The Du Lac Legacy (Sons of Camelot Book 2)

by Sarah Luddington

  “You’ve done no such thing. I’m just glad I was there. You looked as if you were about to throw yourself off the ship to escape some phantom.”

  “That’s what it felt like,” I muttered. “I don’t understand why it won’t just go away. It really isn’t that big a deal.”

  Galahad took hold of my upper arm, forcing me to turn toward him. “I saw you. I was there. It was horrible, Holt, and it is a big deal. Don’t try to force the horror away, if you bury it you will never be free and it really will haunt you.”

  “Is that your official stance on the subject?” I asked, anger stirring.

  He saw the anger in my face and tone, his hand dropped and he backed away. “I’m just trying to help. I know this is my fault and I feel it –”

  Instantly I repented. “This isn’t your fault. It never was and it never will be.”

  “That’s not what Torvec thinks.”

  “I don’t care what he thinks. He wasn’t there.”

  “He’s told you he knows.”

  “No, he knows how it felt. You were there. You held me, you helped me, you saved our lives. You did that.” I poked him hard in the chest to make my point. “You stood by me.”

  “I left you. I ruined everything. If I’d had to courage to stand against my foolish morals...” We were talking about two different events.

  We stood in the darkness, lamplight flickering uncertainly over the deck from the helmsman’s position. Raven stood there maintaining a careful silence while his King spilled his heart out all over the wooden planks of the Echo.

  I stared into those dark eyes, so young and full of regret.

  “I’ve done everything wrong,” he admitted. “I’ve made so many mistakes since we met. But the worst one – the one that will be my phantom – is walking away from you when I should have held you and made love to you until you forgot every moment you were alone without me.”

  “Galahad...”

  “I am sorry, Holt. I know you don’t want to hear it but I was wrong, I do love you. I love you very, very much. That poor girl down there knows it, I’ve told her everything. She has a bow, a man she does love but one she can’t marry. We are coming to an arrangement. I had to talk to someone and Aleah is – she is strangely wise.” Once the dam broke Galahad couldn’t keep the words under control. He spoke quick and sure with utter conviction but I saw Torvec behind him listening to every word and I saw Raven reach for the knife in his belt, ready for violence.

  I stared over Galahad’s shoulder and he turned, stepping back toward me when he realised Torvec stood watching us. “You should have stopped me,” he said, aghast at his words reaching the wrong ears.

  I continued to watch Torvec. “He needed to hear it.”

  Torvec blinked slowly, his eyes almost completely black they were so dilated. “You want him to hurt me?” he whispered.

  “I want you to know the truth,” I said. “You fell in love with me, you say you are bonded to me but I am not fey, Torvec, and I can’t feel it. You loved me even when you knew how I felt about Galahad.”

  “He left you.”

  “He is young. He has been trained by the same woman as you. To hate anything that is different to her moral code. Why should we condemn him for making a mistake? Are you and I blameless in this?” I stepped toward him with my hands out, hoping for something other than violence.

  Torvec’s eyes filled with tears. “You said you wouldn’t leave me.”

  “I’m not going to leave you but you need to understand Galahad and me,” I said. “Look at him, Torvec. Look at him and tell him how you have hated him, loved him, saved him,” I said.

  I felt them stare at each other through the gulf of years.

  “I never loved him,” Torvec whispered.

  “Don’t lie to me. Hate that instant and that deep only comes from something else. You’ve been jealous of him, of the attention the perfect child gained from that hateful woman. You’ve wept for the hurt done to him. You told me that,” I spoke with heat and I jabbed my finger at him.

  “I told you that in confidence!” Torvec cried out.

  “We cannot afford confidences!” I countered just as loudly. “I will not have us all made miserable by conventions we cannot abide by when it’s simple to overcome them.”

  “Simple? You think this is simple?” he asked.

  “Yes, it’s simple, we need to know how you feel about our future, that is simple. It’s the past that’s complicated. But we must start to talk. To be open and honest.”

