Bodies from the Library 3

by Tony Medawar

  Mr Tillet, we are all extremely indebted to you. (Applause) I know only a little about the artist whose work has been chosen to open this gallery. (Dennis takes Jill’s hand but she pulls away) But a glance has shown that he—er—has a talent worthy of careful study. Mr Rayburn, young as he is, is a painter of great promise. (Applause) He has in fact completed a portrait of Mr Tillet which will hang in the foyer of this gallery as a reminder of the man who made it all possible, and which I now have much pleasure in unveiling.

  (Applause. He takes the string and pulls. It doesn’t work. he pulls again. There is an awkward laugh and giggle. Bradley bounds forward and tries to pull the string)

  BURNLEY: Oh dear, what do you do at a launching when the champagne bottle doesn’t break? (General light laughter. Bradley takes out a knife and cuts the string leaving the knot intact. Burnley takes hold of the cut strings)

  BRADLEY: I can’t understand it. It worked perfectly last night. It’s most embarrassing.

  BURNLEY: Our thanks to Mr Tillet and best wishes for the gallery’s success.

  (Burnley lets the cloth drop. Instead of the portrait, a revolting cartoon of Tillet is revealed. It is clever but vicious. It has ‘A Happy Xmas To All Our Viewers’ scrawled on it. There is a stunned hush. The first reaction comes from Bob, who lets forth a peal of loud laughter)

  HAROLD: My God.

  RUBY: Harold!

  BRADLEY: I didn’t put that there!

  VIOLET: (quizzing cartoon through her glasses) Good heavens!

  DENNIS: That’s not mine! I didn’t paint that! (The hubbub builds up. There is a startled cry and we see Ruby sink to the floor. Violet utters a little shriek. Dr Burnley hurries across and Alleyn also moves over. Burnley kneels beside Ruby, quickly examining her. Bradley kneels by him)

  BRADLEY: Should we take her through to the office?

  (Burnley looks up at Alleyn and shakes his head to signify she’s dead. From his attitude we realise the face is not a pretty sight. Alleyn looks at the body, then the glass that Ruby has dropped, then he looks at the group of people and we superimpose ‘END OF PART 1’ caption)

  PART TWO

  SCENE 15: THE GALLERY

  (A few seconds later. Bradley has gone to the phone. Alleyn moves to kneel beside Dr Burnley)

  ALLEYN: Did you happen to notice her before she fell?

  BURNLEY: No, I didn’t.

  ALLEYN: Neither did I. (Alleyn rises and moves towards the office. Bradley is in the office ending his request to the police. Dr Burnley’s wife intercepts Alleyn)

  MRS BURNLEY: Is there nothing you can do, Mr Alleyn?

  ALLEYN: Not at the moment, Mrs Burnley.

  BRADLEY: (hanging up and coming to Alleyn) The police are on their way. They asked if you’d hold the fort.

  MRS BURNLEY: There you are!

  ALLEYN: Mr Crewes, make sure that nobody leaves, will you?

  (Bradley moves to the centre of the gallery)

  BRADLEY: Ladies and gentlemen, could I have your attention, please? This is Superintendent Roderick Alleyn of Scotland Yard. The police are on their way and until they arrive I suggest we do exactly as he asks.

  ALLEYN: If you will remain precisely where you are for a few moments, ladies and gentlemen, it would be a great help.

  VIOLET: The police? Why the police?

  (During this time we see Bob move away from the scene of the crime. He stops when instructed by Alleyn. Dennis is ashen. The doctor has moved to the portrait and picked up the cover. He is about to spread it over the body)

  ALLEYN: I’d rather you left that, Dr Burnley, if you would.

  (The doctor moves off to get a tablecloth. Alleyn takes out a notebook and starts to make a plan of the positions that people are standing in. Dennis is white, Beatrice fixed, Harold staring, Bradley doesn’t know what to do, Jill is cool, Violet is gazing vacantly elsewhere. Alleyn moves to the bar)

  ALLEYN: (to barman) Don’t touch anything, please, until the police arrive. (A uniformed policeman enters. He has a walkie-talkie. Alleyn sees him and goes to him) Ah.

  POLICEMAN: Mr Alleyn?

  ALLEYN: That’s right. Sergeant, if I ask everyone to move into the foyer, would you take names and addresses?

  POLICEMAN: Of course, sir.

