If the Shoe Fits

by E. J. Noyes

  Dad made a noise that sounded like a cross between a sob and a squeal. Jesus it was about to become a tear factory at any moment. I leaned over the second-floor railing, waving to catch the DJ’s attention. I gave him an okay symbol and he flashed me a thumbs-up in response. Thirty seconds later the music started and I heard the sound of fifty-something people standing.

  I cleared my throat. “Well, let’s get you two fake-hitched.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Walking up the aisle with my arm looped in Mitch’s I looked straight ahead, beyond the post-and-rail yard fence, knowing that if I looked at the crowd and saw my mom’s or grandparents’ faces, I’d totally lose it. In the flat pasture behind the yard, the huge white marquee and dance floor waited. Everything looked wonderful, the lighting was set up, weather still fabulous, yep, don’t cry, don’t cry.

  “You okay, darlin’?” Mitch mumbled.

  Judging by the roughness of his voice, he was seconds away from tears himself. I squeezed his forearm. “Mhmm. You?”

  “No I’m not,” he choked out. “I need more tissues.”

  Laughing quietly, I leaned into him as we made our way to the celebrant, Donna—an old Army friend of Bec’s who wore a fabulous navy three-piece suit and tie, with killer heels. Mitch and I leaned in close with arms still looped as we turned to watch Sabine and Rebecca make their way up the polished wood aisle runner. The moment I heard the first strains of that damned wedding march, I had to tamp down my tears. My waterproof mascara could do only so much and I had a feeling I’d need it at full effectiveness when my sister and her fiancée exchanged vows.

  Dad walked both Sabs and Bec down the aisle, one of them on each elbow, his chest so puffed with pride he seemed to have expanded a foot out and upward. Sabine kept trying to glance around him at Bec and eventually Dad nudged her until she faced forward again. According to Sabine’s diagram and the rehearsal the day before, Dad left the brides in the right place. He hugged both of them, then hugged me and Mitch—none of which was listed in Sabine’s minute-by-minute schedule—uh-oh—before taking his place in the front row beside Mom.

  Donna indicated that everyone should sit. “Thank you everyone for being here to witness the joining of Rebecca Anne Keane and Sabine Ingrid Fleischer…”

  I held my bouquet, watched Donna, tried hard to absorb the words and mostly succeeded. Thankfully, Sabs and Bec had opted for a short ceremony but five minutes in, I was already antsy. Sabs, Bec, and Mitch were Army stiffs and used to standing still for ages. I got fidgety easily—unless I was with clients, or arguing with other attorneys, or paying attention to something I could turn to my client’s advantage. Midway through a heartwarming spiel about love and commitment, my control on my attention faltered and I let my eyes wander.

  Hmm, Mom and Dad, Oma and Opa, Grandma and Grandpa—all crying. Family members, close friends of the brides who made the trip from D.C., great hair, family, friends, family, nice dress, family, squirming child of cousin, Mike behind them on the aisle, Brooke beside him.

  Wait.

  I let out a surprised squeak, cringing at my maid-of-honor faux pas. Sabine leaned close and winked at me, and though I’d never have thought it possible, Rebecca’s smile had grown even wider. With immense effort I managed to stop myself from simultaneously bursting into tears and throwing myself at them for hugs. But I couldn’t stop staring at Brooke, whose smile probably matched my own. Still smiling, she indicated with a tilt of her head that I should return my attention to the task at hand, which I did, but not without effort.

  As expected, my mascara was put to the test during the vows. Bec held Sabine’s hands, her thumbs sliding up and down the backs of her knuckles. Bec’s usually calm, confident tone held an edge of tears as she spoke. “Sabine, you have given me everything I could ever have dreamed of. More than just yourself, you’ve given me a family…”

  When it was her turn, Sabine, as she was prone to do when nervous and put on the spot, laughed. She clamped her mouth closed and shook her head as Bec leaned close and murmured something to her that I couldn’t quite hear. Sabine swallowed, nodded and wrangled her tears. “Rebecca, Bec. Thank you for giving me a safe place to rest…”

  Rings and kisses were exchanged, and Donna declared Sabs and Bec joined for all intents and purposes until they were legally married in a few days back in D.C. We all wandered back down the aisle, and as I walked past Brooke I held out my hand, stretching past Mike, and felt the faintest brush of her fingers. Soft as it was, I’d never felt as connected to anyone as I did in that moment.

