Fight

by Nicole Dykes

  “While you’re going to school full-time?”

  I’m a freak. I try to steady my heart rate again.

  “Yes. I needed to help my mother. We would have been evicted a long time ago if I didn’t and we still barely make it.”

  He’s studying me and I can’t figure out what that look on his handsome face means. Pity? Disdain? I have no idea. “What about loans? Grants? There must be something.”

  “No.” I shake my head, wanting to talk about anything else. “I’m probably just going to continue working at the diner and will more than likely need to get another job like my mother.”

  Just take me home. Make up an excuse so you can run far away from here.

  He cuts through the meat on his plate and nods to mine asking, “Are you not hungry? I thought you would be famished?”

  I look at my plate and then back up at him. I’m shocked that he isn’t running away. “I am.”

  He smiles and then says matter-of-factly, “Then eat.”

  That pulls a grin from me and I do, letting the food touch my taste buds and explode on my tongue making me groan. “Wow.”

  He looks satisfied as we eat quietly and I’m lost in a world of fine dining I’ve never experienced.

  I’m stuffed before I know it and he thanks his friend, who is the owner of the restaurant, before we leave.

  “Where is home?”

  Again my cheeks burn thinking about the neighborhood I live in. It’s my home, but for a guy like this, I’m sure it will scare him away.

  I sigh and tell him my address waiting for him to flinch, but he just programs it in his GPS and heads in that direction.

  We fill the time with small talk, nothing too serious and I’m surprised at how easy it is to talk to him. When he pulls up in front of my house, he is out of the car before I can tell him he doesn’t need to walk me up.

  I shouldn’t let him leave the safety of his car, but he doesn’t give me that chance. He walks me up to the front door, and I breathe in the intoxicating cologne he wears. “Thank you for dinner. It was great.”

  “I’d like to take you to many more.”

  I look up at him, unable to hide my surprise. “Really?”

  He chuckles and then leans in, his lips brushing over mine. “So many. I like you, Shaw.”

  I swallow nervously, waiting for him to press forward, but he doesn’t. Our lips don’t meet, but he does brush a quick kiss over my cheek.

  “I’ll call you.”

  My heart squeezes, thinking that’s not going to happen.

  “I had a good time, Aiden. It was nice to meet you.”

  He smiles and waits for me to unlock the door and go inside before going back to this car. I watch him pull away from the house and drive down the street.

  I’m never going to see that guy again.

  I knock on Shaw’s front door and wait, feeling oddly nervous as hell. I just saw her yesterday--the day after her first date--but we didn’t really talk.

  We never really talk anymore, and I hate it.

  I didn’t ask her how it went, and she didn’t offer up any details. It was awkward as hell and I can’t take it anymore.

  Shaw answers the door, looking fucking cute as always in a concert tee and jeans, her pretty face twisted up in confusion. I know she had the early shift at the diner today and I’m relieved she’s home. “Carter? It’s not a school day.”

  Fucking punch to the gut. I hate that she’s surprised to see me on a non-school day because I’m a fucking asshole that hasn’t been around. “I know. I thought you might want to go to the gym with me.”

  Her eyebrow quirks up now, so high it might touch her hair. “The gym?”

  We used to go in our free time to the school’s gym with Dane, which wasn’t often, but it was a thing, I swear. “A gym. I’ve been going there a lot lately.” She’s still staring at me with uncertainty. “I fucking miss you, okay?”

  She smiles at me and I swear the joy in her eyes nearly guts me.

  I know I’ve been an asshole since Dane died, even more so than usual, but the way she looks so damn happy at me saying that I miss her? Yeah… I’ve been a total prick.

  “Come in. I’ll go change.”

  I nod and walk inside, the place feeling foreign to me somehow. I don’t see or hear Pam so I assume she’s at work. Shaw comes out not too much later in short gray shorts that almost show off her perfect ass and a black sports bra. Her long hair is pulled up into a ponytail.

