Loving Tales of Lords and Ladies
Page 86
“Well, in fact, the loss of her mother certainly increased her restlessness,” he answered.
A look of sadness came over Miss Jamison, as if understanding now what it was that had influenced Marian to demand so much attention, even if it was unfavourable.
“I understand, my lord. I shall keep this in mind and ensure that I speak with her accordingly. It must be very difficult for her to have lost so much,” she said.
“I am glad you see it so,” Reginald said.
“A child should not have to experience such a loss, but I shall do my best to ensure that she improves her behaviour. A loss should not impact one’s reputation,” she told him, quite boldly.
Reginald could not help but find himself somewhat fascinated by her frankness and apparent brazenness.
When Miss Jamison looked back up at him with that direct gaze of hers, he wondered if he ought to clear the air on another issue.
“I must ask you, Miss Jamison, if my scar frightens you?” he questioned.
Many times throughout his life, he had seen the way young women looked at him with fear or disgust for the scar. Even past governesses had found him frightening with just a glance.
“It does not, my lord,” she replied, almost in confusion as to why he would even ask.
Reginald chose not to say anything in reply to that, but he was quite relieved and pleased to hear it. It was good to know that she did not find him terrifying or hideous due to the mark.
“I must inform you that I am aware, somewhat, of your history,” he said then, knowing that it would not be an easy conversation to have with the young woman and that she likely would not wish to discuss it.
For a moment, an appearance of fear struck the face of the governess. Fear and, perhaps, even dread. He watched the emotions cross over her and, finally, Miss Jamison’s lips parted in readiness to speak.
“I am relieved to hear that, my lord,” she replied, although she remained hesitant as she did.
“You are?” he questioned.
“Yes. It means that you can be confident that I am well learned and I have nothing to hide from you. I wish only that you would understand that the mistakes of my father and the shame of my family are not the sort of character flaws which you will find in me,” she assured him, speaking slowly and deliberately. He sensed that she would rather not discuss the issue further, but was willing to if necessary.
Reginald nodded, appreciating her humility and the recognition that character flaws were hardly limited to his daughter.
“I was not certain if your past was something which you would rather have hidden,” he said.
“It is difficult to hide in London, my lord. Particularly with matters of family shame and scandal. I should hardly advertise the mistakes of my father or the ways in which his behaviour affected us, but if you are aware then there is nothing I might do to hide the matter,” she noted.
“Is it something you would rather have hidden?” he asked.
“Would not most people in my position prefer to hide their shame? Certainly, I wish that it were not something which must be discussed. Once more, as I said, it is difficult to do in London because scandal leaves such a fascinating ripple throughout society that it would be difficult for me to deny,” she acknowledged.
“Yes, I suppose that is so,” he nodded.
“But as it is, you know about it and there we are. Regardless of my family’s past and history, I am thankful for the opportunity to teach your daughter. I appreciate that you have given me this chance despite knowing that my family was disgraced and has such a poor reputation in London,” she said rather directly, trying to settle the matter.
Reginald was still surprised at how open and honest she was being. There was nothing about this young woman that needed to be hidden, and it seemed as though she understood that she wouldn’t manage to hide it anyway.
He appreciated her direct frankness about it all as well as the reassurance that she was nothing like her father. There was very little about her that Reginald might find distasteful.
“I am confident that there is nothing you might do to pollute my daughter, Miss Jamison. Please understand that my trust is with you and I cannot imagine anything other,” he said with a sigh.
“I am glad to hear it, my lord. But if there is even a whiff of scandal about me, I shall understand whatever decisions you might have to make,” she told him.
Reginald laughed.
“I cannot imagine you being the cause of scandal. Aside from the fact that my daughter might change rather rapidly under your watch, I think there is nothing that might be said of you. And anything that is said shall surely be positive if you continue as you are,” he noted.
“I am thankful for that observation,” she replied stoically and without emotion.
Reginald observed her, perhaps longer than he ought to have. Yes, in addition to her beauty and wit, her past had done a great many things to her; that he could see. He wondered if her ability to interact with his daughter was the result of her own upbringing and wealthy parents.