  As soon as Sabs and Bec moved past the final row, I nabbed them. It was clear from their expressions that they’d had a hand in Brooke’s last-minute attendance, and I needed to make this quick before they were engulfed by family and well-wishers. I went for an easy question. “What have you guys done?”

  “What needed to be done,” Bec explained. She looked like a naughty kid who’d orchestrated a day off school to go to an amusement park.

  Sabine nodded her agreement. “Just made a phone call, that’s all. Meddled a bit, you know, like I do.”

  There were no words I could find to express myself, so I launched at them and hugged them both, first Bec and then Sabine. “Thank you for sharing your happy day with me, Sabs,” I murmured near her ear. I could feel Bec’s hand on my shoulder, connecting the three of us.

  Sabine squeezed me, her voice tight with emotion. “Don’t you get it by now? Your happiness is my happiness.” She let me go and wiped under her eyes. “Goddammit, stupid happy tears.”

  I blew them each a kiss then slipped away, weaving in and out of guests, pausing to exchange a brief word before promising each person I’d be back for a longer chat. Brooke stood clustered with Mitch and Mike, the three of them already with champagne glasses in hand. Mitch looked like he was being poisoned. I stopped a waiter, silently exchanged Mitch’s champagne for a beer then turned to Brooke. I could barely get the words out. “You came.”

  Even if her smile hadn’t been splitting her face, the expression in her eyes gave her away. I saw everything I’d been looking for, all her love and her trust. “I did. Surprise?”

  Apologizing to the boys, I pulled Brooke to the side and unable to think of anything else to say, hugged her then drew back to kiss her lightly. “You look amazing.”

  “Thanks.” She laughed, indicating up and down herself. “I wore this on the plane, touched up my makeup in the airport bathroom then drove here at speeds you’d be proud of. I feel like a mess, especially standing next to you, who looks so incredible that I can’t even describe it.”

  “Thank you.” I gently thumbed the edge of her mouth. “Brooke, this is going to sound wrong no matter how I say it, but what are you doing here? What about the meeting with your dad?”

  “I had it, well I had an abbreviated version of it. On the phone as I drove to the airport.” She let out a breath, smiling uneasily. “While I was waiting for the bus, I texted Sabine to wish her well and she called me pretty much right away and reminded me that I’d RSVP’d to the wedding, and if I wanted to attend I was still more than welcome.” Her smile relaxed a little. “Something about already adjusting the catering numbers to accommodate me and the fact that she hadn’t seen you moping this much since you found out Milli Vanilli lip-synced all their songs.”

  I couldn’t help laughing. “Very true.”

  “Mmm.” Brooke touched my cheek, leaned in for a quick kiss. “Apparently Sabine just happened to be looking at flights for this morning and just happened to notice there were seats free from D.C. to Dayton. She said if there was any way I could make the ceremony to let her know and she’d have a new plane ticket booked for me by the time I got to the airport, and a rental car waiting at this end.”

  I rolled my eyes, though my stomach felt like it was doing excited backflips. “Sounds like her, bossy to the very end.”

  Brooke grinned. “Yeah well, seems it’s a shared trait.”

  “Smartass.”


  The grin turned shaky. “She also said I shouldn’t be afraid or stay away because I was worried you were upset with me. Which I was because there’s been that weird underlying awkwardness ever since our argument. But there was always the promise of champagne and food to make it worth the flight.”

  I let out a breath, opted for the truth. “Honestly, I was upset. But not with you, not at all. Just at what was happening. I’m sorry, I should have made that clear. But I meant what I said on the phone this morning, Brooke. Every word.” Sabine’s frantic waving interrupted my very important conversation. “Ugh, they want photos now.” RIGHT NOW if the hand signals Sabine was giving me were any indication. “Sorry. Will you be okay for a little while?”

  “Of course.” Brooke shooed me gently in the direction of the brides. “Go, look gorgeous. I’ll be right here.”

