All or Nothing

by Becca Van

  “We’ve all taken time off so we could be with you and take care of you, love,” Dante said.

  Kat plonked her hands on her hips. “I didn’t ask any of you to do that. Why would you do that? Haven’t you all just started at the sheriff’s department? You wouldn’t have any vacation time accrued yet.”

  “I don’t give a fuck about vacation accruement,” Jalen snarled. “You’re way more important to us than fucking money.”

  Mica stood and walked over to his eldest brother, placed a hand on his shoulder, and squeezed it, trying to get Jalen to calm down.

  “Look, thanks for being so thoughtful, but if you’d have discussed this with me, I would have told you not to get time off for my benefit. I still have my apartment to pay for even if I’m not there, and I’m sure there are utility bills sitting in my letter box. I need to go to work, Jalen. I wasn’t allowed out of my father’s house unless I had an armed escort. The only time I had any freedom was when I was locked up in my bedroom.” Kat laughed humorlessly. “I like working, being independent, and earning my own money, and I’m not going to let any of you stop me. I’m safe. My father and his higher-ups are dead, thanks to Niki. The rest of the bastards are locked up behind bars. There is no need for any of you to be concerned for my safety.”

  “What about this Carter guy?” Dante asked. “Aren’t you worried that he might come out of hiding for revenge?”

  Kat shook her head and snorted. “Not in the least. I’ve been thinking about that idiot ever since you told me he’d escaped the police’s net. I remember hearing Ramos and Simmonds talking about him and how dumb he was. I doubt he has the balls or the brains to come anywhere near Niki and I. He had to have heard the media reports on the news about how Vinnie and Thaddeus were shot and killed by Niki.

  “Darren Carter wasn’t cruel, and I don’t think he’s dangerous. He never even spoke to me or Niki if he passed us in the house. He’d just nod his head respectfully and continue on. He never looked at me or my sister with lust in his eyes. In fact, I’d have to say he was the nicest person my father hired, other than Rosita, of course.

  “I don’t think he has the stomach for killing or kidnapping. He was more often than not in the warehouse helping to unload and load all the illegal arms my father was buying and selling.”

  “Just because he was quiet and appeared a little slower than the other men doesn’t mean he isn’t dangerous, Kat,” Jalen said.

  “Oh, give me a break. I’m going to work with or without your help. I’ll call a damn taxi if I have to.”

  Jalen shook his head, then pulled Kat into his arms. “You can be so fucking stubborn, baby.”

  Kat snorted again as she met his eyes. Mica’s lips twitched when he saw the twinkle of amusement in her blue gaze. “And you’re not?”

  Mica couldn’t help it, but he chuckled. Jalen turned to scowl at him, but the disgruntled look on his brother’s face just made him laugh harder. Kat giggled, and after hugging Jalen, she drew out of his embrace and stepped to him.

  “What are you laughing at?” She poked him in the stomach.

  “You’re both as stubborn as mules,” Mica said. “I can see that you two are going to bump heads often.”

  “And you don’t think we will?” Kat asked.

  “Oh, that’s a definite, sweetie, but I’m not as tenacious as you and Jalen are.”

  “So, you’re a perfect angel?” Kat stared at him.

  “Far from it. I can be as obstinate as you, Jalen, and Dante. I just like to pick my battles. Some things just aren’t worth arguing over.” Mica wrapped his arms around her, hugged her, and buried his face in her neck. She always smelled so fucking good she made him salivate.

  “So, you agree with me?”

  “I don’t agree or disagree.” He raised his head, loosened his hold, and tapped her on the nose.

  “Oh, I see how it is.” Kat gave him a cheeky smile.

  He’d never seen her looking so happy or playful, and he liked it. No, he loved this playful side of her and hoped to see far more of it.

  “What do you see, sweetie?” Mica asked when she didn’t expound.

  “You’re one of those sit-on-the-fence type of people. You like to see which way the wind’s blowing before you put your two cents in.”

  Mica shook his head and frowned at her.

  Kat giggled, and Jalen snickered. Dante laughed and then they were all laughing together. Mica liked that Kat didn’t hold a grudge or was one of those women that turned a cold shoulder and gave her man, or her men, the silent treatment. She was a strong woman, which was a good thing since she’d needed to be to survive her upbringing. Seasoned soldiers had broken under less strain and torture than Kat and her sister had been through.

  She wasn’t a doormat and would never let him or his brothers walk all over her.

  Kat Russo wasn’t perfect, but in his eyes she was the epitome of the perfect woman for him and his brothers. He loved her so much. It would destroy him if she decided a relationship between her and them wasn’t going to work.

  But it would kill him if anything happened to her.

  * * * *

  Kat was nervous about being back at work after her meltdown the last time she was in the library, but so far nothing had happened to trigger another flashbacks. The regular clients who came to the desk to be served commiserated with her over the attack, but none of them showed any pity in any way. In fact, most of them were angry on her behalf, which helped her calm the anxiety roiling in her gut.