But he had no desire for Marian to know this and he would refrain from telling her anything about this new governess.
“Is it difficult? Being demoted to the role of governess when you were a woman of great means and fortune?” he asked out of curiosity, watching her closely.
“Certainly. But our family fell before I became a woman, and I think in many ways, that was to my benefit. You see, if we had fallen now, for instance, it would have been quite a struggle for me to have come to terms with it all. By now I might have marriage prospects or wealth of my own,” she noted.
“But as it was, my family was disgraced when I was young enough that I was able to overcome the shame and accept my lot in life. I do not mind hard work and I am happy that I have secured a position. That is the best I can now hope for and I am unwilling to mourn that fact,” she continued.
“I must say you have a stronger character than many if you are so willing to move on from the past that had a promise of fortune and title,” he said.
“Truly? I believe some would deem it a weakness of character that I have made this choice. After all, would not most young women choose to fight for their lot in life and make a match that restored them to their former glory?” she asked.
“Most likely, they would. But you are different and I can respect that. Rather than seeking your former glory, one which you were merely born into, you have chosen to make a name for yourself without the assistance of pedigree. And in my mind, that requires a far stronger character than the other,” he replied.
Reginald was quiet and he noted that Miss Jamison grew silent as well. He poured a bit of tea for her, despite that not being something he often did. But he was curious and wished to know more about this young woman, although he knew that it would be difficult to learn more of her. She was quiet and private and there was evidently a great deal underneath the surface of what she had shown him.
No matter how open and honest she had been, he was certain he could learn more and he would be glad to know who she really was underneath her brave exterior.
“My lord, I have also learned a bit about you, although not so much as I might have wished to know before coming to stay here,” she began then.
Reginald was taken aback, and not prepared for that. As the master of the house, he was unused to his employees trying to learn about him in return.
“Indeed? And what is it about me that you know?” he asked, uncomfortably.
“Well, I knew very little about your daughter, which I do now regret a great deal. But I am also aware of the tragedy surrounding the loss of your wife, Miss Marian’s mother-”
Reginald raised a hand to cut her off and Miss Jamison went silent, waiting for him to interject with whatever it was that he wished to say.
He cleared his throat, upset and unsure how to tell her what it was that he wanted her to know. This was not the sort of conversation she was welcome to have with him.
It was clear to him that Miss Jamison wished to continue in her line of discussion, but she was hesitant now that he had spoken so strongly on the subject of not wishing to discuss it. No matter how she might have wanted to learn more, he would not allow it.
Miss Jamison nodded slowly.
“Forgive me, my lord,” she said quietly, setting her tea on the table.
“That is enough for now,” he said in reply, perhaps a bit louder than he would have liked his voice to be. But he could not stop the seething breaths that came in and out of his nostrils at his hurt from the topic.
“You are dismissed, Miss Jamison,” he said her, waving her away with his hand.
The governess nodded and stood, giving a small curtsey before taking her leave.
True, she had been open with him about her own struggles, but she would have to learn her place now. She was not in a position to ask him about these things and Reginald needed her to know that. She would learn in time. And he would be strong.
Chapter 4
Victoria was met by Miss Franklin in the hallway, who had been waiting for her to come from the parlour.
“Miss, wonderful. I shall return you to your room now,” she suggested.
Victoria nodded, following as instructed.
A weight of frustration toyed in her heart that she had been so forward. The conversation that she had been having with the Earl about her past was one of openness and truth. She had not in the least anticipated that he would be angry at her for asking about his wife.
She was not trying to open any wounds, but rather wished to discuss the effect of it on his daughter who was now her charge. She wished to know how Marian had been affected and if there was any way in which she could help matters for the child.
But, alas, she had failed to handle the situation properly and had only caused further issues. Now, it seemed, the Earl did not trust her and he was angry with her after all that work of building comfort between them.
Victoria was no fool, she understood her place as a mere employee in the house. But this did not change the fact that she wanted there to be trust between herself and her employer. She did not think that there was anything truly wrong with that, nor did she wonder if it would cause an issue.
