All or Nothing

by Becca Van

  “I failed her,” Kat said tremulously as she lost the battle with keeping her tears back. “I failed my sister.”

  “No, you didn’t,” Dante said. “You did everything you could to keep Niki safe, love.”

  “How can you say that? I left her behind. I left her in that house with that monster and his cohorts. I should have found a way out years ago. I should have tried to get her out and take her with me. The guilt…” Kat paused to swallow around the constriction in her throat. “I will always live with that guilt. Niki was hurt because of me. She nearly died because of me.”

  “Bullshit!” Jalen snapped. “None of that was your fault, baby. If you want to blame someone, blame your father and his goons. Lay all that guilt at their feet. They’re the evil fuckers who caused so much pain and heartache. Not you, not Niki. They did.”

  Kat swiped at her face angrily, wiping the tears from her cheeks, and tried not to gasp when she inadvertently hurt her bruised cheek and eye.

  “Careful, sweetie,” Mica said as he squatted next to Jalen. He gently smoothed his thumbs over her skin under her eyes, getting rid of the last of her tears. “Don’t hurt yourself, Kat. We can’t stand seeing you in pain.”

  Kat nodded as the cold, which had been invading her heart and soul, began to dissipate. Jalen, Dante, and Mica were so caring, made her heart ache, and warmed her from the inside. Other than Niki and Rosita, no one but her mom had cared one whit about her and her sister. Little by little, the Donnybrook were getting to her, and though she’d made a decision not to get involved with them, she was having a hell of a time keeping her desire for them on a leash. The more she got the know them, the more she realized what truly wonderful, caring men they were. She should have known that retired Marines wouldn’t turn a blind eye to someone else’s misfortunes.

  She’d never met men like the ones living in and around Slick Rock before. She’d thought that men like them were just a myth, someone’s ramped up dreams she’d seen on the TV and read about in books. She’d thought it was all fiction, but she was learning that she was wrong. If she was wrong about that, what else could she be wrong about? There was no one she could talk to and ask, not that she would have anyway. Kat didn’t like other people knowing what was in her heart, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself from opening up more and more with the three brothers.

  They got to her like no other person ever had, including her sister.

  “You have to stop beating yourself up, love,” Dante said. “We can tell you over and over again that you did the right thing by getting out when you could, then trying your damnedest to rescue Niki, but I know you won’t believe that. What you and your sister suffered is in the past. What you should be doing now is living every day to the fullest. What’s already been isn’t worth pondering on. Look to the future. Don’t let those fuckers keep torturing you from the grave. Don’t let your father win by controlling you even though he’s not here.”

  “Dante’s right,” Jalen said. “We know what’s been has shaped you into the person you are today, and by no means are we saying to forget or that what you underwent wasn’t horrific. However, you have the rest of your life ahead of you, baby. Are you going to live on the edge of humanity looking in? Or are you going to involve yourself in life?”

  Kat frowned as she contemplated on what they’d said, and as much as she hated to admit it—even if it was just to herself—they were right. She’d been so stuck in the past, the fear and the pain, she hadn’t looked at the here and now, let alone the future. When her mom had been alive, life hadn’t been a piece of cake then, either. Her parents had constantly fought mostly because of her father’s drinking, but she’d thought that was the norm. She’d had hopes and dreams like every little girl had. She’d dreamed of meeting a handsome prince who’d sweep her off her feet after declaring his love for her.

  She could have that now with Jalen, Dante, and Mica if she was just brave enough to accept having a relationship with them. She’d experienced what it was like to have pleasure at the hands of men rather than pain. She’d pigeonholed the opposite sex into one box, which was very unfair of her.

  Kat knew that the Donnybrook brothers were nothing like her father and his thugs. Time and again, they’d helped her and Niki. They’d taken her into their home—a virtual stranger who could have been the worst kind of person—to protect her. They’d cooked for her, and they’d rescued her from the hands of the enemy.