  Silence. None of us moved, just the deck of the ship.

  “If you ask me,” Raven said from the helm. “I don’t see why the three of you can’t be lovers together. It’ll either work or it won’t.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  I shot Raven a look and he shrugged. “You are all making this hard work. Threesomes can be fun.”

  “You’re disgusting,” Galahad snapped without moving.

  Raven chuckled. “And you are a fool, Prince of Albion. Holt is one of the most astonishing men I’ve ever had the fortune to seduce. You threw him away.”

  “I made a mistake and I don’t have to explain myself to you,” he said.

  “Raven, please, this is difficult enough...” I said.

  He walked toward us, his body moving effortlessly on the canting deck. “I’m sorry, Holt, but you’ve meant a great deal to me for a long time. I’ll not have these two pull you apart. Torvec loves you, but, and I’m sorry,” he said to Torvec, “he isn’t helping you. Anyone can see something awful happened to you while you were away from us, but the young prince protected you tirelessly. The love these two have for you is very different. If you cannot make them yield to each other, then you will have to choose.”

  “Thank you for your support,” I said, not sure it was support.

  “You’re welcome,” he said, crossing his arms over his huge chest. “So, what will it be?”

  “You want us to decide now?” I asked.

  “Now is as good a time as any,” he said, staring at me with hard eyes.

  Galahad’s breath hissed out of him. “He can’t, not just like that. We have -”

  “Yes, I can,” I said. “I choose neither of you. I’m exhausted. My mind is a mess. I can’t fuck, I can’t even think about it, so I can’t love either of you.”

  Torvec stepped toward me. “You don’t have to be physical with me, what happened earlier will never happen again. I am so sorry, I lost control. I just - the feelings I have for you are so new...”

  I touched his face briefly. “It’s alright. I understand, better than you do I should imagine, but it doesn’t matter. I can’t do this. I cannot choose and I don’t want to, so I’m not going to.”

  I walked past Torvec and down the stairs. “I’m taking your bunk for now, Raven. You can wake me for my shift at the helm whenever you like,” I called over my shoulder.

  Lance roused when I walked in and I convinced him to return to sleep. Their shared bunk was small and two hammocks swung from the beams. I didn’t even bother stripping, I just climbed into the hammock, felt the rough cloth wrap around me and I slept.

  When I woke I was alone. Lance was gone from his bunk and light filtered in from the small porthole. Raven had let me sleep. To be honest I was grateful, the peace of waking alone left me smiling. I’d made the right decision the night before, I needed to be alone and sleep alone.

  I left the small room and went to the general wash area. After cleaning myself up I returned to the deck. The ship didn’t buck and kick under my feet, the sea was a gentle rolling mass that lulled you into believing she would always be this benign. The sails were full and we seemed to be skimming over the water. Today was a good day to be in new waters.

  “Good, you’re up,” yelled Raven. “I need you to get to work.”

  “Aye, Captain,” I yelled back.

  I took to the work allotted me, helping to repair rigging still damaged from the storm, and didn’t see Torvec or Galahad. I
remained at my post until the midday meal when I finally did see Torvec. He’d been helping with the food once more and served me silently.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  He blinked at me, his eyes bruised and his skin pale. “You are welcome.” His voice dripped sadness.

  I squared my shoulders. “How are you?”

  “How do you think?” he asked.

  We stared at each other for a while before I turned away, unable to say anything to make him feel better. My mood darkened, flattened and I couldn’t fight the guilt. Galahad also appeared on deck but he behaved completely differently. He smiled and waved when he saw me and I saw him spring up the stairs onto the forecastle and begin his sword forms, despite the heat. He even whistled while he trained. I couldn’t help but watch him, he wore no shirt and his hair was knotted at the back of his neck. Every muscle shone with the effort. He knew exactly what he was doing, I didn’t doubt it for a moment, but knowing just made it more delicious.

  “And that’s all for you,” Lance said behind me.

  I grinned at him over my shoulder. “I know, isn’t it wonderful?”

