All or Nothing

by Becca Van

  Dante was six-four, Mica six-three, and Jalen was six-six. They were all big and muscular since they’d trained hard while serving their country to remain fit and fight ready to deal with the enemy. Now that they were out of the Marines, they didn’t have to train as hard, but none of them were about to let themselves go, either. Being fit and strong as deputies was also conducive to helping them chase criminals down and cuff them.

  He’d been happy that Kat had a bit of meat on her bones. If she’d been as tiny and petite as her sister, he would have been worried about hurting her while making love to her.

  He sighed with resigned frustration. It didn’t look as if he was going to have Kat in his bed anytime soon. She’d packed up her things and left their house while they’d been working. She’d stolen away like a thief in the night, and that made him worried and angry as hell.

  Was she scared of them? Or maybe she was scared of herself? Perhaps she was scared of the way he and his brothers made her feel. There was no way in hell any of them could deny the embers of lust sparking between her and them, but it looked like Kat was going to give it her all.

  He’d never taken her for a coward but was beginning to rethink that maybe she was a quitter.

  Dante shook his head. Kat wasn’t a scaredy-cat, but she’d faced so much abuse there was no way she would have walked away from her old life and the recent danger without scars. He and his brothers knew all about emotional trauma.

  It was up to them to convince her that she had nothing to fear from them and that they were the right men for her. He just hoped that he didn’t end up banging his head against a brick wall.

  No, Kat could run all she liked, but there was no way in hell he was letting her escape. Kat Russo was the woman of his heart, and he would have her back where she belonged as soon as possible.

  * * * *

  Kat walked into the library with a smile on her lips. Her jaw and face muscles hurt from the fake smile, but she didn’t want Shyann realizing how bad she felt. Kat had barely had two hours sleep, and she felt like death warmed up. She was so damn tired, her body felt heavy and lethargic and her eyes were so sore and gritty she’d had to use some eye drops. Other than soothing the soreness, she knew that the whites of her eyes were still bloodshot and the smudges beneath them were so dark, she looked like she had black eyes. Concealer and some light makeup hadn’t helped worth a damn.

  “Hi Shyann,” Kat greeted cheerfully, hoping the other woman wouldn’t notice how weary she looked, or how scared of being back at the scene of the crime she was.

  “Kat!” Shyann hurried over to her, pulled her into her arms, and hugged her tight. “I didn’t expect you back at work yet. Are you okay? Are you sure you’re ready to be here?”

  Kat gulped as she drew back from the other woman who, besides being her boss, had become a wonderful friend. “I’m fine. I like to stay busy. If I sit all alone in my apartment, I’ll just start thinking too hard.”

  Shyann narrowed her eyes at Kat but thankfully accepted her explanation.

  Kat sighed with relief as she stepped behind the library serving counter, put her purse away, and started up the computer. As she waited for the computer to boot up, she gazed around the room nervously. She was surprised to find that there was no evidence of the damage done to the building or the interior after the bombing and figured that the men in town had cleared out all the debris and drenched carpeting, and had gotten to work fixing things again. She’d heard about how everyone in the small town pulled together and helped out where needed, but she hadn’t expected that they’d make the repairs so quickly. It had only been a week, but sometimes it felt years, and other times days since the explosion, her kidnapping, and near rape.

  It looked as if nothing bad had happened in here a week ago. Even the damaged shelves and ruined books had been replaced.

  “Are you still staying with the Donnybrook men?” Shyann asked as she loaded the overnight return books on the trolley.

  “No need. The danger’s over.” Kat kept her eyes on the monitor as she answered since she didn’t want Shyann reading any of her expressions. Kat was pretty proficient at hiding her thoughts and emotions, but every now and then she slipped. She was only human after all, but she had a feeling she hadn’t put anything over Shyann.

  “How’s Niki doing?”

  Kat shrugged. “She’s out of the hospital and back on the ranch with her men. They’ll make sure she doesn’t do too much while she heals.”

