Inside the Maelstrom

by Grace McGinty

  She snorted and buried her face in my neck. “Yes, you do.”

  Well, maybe the timing was shit, but I wasn’t about to confirm that out loud. “No, it was inevitable. Sampson has been keeping you two apart as much as possible because Evan wanted you—it was obvious as hell to everyone but you.” I let out a humorless laugh. “The problem is that Evan is a nice guy. The antithesis of us. I think Sampson was worried that if you got too close, you’d realize that someone like Evan is a thousand times better than any of us.”

  She shook her head against my neck but didn’t move away as she mumbled, “It wasn’t like that. You’re good guys too.”

  “I didn’t say good. I said nice. No one’s ever accused Sampson or Hendrick of being nice. Even I can be a prick when I want to be. Evan is safe. Respectful.” I stroked a hand down her back. “You crave safety, even if you don’t know it.”

  “I thought you said this wasn’t group therapy,” she grumbled, and I laughed. God, she was cute. “You’re nice, Otto. You’re the kind of man I always imagined I’d end up marrying.”

  I tried not to stiffen at the pain in my chest. Even though she hadn’t said it out loud, I knew she’d made her decision. She was going to leave us behind. I didn’t blame her and I wouldn’t try to convince her to stay, but I knew I’d carry the hurt of it around for a long time.

  “Sleep, Viva. We’ll work it out when you’re rested.”

  I stroked her back until she fell asleep again, and lay there with her until her whole body was floppy and lax, and she was snoring lightly. I moved out from underneath her, tucking her in tightly. She looked so peaceful in her sleep, the sadness in her eyes hidden behind those pale eyelids and thick, brown lashes.

  I moved to the interconnecting door and unlocked it quietly. Slipping into the adjoining room, I closed the door softly. Hopefully it was soundproof, because shit was about to get loud.

  Both Sampson and Hendrick were awake, sprawled at opposite ends of the room, and the tension between them was palpable. I guess they hadn’t kissed and made up either. Good.

  I was pretty sure Hendrick was nursing a mimosa, even now. Hair of the dog to cure a hangover, that's what he always said. Ridiculous. It just confounded your damn liver; you still got a hangover eventually. That was Hendrick in a nutshell though—double down on the things that’ll kill you, so you don’t have to face your problems.

  I felt coldness wash over me as I looked at my best friends. Drix had the good sense to look guilty. Damn right. He should feel fucking guilty.

  “I love you guys, and before twelve hours ago, I don’t think there’s ever been a moment in our friendship when I felt ashamed to be your friend.” I let my coldness spread through my body until ice was dripping from my tongue. I looked at Hendrick. “I can’t say that anymore. If she leaves, it will be because of you. You got your wish. You made that decision for us all, just because you were too scared to let yourself feel anything.” My voice got louder and louder. “I love her, and you stole that from me. I’m not sure I can ever fucking forgive you. I will always love you, but this will always be a festering wound between us, just because you couldn’t fucking let us be happy!” I yelled. I slammed my hand down on the table, making him jump.

  Drix dropped his head into his hands but didn’t defend himself. He knew what he’d done, the self-destructive bastard.

  I turned my eyes to Sampson. “I know what his excuse is—he’s just a giant fuck-up—but what’s your goddamn excuse?”

  Sampson scowled at me. “I didn’t do anything wrong. I found her fucking my security guard, Otto. I think I have a right to be pissed when I find my girlfriend screwing another man.”

  I raised my eyebrows incredulously. “Your fucking girlfriend? She isn’t your girlfriend, Sam. She was a convenient plaything for you. Oh, the mighty fucking Sampson Rubio, who can’t do commitment, who plays with women like they’re mice in a trap, just expects a woman to know when she's finally worthy of girlfriend status? Do the goddamn angels sing and a heavenly light shines down on her head? She’s not a fucking mind reader, you pompous goddamn prick.” I took a deep breath before I said something else just to be cruel. “She was—I mean, is single and can screw whoever she wants, and if I was her, it wouldn’t be you ever again.”

  I was breathing hard as rage coursed through me. Silence filled the room, an unbearable rift spreading between us.

