Fearless (The Privileged of Pembroke High #5)
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Copyright
Fearless – The Privileged of Pembroke High
Copyright © 2021 Ivy Fox
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
This is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. The author acknowledges the copyrighted or trademarked status and trademark owners of all word marks, products, brands, TV shows, movies, music, bands, and celebrities mentioned in this work of fiction.
Cover image, formatting, and editing courtesy of X-Factory Designs
For more information, visit:
Ivy Fox Facebook
Ivy Fox - Official Website
ISBN: 9798461607081
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Epilogue
Dedication
Fearless Playlist
The Privileged of Pembroke High - Part 5
Listen to the full playlist on Spotify
“Over Now” by Post Malone
“She’s Thunderstorms” by Arctic Monkeys
“William Powers” by The Maccabees
“I Hate You, But I Love You” by Lil Yung Pharaoh
“Mark My Words” by Mothica
“Jealous” by Labrinth
“Again” by Noah Cyrus ft. XXXTENTACION
“The Remedy for a Broken Heart” by XXXTENTACION
“Cut My Lip” by Twenty One Pilots
“Keep Lying” by Donna Missal
“Exit Wounds” by Placebo
“Sometimes” by Mothica
“Clair de Lune” by Claude Debussy
“Tear in My Heart” by Twenty One Pilots
“bitches broken hearts” by Billie Eilish
“Better Now” by Post Malone
“I Don’t Love you” by My Chemical Romance
“Six Feet Under” by Billie Eilish
“A Million Little Pieces” by Placebo
“You” by WRENN
“Wake Up” by EDEN
“I Think We Should Stay in Love” by Jesse
“White Blood” by Oh Wonder
“Loud Like Love” by Placebo
Caution
Dear Reader,
First of all, thank you for purchasing Fearless and continuing on Elle, Chad, and Saint’s journey of love.
As always, whenever I feel the subject matter of one of my books might touch on some sensitive issues, I like to make my readers aware so they aren’t taken off guard.
If you’ve read Ruthless, then the following +100k plus words won’t come as too much of a surprise for you in regards to the underlying issue its surrounds.
I assure you that graphic details of abuse are not included in this book, as I kept most of those scenes off-page. The feelings they provoke, though, are still very raw and profoundly honest. This means that for more sensitive readers, the subject matter in Fearless may be uncomfortable or even triggering.
Therefore, I thought it best to bring to light that the series The Privileged of Pembroke High may contain scenes where impressionable audiences may struggle with its content.
Having said that, this book, on its whole, is still very much a love story—however unconventional it may be—so if you’re still on the fence, read reviews and get feedback before giving it a go.
I genuinely hope you enjoy the conclusion to this one-of-a-kind love story.
Sincerely,
Ivy
“To me the hardest thing is hating you.
Even harder than walking away still loving you.”
― Wordions
Chapter 1
Elle
The minute Saint slams my bedroom door shut behind him, my weak knees give in, and I fall to the floor. Unable to restrain them, a stream of tears falls down my cheeks, the image of Saint’s broken heart tearing me apart.
Why did it hurt so much seeing him break before me like he did?
Why do I even care?
We hate each other, don’t we?
That’s how it’s always been with us, so what’s changed?
The obvious truth of my feelings for the black-eyed boy hits me like a ton of bricks. I’ve tried for years to act oblivious to what was happening between us, but somehow Saint chiseled his way into my heart, and now I’m left with the misery of my choice.
Because there was only ever one choice I could have made.
It wasn’t a lie when I confessed my love for Chad. It’s been the only truth I’ve ever known since I was knee-high. But when I told Saint that I wanted Chad more than I wanted him, it made me sick to my stomach, even more so when he read the lie in my eyes and loathed me for it.
On weak legs, I get up to my feet and walk to the nearby vanity. Wiping away the stubborn tears that keep streaming down my face, I stare at my shattered reflection and bloodshot eyes.
It’s been years since I’ve cried like this.
The last time I felt this lost was when Mom died.
A strained sob leaves me at the realization.
The first time I’ve let myself cry like this, and it’s all for Saint.
It’s all for him.
I turn away from the grief-stricken reflection in favor of pacing my room, trying desperately to clear my head and tune out Saint’s words—the very ones that insist on lingering in my ear.
“You can lie all you want to yourself, but you can’t lie to me. You don’t hate me.”