  Fuck, she’s hot.

  And here I thought the gym would be safe. She tugs on an oversized hoodie and I smile because it’s still so her.

  She is somehow still the girl I’ve always known when I don’t recognize any part of my old self.

  I drive us to the gym and she climbs out, looking curiously at the building. “So this is where you work out now?”

  “Yeah. I spend a lot of time here.” She just goes along with me and we head inside the large gym that has everything you would expect, but my favorite part is the boxing ring in the back.

  Shaw looks at the ring, along with all the boxing equipment and laughs, “Ah, so this is where you’ve been spending your time.”

  I nod, unzipping my duffle bag and tossing two red gloves at her. “Yup.”

  She catches the gloves and eyes me asking, “Oh we’re going to box, huh?”

  “No.” I laugh at that and pull my t-shirt off over my head, leaving me in only a pair of shorts. Her gaze is heated, so hot I can feel it slide over my bare chest and arms, but I try to push it all away. I tape up my hands and then hers, before helping her into her gloves and putting mine on.

  She climbs into the ring, prancing around with her gloves up, looking so fucking cute I almost laugh again. The feeling actually doesn’t gut me. I don’t feel the usual guilt like I do when I start to feel an iota of happiness.

  I climb in and she stands in front of me. “If we aren’t fighting, what are we doing?”

  “Self-defense.”

  She rolls her pretty eyes and puts one glove on her hip. “You guys taught me that a long time ago.”

  It’s true. Dane and I wanted her prepared if some fucker got too handsy. “Refresher?”

  “Fine.” We start easy, going through old moves.

  The girl can block a punch and she can definitely throw one. She catches me in the gut and I hold my middle with a “Oomph!” and then say to her, “That was good. Again.”

  She throws another punch and I block it, holding her body at bay and looking into her eyes. “How was your date?”

  She drops her hands and steps back. “It was fine.”

  Is she being quiet to spare my feelings? “Shaw…” I take a step toward her. “Tell me.”

  She shrugs her shoulders and sits on the stool in the corner. “It was different. I don’t know. I probably said way too much and scared him away.”

  “Said too much about what? You don’t have anything to be ashamed of.”

  She scoffs at that. “Please. We come from totally different worlds. You should have seen the restaurant he took me to, Carter. I mean, I can’t even fathom the amount of money he spent on one dinner.”

  There’s a pain deep in my gut knowing I’ll never be able to give her anything like that. “So? Opposites attract.”

  She stands up and faces me, looking defeated and I don’t like it. “Not that opposite. I’m a nobody, Carter.” That pisses me off, but she doesn’t let me get a word in. “It doesn’t matter. He didn’t call. I think if they don’t call the next day they aren’t interested, right?”

  She’s asking me dating advice?

  “I have no idea, Shaw. Maybe he’s just busy.” The motherfucker. Fuck him for making her face look all sad like that.

  She waves it off. “It was fun. An experience, but I don’t think I’ll ever see him again.”

  We go over a few more lessons, and both go a couple rounds with the bag outside of the ring before using the gym’s showers, and I drive her back home. When
I park outside her house she turns to me, her eyes wide and she’s biting on her bottom lip. “Carter?”

  “Yeah?”

  “If Dane wouldn’t have died and we….” I turn all my focus on her, wondering where she’s going with this. She swallows and seems to force herself to speak. “If we would have gone out on an actual date, what do you think it would have been like?”

  I thought about that all the time before he died. Especially right before when he all but called me a pussy for not going after her.

  I laugh humorlessly because it all seems like a lifetime ago. “Probably something really fucking lame. Like a movie.” I turn away, looking out at the darkness around my car and then back at her. “And I would have let you pick because I know how finicky you are with movies.” She smiles sweetly at that before I add, “And probably a taco truck.”

  Nothing like her date with the rich asshole.

  She stares at me so long I have to look away. “What?”