  Sampson broke first. “I fired Evan.”

  Even Hendrick whipped his head toward Sampson. “You idiot,” he breathed.

  I wasn’t surprised though. It was just the kind of jackass thing he’d do when his pride was hurt.

  Sampson didn’t look even a little remorseful. His jaw was set in that stubborn line and his eyes were blank.

  I slow-clapped in his direction. “Well, congratulations, Sampson. You lost a girlfriend and a lifelong friend all in one testosterone-fuelled overreaction. She’s going to leave. I’m going to pay for the rest of her trip. Now that you’ve fired him, maybe I can convince Evan to stay with her so she doesn’t end up dead on some city street because of you douchebags and your self-obsession. Pack your shit. We can go home now.”

  I left the room, not even looking back at them. I locked the door between the two suites, Aviva still sound asleep. I climbed back into bed with her, curling around her body and trying to stop my heart from breaking.

  Chapter 39

  Hendrick

  I stood outside the door, willing myself to knock. I needed to do this, to repent for my sins in some way. Sucking in a fortifying breath, I lifted my hand and rapped my knuckles too hard on the wooden door. I needed the pain, but I kept my face impassive as the door swung open.

  Evan looked like shit. There were deep bags under his eyes, and he looked worn out. The huge shiner on his eyes showed that Sampson’s self-defense training had paid off.

  “What do you want, Hendrick? If you want to take a swing, Sampson already got the free shot, so I will hit you back.”

  I kept my thoughts about the whole Sampson thing, and how shit Evan looked, to myself. “Can I come in?”

  “No.” He tried to shut the door, but I stuck my hand in the doorjamb. Evan might be pissed at us, but I knew he’d never hurt me. I knew it in my soul, because Evan was the best humanity had to offer. He’d seen a scared boy and left his job to become his personal bodyguard. He’d beaten the shit out of paparazzi who took photos of two best friends kissing, when it could have made him millions. He’d come to our defense over and over, and Sampson had just thrown him away. I didn’t agree with Sam even one bit, but that was neither here nor there right now.

  “Come on, Evan. I swear, it will only take a moment.”

  He sighed, pulling open the door and standing to the side. His suitcase was on his bed, and he looked like he was packing. Fuck, I’d been kind of hoping he’d just ignore Sampson’s hissy-fit and stay. But this worked better right now, anyway.

  He went back to the bench where his weapons were spread out, ready to be cleaned and packed.

  “You fucked her,” I said impassively.

  Heat flushed his cheeks. “If you are here to talk shit about Aviva, you can get the hell out, Hendrick.” He sucked in a breath. “I warned you. But you cocky little shits thought you knew so much, when really, you haven’t been around long enough to know how to tug your own dicks right, let alone how to form a healthy relationship. I should have stopped it.”

  Now it was my turn to snort. “Like you could stop Sampson from doing anything he wants to do. Don’t get ahead of yourself, Evan.”

  I watched the older man’s jaw work. “If that’s all you need, you can go.”

  Ugh, I was fucking this up too. “I need to hire you.”

  The look he gave me could have flayed the skin from my bones. “Sampson fired me. I have no interest in going to work for you.”

  I shook my head. “Not me. Aviva. I need you to stay with her.”

  He froze, his eyes raking over my face for something—answers
, probably. “What do you mean?”

  I chewed my lip, slumping down on his bed. “She wants to go on without us. Otto says we’ve fucked it up beyond repair. I want you to stay with her, make sure she’s safe. Crazy knows crazy, and there's something off about this Nemo guy. If he is at the end of this wild goose chase, I don’t want her to meet him alone. And if he’s not, I don’t want her to be alone then either.”

  Evan continued to stare at me silently, and then his face shut down. He turned on his heel and went over to his guns, pulling one apart and cleaning it silently. He didn’t say anything else, and I wondered if I should leave.

  When he moved onto the second gun, he finally spoke. “I thought she’d go home.”

  I snorted. “She’s stubborn. She’s come this far, and Otto said he’d fund the last of her trip if that's what she wanted. He’s firmly Team Aviva, but he’ll stay with us regardless. With me. I don’t think he’ll forgive me, but he’ll stay out of duty.”