  Bec and Sabs had decided they mostly wanted a roaming photographer to capture candids, and shots of them with everyone rather than spending hours posing and waiting around post-ceremony. We spent fifteen minutes taking a few official photos of the wedding party under the huge sycamore tree shading a corner of the yard, then some with parents and grandparents before dispersing back to the marquee.

  I beelined for Brooke who stood at the edge of the crowd with a champagne flute in one hand and a canapé in the other. I snuck a sip of her champagne. “Can we talk about what happened?” Clearly something big if she was here, not there.

  “Of course but don’t you have to circulate?”

  “That can wait a few minutes.” I grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the crowd, toward the barn where we could talk in peace. “Follow me.”

  Mom intercepted us at the edge of the marquee. “Jana Banana? I’ve convinced Sabs and Rebecca that there should be one quick speech after all. Can you speak on behalf of the family? Twenty minutes?”

  “Yep, sure, fine, whatever.”

  My mother stared pointedly at me. Then Brooke. Then our joined hands. Oh yeah, that’s right. Oops. “Mom, this is Brooke Donnelly.” I straightened and added, “My girlfriend. Brooke, this is my mom, Carolyn Fleischer.”

  Mom’s carefully cultivated veneer of neutrality broke. Under my breath, as Mom’s expression changed, I murmured to Brooke, “Here comes the hug, move if you don’t want it, seriously, she’s going in.”

  But Brooke didn’t move.

  Mom barely wasted time with a, “Wonderful to meet you” before she let out an excited squeal and enveloped Brooke in an embrace. “Oh, sweetie, I’m so glad you made it.”

  My girlfriend didn’t hesitate, hugging my mom right back. She looked part-dazed, part-pleased and part like she was about to cry. I had the feeling I might cry myself. When Mom was finally done with her overly familiar greeting, Brooke dabbed under her eyes and turned on a brilliant smile. “Jana mentioned that you’re responsible for most of this decorating, Carolyn? It’s absolutely beautiful. The fairy lights look amazing.”

  “Thank you. I did have some help from the ladies in my craft circle. Everyone took on an aspect to work on, and the theme was so easy that they simply…”

  I tuned Mom out, knowing she’d blather for ten minutes about it and other stuff like someone stealing her special scissors and that they’d gotten xyz material on sale and wasn’t it beautiful how something matched something else? Brooke indulged my mother, prompting and actually genuinely engaging with her as they debated light and color and a bunch of other boring decorating shit.

  Once Mom finally let us go, Brooke left her empty glass on a passing tray and we wove through the crowd. I raised a hand to Sabine, then pointed to the barn. Sabs grinned and nodded, then made eye contact with Brooke and gave her another cheeky I’m watching you gesture. Brooke laughed and intertwined our fingers as we walked away from the marquee and up the hill toward the old barn.

  In our heels, we picked our way through the ankle-length grass, silent for the short walk. Bales of hay were stacked high along the far wall, the sweet smell of grass filling the space. It’d been years since I’d come into the barn, but it was exactly the same as I remembered. Brooke looked around, walking slowly across the old, cracked concrete floor. She peered over the half-door of one of the stables while I fiddled with the latch on the stable door.

  “So, what’s going on?” I asked.

  Brooke’s answer was to pull me close and kiss me, long and lingering. “What’s going on is that I think my could fall in love with you has turned into an I love you.”

  My voice squeaked up. “Oh? You’ve…arrived?”

  “I have.” Her hands slid to my waist. “I…after you called, I stood on the side of the road and just burst into tears. And I just kept thinking that I’d made the wrong choice by not being with you, and that I was about to make one of the biggest mistakes of my life if I didn’t tell my dad that I don’t want to take over his business. Then Sabine called, and everything just escalated from there. So I called him and told him I wasn’t coming to the meeting because I was going to my girlfriend’s sister’s wedding.”

  My voice squeaked even higher. “Really?”

  “Mhmm. I also told him there was no point in having his meeting because I didn’t want to take the reins of Donnelly and Donnelly. Not in a year, or two or even ten. It was the world’s quickest life-changing conversation.”

  “I…shit.” There were so many questions, worries, statements in my head but the only one that mattered was, “Are you okay? Are you and your dad okay?”

