to wait another day to see her, but now... Dropping in unexpectedly might be a terrible idea. What if she didn’t want to see him now she knew he was a Christian? He couldn’t bear her refusing him if he suddenly showed up. Maybe he should wait until tomorrow.
Normally, Philip enjoyed the time of fellowship after worship, but it was hard to pretend nothing was wrong. People were talking much too long and taking forever to leave. He needed to talk privately with Penelope about Claudia’s disastrous visit that morning. Finally, the last person left, and he could go inside to find his sis
ter.
Penelope was sitting in the women’s room, reading. She’d grown to love poetry while listening to Claudia and Philip read onboard. When her brother entered, she glanced up at him. The worried look on his face made her close her codex.
“Philip, what’s wrong?”
He sat down on the chair next to her and stared at the floor. He ran his hand through his hair before taking off his eyepatch and hurling it as hard as he could against the wall.
“She knows.”
“Knows what?”
He looked up at her with a pained expression. “She came this morning and heard me teaching.” He rested his elbows on his knees and covered his face with his hands.
Penelope reached over and touched his shoulder. “It’s all right, Philip. You were getting ready to tell her anyway.”
He lifted his head to look at her. “But I hadn’t figured out how. She still hates Christians. I was trying to find a way to tell her without her deciding she didn’t want to have anything more to do with me because of my faith.” He shook his head. “I can’t imagine a worse way for her to find out than this.”
Philip stood and walked over to the window. He stared down the hill toward Claudia’s house. “It seemed too good to be true that someone like her would want to marry me.” He turned to face Penelope. “She told me she wanted to stay with me forever the last night she was here. I wanted to ask her right then, but I can’t marry an unbeliever. I was hoping to find the right way to tell her and then convince her to become a Christian, too.” He looked back out the window. “Now that will never happen.”
“You don’t know that, Philip. If she really loves you, it won’t matter to her that you follow Jesus. I think she loves you that way. You two just need to talk this out.”
“I was going to visit her this afternoon, like I always do when I get back early. Now I don’t think I can. What if she refuses to see me?”
“I don’t think she’d ever do that. I see how she looks at you. She lights up every time she sees you.”
A glimmer of hope appeared in his eye, then faded. “Maybe, but what if you’re wrong?”
“I’m not wrong. I’m a woman, too. Trust me on this, Philip. She truly loves you, and you following Jesus isn’t going to change that. You’ve been praying about how to tell her. Maybe this was God’s way of letting her know without you having to tell her yourself. Be patient and see what comes next.”
“Maybe, but I still don’t think I can go to her today. Tomorrow we’re having dinner with her and Titus. I’ll see how things are then. I’ll be praying that you’re right.”
His head and shoulders drooped as he walked out of the room.
Penelope walked to the door and watched her brother go into his room and close the door. Her heart ached for him. He’d finally taken the risk and fallen deeply in love. What if Claudia really did reject him over this? His heart would be broken a second time, and this time it would be so shattered that he’d never risk loving a woman again.
God, please don’t let that happen. If any man ever deserved to love and be loved, it was Philip.
Claudia kept looking out the window of the women’s room and up the street toward Philip’s house. He must be through meeting with his Christian friends by late afternoon. Would he drop in unexpectedly, as he always did when he got back early from a trip?
But dinner time came and went, the sun set, and then it was time for everyone to retire. There was still no sign of Philip when it was time to go to bed.
She’d managed to put on a cheerful face during dinner so Titus wouldn’t suspect there was a problem, but as Miriam helped her prepare for bed, the tears came.
“Oh, Miriam, why didn’t he come? I know he’s home, and he always has before. Do you think he knows we were there today, that I know his secret?”
“I don’t know, mistress, but I’m sure he wants to see you.”
“Then why didn’t he come? I need to talk with him, to tell him it doesn’t matter, that I still love him.”
“I’m sure he’ll be here tomorrow for dinner.”
“But Titus will be here, too, and I can’t talk freely with Philip when he might be listening.”
“Maybe there will be some time for just the two of you to talk. If not, there will be time the next day when Master Titus is on duty. We’ll just have to wait and see.”
“Maybe he doesn’t want to see me anymore; maybe he won’t even come.” The tears began to flow again.
Miriam stroked her hair. “I don’t think anything can keep him away from you for long. I’m certain Master Philip loves you as much as you love him. Now it’s time for you to get some sleep. Tomorrow will be fine. You’ll see.”
Mistress Claudia lay down on her bed, and Miriam headed downstairs to finish up some work in the kitchen.