  “You haven’t seen her?”

  Kat turned to frown at Shyann. “I was with her every day in the hospital. She was only released yesterday.”

  Shyann held up her hand. “I didn’t mean anything by it, Kat.”

  Kat nodded and turned back to the computer, but she didn’t miss the way Shyann frowned at her with concern.

  Kat kept herself busy putting books back on shelves, helping customers to find what they were looking for, and signing out books. She was glad that there were no lulls, which didn’t give her time to think. Right now, Kat was numb and wanted to remain that way.

  Feeling only hurt, and she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to get her emotions contained again if they got away from her. Ever since she’d escaped from her father’s abuse, she’d closed off her emotions. The only time they’d broken free was last week when she’d been kidnapped. She’d been so scared, she’d almost broken down. When she’d woken up naked, gagged, and tied to the bed, her fear and anger had battled for supremacy inside of her, but when Niki had entered the motel room, she’d been downright terrified.

  She’d been so scared she’d gotten her sister killed, she hadn’t even cared that the Donnybrook men had seen her naked. All she’d cared about was getting to her sister, but Jalen had wrapped her in a quilt and lifted her into his arms. He’d kept ahold of her while Shyann’s husbands, who were paramedics, had treated Niki and then wheeled her out to the ambulance. He’d carried her to another ambulance and, after setting her down on the gurney, sat beside her, holding her hand all the way to the hospital.

  The only reason she’d stayed in the ER for treatment was because one of Shyann’s men kept coming to inform her about her sister. She’d been lucky to be released a few hours later with strict instructions from the doc to rest. She would have agreed to anything so she could get out of bed and go to her sister’s bedside. One of the nurses had been kind enough to give her some clean scrubs to wear, and while they weren’t the most comfortable clothes, she hadn’t been about to quibble since her own had been ripped off of her.

  She sat outside the operating theater in the waiting room praying that Niki made it through surgery and recovered from being shot.

  When someone cleared their throat, she pushed her thoughts aside, smiling apologetically to Mrs. Hanson, a weekly regular, and dealt with her signing in the book she returned and scanning the new one she wanted to read. Just as she picked the book Mrs. Hanson had dropped off, a loud noise echoed through the air.

  Kat didn’t even think, she just reacted. With a whimper of fear, she dropped down onto her knees behind the desk, scooted in under it as far as she could, and wrapped her arms around her head as she was immediately sucked back into the past.

  She could hear the people screaming as fire billowed and smoke filled the room. Kat calmly and efficiently directed people to the exit, and then she rushed toward the back of the library where she remembered there’d been a few people doing research on the computers. It was difficult to see through the thick plumes of black smoke, and while she was coughing and finding it hard to breathe, there was no way she was leaving until everyone was safe.

  Kat was only yards away from the bank of computers when a hard arm banded around her waist and a hand slapped over her mouth and nose. Her eyes watered and burned from the smoke, but she fought against the person holding her.

  The arm around her waist loosened, and when it was removed, she began to spin around to confront her attacker, but she never got the chance. Pain exploded in h
er head after a big, hard fist slammed into the side of her face on her cheek near her temple. Even though she tried to remain conscious by inhaling, it was a useless endeavor since the hand was still over her mouth and nose. Her knees buckled and just before she blacked out, she felt herself being slung over a broad shoulder.

  Chapter Two

  “Kat!” Shyann got down onto her hands and knees, crawling closer to her friend who was hiding under the desk. She began to get really worried when Kat didn’t respond. “Kat, you’re safe, honey. It’s me, Shyann.”

  Shyann didn’t care about her customers right now, she only cared about her employee and friend, but she wasn’t getting through to her. Shyann had almost peed her pants when one of the school students had dropped their stack of books onto one of the desks, making a loud bang. For a moment, she’d relived the bomb going off in the library creating devastation and pandemonium, but she hadn’t been kidnapped.