  Sadness washed over me at the thought. I was so fucking selfish. Ruining what I had with Aviva on purpose was the extent of my selflessness, and look how that had turned out.

  Evan waved a hand. “Otto is angry, but he loves you. He’ll forgive you eventually.”

  “He might love her more. At least, he could have, if I hadn’t, you know...”

  He sighed heavily but continued the reflexive task of cleaning his weapon. I’d seen him do it so many times over the years that I knew it was almost like yoga for mercenaries. Centered the mind, but you know, without the spandex-covered camel toes.

  He looked up, catching my eyes and drilling a hole in my skull with his glare. “I’ll talk to Aviva. You guys have coerced her into enough shit. She is capable of making her own decisions—she’s not a damn child.”

  “I’d fucking hope not, considering you had your dick in her twelve hours ago.”

  He ignored me, though his lip curled in distaste. “If she wants me to stay, I’ll do it for her. I don’t need your money, Hendrick Kenley. You don’t need to buy me to assuage your guilty conscience. Now get the fuck out of my room.”

  I stood, stepping toward the door, but I couldn’t help but give him one last piece of parting advice. “You’d be good for her, Evan. Don’t make my mistake and ruin it because you’re afraid.” I shut the door gently behind me.

  I wanted to find a bar and drown myself in numbing liquor. But that would mean facing people, so instead I’d go upstairs and drink my way through the minibar. Sampson still wasn’t talking to me, and I hadn’t seen Otto since he chewed me a new one.

  When I got to the room, it was empty. I had no idea where Sampson was, but it didn’t matter. This room was still too claustrophobic, even without the heat of his anger stealing the oxygen.

  I grabbed the bottle of sake from the minibar, and walked back out of the room. I needed to get out of here and breathe. Skipping the elevator, I took the fire escape. It didn’t appear to be alarmed, so I headed up. I was pretty sure I could get onto the rooftop of this place.

  At the top floor, there was a locked door preventing access to the roof. Yeah, fuck that. I lifted my foot and aimed my designer biker boot at the bottom half of the door, kicking it hard. They might be made of Italian leather, but they were still shit kickers.The door slammed open, and I grinned. I was probably going to have to pay for that later but I’d consider it money well spent.

  The roof was a mish-mash of cooling units and clear blue sky. I sucked in a breath, and felt it fill my lungs. Walking to the edge of the building, I looked down. My stomach revolted at the height, but I made my feet hold me there, reveling in the instinctual fear. If I fell from here, I would just be an unrecognizable stain on the sidewalk. It would be painless.

  Sitting down, I hung my legs over the side. My heart thundered as my brain tried to drag me away from the edge. Well, most of my brain—that niggling little part that was the monkey on my back taunted me, telling me to just throw myself over. I wouldn’t, though. I’d been to enough therapy to know that voice was bullshit. Besides, I’d never do that to Otto. He’d never recover if he had to scrape my body off the sidewalk.

  I opened the sake bottle and put it to my lips, dragging down the alcohol and letting it burn through my system. I watched the boats come in and out, watched the Ferris wheel spin around and around constantly without ever stopping.

  “What are you doing out here, Drix?”

  I jumped at the sound of Viva’s voice. I looked over my shoulder at her, and my heart clenched so tightly I thought I was having a heart attack. I should say something mean, send her away, but I just couldn’t do it again.

  “Drinking. Not throwing myself off the edge, you don’t have to worry.” I paused. “How’d you find me?”

  She shrugged. “Otto has a tracker on your phone. It said you were here somewhere. He went to the bar, but I had a suspicion you’d be up here.”

  “Crazy knows crazy, I guess.”

  She huffed a humorless laugh, sitting down beside me. “You’re not wrong, Hendrick Kenley.”

  She didn’t look mad, just really, really sad. I scooched closer to her, so I could grab her in case she tried to throw herself off the building. Not so I could save her, but so she’d take me with her.

  I passed her the bottle, and she drank without hesitation. “Sorry I’m an asshole.”

  She shrugged. “It’s not like it’s a surprise that you're a dickhead.” She looked up at me. “I forgive you.”

  I swallowed hard. “But?”