  She’s probably thinking how lame that date would have been. She puts her hand on mine, jerking my attention back to her. “I miss you too. So badly.”

  I close my eyes briefly, the pain inside too hard to handle before I get ahold of myself and open my eyes. “I’m sorry, Shaw. I know I’ve been a shit friend.”

  She shrugs. “My mom said we all grieve differently and that you’ll come back to me.”

  My lips tug upward in a half smile at that. “Is that so?”

  “Yup and you know my mom knows everything.”

  I laugh at that and look out the windshield again.

  “Do you want to come in? Mom is working the late shift and I hate when the house is empty.”

  “I don’t know, Shaw.”

  I want to hold her, feel some sort of what our old normal was, but I don’t think we can ever go back. And it’s not fair to use her body. “Just sleep, Carter. I won’t jump you. I miss having you in my bed.”

  God I miss that too.

  “What would your date say about you having a man in your bed?” I smirk over at her like an asshole.

  “I would say that we went out on one date and he didn’t call me. So he has no say over what I do or who I have in my bed.” There’s that spunk I love about my best friend.

  “Okay.” I climb out and we walk up to her house together. “But I think you’ll be surprised by him. He’ll call.”

  She lets us inside and we go to her room, climbing into her bed, I wrap an arm around her holding her tightly to me.

  “I don’t think he will call me. I think that you and Dane were the only ones that saw any worth in me. And mom.”

  I pull her even closer to me, kissing her temple. “I know you’re wrong about that. Maybe we were the first ones to see it, but we won’t be the last.”

  “I miss him.” She lets out a choked cry that pulls my chest tighter. “So much.”

  “Me too.” Fuck, do I miss him.

  She rolls over and looks into my eyes, even though it’s dark, she’s looking right into them. “Did you guys ever….”

  I feel my own eyes widen at her half question. “Fuck?”

  “Yeah.”

  “No. He knew I was straight and I’m pretty sure he only saw me as a brother.”

  She laughs at that. “Then that makes what we all did together even weirder.”

  I miss Dane like crazy and I’m lost in grief, but still thinking about that night makes my cock twitch in my sweats and I hope she doesn’t notice it.

  Her body is pressed against mine though and I know she can. “I don’t regret it.”

  She ignores my hard-on and nuzzles into my neck. “I don’t either. Not at all. Not ever.”

  We both float off to sleep, her in my arms, the way it was always meant to be.

  But I know I need to hang on tight because it won’t be like this for much longer.

  So, Aiden did call me. He called me that Sunday and even apologized for not doing it the next day. He said he had several meetings.

  I forgave him for it, and we’ve been out on a few dates since then. All fairly casual. At least casual for Aiden. Fancy restaurants and museums that fit into my school and work schedule.

  I like him. I don’t know where it’s going, but I’m not worrying about it.

  I haven’t seen Carter much, but he has been trying to talk to me more when he picks me up from school and takes me home. I believe my mom is right and it’s just going to take time.

  He still shows up all scuffed up and won’t tell me what he’s up to, but I don’t really push it either. I’m afraid to know.

  It’s graduation day and Aiden is in the crowd with my mother.

  With Carter’s last name being Donovan and mine being Hayes we aren’t too far away, but not right next to each other like I would prefer. Dane’s was Adler and would have been right up front.

  The thought sours my mood, thinking about how he should have been walking across that stage today. Probably doing some sort of ridiculous antics making everyone smile. Because that’s what he did.

  After we all throw our hats in the air, Carter pulls me tightly into his big arms and I relish that moment, wrapping mine around him and not wanting to let go.

  “I can’t believe he’s not here.” I say it into his chest and he only holds me tighter.

  Soon Mom and Aiden join us, mom hugging me and Aiden shaking Carter’s hand, introducing himself. Carter studies him but is polite. As polite as he can be with grunts as answers.

  “Well, what are you all going to do tonight? Any parties?” my mom asks and Carter answers quickly.