“Yes, I do.”
“No, cariño. You don’t. And it’s eating away at you. Just as it’s killing me.”
He’s right.
I don’t hate him.
Maybe I never did.
Maybe what I hated was the danger he posed to my heart all along.
How can I give him my love when I’ve already promised all of it to my best friend?
What kind of person would that make me if I turned my back on years of loving Chad, just because Saint coaxes out something in me so potent that sometimes my heart cries when he’s not near?
You can’t love two people at once.
Can you?
‘Snow loves the twins,’ my subconscious whispers.
Yeah, and look how well that turned out.
The minute Holland moved into our home after our parents got married, Asher packed his stuff and went to live with the Murphys, while Ollie forced himself to mourn the loss of his twin and girlfriend locked in his room. Holland is suff
ering so much that she walks around like a shell of the girl I first met in the Hamptons, which is saying something since her life before moving to New York was already a hard pill to swallow. Nevertheless, our parents’ marriage ensured that all three live in permanent agony.
Just another example of how loving two people at once is a recipe for disaster.
So, as much as my heart yearns to chase after Saint and tell him that he’s gotten under my skin—that no matter how much I scratch at it, he’s there, haunting me with his gorgeous jet-black eyes that set my very soul aflame—I’ll keep that truth confined to the deepest hidden corners of my heart.
For both our sakes.
“Get it together, Elle,” I reprimand myself. “Chad is who you want. He’s the other half of your soul. Not Saint.”
Right.
Right.
That’s true. Chad is who I want. Always has been.
Whatever feelings I may have for Saint, they are bound to disappear eventually. I just need to give myself time. Time to get over what I’m sure is nothing but a crush and remember who truly owns my heart. Who has always owned it.
Without putting much thought into it, I rush out of my room, only to stop mid-step in the hallway, confused about where to go next.
Should I knock on Chad’s door or Saint’s?
Why am I hesitating?
Isn’t the choice obvious?
Didn’t I just make it when I told Saint Chad was the one I wanted?
I take a deep inhale before walking down the hall in the direction of my best friend’s bedroom.
When I arrive at Chad’s room, I take another breath, summoning every bit of courage I have in me. He’ll want to know why I’ve been crying, and I won’t be able to deny it since my eyes are swollen and red. I’ll have to tell him the truth. He deserves to hear it from me. I’m not sure how he will react to learning that I’ve developed feelings for Saint, but it isn’t fair for him to be kept in the dark. I’ve kept Chad clueless for long enough.
Starting with that first kiss back at Lace’s party freshman year.
How many more kisses did I let Saint steal from me after that?
How many more did I willingly give him in return?
Too many to count, or I wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.
Chad needs to know.
It might hurt him at first, but he’ll forgive me eventually.
But it’s not his forgiveness that I want—what I need right now.
Chad has to chase these feelings for Saint out of me.
If he doesn’t, then what future can we still have?
With that somber thought, I straighten my spine, wiping the remnants of my tears and tormented heart off my face. But as I’m about to knock and confess all my sins, the faint sounds of grunts coming from the other side of the door stop me in my tracks. My heart catches in my throat, my self-preservation telling me to run back to my room. Another grunt has my heart pounding madly in my chest, freezing me in place.
Forgoing knocking, I try the knob, the door silently opening ajar.
Go back, Elle!
Go back!
But I don’t.
I push the door until I have a perfect view of what’s happening inside. Chad is completely naked, while Saint’s gray sweats are dipping down below his hips. They’re both stroking each other, whispering something in each other’s ears too softly for me to make out their words. Unable to pull away, I just stand there, watching them reach their climax with an ardent kiss.
It’s only when their lips part that Chad sees me standing within the threshold of his door, his face instantly going pale. Confused, Saint looks over his shoulder, his black eyes mimicking the agony I’m in once they lock on mine.
But it’s all a lie.
He did this to prove a point.
Isn’t that what he had threatened to do before he left my room earlier?
That he would prove it to me.
I thought he meant that he would make me admit my feelings for him, but alas, what he really meant by that threat was that loving Chad was a useless endeavor.
Chad would never be mine. Not while Saint holds the strings to his heart.
“You will pay for this,” I whisper through gritted teeth, not concealing the wreckage he’s wrought.
I can’t avoid the tears that fall down my cheeks any more than I can control the burning anger within me. Fury at this betrayal, like nothing I have ever felt before, runs through my veins, awakening something ugly and cruel from its dormant cage.