  She’d been so damned blind because she’d let her fear and emotional containment rule her life. She had three princes right in front of her who wanted to have a relationship with her.

  Kat was so terrified she started trembling, but the more she thought about having the chance of someone, or three someones, to love, the more the idea appealed. Yet, she was frightened of getting her heart broken. It was already damaged, and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to put the pieces back together if Jalen, Mica, and Dante figured out she wasn’t the woman they’d been searching for after all.

  Chapter Nine

  “What’s wrong, love?” Dante asked. “Why are you shaking?”

  Kat blinked herself back to the present. She’d been so lost in introspection, she hadn’t been seeing anything but what was in her own mind. “I’m okay,” she said.

  “No, you’re not.” Jalen interlaced his fingers with hers, lifted her hand to his mouth, and kissed the back of it. “You wouldn’t be trembling if you were okay, baby.”

  “Talk to us, sweetie.” Mica clasped her other hand between both of his. “We might be able to help you if you’d just talk to us.”

  Kat nodded. “You’re right.”

  “’Course we are, love.” Dante winked at her.

  She wanted to tell them what she was thinking, but she spent so long holding her own counsel, it was difficult for her to tell someone what was on her mind. For years, she’d been locked up in more ways than one. Kat had never spoken her thoughts out loud except to Niki, and even then she’d only told her sister the bare minimum of things. Most of the time she’d worked through her own problems or completely ignored them. While she knew that wasn’t exactly healthy for her mental well-being, she’d had no other option. But she did now. Nevertheless, she was worried that the three confident, authoritative men would laugh at her, but she’d never know unless she talked. If any of them so much as smirked at her, she would be out of here so fast they wouldn’t know what hit them.

  “I-I’m s-scared,” she finally managed to say.

  Jalen frowned. “Of us?”

  “No. Yes. I don’t know.”

  “Explain, sweetie,” Mica commanded.

  “If—and that’s a huge if—I did agree to have a relationship with you all, what would happen to me if you decided I’m not the woman you think I am?”

  “That will never happen, baby,” Jalen said.

  “You c-can’t know that,” she replied.

  “Yeah we do, love.” Dante tipped her chin up until she was meeting his gaze. “We’re no saints, Kat. We’ve been with a lot of women and even tried a relationship or two. We’ve only ever shared one woman between us, but that was never going to work out since she’d just been with us so she could tell her friends she’d fucked three Marines.”

  Kat’s frown deepened.

  “What my bumbling brother is trying to say is that we’ve never felt the way we do about you, about any other woman we’ve fucked or met,” Mica said.

  “We’re mature men,” Jalen said. “We know what we want, and that’s you. As to us deciding you aren’t right for us if we begin a relationship, I can honestly say that it will never happen. We knew the day we met you that you were special.”

  “I’m not special. I don’t know how you can say that when I have so much baggage.”

  “We don’t care about the baggage.” Dante skimmed his thumb over her cheek. “We have baggage, too. No human being living on this planet doesn’t have some sort of issues to deal with.”

  “It’s how you deal with
your problems that count, sweetie.” Mica caressed a hand over her head.

  “Do you think we invite just any woman to live in our home so we can protect her?” Jalen asked. “We could have offered to get you and Niki into Witness Protection. In fact, I think I did or maybe that was one of the sheriffs. I knew damn well that the Lyndon men wouldn’t let Niki be taken from them, and while I didn’t want to see you leave either, I would have done anything and everything I could to keep you safe.”

  * * * *

  Dante sighed when he realized they were finally getting through to Kat. The yearning in her gaze was there for all of them to see. They were wearing her down and winning her over. For the first time since he and his brothers had met her weeks prior, he was excited and hopeful.

