Build a Nerd

by Wendy Smith

  “I just really need a drink.”

  He nods. “Coming right up. Beer? Or something stronger?”

  “Corona will do. Thank you.”

  He caps a Corona and slips a slice of lime into it. “Here. On the house.”

  “You don’t have to.”

  “I know. But I want to. You’re new to town, and I’m guessing if this is about Bridget, you can’t exactly speak to Molly and Brad about it.”

  I meet his gaze. He’s studying my reaction closely. I shake my head. “No. Not at all.” Taking a sip of beer, I close my eyes for a second. “You knew?”

  “That Bridget had a thing for Brad?” He lets out a cough. “At least, I’m guessing that’s what this is about.”

  I nod. “I think she still does.”

  He shrugs. “I’m not sure about that. She had feelings for him for a very long time, and then two things happened. Molly, and you.” He takes a deep breath. “I know her pretty well, and I can say she hasn’t looked at anyone else since you arrived in town. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her so happy.”

  I take a long drink of beer to avoid saying anything else. I’m still not sure what to make of it all except that her reaction killed the mood.

  Jackson leans forward. “I can’t tell you what to do, but if I was you, I’d think really hard before letting her go. Bridget’s impulsive, she’s messy, and she speaks her mind maybe more than she should. But her heart’s in the right place, and right now, I think that heart is firmly with you.”

  His concern is obvious in his expression. He cares for Bridget. I don’t know the guy well, but I know he’s also friends with Molly. Would he steer me in the wrong direction?

  “I’m not sure what to do right now, Jackson. But I appreciate the advice. I think I just need some time to get a handle on everything.”

  “It’s quiet tonight. Let’s grab a booth and we can talk it out if you need to.”

  “I’d really like that. My best friend is in San Jose, and he’s not really good at the deep stuff.”

  He smiles. “Give me a minute. I’ll grab a beer and get someone else behind the bar.” I follow the direction of his hand as he points to a booth. “Take a seat and I’ll join you.”

  It takes a few drinks for me to really open up.

  I notice Jackson’s taking his time and not matching me beer for beer, but it doesn’t make me feel guilty. The numb feeling I started with only grows the more I drink.

  “We’re just so different,” I say.

  Jackson shrugs. “Different works sometimes. Not everyone can be the same.”

  “I was diagnosed as being on the spectrum. Do you know what that means?” I don’t pause to let him get a word in. It’s been so long since I’ve said this to anyone. Not even Bridget. But drinking tends to get me talking. “One of my issues is that I get fixated on things. It’s one of the reasons why Molly put me in the project manager job. She knows I’ll work on a project through to the end. It’s also why I’ll never be promoted.”

  Jackson cocks his head. “Sounds to me like you’ve got more than just issues with Bridget going on.”

  I shrug. “I’ll admit I was jealous that Miranda got the promotion to chief operating officer. But she deserves it. I can’t pretend she doesn’t. And it’s not a job I would want to do. But I’ve been with Molly just as long, and I’m her go-to person when things need fixing.”

  Jackson takes a long sip of his beer. “You should speak to Molly about it.”

  “I could, but I feel a bit petty doing it when it’s just me being a bit butthurt.”

  He laughs. “It’s okay to be butthurt over things. And I’m pretty sure Molly would understand that.”

  “It seems pretty insignificant right now compared to what’s going on with Bridget and me.”

  “That’s another opportunity I don’t think you should give up on.” Jackson leans forward, studying me closely.

  I slug some beer and nod. “I know you’re right. I’m just not sure how to move forward.”

  “There was a girl I loved. Back when I was in school.” He seems to choose his words carefully, speaking slowly and deliberately. “She never even looked at me. Then she left for college and didn’t come back.”

  I study him closely. “I’m not sure what your point is.”

  “My point is, you need to grab what’s right in front of you. I could have followed her and told her how I felt. Maybe she would have rejected me, but at least I’d have tried.” He sighs. “But I never did, and I’ll never know if anything would have come from it.”