“Elle,” Chad stammers in pain.
“I never stood a chance, did I?”
“Elle, let me explain—”
“How could you?” The words feel like acid dripping off my tongue.
“Elle,” Chad utters in a strangled whisper. “Let me explain.”
“What’s there to explain?”
“Please just give me a second,” he begs, pulling on his wet swim trunks, Saint’s release still sticking to his stomach.
I feel my cheeks flush, suddenly feeling awkward and embarrassed to be here, when the evidence of both his and Saint’s desire is still clinging to their skin.
I reluctantly turn around to give them some privacy to get themselves together and to catch my bearings. The myriad of emotions burning inside me feels as if they are burning a hole inside my chest.
Anger.
Resentment.
Jealousy.
Hurt.
All of it is hitting me like a sledgehammer, slamming its vicious weight against my lungs, making it hard for me to breathe. I close my eyes to escape this nightmare, only for the image of them kissing to be burned into my psyche. When I feel someone softly place their hand on my shoulder, I flinch and jump back.
“Don’t touch me. Don’t ever fucking touch me again.” I sob softly.
I turn around and see tears well up in Chad’s eyes.
“Elle, please. Let me explain. You have to listen to me.”
“I don’t have to do anything of the sort. You hurt me. Whatever pretty words you say next, will they make me hurt any less? Will they, Chad?”
His eyes lower to the ground in both shame and guilt.
“That’s what I thought. I can’t… I can’t believe I was going to give myself to you tonight.”
The reminder of what we did in the jacuzzi downstairs, not even an hour ago, just adds salt to the open wound.
“Elle,” he croaks, looking as eviscerated as I feel.
“Tell me, if you had taken my virginity tonight, would Saint still have been here in your room, waiting for you? Is that the kind of man you are? A cheater?”
“I can’t cheat on someone who doesn’t belong to me.”
I slap him.
I slap him so hard my fingers stay imprinted on his face.
“Another lie. Lies, lies, lies. That’s all you do. That’s all you’ve ever done. How could I have been this blind? So blind to think you were special. That you knew me, the real me, and would never betray me like this?”
“Elle, you’re upset, and rightfully so, but there is an explanation for all of this. If you just give me a chance—”
“I’ve given you years of chances,” I rebuke, hating how even in anger my tears won’t stop falling. “I was always yours, Chad. Just yours. But now I’m nothing to you.”
“Elle—” He goes to grip my wrist but then remembers himself and pulls back. My heart hurts at the sudden wall between us.
I stare into his eyes and wonder if his pain is even real.
If this isn’t just another figment of my imagination.
Like my belief that he loved me.
“Did you like it?” I hear myself ask, hating the taint of vulnerability in my voice.
“Don’t, Princess,” Saint interjects, never once moving from his spot.
“I’m not talking to you,” I snap, silently whispering to my heart to be brave and not let his
fractured stare perforate my already broken heart. “You made your point. Now let me deal with the destruction you caused my own way. Answer the question, Chad. Tell me, did you like it?”
“Yes.”
“Would you have told me if I didn’t see it with my very eyes?”
He bows his head.
I look over at Saint, his gaze fixed on a chastened, regretful Chad.
“He wouldn’t.” My remark is directed at Saint. “You would have told me, even if only to throw it in my face, but not him. And that’s because you’re his dirty little secret, just as I have been the girl put on the back-burner, waiting for him to choose me while he hid you. Don’t think you’re special, Saint, you’re not. And neither am I.”
Saint’s Adam’s apple bobs furiously, his gaze bouncing from my anger to Chad’s remorse, seeing the truth in my words. I stare at both of them, not knowing who has done the most damage to my heart. Not that it matters. Both had a hand in its obliteration.
Not wanting to look at them for another minute, I walk out of the wretched room and back into mine. I fling myself onto the bed, my tears dampening my pillow. For someone who hasn’t cried in ages, the dam has officially broken, making me shed rivers of tears. I hear my bedroom door open behind me, making me resent the fact that, in my rage, I didn’t lock it.
I turn to the side, thinking Chad would be the one who came to comfort me, to plead with me, but instead, it’s the devil with soulless eyes who invades my space, probably wanting to finish what he started and end me once and for all.
Have at it, Saint.
There’s nothing you can do to me anymore.
You won.