  He and his brothers wanted everything with Kat. They wanted marriage, kids, and to grow old with her by their sides. Nonetheless, they needed to help her first. They needed to talk her into seeing a psychologist to help her deal with the abuse and fear she’d lived with. In fact, it might be a good idea if he and his brothers talked to the Lyndon brothers, too. It would be a good idea if Niki had professional help, as well. Dante would pay for both women if necessary, but he couldn’t see Brent, Hes, and Rig agreeing to that.

  “We can’t promise that we’ll never hurt you,” Mica said.

  Dante scowled at his brother when he felt Kat tense on his lap. He was about to take the idiot to task, but Mica continued speaking before he could.

  “We can promise that we will never raise a hand to you or hurt you in any physical way. I’d like to assure you that we are perfect and will never say anything to upset you, but we’re human, Kat, just as you are. All humans make mistakes because none of us are infallible. If we do say something to piss you off or hurt you, don’t run and hide, have it out with us.”

  “Mica’s right,” Jalen said.

  “What?” Mica cupped his ear. “I don’t think I heard you. Can I get that in writing?”

  Kat giggled, then blinked as if she was shocked.

  Dante smiled as he tugged her tighter against his chest. He’d never heard that light-hearted sound from her before and hoped that he and his brothers could make her laugh more. She deserved all the love and happiness in the world, and he intended to give it to her. Or as much as he could if only she’d let him.

  “All you have to do is say yes, baby.” Jalen watched her intensely.

  Dante held his breath, but when she didn’t say anything for too long, he exhaled and inhaled. His heart was pounding so hard and fast, he could hear it and the blood rushing through his veins in his ears.

  He wished he could demand that she answer and for her to say yes but giving her an order wouldn’t be beneficial to having a long-lasting, loving relationship. She’d been controlled her whole life by her father, and while he’d order her about if it was necessary for her safety, he was going to give her as much time as she needed to make her choice. It would kill him if she refused because she was too scared to reach out to them. And that was when an epiphany hit him over the head.

  “I’m scared, too, Kat. I already care for you a whole hell of a lot. What if I fall in love with you and after a while you decided that I’m, we’re not the men for you? Do you think we wouldn’t be any less devastated at a failed relationship than you’d be? But I think the potential heartbreak is worth the risk. If I let my fear rule me, I would let life pass me by and never have any of my questions answered. Regret wouldn’t be easy to live with when I’m old and gray and all alone. There are risks everywhere. You could be hit by a car and die tomorrow. One of us could get shot by a criminal and die, too, but I want to fit as much into my life as I can before I’m six feet under. I want to laugh, love, and cry. If I kept myself closed off and never tried anything, never experienced what it’s like to give my whole heart to someone…” Dante trailed off as he lost his train of thought. The tears shimmering in Kat’s eyes broke his heart.

  “When did you get so fucking philosophical?” Jalen asked.

  Dante shook his head and hoped his brothers didn’t see that he was blushing. He didn’t usually lay his heart on the line or talk about all his hopes and dreams, but he realized that was a mistake he and his brothers couldn’t afford to continue making. If they wanted Kat to be open with them for all the right reasons, then they needed to return the favor.

  “Don’t tease your brother,” Kat snapped.

  Jalen blinked at her and then nodded. “You’re right. Sorry, Dante.”

  “Sure.” Dante nodded.

  “You know what?” Kat cupped Dante’s cheek, and he couldn’t help but nuzzle into her soft warm skin.

  “What, love?”

  “I believe you.”

  “About what?” He turned his head and kissed her palm.

  “That you all really want a relationship with me.”

  “We wouldn’t have said so if we didn’t, sweetie,” Mica said.

  She met each of their gazes. “I’m beginning to realize that.”

  Dante shifted in his seat. Kat had removed her hand from his face and placed it on his chest, but he wasn’t sure she was aware of what she was doing to him. She was caressing his chest, which caused his blood to get hotter. Each stroke of her palm and fingers over his cloth-covered flesh sent shots of lust straight down to his hardening dick. His cock was twitching and pulsing as it filled with blood, and he was pretty sure that soon she’d be able to feel his erection beneath her ass. While he was trying to do everything he could to discount his arousal, he wasn’t sure how Kat was going to react when she noticed he was fully erect.