  “You think I’m being too harsh.”

  Jackson shakes his head. “No. If Bridget still has feelings for Brad, I’m not going to judge you for walking away. But I have a feeling it’s more complex than that, and maybe you need to catch your breath and then talk it through with her.”

  I swallow down the last of my drink. “Every time I think about it, my insides twist up.”

  He leans over and grips my shoulder. “I’m sure they do.”

  “The look on her face. That’s what told me. Finally, I worked out how to read a woman’s expression, and I read hers.” There’s sympathy in his eyes. What I need right now is some sleep and to think about this tomorrow. “I should go.”

  “You’re not staying close by, are you?”

  “Lakeside Motel.”

  “You can stay the night on my couch. It’s right out the back. I’m not sure you’re in any state to drive.”

  “I’ll be walking.” Pushing myself off the stool, I stagger.

  “Walking as far as my place. Come on.” He leads me behind the bar and down a corridor. When he opens the door at the end, I’m greeted by a small living room.

  “This is my home. You’re welcome to sleep on the sofa. I’ve been told it’s comfortable.”

  “Thanks, Jackson.”

  He gives me a half-hearted smile. “You need help tonight, and I’m happy to do it. I’m sorry for what you’re going through.”

  “Why? It’s not your fault.”

  He shrugs. “It’s not fair either. You and Bridget are both good people. I’m sure you’ll work it out.”

  “I just feel so numb.” I flop on the sofa and Jackson nods.

  “Yeah, you will do for a while. That might have something to do with the alcohol you’ve been drinking.”

  “I really appreciate having someone to talk to.”

  Jackson picks up a blanket from a nearby chair and throws it at me. “That’s what I’m here for. Cushions are on the sofa, and help yourself if you want anything from the kitchen. I’m packing up the bar and going to bed.”

  He disappears back out the way we came, and I kick off my shoes before lying back on the sofa. Usually, when I’m wound up about something, there’s no chance I’ll fall asleep.

  But tonight, after the drinks?

  Light streams through the living room window, and I open my eyes only to close them again.

  “Sorry. I didn’t draw the curtains last night.” Jackson moves across the room and pulls them shut.

  I open my eyes.

  In the faint light, I look around the room. The kitchen is just off the living room, and there’s a door to the left that’s closed. It’s a small living space, but I guess he lives alone.

  “Hey. How are you feeling?”

  “I’m not sure when I last felt this bad.”

  “I’ll make you some breakfast. That might help.”

  My stomach churns. “I’m not sure about food right now.”

  “Food’s exactly what you need. I promise you’ll feel better after something to eat and coffee. And if I was you, I’d drink a ton of water today to rehydrate.”

  I nod. “I will. I’m going back to the hotel to sleep.”

  “I’ll drive you over after breakfast. Take a seat at the table, and I’ll have it ready soon.”

  I sit up as Jackson makes his way into the kitchen, struggling to my feet. My eyeballs feel like they’re about to fall out of their
sockets, and every muscle in my body aches. It’s like having the flu, but I know I’m not sick. This is self-induced.

  “You look like shit by the way.” Jackson calls out.

  “Thanks.”

  I walk across the room to the dining table and take a seat. From here, I can see Jackson working away at the cooktop.

  “Can I help?” I ask.

  “Not the way you are. I don’t want my kitchen burned to the ground.” He chuckles. “Besides, I know what it’s like to feel sorry for yourself. A bit of sitting around and moping won’t hurt. Just don’t do it for long.”

  I sit in silence until the scent of bacon fills the room, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

  Minutes later, Jackson places a plate in front of me. “There you go. Best hangover cure ever. Promise.”

  I open my eyes to see scrambled eggs and bacon. My stomach roils. “Are you sure about that?”

  “I swear. I’ll make some coffee and join you.”

  I sigh, and scoop up a fork full of egg. He’s right. It’s good to bite down on something substantial.

