Butt Blast

by Susan Berran

  So why does anyone ever go into the water?! It’s totally nuts!

  And now I had a reason to hate the water even more! I was trapped like a blowfly in steaming fresh camel poop. Stuck trying to save little Miss Smelly Melly, who could barely put her face underwater to blow bubbles. And now I had to save her!? I’m not that great at swimming. I was flat-out trying to save myself! Also, Melly’s younger than me so she’s not as useful. Mom hasn’t had her for as long as me, so she hasn’t had time to get as attached to Melly. She’d be able to forget her in no time!

  I had tried to tell Mom before either of us even got anywhere near the water that it was far too dangerous. But does anyone ever listen to me? Nooo! “Off you go, and make sure you look after Melly,” Mom had insisted. Oh yeah that’s fair—not! Who did Mom think was going to look after me!? With one massive shove, I pushed her out of the way and Melly was safe again, for the moment! But there was no one to shove me out of the way. It was coming around again! With lightning speed, I reacted, diving deep below the water’s surface. There was nowhere to go but straight down. I knew there was no way that I could hold my breath underwater for any longer than even a minute! I dove as deep as I could go until finally my fingers grazed some slimey goop on the bottom. I was safe!

  My lungs felt as if they were on fire as I used up the last bit of oxygen. But I had to stay under there for as long as I could. Every precious second gave me a better chance of survival, avoiding a fate that every swimmer fears and knows they’re almost certain to come up against one day. I had to stay calm and not panic.

  I couldn’t believe this was really happening to me. All because I was stupidly trying to save Melly, now I was a target as well! All because of my dopey baby sister! Why! Why did she have to be in the water with me?

  I should’ve known this would happen. I’d heard horrible stories of others being attacked, in the same place, in the same way. I’d heard about their desperate cries of terror and their frantic screams. Now it was me that needed saving … and Melly, I guess.

  One of my friends at school told me that his cousin, Dave, had been attacked. He was pretty lucky in one way though. He was in the water looking after his baby brother when the massive dark shadow appeared out of nowhere! The moment he saw it coming at them he let out a blood-curdling scream.

  Dave was brave though. He definitely should have gotten a medal for bravery! He did everything he could to save his brother that day. And when it came back again, straight at them, Dave desperately tried to lift his brother out of the water, which meant he couldn’t even use his own hands to defend himself. But seconds later, bammm! Dave twisted, screaming in agony as it brushed right by him, scraping along his side, leaving him scarred for life. He let out a massive horror movie scream and threw his body about wildly in fear.

  Thankfully, his dad arrived just at that moment, and dragged them both out before it had a chance to turn back and attack them again.

  Dave definitely saved his little brother, but he wasn’t quite as lucky. The moment he looked down at his side the shock set in. Apparently, he never got over it and is now absolutely petrified of going anywhere near the water! He has terrible nightmares about it too, and wakes up screaming and thrashing about in bed most nights.

  I had no idea how, but there was no way I was going to let that happen to me! No way!

  But unfortunately, it seemed that no matter how loud I screamed, there was no one close enough to hear me. Where was everyone!? Did Mom just decide to wander off and let us take our chances? Did she just figure that I would save my whiny little sister if we got into trouble? I had no choice, it was all up to me!

  With the weight of the water crushing down on me like some overweight elephant, my last few seconds of oxygen were running out fast!

  I could feel my eyes bulging out of their sockets as if they were about to just pop right out and float to the surface and bob around like gloopy little ping-pong balls. My lungs burned as if I’d been sucking in fire all day long. The pain and agony got worse the longer I tried to hold my breath. I knew that I’d be forced to go back up for air any second now.

  With a final push, my face suddenly broke free of the watery depths and I felt the warmth and light on my face again. Like a whale yawning on the surface, I stretched open my mouth as wide as possible and sucked in the oxygen I’d been craving.

  As I spluttered and splashed about, streams of water ran down my hair and rolled across my cheeks before spraying back into the water. Wiping the water away from my blurry eyes, I slowly began to regain focus as I gasped for a second breath. Now, I was completely defenseless. My only hope was to get as far away as possible. I quickly began to scan the water’s surface. I could almost hear my heart pounding. For a brief moment I thought I might actually have a chance. Maybe I’d be safe after all. Maybe it had turned away … but out of the corner of my eye I saw it. And it was coming!!

  It was slipping through the water like some deadly torpedo, heading straight for me! Maybe it was actually intelligent! OMG! If it was smart enough to actually figure out which way I’d try to escape, there’d be no stopping it!

  “Arghhh!”