  ALLEYN: Ladies and gentlemen, would you all move into the foyer, please? This officer will take names and addresses. Mr Crewes, would you and the barman stay behind? (As the crowd moves off, Alleyn threads his way to the bar, passing Dennis and Harold on the way. Both are still. They don’t seem to have heard Alleyn’s request) I’m sorry about this, Mr Rayburn. Mr Rayburn—? (Dennis responds) Would you mind waiting in the foyer? (Dennis moves off in a daze. Alleyn carries on to Harold) Mr Tillet, would you mind?

  HAROLD: What’s this mean? Murder?

  ALLEYN: The police will be here soon.

  (Harold moves off. Alleyn approaches Bradley: he is still sketching his plan)

  BRADLEY: (standing by the cartoon) Mr Alleyn, that string worked perfectly last night. I checked it.

  ALLEYN: Have you an invitation list?

  BRADLEY: Yes, in the office.

  ALLEYN: Do you know how many of these people were intimately connected with Lady Kerr-Bates?

  BRADLEY: I’m afraid I don’t. I only flew over from Sydney a few days ago—to take over the gallery. But a number of them, I guess. Dennis Rayburn, Bob Hemmings, Mr Tillet, of course. I wouldn’t know.

  ALLEYN: Mr Crewes, I wonder, could you mark the names of people on the invitation list who you think have a special relationship with Lady Kerr-Bates? Perhaps your secretary could help you. Then give it to the police officer outside.

  BRADLEY: Yes, of course. (He moves to the office) What a fine way to open a gallery.

  (Alleyn moves to the barman)

  ALLEYN: Did you serve Lady Kerr-Bates?

  BARMAN: Yes, I did.

  ALLEYN: A ‘Bloody Mary’?

  BARMAN: Yes.

  ALLEYN: Was it her first?

  BARMAN: No. Mr Crewes mixed one and the waiter took it to her. I mixed the second. She was standing quite close to the bar. I passed it to her.

  (Alleyn sniffs the vodka bottle and the jug of tomato juice)

  ALLEYN: Did you leave the bar at any time?

  BARMAN: No, not really. I stood over there for the speeches.

  ALLEYN: Did anyone touch the bottle or the jug—besides Mr Crewes and yourself?

  BARMAN: I didn’t notice. I don’t know.

  ALLEYN: Would you join the others in the foyer, please?

  (As the barman moves off, Alleyn turns to the cartoon. He picks up the cover and looks at the knot)

  SCENE 16: THE FOYER

  (In the gallery’s foyer, the uniformed policeman is taking names. There is a tense atmosphere)

  POLICEMAN: (checking) Miss Violet Cross, 56b Harcourt Road, Grafton.

  VIOLET: That’s right. Will we be long, do you think?

  POLICEMAN: I can’t say. (He goes on to the next) Your name, sir? (A plain-clothes policeman, Dawson, his number two, Frampton, and two others bustle into the foyer. The policeman sees them) Superintendent Alleyn is in there, sir. (The plain-clothes men hurry through)

  SCENE 17: THE GALLERY

  (Alleyn is looking at the cartoon. The plain-clothes men hurry to him)

  DAWSON: My name is Dawson. Detective-Superintendent.

  ALLEYN: Alleyn. How do you do?

  DAWSON: What happened, Mr Alleyn?

  ALLEYN: Lady Kerr-Bates is dead. The climax to a very eventful few minutes, one way and another.

  DAWSON: You were here, were you?

  ALLEYN: Yes.

  DAWSON: Any ideas?

  ALLEYN: Well, to begin with I’d say that jug on the bar was worth looking at.

  (Dawson glances at his number two, who goes to the bar with the other assistants)

  DAWSON: I don’t have to say it’s a privilege to have you on the spot, Mr Alleyn.

  ALLEYN: Oh, my dear chap—I didn’t see much, I’m afra
id. At least, not till after the event.

  DAWSON: I’d be very grateful if you’d co-operate.

  ALLEYN: I’m supposed to be on holiday.

  DAWSON: Make it a busman’s holiday?

  ALLEYN: Alright. I’ll do what I can. But please tell me if I get in the way.

  SCENE 18: THE FOYER

  (In the assembled group, Dr Burnley and Bradley are giving the invitation list to a policeman. The taking of names and addresses progresses)

  HAROLD: (looking hard at Dennis) Why, boy? Revenge? (Dennis just looks at him, dazed) Is that what you call it? (Beatrice is listening)

  HAROLD: (carefully placing each word) Is it?

  BEATRICE: What are you trying to say, Mr Tillet?

  HAROLD: Ask our little gigolo. He knows—don’t you, boy? (Alleyn is on the edge of the group, listening)

  BEATRICE: Accusations at this time are rather pointless, Mr Tillet.