  “You were right,” I say as he puts a cup of coffee in front of me and sits down. “This is good.”

  “Told you.” He smiles. “Now you have to pay attention to everything else I told you. Don’t let that girl walk away. She fucking loves you.”

  I gulp. “I’m not sure I’m in any state to make a decision now.”

  He nods. “I know. All I’m saying is don’t write her off yet.”

  I lean back in my chair. “I can’t. I’m crazy about her. I just … I can’t trust her feelings for me.”

  Jackson pauses, then scoops up a fork full of egg and eats it. He slowly licks his lips as if thinking carefully about his next words. He’s Bridget’s friend. He’s going to defend her, but he’s also listened to me when he didn’t have to.

  “I know I can’t influence that trust. But I do think you need to mull it over carefully and not just run.”

  I take a long breath. “I will.”

  “You both deserve that much.”

  21

  Bridget

  It only took a moment.

  I’ve hurt Tom so deeply I don’t know how to get him back.

  Maybe I used to have feelings for Brad, but I don’t now. I love Tom. I want Tom.

  My heart hurts, and I’m terrible at hiding it.

  Everyone steers clear of me on-site as I rage at the smallest of things. I know I’m being unfair, but I’m so angry at myself. It isn’t fair because we’re on track and everything is going well.

  It’s just my love life that’s sucking so much.

  We’ve had deliveries all day, and I’ve been out directing the traffic. The good thing about this site is that there’s plenty of room to stack what we need without us tripping over it. It’s been a long day, and what I really want is for Stu to come over from the other site and do this. He’s Mr. Health and Safety, and he can do this stuff in his sleep.

  “Kevin. I wanted that over there. Like I told you,” I snap.

  “I thought this was a better spot.” He points to where he’s put the pile of lumber I wanted farther over.

  “If it was, wouldn’t I have told you to put it there?” This is screwing with my planning, and I’m so over it.

  He holds up his hands. “There’s plenty of space. I’m not picking it up again and moving it.”

  “Yeah, you are.”

  “I’m not sure what’s crawled up your butt, but I’m not moving it.”

  I stalk toward the cab of the crane he’s sitting in. “It’ll take two minutes.”

  He stews for a moment and then nods.

  Picking it up, he moves it to where I want it. He drops it on top of everything else and the lengths of timber scatter everywhere.

  “What the hell did you do that for?”

  “That’s where you wanted it.” He shrugs.

  Behind me, someone clears their throat.

  Please don’t be Brad. Please don’t be Brad. The last thing I need is for him to see me not controlling the situation.

  But when I turn, it’s not Brad.

  Tom’s gaze is fixed on Kevin, and the look in his eyes is so intense.

  He heard.

  “You need to apologize to Bridget,” he says.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Tom’s eyebrows nearly take off. “I saw the whole thing. I’ll be her witness if you want to argue.”

  Kevin shrugs. His disdain for me drips off him. I’ve dealt with men like him before, and I’ll deal with them again.

  Tom shifts his gaze to me. My heart leaps. I’ve missed him so much, but now isn’t the time to go anywhere near that.

  “I won’t be disrespected on-site,” I say.

  Kevin scowls. “I apologize. It won’t happen again.”

  “No, it won’t. Believe me, I’m not afraid of firing you.” I stare him down.

  He shoots a glance at Tom, nods toward me, and turns.

  “You didn’t need to do that,” I say when he’s out of earshot.

  “I did. Not because I didn’t think you could handle it, but I wanted you to know you had a witness. One who’ll always back you.”

  Hope flares in my heart. “We need to talk.”

  He gives me a short, sharp nod. “We do. Molly’s had a change of heart about the office layout. Nothing big, but I’ll arrange a meeting for it.”

  My heart sinks again. “Of course.”

  “She just wants it a bit more open-plan than it is. We have a real family feel to the building in Silicon Valley.”

