Forget Me Not

by Katt Rose

Elayna drove to the church and parked. She hesitated opening her door. “Are you sure about this?”

  “Absolutely. Now come on, let’s hurry. He should still be giving a sermon. If we’re lucky we can do this without even having to look at him.”

  “Jesus. The things I do for you.”

  We walked briskly down the dim hall. Elayna wrinkled her nose. “Why do all churches smell musty?”

  I forced a smile. “Most of them are old.”

  “I know they are, but why can’t they at least make them more cheery, y’know? It’s supposed to be a place of comfort but I always feel jittery in them.”

  The Reverends voice echoed the halls. His voice rose and fell as he delivered his speech with passion. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on edge. We marched down the hall and came to an abrupt stop as we reached his office. “Stay on guard, Elayna. Don’t let anyone come in here if you can help it.”

  “Why me?” She squeaked.

  “Please,” I begged.

  “Fine, but I’m not happy about this. You owe me a bottle of wine. An expensive bottle of wine.”

  “Done.”

  I placed my hand on the doorknob and turned. Nothing, it was locked. Elayna piped up. ‘It’s a sign. We tried, let’s go.”

  “Why does he feel the need to lock it?” I turned to Elayna and studied her. “Oh! Give me your bobby pin.”

  “That makes me an accomplice.” Elayna fished through her hair and gave me the pin unwillingly.

  “I love you.”

  Elayna smiled nervously. “Who wouldn’t?”

  I nodded to her briefly, and then turned my attention to the door. I straightened the bobby pin out and fished it in the lock. I wriggled it this way and that until I heard the faint click.

  “Got it,” I muttered. “Please keep watch.”

  “How do you even know how to do that?”

  “Aaron. He also taught me how to hot wire cars.”

  Elayna’s jaw dropped and I slid inside. His office was cool, almost damp. His certificates hung on the wall followed by religious portraits. I scanned the bookshelf briefly, but nothing called to me. I walked up to the desk and sat in his chair slowly. The leather was cold; it cut through my clothing and sent goose bumps down my spine. The desk was tidy and orderly, everything had its place. I shuffled through the papers, but found nothing of importance. I tried to open the desk drawers, but they were locked. “Why is everything locked, Reverend?”

  Elayna’s voice rose in the hallway. “Oh! Excuse me? Maybe you can help me. I’m looking for the washroom.”

  “It’s down the hall and to the left.”

  Chills ravaged my body, it was him. Crap, crap, crap. Get him away from the door, Elayna. Please. The door opened slightly and I hid under the desk. I tucked my knees to my chest and held my breath.

  “Wait! Um, would you mind walking me to the washroom? I’m terrible with directions.”

  “It’s down that hall, to the left.”

  “What hall?”

  “That one, right there.”

  “I’m sorry, I don’t know which one you’re referring too.”

  The Reverend sighed loudly. “The one behind you.”

  I forced my breathing to remain quiet and prayed that Elayna could lure him away. I kept my eyes glued to the floor and tried to come up with an excuse, in case this whole thing backfired.

  Elayana’s voice rang loud with annoyance. “You know, this would be a lot faster if you just showed me.”

  The Reverend sighed. “Fine. Follow me.” The door shut behind him. I counted to five and scrambled up. I bolted for the door when a picture pulled at my attention. My eyes widened as I stared at the photo. The Reverend smiled back from within the frame, as he posed by a dead bear. The Reverend smiled proudly, leaning against his rifle. My heart caught in my throat and I stumbled for a brief second. Get out. I slipped out the door and into the hall. I shut the door tightly and half jogged to put distance between the office and myself.

  “Whoa there, slow down.”

  I skidded to a stop and felt the color drain from my face. The Reverend stood before me and looked surprised. “Emmy, what brings you here?”

  “Oh, I uh thought I’d give this whole thing another try. I spoke to my mom the other day and she mentioned she felt comfort here.”

  “Ah,” the Reverends face softened. “I’m glad. How does it feel to you?”