  “I doubt Torvec thinks so,” Lance said looking to my right.

  I glanced at direction of the meal line. Torvec’s eyes were filled with tragic loss.

  “Well, he’ll have to get over it. I’m not going to give in.”

  Lance chuckled. “I heard about your promise of chastity. If Galahad keeps doing that I’ll take the odds on you crumbing within three days.”

  I smacked his chest. “It’s the right decision. I need the space.”

  I did watch for a long time though and with every movement he made, the greater my admiration for the young warrior. I realised he was learning how to use the rolling motion of the ship to enhance his technique, repeating patterns with his feet placed slightly differently and his weight shifting to use the balance of the sword and waves in perfect union.

  That day became the common theme for many days to come. We drifted south, putting into small ports for fresh food and water, at Aleah’s quiet advice. Her guards began to relax around us and even allowed her on deck without the mask, only a heavy veil. Galahad and I discussed briefly the possibilities of dispatching the men but Aleah begged Galahad not to touch them. I never talked to him about his relationship with the young woman, but a distance existed between them that made me believe they weren’t sleeping together.

  Torvec proved to be another problem altogether. He tried to stay away from me but we could all see the effect his actions were having on him. Always lean, he became very thin, his eyes were hollow wells, he stopped talking to anyone and he made me increasingly nervous. I tried to force him into friendship with Kerwin and Nest, shifters who were stable, but they couldn’t reach him and neither could Nim. He cut himself off from all of us. I was desperate to understand him and try to help but he wouldn’t accept my words. I couldn’t tell him I loved him just to make him feel better that would have been a worse lie.

  The first few days I felt great. Free and quiet in mind and spirit. Galahad noticed and our friendship blossomed, sparring matches occurring on a daily basis. We were actually finely tuned thanks to a strange combination of Lancelot’s training under The Lady and his subsequent teaching of me and Galahad’s isolated training. I’d been taught by Galahad’s father for years and it showed. We began to discuss many types of fighting and with Lance and Kerwin we planned tactics for all manner of war and terrain.

  Gradually, though, I started to feel sick, odd dizzy spells hit me from nowhere and my concentration started to break down. My nights were disturbed by weird dreams I couldn’t remember but left me feeling exhausted and every morning I woke drained.

  I hit a crisis point when I tried to climb into the rigging to reef the sails and the world tilted, my skin prickled, my stomach heaved and everything dissolved, my limbs were so weak I lost control and fell.

  I heard the panic the moment I felt the pain, which was some time after I sensed the impact of the fall. Hands, lots of hands. I didn’t like hands! They were pulling me somewhere I didn’t want to go...

  “Calm down, Holt, you’re alright.” It didn’t matter what chaos was happening around me, that voice brought confidence and calm. I was safe. I relaxed instantly and the sky stopped spinning, the blue returning from the strange black colour of moments before. Faces resolved from the chaos and the dark brown of Galahad’s eyes hovered over me.

  “Are you alright? Is anything broken?” His urgency touched me.

  I thought about my body, moved bits of me and managed a breathless, “Fine...”

  “What happened?” he asked.

  A sailor’s face appeared in my eye line. “He just fainted away. His skin went white and he collapsed. I tried to grab hold of him, Highness.”

  Galahad clapped the man on the shoulder. “It’s alright, there’s nothing you could have done. If you’d caught him, you’d both have fallen and made it worse.” His focus moved back to me. “Can you get up?” Galahad asked.

  I nodded and several hands helped me up. Nim appeared with Lance beside her, breathless and fearful. They all spent several moments checking me over and asking questions. I answered but they were distant and I realised I wasn’t breathing very well. Not because my ribs hurt, more because I was just too exhausted to draw my breath into my body.

  I needed more air. I started to push people away, trying to inhale cleanly and although I heaved air in, it took so much effort. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to stop moving.

  “Holt?” Galahad held my shoulders. “Holt, look at me.”