  “Less walls will be easier to cope with than more.”

  “I thought as much.” His expression’s neutral. I’d love to see his smile. The smile he has just for me.

  But it’s gone.

  “Tom, I—”

  “I’ll send you a meeting request.” He turns on his heel and walks back toward the office.

  I hate this feeling. When he asked me if I was in love with Brad, it caught me off guard. I’m not going to pretend that Brad’s rejection doesn’t still sting. It does, but nowhere near as much as it used to. Maybe it always will. But Tom’s the man I love, and I have to fight for that.

  “Tom, wait.” I run up behind him, and he comes to a stop, turning back toward me. “Come around for dinner tonight. I’ll cook. We can talk. Please?”

  “I’m not sure there’s anything for us to talk about.”

  I place my hand on his arm. “Please? I hate that things are like this between us.”

  “I can’t.” He turns and walks away.

  I’m falling to pieces inside and don’t know what to do anymore. How do I get it through to him that it’s him I love when he won’t listen?

  “Bridget.”

  My shoulders slump and I roll my eyes at the sound of Kevin’s voice. Dealing with more testosterone is the last thing I need right now.

  I turn. “What now?”

  To my surprise, there’s empathy in his expression. “Give him time. I don’t know what you two have argued about, but he very obviously still cares.”

  I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. He’s the last person I thought would give me advice that sounds … useful.

  He shrugs. “I might be a difficult bastard to deal with, but I’ve been married for twenty years. Not all of them have been fun, but we survived.”

  “I don’t want to bring this stuff to work.”

  Nodding, he takes a step toward me. “It’s not easy when he’s working with you. I’m sorry about before. If it’s any consolation, I think you’re doing a great job, despite my initial reservations.” He grins. “But you bite well.”

  I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry.

  An hour later, I’m in the office with Molly and Tom. I don’t want it to be awkward, but it is.

  Molly points at the blueprint spread across a desk. “I just wondered if we could remove the wall here and open this part up.”

  Check
ing it over, I nod. “That’s not a supporting wall. It’ll be fine to remove. There are power points along it, though, so we could maybe put in some pillars instead.”

  Molly nods. “Then we can put the pods of desks around the pillars.”

  “That’s right. When we reach that point, I’m sure the electrician can put the power through them. They won’t be supporting any weight, so we can run cables.”

  “That’s a good idea,” Tom says. “The less cables around, the better.”

  Molly gives me a warm smile. “I’m happy to go with whatever you work out. It all sounds good.”

  Tom stands. “I’ll send the request through to the architect to change it and update the plans.”

  Molly frowns as Tom walks back to his desk on the other side of the room.

  “Can I ask you something?” I ask.

  She shifts her gaze to me. “Sure.”

  “We’re a long way from building interior walls. Are you sure you don’t want Brad to double check it?”

  Molly shakes her head. “You know what you’re doing. Brad wouldn’t put you on this project otherwise. Like I said before, if he trusts you, I do too.” She licks her lips. “I’ve been thinking about removing that wall for a while, and it could have waited, but I thought maybe getting you and Tom in the same room might help with whatever’s going on with you two.”

  My mouth falls open. “You did this for us?”

  She nods. “Tom’s a good friend of mine.” Her lips twitch. “I don’t know if I’ve ever seen him so happy. He’s usually glued to that computer. It was good to see him out with you.”

  I pause. Can I trust her? This built-up resentment isn’t good for me. And it’s pointless now. She’s with Brad, and I’m in love with Tom.

  I’m in love with Tom.

  Tears prick my eyes. I’ve never been emotional at work. I sucked it up until I was at home and if I had to, I cried in private.

  “Bridget. Please tell me if there’s something I can do to help.”

  I shrug. “I’m not sure if there is anything.”

  She nods. “Maybe, but if you think of anything, let me know.”

  It’s hard. She seems sincere. But I’m not one to confide in others, let alone someone I thought I disliked.