  HAROLD: You’ve got a real talent for twisting people round your little finger, haven’t you, my lad? But not this time. Mr Alleyn, can I have a word with you?

  ALLEYN: No, Mr Tillet, I think you’d better wait for Superintendent Dawson—he’s handling the enquiries.

  HAROLD: So it’s all going to be done according to the regulation red-tape, is that it?

  ALLEYN: More or less. Yes.

  HAROLD: Tell me one thing. Is any of this likely to get into the papers? I mean, before it’s all sorted out?

  BEATRICE: What worries you most, Mr Tillet—the death of Lady Kerr-Bates or the cartoon? (Harold looks at her, starts laughing without mirth) May I set your mind at rest on one point? Dennis didn’t do that cartoon.

  HAROLD: Oh?

  BEATRICE: He wouldn’t be capable. I know him very well, very well indeed,

  HAROLD: What’s your attraction, boy? You look ordinary enough to me.

  BOB: My God. What a lovely mind you’ve got.

  HAROLD: You involved in this, too?

  (Bob hates him. Alleyn, listening, turns to have a word with the uniformed policeman)

  SCENE 19: THE GALLERY

  (Police at work. Alleyn joins them)

  ALLEYN: I think your officer has completed the list of names and addresses.

  DAWSON: I’d better start taking statements. Any ideas, Mr Alleyn?

  ALLEYN: Not really, I’m afraid. But here’s a plan of the people who were nearby when Lady Kerr-Bates collapsed. It mightn’t be a bad idea to start there. Mr Crewes is the Director of the gallery. (Indicating) I’m sure he’d put his office at your disposal.

  DAWSON: Will you join us?

  ALLEYN: I think I’d rather nose around here, if it’s alright with you.

  DAWSON: Just as you like. We’ll begin by taking preliminary statements at this stage. We can fill in the details later.

  ALLEYN: Good idea. (Dawson moves off. Alleyn looks at the cartoon) I wonder who did you? And more important still—why?

  SCENE 20: THE FOYER

  (Harold is still arguing)

  HAROLD: A cartoon, you call it. I didn’t think it was very funny.

  BOB: Depends on your sense of humour, doesn’t it? I thought it was hysterical.

  JILL: Yes, it would appeal to you.

  (Harold looks at her)

  BOB: Don’t look at me. I didn’t do it. I wish I had. But—sorry—

  JILL: (unconvinced) Ever since this exhibition came up you’ve been sniping at Dennis.

  BOB: Darling, I don’t give a damn. Do you think I envy Dennis his rot-gut? You must be joking.

  JILL: Am I?

  DENNIS: No, Jill. Bob wouldn’t—

  (Alleyn of course is listening)

  ALLEYN: Mr—er?

  BOB: Try Hemmings.

  ALLEYN: Mr Hemmings, do you think I could have a page of your sketch block? I want to take a note or two. I’ve a filthy memory. Do you mind? (Before Bob can reply, Alleyn has taken the block, cut the string to preserve the knot, and turned to a blank page)

  BOB: Be my guest.

  HAROLD: I’d say you had an interesting little conspiracy on your hands, Alleyn.

  ALLEYN: Really?

  HAROLD: There’s more than one person involved in this affair.

  BEATRICE: Attack is not always the best defence, Mr Tillet. (Harold laughs) As a rich man, you must know that money can destroy as well as create.

  HAROLD: Destroy? That’s a bloody funny sort of word, isn’t it? What d’you mean—destroy?

  SCENE 21: THE GALLERY

  (Alleyn approaches the portrait, compares the knot on the cover with the knot on the sketchbook)

  ALLEYN: Interested in art?

  POLICEMAN 2ND-IN-CHARGE: Not really, sir. Seems a strange picture to hang in a place like this, though.

  ALLEYN: You’re right—it’s a mistake.

  POLICEMAN 2ND-IN-CHARGE: Mistake. Substituted for the real thing?

  ALLEYN: Yes. But when? And by whom?

  POLICEMAN 2ND-IN-CHARGE: Do you think there’s a connection between the murder and that picture, Mr Alleyn?

  ALLEYN: I don’t know. Do you? (He turns over pages in sketchbook)

  SCENE 22: STACK-ROOM

  (The gallery’s storeroom is dark, with stacks of pictures on all sides. The light thrown on the wall shows a door has been opened. We follow a pair of feet along and see a pair of hands sorting quickly through some canvasses. A noise off is heard. The feet, in distinctive shoes, hide. A second pair of feet comes into view. The first pair of feet advances quietly. There is a crunch, a moan, and Bradley drops into view. Hands are seen to take the wrapping off a canvas and clean the frame with a handkerchief. The figure then goes)

  SCENE 23: THE GALLERY

  (Alleyn has the cover of the portrait propped up and is sketching on Bob’s sketchbook the intertwining of the strings. Dawson approaches him)

  DAWSON: Mr Alleyn, did you by any chance let Crewes go?