She’d tried to keep the mistress from finding out that Philip was a Christian leader, but maybe it was God’s plan for her to find out about Philip’s faith exactly this way. God’s ways were always the best ways, even when they weren’t what she would have chosen.
She’d almost told the mistress she was a Christian, too, but something held her back. Was God telling her to wait, that the time wasn’t yet right?
God, my mistress’s heart is aching. Maybe Master Philip’s is, too. If there’s something I can do to help, please show me. If it’s time for me to speak, please tell me. I want her to love you like Philip does, like I do.
A peaceful warmth flowed through her. She would know when it was time to tell the mistress she loved about the Master she loved even more, the Master she’d willingly die for.
Chapter 58: How Much It Matters
Claudia watched all morning, hoping that Philip would appear. He’d always enjoyed surprising her when he returned early. When he failed to come before lunchtime, she fought against tears as she helped Miriam gather the flowers that would decorate the dining room during dinner.
“What am I going to do, Miriam? He must know we were there yesterday, or he’d be here by now. What if he doesn’t come tonight?”
“He’ll come, mistress. He promised, and he always keeps his word.”
“But what if he’s only keeping his word, and he really doesn’t want to be here?” A few tears escaped.
Miriam took her hand. “You need to stop crying, mistress. You don’t want to make your eyes puffy before Master Philip comes. He wouldn’t want you to be upset like this. Nothing that happened yesterday is going to change how he feels about you.”
Claudia stepped back and swept the teardrops from her cheeks. “Do you really think so?”
“I’m sure of it, mistress. Master Philip loves you. He’s probably more afraid of what you’re thinking about him right now than you are of what he’s thinking about you.”
“I’ve said such horrible things about Christians, but surely he must know I could never mean those things about him.”
“Maybe he doesn’t yet, but I’m sure he will.”
Claudia nodded and gave Miriam a shaky but hopeful smile. “You’re probably right. As soon as I get to talk with him and tell him that it doesn’t matter, everything will be like it was before. Even better. Now that I know he’s a Christian, there’s nothing that he needs to hide from me and no reason for him not to marry me.”
Miriam nodded, but she wasn’t so sure about that. Mistress Claudia didn’t understand. A leader of the church couldn’t marry an unbeliever. As much as Philip loved the mistress, she was sure he loved Jesus more.
Claudia was counting on a talk with Philip before Titus got home. He and Penelope always came early, and that gave the three of them time to talk before Titus arrived. Penelope would know they needed to talk in private without being told.
She’d just come back into the kitchen after placing the flowers in the dining room when she heard the clip-clop of a horse’s hooves. Her heart sank when she looked out the window. Titus was handing his reins to Nestor. Why had he picked today of all
days to come home early? Now there would be no chance for that conversation with Philip she’d been longing for since yesterday.
Her eyes moistened despite several fast blinks.
Miriam took her hand. “Remember, mistress, we don’t want Master Titus to think there’s anything wrong. He might ask questions you don’t want to answer today.”
Claudia drew a deep breath. “You’re right.” She drew herself up to her full height. “Besides, if there isn’t time today, I’ll ask Philip to come tomorrow when Titus is gone. That might be better anyway. We’ll have more time together.”
She found her smile just as Titus walked through the door. “Titus. You’re early.”
He kissed his sister on the cheek. “I wanted to clean up before they came. Since Philip can’t wait until a normal time to see you, I had to come home early.”
He walked over and stood right behind Miriam. When she turned to look up at him, he reached around her and snatched a small pastry from the dessert tray she was arranging in a special pattern. He popped it into his mouth, and a delighted smile appeared.
“Best cook in the city. I’d like to see Philip top this even with his fully staffed kitchen.”
Miriam blushed at the praise, but she loved to hear the master speak the words.
He chuckled as her cheeks turned pink. “I messed up the pretty pattern, didn’t I. Well, since I’ve already done that...” He reached around her with both hands, brushing his arms against hers and pulling her into him as he snatched more pastries. “I might as well take two more.”
With another smile, he popped the first one into his mouth before he walked out of the kitchen.
Miriam began rearranging the remaining pastries into a different pattern. Her lips curved as she remembered that wonderful smile as he savored her special treats for tonight. She loved doing anything in the kitchen that gave the master special pleasure. Whenever he showed his appreciation by some kind words or a teasing smile, it made her feel warm and happy inside. Not even Master Alexander’s highest praises could compete with one of Master Titus’s playful smiles.