  “Oh, you know,” my eyes searched wildly for an escape. Out of the corner of my gaze Elayna stood. She looked dumbstricken at the sight of me conversing with him. I read her mouth get away. I nodded quickly but was side-tracked by the book he held to his chest. Scribbled cursive was sprawled across the pages. The blood drained from my face as the loopy letters sank in. “Oh, God.”

  “Excuse me?’

  I shook my head and tore my eyes away. “Do you write the sermons yourself?” I could see Elayna shake her head and mouth what are you doing? I looked away and met the Reverends eyes.

  “Absolutely. Why do you ask?”

  “No reason. I can tell there’s a lot of passion when you speak. I was just curious.” I looked at the clock. “I better be going.” I stepped out of his way and hustled toward the exit.

  Elayna followed at my heels. “Why were you talking to him?”

  I kept my eyes forward and quickened my pace. “Let’s get to the car.”

  Elayna matched my pace and we hightailed it to the vehicle. We slid inside and I immediately locked the doors. I let my head fall heavy against the headrest. “Elayna,” I breathed. “It’s him. It’s him.”

  Elayna furrowed her brows. “What do you mean?”

  “There was a picture of him in his office with a bear carcass. He killed it himself.”

  “Okay…that doesn’t mean it’s him, Em.”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I saw his writing. It matches the letters we’ve been getting to a T.”

  Elayna’s face fell. “Are you sure?”

  “Positive. I’d bet my life on it.”

  Elayna’s eyes trailed to the church in the distance. She shivered. “That’s creepy. Why, though? What’s the motive?”

  “I have no idea. Let’s get out of here.”

  The silence hung heavy in the car. Elayna kept her focus out the window and my mind wandered to the letters I had tucked away. Why. The question replayed in my head over and over, and I had no answer. We pulled into Elayna’s driveway and she made no move to get out of the car.

  “Em?”

  “Yes?”

  “I don’t like this. People trust him. It doesn’t make sense.”

  “I don’t know what to tell you. I promise you, I will get to the bottom of it.”

  Elayna unbuckled her belt and turned to face me. Her face grew serious. “Promise me you won’t do anything by yourself. I don’t feel comfortable with any of this.”

  I nodded. “I promise.”

  “I will watch you like a hawk. Promise me, really promise me.”

  I wrapped my pinky around hers like we did when we were kids. “Pinky swear.”

  Elayna cracked the hint of a smile. “Okay. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Have a good night.”

  “You too.”

  I drove for home as the light faded from the sky. I made a last minute decision to visit the place where Aaron’s body went still. I pulled over to the side of the road, zipped my coat up, and stood outside. My eyes lingered to the spot where everything simply came to an end. In the blink of an eye, a life faded from this earth and our lives were changed. We were left forever broken and forced to move on. I shivered from the cold and looked to the sky. How? How does one move on when someone you love ceases to exist? What were we supposed to do? I missed him. I missed him so much. The tears began to blind my vision as I stumbled forward. People told us over and over that time heals all. It does not. The wound is always there, and it always aches. Sure, it’s not as paralyzing as it used to be, but it doesn’t go away, and it never wi
ll. The only difference is we adapt to the emptiness. We learn to cope and march forward without that person beside us. All we have left are the memories.

  I stared into the blackness that was now before me. There was nothing left here, nothing but what used to be. Those who passed this stretch of road would never know that my favourite person in the world simply came to a broken end. The world had moved on, nature had healed itself of its blemish. I turned to walk away and fell heavy into the drivers seat. The heat of the car warmed my cool flesh. Aaron’s birthday was in three weeks; he would have been thirty-two. The anniversary of his accident would be four days after his birthday. As the day grew closer the urgency to uncover the meaning behind the letters intensified. If I could figure out answers, perhaps I would allow myself to finally feel a sense of closure.

  I sighed heavily. I had forgotten something; there were two writers to the letters I’d been receiving. I was sure the one set stemmed from the Reverend; the other writer I wasn’t one hundred percent sure of, but it was laced with a shared sense of sorrow. I had a slight inclination where the other set came from. I just needed to prove it and hope it would lay Aaron’s warnings to rest.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  I laid my purchase onto the table. Elayna stared at it and looked back at me. She nodded and smiled. “It could work.”