  ALLEYN: No. I think I made it clear that nobody was to leave until you’d finished with them.

  DAWSON: That’s odd. (He moves back into the foyer and crosses to the policeman who is still taking names. He presumably asks him Bradley’s whereabouts. Policeman shakes his head. Dawson then crosses to the secretary)

  DAWSON: Have you seen Mr Crewes?

  SECRETARY: Not in the last few minutes, Mr Dawson.

  (Violet Cross is standing nearby and overhears them)

  VIOLET: Did I hear you say you’ve lost Mr Crewes?

  DAWSON: That’s right, madam. Have you seen him?

  VIOLET: Yes. Only a few minutes ago. He went through there.

  SECRETARY: That’s the stack-room.

  SCENE 24: STACK-ROOM

  (Dawson and Alleyn find Bradley Crewes just as he is starting to come round)

  BRADLEY: Ooh! Does anybody want a head?

  DAWSON: What happened, Mr Crewes?

  BRADLEY: I don’t know. I came in here to look for the portrait.

  DAWSON: And—?

  BRADLEY: (indicating his head) Boom!

  ALLEYN: You didn’t find it?

  BRADLEY: The portrait? No. (Alleyn starts hunting round as Dawson helps Bradley up)

  DAWSON: Easy now. That was a silly thing to do, Mr Crewes. Leave police work to the police.

  BRADLEY: From now on I’m twice shy. I promise—I promise—I promise!

  ALLEYN: (holding up portrait) Is that what you were looking for?

  BRADLEY: That’s it! Where was it?

  ALLEYN: Down here.

  BRADLEY: So I nearly had it.

  ALLEYN: I wonder why you didn’t?

  BRADLEY: Search me—but gently!

  SCENE 25: THE FOYER

  (Dawson helps Bradley out of the stack-room and seats him. Alleyn follows with the portrait)

  SECRETARY: Mr Crewes, are you alright?

  BRADLEY: If I can just sit down.

  HAROLD: Is that it—the portrait?

  ALLEYN: I should imagine so.

  HAROLD: Can I see? (Alleyn holds it up for his inspection) Yeah, but that’s goo
d—very good. (Turning to Dennis) You’re a funny kind of joker, aren’t you?

  (Cut to close up of Dennis, then pull back to reveal Jill and Bob, all three of them now in the studio)

  SCENE 26: THE STUDIO

  (Jill is just bringing in a tray of coffee mugs)

  JILL: (to Dennis) How do you feel?

  DENNIS: I’m alright.

  JILL: Sure? (Dennis nods) What a revolting character Harold Tillet is. That cartoon didn’t do him justice.

  BOB: (collecting his coffee) He nearly burst a gasket when he saw the exhibition. Did you know he blamed it all on Ruby?

  DENNIS: Ruby? Why?

  BOB: I suppose for allowing you to sully his precious new gallery with your mucky daubs. Ruby was quite cut up.

  DENNIS: Bob, you didn’t do that sketch, did you?

  BOB: Me? Well, you know my warped sense of humour.

  JILL: I’m sorry, Bob. I didn’t mean to sound off at you. It was just that everybody seemed to be getting at Dennis—and I remembered all those capping gags of yours.

  BOB: Such is fame. (Jill and Bob laugh lightly)

  JILL: I realised straight away that you couldn’t have—or at least that you couldn’t have put it there.

  DENNIS: How?

  JILL: I met Bob at the gallery last night after I left here. They were closing up. We went for a meal.

  BOB: But I could have gone back later.

  JILL: No, you couldn’t. It was locked up.

  BOB: The key was outside. I could easily have let myself in.

  JILL: Bob, let me go to the police. I’ll tell them I made a mistake and apologise.

  BOB: (rather violently) You’ll do no such bloody thing!

  (Dennis and Jill react to his outburst)

  JILL: (surprised) Why not?

  BOB: (modifying his tone a little) Because I say so. You keep away from the police. Let them do their own dirty work.

  JILL: But, Bob—

  BOB: Look, why get involved? With a bit of luck they’ll get so snarled up they won’t know who did what and to who. (Rather vehemently again) And that’s just the way I want it! (He kicks off his shoes as he stretches out on the sofa—the shoes we saw in the stack-room, and we realise that he was the one who knocked out Bradley Crewes)