  While it had been a trial to get Jalen and Dante to agree it was better for her to get back to a regular routine, it warmed her heart that they’d been so worried about her. Mica might’ve told her the choice to resume work was hers and laughed and joked with her to ease the tension that morning, but she could tell by the shadows in his eyes, he’d been on board with his brothers. Thankfully, he hadn’t shoved his opinion down her throat like his older siblings had.

  Jalen hadn’t just dropped her off to work, he’d actually walked her into the building and scoped the place out. Before he’d left, he’d gotten her to swear that she wouldn’t go anywhere by herself, and she’d promised him she wouldn’t.

  Shyann and Sarah, the other elderly woman who’d taken Sammy’s place when she’d quit to spend time with her daughter and her men and worked in the library, had both been great after she reassured them that she needed to do this to face her fears, they’d backed off.

  Now, it was almost time for one of her men to pick her up and for the first time in a long while, she admitted to herself how much she was looking forward to their company. They’d wormed their way into her heart, but she was reticent about telling them about her growing feelings. There was still a niggle in the back of her mind that something bad was going to happen to destroy her newfound happiness.

  Pushing her disconcerting thoughts away, she planned to ask Jalen or whoever picked her up to take her home to her apartment since she had work again tomorrow. Although she expected an argument, she didn’t feel right taking their time away to drive her about when she could easily walk to work from her place. Plus, she needed access to her own clothes. She didn’t like wasting their time by having them standing around waiting for her to get dressed when they could be utilizing their free time in other ways.

  You’re lying to yourself again, girl. What you really want is to move in with them.

  Kat pushed her inner voice away and, after loading up the trolley, went to stack some books back onto the shelves.

  By the time she was done and headed back to the front desk, Mica was waiting for her. Her heart sped up, her breasts swelled, and her nipples hardened. Her clit began to throb and her pussy got so wet, so quickly her crotch was damp.

  “Hey, sweetie.” He smiled at her and shoved up from leaning against the counter. “How was your day?”

  “It was fine,” she replied breathlessly. Her blood heated and her face warmed, and Kat hoped that she wasn’t as flushed as she felt. When she
saw answering heat in his gaze, she realized she hadn’t fooled Mica at all. Kat pressed her thighs tightly together, trying to ease the ache between her legs, but it didn’t help worth a damn.

  “Are you ready to go home?” Mica asked.

  “Sure.” She nodded, put the trolley back where it belonged, walked around the desk, and grabbed her purse. After saying good-bye to Shyann, she moved toward Mica, who grasped her hand in his and led her out. He saw her seated in the front passenger seat of his truck and hurried around to the driver’s side to get in. Kat couldn’t take her eyes off of him. He and his brothers were so damn masculine and sexy, they got to her every time.

  “Buckle up, sweetie.” Mica stroked a finger down her cheek.

  With an embarrassed huff at being caught ogling him, she put her seatbelt on and once more met his gaze. “Can we please stop at my place? I need some clothes.” Kat had every intention of broaching the subject of her remaining at her apartment, but she intended to wait until they were already at her home. She had a feeling he was going to argue, and she didn’t want to distract him and getting into an accident.

  “Sure, sweetie, whatever you want.” Mica started the truck, indicated, checked his mirrors, and pulled out onto the road. “Were there any problems today?”

  Kat knew that was his tactful way of asking her if she’d freaked out, again. “No,” she snapped, and then took a deep breath before exhaling slowly.

  “That’s good. Have you thought anymore of going to counseling?” Mica glanced at her before watching the road again.

  “Sort of.”

  “Why are you so hesitant, sweetie?” Mica frowned her way. “We’ve all seen someone to help us deal with our PTSD. There’s nothing to be ashamed about for getting assistance to deal with what you’ve been through.”

  “I haven’t made up my mind yet. All right?” she snapped. “Can we just drop it for now?” Kat knew she was being unreasonable by answering him so bitchily, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. They were talking about a touchy subject, and for some reason, she was taciturn about airing her dirty laundry to a stranger. She didn’t want anyone looking at her as if she was stupid for not being able to escape earlier, and the last thing she wanted was anyone’s pity, including a professional’s.

  She’d been lucky to keep her virginity intact until recently, but after what her father had done to her when she was ten years old, she never felt as if she was good enough. Kat was scared that a psychiatrist was going to tell her she didn’t measure up, either.

  Having someone confirm her misgivings would destroy her.

  As soon as Mica pulled up out the front of her apartment, she scrambled from the truck without waiting for assistance. She could hear Mica swearing softly behind her, but she kept right on going without looking back. When she was inside her only real sanctuary, she turned to face him with a faux determination she was far from feeling.

  “Thanks for the ride, but I think it would be best if I stayed here.”

  Mica closed the door quietly behind him, leaned against it, crossed his arms over his chest, and shook his head. “What the hell is wrong with you?” he snarled. “You agreed to be our woman. I’m not going to let you back out now.”

  “I didn’t say I was backing out, Mica. I have work tomorrow, and it just makes sense that I stay here tonight. All my clothes are here. I can walk to the library, which means you and your brothers won’t need to drive me everywhere. You’ll have time to enjoy your time off without worrying about me.” Kat wondered why she wasn’t scared when Mica, Jalen, and Dante got upset with her. It took her about two seconds to figure out that she trusted them.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” Mica asked angrily as he stalked toward her. “You’re our woman. It’s our privilege to look out for you. In fact, you don’t need this place anymore. You’re going to end your lease, pack up your shit, and come and live with us.”