  I twisted suddenly and threw my body to the side just as it zoomed right past me. That was way too close. My heart was beating so loudly that I was sure it sounded like jungle drums. I quickly turned to see where Melly was when out of the corner of my eye I saw something, a shadow, a blur … could it be?

  “Mooommm!” I yelled in desperation with the strength that I had left.

  “Nooo!” It was coming back again. This time on a direct collision course! I knew that I didn’t have the strength to keep on moving and trying to avoid it forever. There wasn’t much time to think though. Soon it would be right on top of us. I had absolutely no idea what to do.

  I tried to lie still on the bottom, all curled up to try and look as small as possible. My cheeks were puffed out like a couple of over-inflated beach balls as I desperately tried to make sure that I didn’t release a single air-bubble that might give away where I was. Maybe it would just glide on over the top of me and keep on going. I was almost too scared to look up. Surely it had passed by now. As I cautiously pushed my face up towards the surface. OMG. It was still there!

  And now I had an even bigger problem! My eyes were beginning to burn as if a hundred bees had rammed their great big butt-stingers straight into the center of my eyeballs. I had to move, but which way? And where was Mom? Where was our rescue? I was doomed … and probably Melly as well.

  I knew what I had to do. Melly was still bobbing about on top, to one side of me, and there was nice, clear water in the other direction. I knew I had to do the right thing.

  Yep, I was going to save little Miss Smelly Melly Prissy-Pants from a fate worse than death. I was going to sacrifice myself to protect the little toad. I was going to take the hit for her. I would have to … Hang on. Why did I have to?

  Melly was always going into my room, which she is definitely not allowed to do! And she’s always taking my stuff, which she is definitely not allowed to do! She’s always breaking my stuff, which totally sucks! And worst of all, Mom always blames me because “You shouldn’t leave your things laying around where Melly can get at them.” Blah blah blah. “What if she swallows something and chokes?” Yap yap yap. Yeah, so that’s fair … in another universe, that is! Melly is so annoying. She’s basically a huge pain in the butt.

  So why should I try and save her instead of me!?

  That was it! I’d made up my mind.

  I turned and slid along under the water moving towards Melly. My plan was to head straight at Melly full speed ahead! Straight towards her stomach. I knew our enemy would be following right behind me. Then at the very last second, I’d slip around behind Melly at the speed of light.

  I figured it would be just like in those really awesome movies where everyone is shooting huge guns and firing deadly missiles at each other. You know, like when suddenly a missile is heading straight for the “goo
die,” who sees it coming and heads right for the “baddie” so that they’ll both get splattered together. But then at the very last millisecond, the goodie dives out of the way and only the baddie gets blown to smithereens.

  That’s what I was going to do to Melly. Hopefully. I mean saving myself by using her as a human shield, not blow her up … well, unless it was absolutely necessary.

  There was Melly, bobbing in the water, totally unaware that it was right behind me. I kicked one last time. Through my blurry vision I saw Melly’s face. Then, just as I was about to ram into her head-first, I swerved, rolled over onto my side and glided right by her, flipping over in one smooth move. I reached up, grabbed her by the shoulders, and shoved her right into its path. I desperately tried to propel myself as far away as possible, up and out of the water. I looked over at Melly, just in time to see the whole horrifying thing unfold right before my eyes.

  Eeeewww, it got her! Right slap bang in her weird little belly-button. But she suddenly lashed out, punching at the water over and over, trying desperately to protect herself!

  “Mom!” Melly screamed at the top of her lungs in her squeaky little girl’s voice.

  Slam!

  Suddenly, Mom smashed the bathroom door back against the wall so hard that I thought the roof was about to crumble and fall in on top of us.

  “Sam! Why didn’t you lift Melly out of the bathtub when she had her little ‘poop accident’ in there … or at least try to keep it away from her? It’s disgusting!” she said in her “I’m really annoyed” voice.

  “But, but …” I stammered. “It’s huge!”

  “You used to have ‘accidents’ in the bathtub too Mister!”

  “What?!”

  “Right. You can wash Melly again after you’ve scooped her poop out of the bathtub and flushed it down the toilet!” Mom screeched.

  “But, but …”

  “Yes, I know it came from her butt, you don’t have to keep reminding me!” Mom raged on. “Now for goodness sake, stop Melly splashing about and playing with it! And don’t let her paint any more on her belly will you?!”

  As I looked at the now water-logged, slimey poop sloshing back and forth in the bathtub and the poop-smeared Melly, my shoulders sagged.

  Rats!

  The Author

  I remember my sister having an “accident in the bath” when she was a baby. Luckily, I wasn’t in there at the time.

  Happy reading!

  Seeya,

  S. B.

  www.susanberran.com