  “I think we will be, eventually. He’s a little upset and I think more than a little mad, but with some time and communication and a better explanation I hope he’ll understand why I did it. Or did both things really.”

  “Why did you do it?” I asked softly.

  “Because I realized you were right. I wasn’t living honestly. And, Jana, fuck…I want to be with you. And I can’t do that if I’m hiding. I’ve been out most of my life, but I feel like I’ve always been hiding a part of myself. You grabbed and dragged that part of me into the light where it should be.” She exhaled a long breath. “You’re It, Jana. You’re the one. I know that’s heavy and in your face, but it’s true. I can’t keep you in the shadows when you’re my light.”

  “Oh.”

  She took my face in her hands, her gaze so intense that I felt completely exposed. “I love you. I want to be with you. I want to be part of your family. I mean, I haven’t even been here for two hours and I already feel so welcomed.”

  “I want that too,” I managed to choke out.

  Brooke kissed my forehead then released my face to take my hands. “I’m sorry, but you shouldn’t expect any family outings or anything including my dad for a while, if ever. I don’t know if he’ll ever come around and accept it. I mean I don’t think he’ll be rude or anything like that if he sees you,” she added hastily, her grip on my hands tightening briefly. “He’s not that kind of guy. He’s the head in the sand kind.”

  “Okay, well I guess we’ll deal with his behavior as it comes. I really didn’t want to cause issues with your family, Brooke. I just couldn’t stand to see you hurting that way. Like we established, I’m a pushy bitch.”

  She laughed. “Yeah, sometimes. But I know that it’s because you love and care about me. And honestly, now that I’ve told him and I no longer feel like I’m going to hurl, I’m kind of relieved. Sad, but relieved at the same time.”

  “What will you do now? Are you going to keep working for your dad?” I asked cautiously.

  “Honestly, I’m not sure. If I stay, then I need to step down from my team leadership role. Maybe I’ll contract myself to the company so I can work part-time and really get into my art. Sell that. Eat into my savings a bit if I need to.” She stood up straighter. “Maybe I’ll start up my own small firm and take on private clients, people who want beautiful unique houses. Just to make sure the bills get paid in case the art thing goes bust. I really don’t know until I talk to him next week.” Brooke put her hand on her stomach, suggesting
the thought was nauseating.

  “Your art thing won’t go bust,” I said, meaning it. “You’re so fucking talented, you’re going to have more buyers than you can cope with.”

  “You really think so?”

  “I know so. And if you need help with bills, we can just move in together and share them.” The offer came without me thinking about it, but the moment I realized what I’d just said I knew it was the absolute truth. “Obviously not now,” I hastened to add. “For one thing, neither of us has a closet big enough for all our shoes.”

  “So, we’d have to buy a bigger house then?”

  “Way bigger. I think you should design it. Our own beautiful, unique home.”

  Brooke laughed, then paused, seemed to sort through her thoughts. “Do you remember that day I stayed home from work to finish Sabine and Rebecca’s gift?”

  “Mhmm.”

  “I told you that it was a perfect day, that you’d gone off to work in the morning, we’d talked through the day, I’d worked at home and then you came back to me.” She blew out a breath. “I left some things out. I left out the part where all I could think about for most of the day was how I wanted that to be our life and how it turned into this runaway fantasy. Dinner on the table when you got home, you telling me about helping a family and me showing you what I’d been doing all day. Going to bed together, waking up together and then doing it again the next day and the next and the next. I want us to get a dog or cat or bunch of fish or a fucking chinchilla or whatever. I want kids with you. And whether all of this happens in a year or three, or whenever, I don’t care. But I want it, and I want it with you.”

  My mouth was suddenly dry. “Oh? You’re really sure?”

  “Yeah, I am. I’m sure, because thinking about all that scared the shit out of me. And I’ve been fixated on that, on how terrifying it was to want to settle down with you, to move on from everything I’ve been holding on to. And I realized the reason I’m so afraid is because it’s important, it means something to me. You mean something to me.” She sucked in a quick breath. “I’ve been so focused on my own issues and my fear of you leaving me that I haven’t been focusing on all the ways you’re showing me you want to stay. Like your call this morning. You’ve been there waiting patiently for me, reminding me—sometimes gently, sometimes more…forcefully—of our destination.”