  I stared at the get well card and glanced at the letters that were scattered about. I split them into two piles and separated them by the writing. The letters that came from the Reverend were filled with a deep seeded ugliness and anger. They had hidden lessons of revenge and discipline sprinkled within. The other pile, the unknown author at this point, was filled with a sadness and sorrow. I broke my stare and gathered up the papers and the card. It was a simple plan, to get the two I suspected to sign a get well card intended for my mom. I would match the writing and go from there. Other than that, I was playing everything by ear.

  “I hope it works.” I fiddled with the card and handed it to Elayna. “Can you sign it?”

  She did not hesitate. “Absolutely.” She handed the card back to me and I scribbled my own message inside. I stuck the card in my purse and stood.

  Elayna popped out of the chair. “Where are you going?”

  “First things first, I’m going to get the ever caring Reverend to sign.”

  Elayna grabbed her purse and tossed it over her shoulder. “Not without me you’re not.” I opened my mouth to protest but Elayna would have none of it. “I’m driving. I’ll wait in the car so he doesn’t see us together, but Em, I am not letting you go alone.”

  “Okay, thanks.” I breathed a sigh of relief. Truth be told, thoughts of the dim church and being alone with the Reverend left me feeling uneasy. Moments later Elayna pulled into the parking lot and I marched with steadfast determination to the Reverend’s office. I stopped in front of the closed door and rapped my knuckles loudly against the door.

  A faint voice called from the other side. “Come in.”

  I glanced quickly at the get well card for a burst of bravery and entered the office. The Reverend pressed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and looked surprised. “Emmy! What brings you here?”

  The cool temperature of the room made me falter. I shuffled from left to right unsurely. The Reverend extended his arm and pointed toward the empty chair closest to me. “Please have a seat.”

  I moved like a dancer and gracefully settled onto the chilled seat. I crossed a leg over my knee and bounced it impatiently. Keep calm. You got this. “As you know, my mom hasn’t been well these days.” I forced my face to remain soft, and my voice calm. The Reverend nodded for me to continue, I did. “I’ve made her a personal photo album to keep close to her and its something she can refer to when she’s confused.”

  “That’s very thoughtful of you.”

  I nodded slowly. “Thank you. However, sometimes it can also be comforting to read kind, reassuring words as well. It can act as another reminder of how loved she is. I want her to know that she has a team of supportive people on her side.”

  “I think that’s a fine idea. I’m not sure how I come into this.”

  “My aunt seems to think my mom finds a level of comfort talking to you when she is shall we say ‘gone.’”

  He nodded. “She does come to me quite frequently. I’d like to think I help guide her through some of the cobwebs she faces.”

  I fought to keep my features from twisting. “Right.” I lifted the card into view and placed it on his desk. “Would you mind signing this for her? You don’t have to write much, I’m just looking for well wishes to keep her going.”

  The Reverend stared at the card. For a moment, his face went blank. I could read nothing. His left hand gripped hard onto the pen he held; he pressed the end of the clicker on the pen in a repetitive motion. Silence fell heavy in the room. The ticking of the clock and the clicking of the pen became nearly deafening. I uncrossed my leg and leaned back into the chair, folding my arms across my chest as I did so. A surge of victory shuddered in my heart. I knew it was him.

  “Are you at a loss for words?” I prodded.

  The Reverend’s eyes landed on me. His features twisted into something short of a sneer. As he spoke his voice fought to remain collected. “Not at all.” His hands pushed the card toward me. “It’s a lovely gesture but I think I will pass. I can offer your mother more comfort in person. It’s what I do.”

  I slid the card back to him. “Please, I think it will mean a lot to her.”

  The Reverend shifted in his chair. “Have your mom stop by and see me. I will keep her in my prayers.” He slid the card back and his palm came down on the desk like a gavel.

  The calm cover I had tried to keep decayed. I slid the card in my purse and my face hardened. “What’s wrong, Reverend? Afraid I’ll see something in particular?”