  Making sure not to make any sudden movements, Shyann inched her phone from her trouser pockets and called one of her men.

  “Hey, baby,” Raiden answered. “What’s up?”

  “Raiden, you need to call Jalen and his brothers. Kat came into work and I think she’s having a flashback.”

  “Shit! Hang on a sec, baby.” Shyann heard Raiden order Tane, one of her other men, to call Jalen. “What’s going on, Shy? Do you need us there? What’s Kat doing?”

  “It might be a good idea for you to come in case she needs medical help. She’s hiding under the desk, rocking and whimpering.”

  “Fuck!”

  Even though Shyann could hear Raiden’s voice in the background, she knew he’d covered the phone with his hand because she couldn’t hear what he was saying. He was back moments later. “We’re on our way, baby. So are Jalen, Dante, and Mica. Just stay calm and keep talking to her, okay?”

  “I will. Hurry, Raiden. I’m really worried about her.”

  “Three minutes tops, baby.”

  “Thank you,” Shy said softly before hanging up. “You’re safe, Kat. There’s nothing to be scared of. One of the kids dropped their books onto the desk. That was the loud bang you heard.”

  “Shyann?”

  Shyann eased out from under the desk and scrambled to her feet. She couldn’t believe how fast Jalen and his brothers had gotten here. “How’d you get here so fast?”

  “We were at the diner for breakfast,” Dante answered.

  “Where’s Kat?” Jalen asked.

  Stepping back, Shyann pointed to where Kat was sitting on the floor under the desk. Her eyes were glazed over and she knew from the fear on her friend’s face that she was still caught up in the past.

  * * * *

  “Fuck!” Jalen said softly, moving past Shyann as he got down onto his hands and knees on the floor. He sat on his ass close to Kat, entwined their fingers together and started caressing his hand up and down her arm as he spoke quietly to her. “Look at me, baby.” Jalen glanced at his brothers to see them watching with concerned frowns on their faces.

  “What the hell happened?” Dante asked.

  Shyann sighed. “One of the school kids dropped their books on to desk. The bang set her into a panic. I think she thought another bomb went off. I did, too, for a moment. She’s been like this ever since.”

  Jalen wasn’t getting through to her but there was no way in hell he was leaving. Keeping his movements slow, he wrapped an arm around her back and pushed the other under her legs, then lifted her into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight against his chest, rocking back and forth as he whispered in her ear.

  “I’m here, baby. You’re safe, Kat. My brothers and I won’t let anything happen to you. We won’t let anyone else hurt you.” Jalen wasn’t sure if it was his warmth that got through to her or his calm voice, but he knew he had when she inhaled shakily and slumped against him. “Are you back with us now, baby?” he asked.

  She nodded but kept her cheek against his chest. “Where are we?”

  Jalen frowned as loosened his hold on her, then nudged her chin up until she met his gaze. His heart broke at the scared vulnerability he saw in her gorgeous blue eyes. “We’re at the library, baby. You came in to work. Remember?”

  Kat nodded, sucked in a deep breath, and then shook her head.

  Fuck! She was more affected than he first thought. Was she having trouble remembering because of the PTST, or was it because she’d kept everything bottled up inside for so damn long?

  Jalen stroked a finger down her cool, soft cheek. She was so fucking pale and probably hadn’t slept worth a damn. He and his brothers had heard her pacing in her bedroom ‘til all hours of the morning when she’d stayed with them. If he hadn’t been worried about moving too soon and scaring her off, he would have gone to her, but Kat had managed to keep him and his brothers at a distance for the most part.

  Determination flowed through him. Kat was theirs, and he wasn’t going to let her keep them at bay any longer. She belonged with them, but trying to get through the hard, protective shell she’d put around herself was going to be difficult. Kat had escaped them once, but he wasn’t going to let her escape them again. He, Dante, and Mica were going to help her through the PTSD and try and win her heart in the process.