  I dragged my eyes up to his and my knees weakened. I started to sag. “He’s going again,” Galahad called, turning me and wrapping me to his chest. I felt his heart against my ear and the strong thump didn’t feel like my own fluttering organ trying to escape my chest.

  “We need to move him downstairs. I need peace to feel if something is wrong.”

  “I don’t think there’s much doubt there’s something wrong, Nim,” Galahad rumbled.

  “I want Nest to help, she has more experience than I do, someone find her.”

  “I want Torvec,” Galahad announced. “He’s at the bottom of this.”

  “Why would you think that?” Nim asked.

  “Because he’s at the bottom of everything!” Strong hands began to carry me. I tried to make my legs work and to form words. Nothing much happened. I was so tired, every thought cost me a huge amount of concentration and those thoughts would drift away before I could force them out.

  Carrying an unconscious man down the stairs of a ship is not easy, but Galahad took control and lifted me safely into his room.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  “Aleah, I need water,” he shouted over the babbling of her guards. They were insisting she place her veil and mask over her face. Galahad put me gently on the narrow bed. He turned instantly. “If you two do not step out of this room and leave my wife alone, I will kill you myself regardless of her sensitivities. I need her help.”

  I couldn’t see his face but both guards flushed and backed off.

  “Aleah, can you feel anything, anything at all?” Galahad asked.

  “First tell me what happened.”

  Small hands touched my brow, my neck, my hands. Words floated about and I tried to concentrate. “He’s very cold,” Aleah said.

  Nim appeared. She lifted my heavy eyelid - how did she do it? I couldn’t manage properly - and peered into my eyes. “I need to know what’s happening with Torvec.”

  Breathless words. “He’s with Kerwin. He’s burning up. We think he’s trying to shift.”

  “He can’t,” Galahad said. “Holt said he was too damaged.”

  “He’s heartbroken and he’s a dragon, I don’t know,” Nest cried. “I just don’t want to be near him when he flips into a fucking dragon.”

  “Calm down,” Nim said. “He’s burning up. They are bonded?” she asked.

  “No,” Galahad said firmly. “But Torve
c’s love for Holt has done something similar for Torvec. He feels everything that happens to Holt. It’s why he’s been trying to stay out of my way.”

  “That’s what the argument was about the other day? The last time you two were sparring?” Lance asked.

  A grunt of agreement from Galahad. “We finally realised that even if Holt looks at me, Torvec feels something and it sets him off into some kind of panic.”

  “Holt’s been unwell since that last argument between them?” Nim asked.

  I didn’t hear the response, just remembered the argument. I’d been chatting to Lance on deck and Galahad joined us, making me laugh with some foolish joke. I remember gazing at him and wave of love and desire for him made me gasp slightly. In the next moment Torvec raced onto the deck and I saw murder in his eyes. I grabbed Galahad and yanked him away, stepping toward Torvec to intercede. He’d screamed at me, almost incoherent in his grief and pain. I tried to calm him but he’d become hysterical and I’d spent the rest of the day with him trying to placate him.

  Nim was right, the following day I’d begun to feel sick.

  “Yes... Yes,” I managed more firmly. “It’s the bonding he has over me.” Nothing else made sense. Galahad knelt beside me and took my hand.

  “Are you feeling better?” he asked. The concern in his voice brought tears to my eyes.

  “I’m scared,” I whispered. “I don’t want to die.”

  “I won’t let him take you,” Galahad promised.

  “I don’t know how you’re going to stop him,” Nim said, her worry clear in her tone.

  Galahad stood and grabbed his sword. “I know of one way to end this.”

  An image of Galahad’s torn and bloody body filled my mind. “You can’t,” I cried out, suddenly finding the energy to grab his hand and pull him back. “He’ll kill you. He’ll tear you apart, Galahad. I know it. I’ve seen it, please don’t. He can’t help it. He isn’t hurting me on purpose. He doesn’t know who or what he is, not really.” The effort cost me dearly and I collapsed against the bed, panting and shivering.