  The Reverend’s eyebrows drew together and his sneer broke free. “I think we’re done here.”

  “No, we are not.” The Reverend stood and I followed suit. We stared at each other from across the desk. A deep rooted darkness broke free from somewhere inside. A strong wave of anger washed over me and the force nearly took my breath away. I smacked my hand on his desk. “Why the hell are you sending me letters? Who do you think you are?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Bullshit you do. Don’t hide behind God. Be a man and own up to it. What are you trying to prove?”

  “Watch your language, Emmy. I will not have you in here uttering threats my way. Please leave.”

  “Stay the fuck away from my mom. I don’t know what you’re putting in her head, but leave her alone. She’s been through enough.”

  “I’m helping your mother find her way. I will not turn her away if she comes to me. You, on the other hand are no longer welcome here.”

  I curled my fingers into a fist and turned away. Before I was out the door, the Reverend’s low voice hit me like a car. “He begged.”

  I stopped cold in my tracks and turned to him. “Excuse me?”

  “A wild, unwillful life can only be lived for so long. There are costs for everything. God knows what is right, and what is wrong.”

  I stepped closer. “What are you saying?”

  The Reverend rolled up his sleeves and smirked. My eyes went wide as I caught a glimpse of color on his forearm. “What is that?” I nearly whispered.

  The Reverend studied where my stare was directed and he turned his forearm into view. The snarling bear stared at me with its lifeless eyes. My jaw dropped as my brain forced the pieces together.

  “Are you going to leave me?”

  I looked up as the Reverend’s cool tone filled my ears. He looked smug as he dropped back into his seat. His words echoed in my head, but I heard them as Aaron’s. Bile rose in the back of my throat. I forced a swallow and felt it burn down my esophagus. The monster I had locked away broke down the door. Rage came barrelling through my every cell. I picked up a frame from the desk and hurled it
with all the power I possessed. The Reverends eyes grew wide as he leapt off the chair just in time. The frame connected with the wall and the glass shattered into tiny fragments. My breathing became laboured and my body shook. The Reverend stared in surprise before I lunged at him. I hit him with the force of a quarterback. His body hit the wall with a dull thud as he tried to fight me off. I pinned back his arms and kept my elbow to his throat.

  “What did you do?” I cried.

  “Get off of me!”

  I shook him like a box of candies. “Why? Tell me why?”

  “Jesus Christ!” A voice shot out from the doorway.

  I kept my eyes glued to the Reverend. “What the hell did you do?”

  Strong arms gathered around my waist. I let out a wild cry and thrashed like a fish on a hook. The Reverend straightened himself out and glared at me as I was carried out. Before he slipped from my view entirely, I caught the distinct look of fear in his eyes.

  I thrashed the entire length of the hallway. I was released once I was outside. I stumbled back from the arms that freed me. Elayna’s voice rose the length of the parking lot as I spotted her running toward me. “Oh crap! What happened?”

  I glared up as Craig straightened his shirt. “I’m going to kill him!”

  “I wouldn’t say that so loudly.”

  Elayna grabbed the front of my shoulders. “Emmy! Talk to me. What happened in there?”

  “He wouldn’t sign the damn card.”

  “What else?”

  My face grew cold. “He started going off about Aaron and how he basically deserved what was coming to him.” My face paled. “He was there, Elayna. I know he was. He said ‘Are you going to leave me?’ and I knew it was Aaron. I just knew.”

  Elayna’s face paled and she stepped back. “I…I…” she looked from the church to Craig.

  I shook my head. “He has a tattoo of a snarling bear.”

  Craig’s voice was low. “For I am the strength you need and don’t have. I am what you fear. I am the leader you shall look upon.”

  Elayna and I shared a glance. “Uh, what?”

  Craig gripped his arm where I knew his tattoo lied. “It’s what he used to say to me. As I got older, I was the lucky one. I broke free and went my own way. I found my own voice.” Craig stared at his arm. “I keep it as a reminder. I am stronger than him. I don’t fear him, I hate him.”