  “All my life I was lied to, ignored, or abused. I had a hard time trusting and or believing what any man said.”

  “We’d never—” Jalen began.

  Kat cut him off. “I haven’t finished. I am terrified of getting hurt again, but I’m also scared of being alone for the rest of my life. I used to dream of finding true love and of having a family of my own. Do you all want kids?”

  “We do,” Jalen answered.

  “I would love to hold our baby in my arms, love,” Dante said, then cleared his throat. “It would be a dream come true.”

  “I’ve dreamt about you rounded out with our child, sweetie,” Mica rasped out. “You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen, but imagining you pregnant, you’re fucking beautiful.”

  “How do you all know what to say to make me cry?” Kat sniffed and wiped at her eyes, but this time Dante was glad that she was careful not to hurt herself.

  “We’re not trying to make you cry, baby,” Jalen said. “You’ve got such a kind loving heart.”

  Kat snorted, which made them all chuckle, and she giggled again. “I can be a bitch.”

  “Hey, we can be bitchy, too,” Dante said.

  “Speak for yourself, asshole. I’ve never been bitchy in my life. I’m a manly kinda a guy.” Mica grinned and flexed his bicep.

  Kat laughed and rolled her eyes. “Sure you are, big guy.”

  “Are you saying I’m not masculine enough for you, sweetie?” Mica asked, his lips still curved up in a grin.

  “I think it’s safe to say that none of you could ever be called effeminate. You’re all almost too much with all those huge muscles.”

  “But you like our muscles, don’t you?” Jalen asked.

  And just like that, the sexual tension between Kat, Dante, and his brothers was rife in the room.

  Kat eyed Mica’s bulging biceps, and then she turned her gaze to Jalen, and finally him. “I never said I didn’t like your brawniness. Surely you’re not fishing for compliments, Mica.”

  “I love hearing your name on my lips.”

  Kat glanced away, a blush staining her cheeks, but seemed to realize that everywhere she looked he or his brothers were in her line of sight. “I think I want to try,” she said so softly that Dante wasn’t sure he’d heard her correctly.

  “What was that, love? You need to speak up,” Dante said.

  Kat drew in a shudderi
ng breath. “I said, I think I want to try.”

  “What do you want to try, baby?” Jalen asked.

  Dante found himself holding his breath yet again.

  The next words out of Kat’s mouth were going to change his and his brothers’ lives forever one way or another. He just hoped he wasn’t assuming what she was talking about because he was so eager to be with her. If he had made an incorrect assumption, he was going to be gutted. It would feel as if she was ripping his heart out of his chest if she said she didn’t want to have a relationship with him and his brothers.

  “I want to try a relationship with all of you,” she said tentatively. “But I’m warning you now, if any of you hurt me, I’ll cut your fucking balls off with a spoon and shove them up your asses.”

  “We wouldn’t expect anything less from you, sweetie.” Mica smiled.

  Dante had thought the feisty side of Kat was lost to them after her PTSD episode, but he was glad to see she was still there, deep inside. Kat may break down and lose herself occasionally to the fear and the pain she’d lived with, but she wasn’t permanently damaged.

  With some professional counseling and some love and care from him and his brothers, Kat would slowly come out of that shell she’d encased herself in, more and more.

  Dante hoped like hell that she came to love him, Mica, and Jalen as much as they loved her.

  * * * *

  Darren Carter sneered at the small town as he surveyed it on the map he’d pulled up on his phone. He couldn’t believe there were only around ten thousand people living in Slick Rock, Colorado, but that was going to make his life so much easier.

  He didn’t have a grudge with Katerina or Nikita Russo, but when he’d found out that their father had left a will and had deeded all of his worldly possessions to his daughters, he’d decided to try and get a piece of the pie. No, the whole pie would be even better.