  Kat’s belly fluttered with excitement. This was what she’d wanted, but she’d gone about getting it the wrong way. She took a deep breath and stepped toward him. Placing her hand on his chest, near his heart, she could feel that it was beating faster than normal. Was that because he was angry with her or scared that she was pushing him and his brothers away?

  When she met his gaze and saw the uncertainty and pain in his green eyes, guilt assailed her. “I’m sorry, Mica. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I wasn’t trying to break up with you. I want to live with you and your brothers. I went about getting what I wanted the wrong way. I’ve never tried to manipulate anyone before. Usually, I just ask or demand to have what I want.”

  Mica sighed and the tension eased from his shoulders. He cupped her face between his hands. “What’s really bothering you, sweetie?”

  Kat sucked in a breath to keep the threatening tears at bay. “I’m scared, Mica.”

  “Of what?”

  “Of having this dream life tugged out from under me. Of something or someone ruining what we have.”

  “You think we aren’t scared, too? Life is full of risks, and we all know that there are no guarantees, but we have to try, Kat. I’m not willing to lose you and neither are Jalen and Dante. We will do everything in our power to make you happy, sweetie.”

  “I know.”

  Mica leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. With the first brush of his lips, she went up in flames. She moaned as she stepped closer to him, so close that her body was pressed up tight against his. He dropped his hands, wrapped an arm around her waist, and tugged her even tighter against him.

  The kiss they shared was hot, passionate, and wild. When he raised his lips from hers, they were both panting, and she could feel his hard cock pressing into her belly.

  “Why don’t you start packing your clothes? I’ll call Jalen and Dante and tell them to get their asses over here to help.”

  “There’s no need,” Kat said. “All the furniture came with the apartment. I don’t have that much, and I’m sure it will fit into your truck with room to spare.”

  “Have you got any boxes?” Mica asked.

  “No.”

  “Then I’ll get my brothers to pick some up.” Mica pulled his cell phone from his pocket.

  Kat turned toward her bedroom and her meagre supply of clothes. It would take her about fifteen minutes to pack her things in the bedroom. What she had would fit in the one suitcase she’d bought at a yard sale. There’d probably be room for the few towels and her toiletries, too.

  She was happy and excited that she was going to be living with her men, but deep in her gut she had a feeling what they had wasn’t going to last, but not because of any of them.

  Why the hell couldn’t she get rid of the disconcerting foreboding that continued to plague her?

  Chapter Fourteen

  Dante and Jalen were out of the truck and heading toward Kat’s apartment with a few empty boxes in hand half an hour after Mica’s call. Their brother had told them all about Kat’s reluctance to come home with him and her underlying fear. He needed to see and hold her so badly he was shaking. On the drive over, he and Jalen had formulated some rules that they were all going to adhere to, and he hoped that his older brother didn’t piss their woman off by laying down the law.

  He entered the apartment without knocking, and as soon as he saw Kat, he dropped the cartons onto the floor and rushed over to her. She stared at him wide-eyed, and he slowed down just in case his intensity was frightening her.

  “Hey there, love. I missed you today.” Dante swept her from her feet and held her firmly against his chest.

  “You did?” she asked.

  “Of course I did. You’re my world, Kat. I love you so fucking much.”

  “You do?” she asked in a husky voice.

  “Yes, I do. Did you think my brothers and I were only in this for the sex?” Dante frowned.

  “I…I…” She shook her head.

  Hurt stabbed into his chest and into his heart. He could tell by her shocked expression that that was exa
ctly what she believed. He lowered her feet to the floor, stepped back, and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Why did you agree to be with us, Kat?” Dante asked in a cool voice.

  He was aware of Jalen walking closer and Mica watching from the small sagging sofa he was sitting on.

  Kat shook her head and turned away from them. She strode over to the window, staring out after crossing her arms beneath her breasts.

  Dante glanced at his brothers to find them both frowning at her. Since Jalen and Mica didn’t seem as if they were going to push her, he decided he would. He was sick and tired of pussyfooting around their woman. He knew deep in his gut that she loved them just as much as they loved her, but she was still fighting her feelings. He’d just laid his heart out on the line for her to stomp on, but he wasn’t going to let her. He’d worked out that Kat used her sharp tongue as a defense mechanism, but he wasn’t about to allow her to get away with that or push them away anymore. He wanted, needed to hear her say she loved him back.

  He moved up behind her and she met his eyes in the reflection of the window. He clasped her shoulders in his hands so she couldn’t walk away from him again, then he turned her around to face him. “I’ve never told any other woman in my life that I loved her, Kat. I don’t lie and never have. When I say something I mean it.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered softly.

  “Is that all you have to fucking say?” Dante asked in a growly voice. “Thank you? You think I want your fucking gratitude?”

  “What the fuck else do you want me to say?” Kat snapped as she stepped out from under his hands. “No one other than Niki has ever told me that. You’ve only known me for a few weeks. You can’t know if you love me yet. It’s too soon.”