  There was no way in hell he was backing off and giving some other man or men an opportunity to win her over. Kat tried to hide the real her under a hard façade, but he and his brothers had seen glimpses of the true woman beneath. She was a protector and nurturer and had a big, loving heart. Jaden wanted to have some of her love directed his way, and he was going to do everything within his power to win her over.

  She was coming home with them, and as soon as he and his brothers got her settled, he was calling Luke to ask him to rearrange their shifts. From now on, one of them would be with Kat at all times. She wasn’t well enough to be left on her own.

  “Let me help you up, baby,” Jalen said so she’d know what he was going to do beforehand.

  “Okay,” she whispered hoarsely.

  Holding her tighter and higher against his chest, he got his knees under him, placed one foot on the floor, and stood. Kat clung to his neck tightly and hooked her legs around his waist. She was clinging to him like a baby monkey would its momma, and he wasn’t sure she’d ever let go. Jalen didn’t care if she held onto him for the rest of her life. The only person he was concerned about right now was Kat. She needed to go and see a psychologist or a psychiatrist to help her get through the turmoil and fear she was dealing with. He or one of his brothers needed to talk her into seeing a GP to get a referral to a specialist first. That was the first hurdle, and it was probably going to be the tallest one. After that, he hoped that everything else would fall into place, but he could never be certain where Kat was concerned. She was stubborn to a fault and would argue with an Eskimo that ice was made from fire even if she didn’t believe it.

  Jalen had had a hard time figuring her out at first since she was so damn feisty and headstrong, but underneath that crusty façade was a very vulnerable, scared woman, and it was their job to make sure she regained her self-confidence and got rid of most of her fears.

  When he turned to face his brothers and a very worried Shyann, he was relieved to see Shyann’s husbands Raiden, Tane, and Brig Tremaine hurrying in the front entrance.

  He signaled his brothers to the break room behind the counter, nodded at Shyann reassuringly, and entered the room. Instead of sitting at the dining table, he headed straight toward the small two-seater sofa along the left wall and carefully sat since Kat still had her legs wrapped around his hips. “Unhook your legs, baby.”

  Her whimper of fear had his heart clenching, as did the words she whispered against his neck. “Don’t leave me.”

  Jalen caressed a hand up and down her back soothingly. “I’m not leaving you, Kat. I just don’t want to hurt you when I sit back.”

  She raised her head toward his, and he stopped breathing when he saw the tears shimmering in her blue ey
es. “Do you promise?”

  “I promise, Kat. You know I don’t break my word, baby. Trust me.”

  She nodded as she uncrossed her ankles and braced her knees on the sofa cushion on either side of his hips. Jalen could hear his brothers and Shyann explaining the situation to the medics, and though he wanted Kat checked over thoroughly to make sure her health wasn’t endangered, he was hoping that the Tremaine brothers would give her the all clear so he could take her back home where she belonged. Nevertheless, he would do anything for Kat’s well-being, even if it meant taking her to the hospital.

  “I’m going to move you to a more comfortable position on my lap, Kat. Raiden and his brothers need to examine you to make sure you’re all right.” Without awaiting a response from her, Jalen grasped her waist and lifted her until she was sitting sideways across his lap. As soon as he placed her ass on his thighs, she pressed her side into his chest as tightly as she could. He once more wrapped his arm around her waist while smoothing his free hand over her shoulder and up and down her arm.

  Dante, Mica, and Raiden entered the room. Jalen’s brothers kept their distance, which was probably a good thing since he was worried she’d feel crowded, and he didn’t want her having a panic attack. Raiden, medical equipment in hand, cautiously walked closer until he was kneeling in front of Kat.

  “Hey Kat, do you mind if I check your heart and lungs?”

  Kat licked her lips nervously and shook her head. Jalen became worried when her breathing sped up again. When he glanced down he saw that she was twisting her fingers together anxiously.