  “No buts. I forgive you.” She paused. “Okay, one but. You aren’t ready for what your heart wants to give me. Maybe I’m not ready either. We were always just tinder in a box, just waiting for a spark to burn our shit to the ground. I know it, you know it. Otto knows it.”

  “I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

  “Well, you don’t get a damn choice in the matter, so suck it up and take it.” She grabbed the bottle and knocked it back.

  I laughed, remembering why she fucking stole my heart in the first place, like a thief in the night. “Little klepto.” Let her think I meant the booze and not my heart. She rested her head on my shoulder, and I was fairly sure I’d never be the same after this. “You could still patch things up with Otto and Sampson. You don’t have to cut them all out,” I said softly, and hoped she couldn't hear the sound of my pain.

  “Nah. You guys are a package deal.” She looked up at me, her pretty blue eyes filled with too much wisdom and drowning in pain. “You need them too, Hendrick. Even more than me. Otto would never be happy with just me, because you’re his first love. Sampson…” She trailed off, and I knew what she was thinking.

  I turned my head and kissed her temple. “He’ll forgive you. Though, as Otto pointed out when he was verbally eviscerating us, there's nothing to forgive. No one made any commitment outside us all being on this cursed trip. You can fuck whoever you want against a wall.”

  She jammed her elbow into my ribs. “Thanks for your permission.”

  We let silence consume us again, and it was beautiful. Heartbreaking perfection. I would remember this moment forever, suspended on a knife's edge between life and death. Happiness and pain.

  I felt the cool trickle of Aviva’s tears on my arm, but I pretended that I didn’t. I could tell her that this wasn’t the end, that it wasn’t goodbye, but that would be one more lie. There wasn’t any need for lies between us anymore.

  “Drix! Viva!” Otto’s panicked voice made me turn, and I saw him frantically walking toward us, probably to drag us from the edge. I smiled at him, and his feet stilled.

  “It’s okay, Otto. We’ll come in now.” I slid back, swinging my legs back from the edge. Aviva grabbed my arm, anchoring me to the roof. Or maybe I was anchoring her.

  I laughed at the irony. Pulling her to my chest, I kissed her softly. “I’m sorry again.”

  She smiled up at me, her eyes red and puffy. “I’m not.”

  When we got close to Otto, I leaned forward and ki
ssed him too. “Safe and sound, Otto. I’ll just be in my room, packing.”

  I felt Otto’s eyes watching me until I was inside the stairwell, like he was worried I wasn’t really going inside, and instead just getting a good run up. I slowly descended the stairs and let myself into my room. Sampson was back, his eyes taking me in, ensuring I was in one piece.

  “Otto was worried.”

  “Not you?”

  Sampson shook his head. “Sometimes, I think maybe you’ve got your shit together more than the rest of us combined.”

  I scoffed, because that was the craziest thing I’d heard ever. “We’re all just fuckups, making shit up as we go along, Sam. I just embrace it better.” He let out a grunt of agreement. When the silence settled over us again, I turned away. “I’m going to shower.”

  I undressed, set the water to scalding and climbed in. Once I was sure that the water was hot enough to wash away my sins, I let the tears fall down my cheeks. God, I should have brought the sake into the shower to numb the pain. Then I remembered Aviva still had the bottle.

  A little laugh escaped me as I realized she’d managed to keep my booze and my heart forever. Bitch.

  Chapter 40

  Aviva

  My chest felt like it had been through a meat grinder. Seeing Hendrick up on the roof, teetering on the edge, had sent panic unlike anything I’d ever felt before shooting through my veins. But in the end, our goodbye had been much like our first meeting—all kinds of fucked up.

  That was the nature of Hendrick, I think, and maybe me too.

  I packed my stuff, and each item of clothing that I folded and placed into my bag was like a dagger to my heart. I’d have to get rid of it all when I returned to the US; I’d never be able to wear any of it again without thinking of Sampson and the betrayed look on his face.

  A knock at the door had my heart pounding, and I sucked a deep breath as I opened it. On the other side stood Evan, and I gasped as I took in the mass of bruises on his face. “Holy shit, Evan. Are you okay?”