She deemed it only useful and positive for helping things in the house to run more smoothly and for proving that she could be a positive governess for his daughter. If she had known that it would cause any issue for her to ask him about his wife, she would certainly not have begun that line of questioning.
By the time she reached her room, Victoria tried to stop berating herself.
“Miss Jamison, is something the matter?” Miss Franklin asked.
“Oh, forgive me, have I been lost in my own head again?” she laughed nervously.
“Perhaps, just a bit,” Miss Franklin replied.
“Yes, well, I’ve only been thinking about matters and the discussion I had with the Earl. I do hope to be a positive influence on his daughter and that she and I might work well together,” she said.
“If I may be so bold, Miss Jamison, I have never seen little Marian quiet like that in the face of an elder. Even her own father cannot seem to get her to behave as well as you have. You ought to know that it was very impressive and I think the whole household shall soon be grateful to you for the work that you have already begun with her,” Miss Franklin giggled.
“I am glad to hear that. I believe she just needs a little bit of firmness and she shall soon be quite the angelic child,” Victoria replied.
“I don’t know about that, but if you see a hope for it, I’ll not say anything to take away such a hope. We have had a great deal of a struggle with her all this time and I think you are just the thing she needs,” Miss Franklin said once more with hope.
“Thank you, Miss Franklin. Your encouragement has brought me a great deal of joy,” she smiled in reply.
“Now, ought I to leave you to it? I imagine you’d like to finally get things squared away,” Miss Franklin suggested.
“Indeed, I would. Thank you,” she said.
“Of course. And if you need anything at all, do not hesitate to call after me. I’m always around and you needn’t worry about getting help. Soon you’ll meet the rest of the staff as well, but until then, count on me for your every need,” Miss Franklin offered.
“Thank you, truly. You have already done a great deal to make me quite at home,” Victoria said.
“It’s my duty,” she replied, taking her leave.
Soon Victoria was on her own in the room, with a fair amount of peace and quiet to simply take in the reality of everything she had gotten herself into. What had she been thinking when she agreed to all of this? Was she mad?
But despite all of her thoughts and wondering, Victoria could not help her thoughts turning to the Earl. It was clear that he was still grieving over his wife and it made her feel quite sad for him. Victoria had sensed his mourning and wondered how she might better have handled the situation.
She couldn’t help but think again of his appearance and how handsome he was, and how interesting the scar was. She had never wished to be the sort who noticed these things so strongly, but there was something truly fascinating about his looks that she couldn’t quite overcome.
The coolness of his eyes, the pitch dark of his hair. Yes, he was an exquisite sight to behold. But it was unimportant. What mattered was that she found a way to make up for having been so bold as to mention his wife.
Victoria could not help but wonder about the rumours regarding her death. If they were all true, then she might be able to have an idea as to how she could interact with Marian regarding the difficulties of having lost her mother.
But until she knew how the woman had died, she would have to avoid the subject at all costs. And while that seemed wise enough, she also felt that speaking to the child about the hardship of her loss was one of the keys to changing her behaviour for the better.
Victoria settled for the fact that she wouldn’t learn anything any time soon. She would have to be patient and not worry about it for now. There would be time, however. There would be a chance to see how the child had been impacted.
But Marian was only eleven years of age and her mother had apparently been lost a full five years before. For a child to have lived nearly half her life already without a mother sounded perfectly devastating to Victoria and she imagined that it had been quite the struggle for poor Marian.
And if the rumours were true about the woman’s death, it was a terrible tragedy and she couldn’t imagine how hard it had been for the little girl.
From what she had been told, Victoria knew the story about the Countess having gone on a hunt with her husband those years ago. Apparently they rather enjoyed riding and being out of doors with friends.
She had been trying to challenge the others and, as a result, rode fast ahead. Victoria imagined she must have been a woman with a great amount of spirit.
As she rode, going far beyond their sight, an accident occurred. Something had caused her to fall from her horse and by the time the party reached her, they found her on the ground, dead, with her head next to a stone covered in blood.