  “No, I have somewhere I have to be.”

  I look up at him with concern. “Where?”

  He doesn’t answer me because it’s bad and I know it. He just shakes his head and forces a smile saying, “No big deal.”

  “Right.”

  “Well, I thought I would take you out to dinner to celebrate, Shaw.” My attention is on Aiden now and then he nods in my mom’s direction. “And your mom too of course.”

  She waves him off. “Oh, that’s very sweet, but I have to get to work. You two have fun.” I nod my head at her and she gives me another big hug. “I love you and I’m so proud of you.”

  “Thank you, mom. I love you too.”

  She hugs Carter tightly and whispers something into his ear that makes him smile before she gives Aiden a quick hug and leaves.

  Carter looks uncomfortable standing here with me and Aiden, especially when he wraps an arm around my waist. “Are you ready to get going?”

  I nod my head, but my feet don’t move. I look over at Carter, wanting to say so many things to him. Wanting to beg him to come with us instead of going to wherever he is planning to go. Into danger.

  “Please be careful.”

  “I’m always careful, Shaw.”

  I shake my head, thinking he sounds too much like Dane. “Please.”

  His look is stern but he gives a curt nod. “I will.” He shakes Aiden’s hand again saying, “Take care.”

  Of her.

  He didn’t say the last two words, but I heard them and for some strange reason I don’t like them.

  “You too. You’re welcome to come with us.” Aiden’s smooth voice extends the invitation, but I think we all three know it isn’t happening.

  “I’m sure I’ll see you soon.”

  Aiden agrees and then guides me toward his car, away from Carter.

  Everyone around us is already in celebration mode, but I can’t help feeling more despair.

  Missing Carter and Dane more than ever as I walk away.

  We’re deep into the summer and now I’m starting to get a little more comfortable in Aiden’s bigass house. And I mean, big. This place is ridiculous with tennis courts, an underground swimming pool, home theater. There isn’t much he doesn’t have.

  I would still consider us casual… we haven’t even had sex yet, but in my free time, he usually invites me to his home.

  I feel bad leaving my mom at
home though. The nagging guilt is always in the back of my mind, but she says she’s fine.

  I’m still working at the diner and have been looking into other jobs.

  Aiden is refined and intense. I still haven’t seen him out of his suits, but luckily he looks good in them. He’s usually on his phone for one business thing or another, but he does put it down when we are eating dinner or engaged in PG-13 makeout sessions.

  I still feel inadequate around him, but that’s more my fault than his. I didn’t grow up around anything even close to the luxury he lives in. I work at the diner. My wardrobe consists of t-shirts and jeans. I don’t know how to fit in around here.

  We’re on his sofa now as he kisses my lips softly, sweetly. Taking his time with me, but all I can think about is how I showered after my shift at the diner, but I can still smell the grease from there.

  “Shaw?” He pulls back enough to look into my eyes.

  “Yes?”

  “I got you something.”

  “What?” I sit up a little straighter now, surprised. “You don’t need to get me anything.”

  He smiles and stands up, not addressing that before he sits back down and hands me some paperwork. “I wanted to. And I pretty much do what I want.”

  I look over the papers and my eyes bug out of my head as I look up at him. “What is this?”

  I know what I think it is, but I can’t believe it.

  “A semester at the community college close to here. It’s really no big deal.”

  “How did you…” I stare at the papers again in awe. I was accepted to this school, but never responded. I look up at him. “How is this possible?”

  He shrugs his shoulder with a cool confidence saying, “I know people. A lot of people.” He takes the papers from my hands and places them on the coffee table, taking my hands in his. “I care about you, Shaw. I honestly don’t know how that happened. I wasn’t expecting it, but I do. And I want better for you.”

  I think I’m gaping at him now, which he must find comical because he chuckles. “I can’t accept this.”

  “Of course you can. It’s education. It’s important.”