Sovereignty

by Ryan Michler

  It’s the reason why women get upset with their husbands who attempt to fix what isn’t broken. We know our wives are simply looking to vent, yet we cannot help the masculine urge to fix. My wife, for example, will often talk with me about a challenge she’s having with one of her friends. I, being the “fixing” type, will offer suggestions to remedy the problem. Except there is no problem. She’s simply telling me about her day. I’m making it worse by offering a solution to a problem that doesn’t exist.

  In the process of this natural desire to right the wrongs, our minds are constantly scanning for patterns to help us solve these complex problems. As a financial advisor, I could share with you story after story of investors who solved the equations to investing successfully in the stock market by uncovering hidden patterns inside sophisticated algorithms.

  These equations all worked great, until they didn’t. What appeared to be a pattern was nothing more than an illusion they had the audacity to believe was true. Once one new or previously unseen variable was entered into the equation, these prognosticators’ false assumptions came crashing down.

  The problem is we want so badly to be right. We want so badly to prove our value as men to the world. We want so badly to be admired and appreciated as we solve mankind’s most elusive problems. All we really end up doing is banging our heads against the wall as we attempt to force a round peg into a square hole.

  So, what do we do? We look for clues. We look for codes. We look for patterns that don’t actually exist. We do all of this in a feeble attempt to assert our masculine dominance over our friends, family, neighbors, coworkers, and even strangers.

  MEMENTO MORI

  The ancient Stoics subscribed to the Latin phrase memento mori, which is translated as, “remember that you have to die.” Although this may be a morbid notion on the surface, the Stoics—and many other philosophers and religions—chose for it to be a reminder of a way to live.

  There is no escaping it—we are all going to die. That’s outside of our control. What’s inside our control is the way we choose to live our lives—our beliefs, our thoughts, and our actions.

  The fear of death or any other factor outside our control can be a healthy fear. It’s in our nature as a species to strive to stay alive. This is why we avoid taking unnecessary risks, dark spaces, and big spiders. It’s when we take this fear to extremes that it becomes a problem.

  In 2014, I took a business trip to New York. On the way home and about an hour outside of Denver, our plane hit a pocket of turbulence that caused the plane to drop violently. I immediately gripped the armrest and watched as those who were not buckled into their seats hit their heads on the ceiling of the airplane.

  As everyone screamed and scrambled to get themselves buckled in, all I could do was think about what I hadn’t done in my life. The things that went unsaid, the things that went undid, and the potential that remained untapped.

  After things had calmed down, I peeled my fingers away from the armrest and took a couple of deep breaths. The gentlemen next to me asked the flight attendant how bad that was compared to what she had experienced in the past. She informed us that in fourteen years of flying, that was her scariest experience in a plane. To this day, the experience of that flight has altered the way I think about traveling. It has dictated when, where, and how I travel. And although it hasn’t paralyzed me, it has certainly changed my perspective.

  I’m not immune to the fear of death, but I know that basing our decisions off unnecessary fear (the risk of dying in a plane crash is 1 in 29,400,000) strips away our ability to make rational decisions, therefore limiting our choices and reducing our sovereignty.

  Fearing death might keep you alive, but is it really any way to live? Subscribing to the phrase memento mori reminds us that, yes, we are going to die, so we might as well fully live.

  William Wallace says it best in the movie Braveheart (can you tell what my favorite movie is yet?): “Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you’ll live … at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin’ to trade all the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives but they’ll never take our freedom!”

  THE PAST, THE PRESENT, AND THE FUTURE

  If there’s one thing that humans know how to do very well, it’s fret about things that have already happened or things that have yet to happen.

  I’m often asked, if I could change one thing about my past, what would it be? I hate this question. I don’t deal well in hypotheticals, and even if there was something I could change about the past, what good would it do? The fact is, I’m happy with my life, and, as the Butterfly Effect illustrates, changing just one detail about the past could potentially change everything about the present.

  There’s only one point of value in looking to the past. It doesn’t have anything to do with reminiscing about your high school glory days or beating yourself up for your mistakes. What has already happened is simply a metric for determining your actions today. In other words, the past can teach us how we should operate now. That’s it. It’s a tool for learning. Dwelling on the past, however, has no bearing on what my future holds, and it certainly doesn’t expand my options in the present.

  It’s a trap. The past will entangle the hearts and minds of men. I can hear Uncle Rico right now: “If coach would have put me in fourth quarter, we would have been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind.” We laugh, but we all know a friend who still defines himself by who he was nearly two decades ago. It’s time to let go of the past. Remember the past, yes, but let go of it all the same.

  At the opposite end of the spectrum, but equally uncontrollable, is the future. It makes sense why we as motivated, ambitious men would look to a future vision. In many ways, our ability to dream about what the future holds for us drives us to take the very actions that will get us there in the first place.

  When our future vision drives us to action today, it becomes a powerful tool. It’s when we get caught in that future vision that we unwillingly give up the power to choose and the power to do.

  It’s the same reason why excessive levels of entertainment (video games, movies, TV, sports, etc.) are damaging to the hearts and minds of men. Taken to the extreme, living vicariously through someone else’s life (whether it’s a professional athlete’s or some delusional fantasy of the future you) entraps your mind and enslaves your soul. If you become content with romanticizing your life rather than living it, you risk shortchanging your potential.

  Don’t get lost in who you once were or who you have the potential to become. Use the past and the future to drive you to action today.

  THE MINDSET—FOCUS ONLY ON WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL

  Understanding that you cannot control everything is the first step. Accepting it is the second. Once you’ve come to terms with the reality that you cannot control everything, you can wrap your head around the notion of letting go.

  It’s fascinating that we try to take control of everything when most of us know full well we can’t. Why do we do it? Why do we attempt to control what cannot be controlled? The simple answer: inadequacy and insignificance. We fear that, if we cannot control all the factors that go into our lives, somehow we are less than who we are supposed to be as men.

  Genesis 3:19 says, “In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread; till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.”

  If that’s true, it means we aren’t as powerful as we think we are. It also means that we are at the mercy of the gods, the universe, or chance (however you choose to look at it).

  It’s a scary notion to live at the mercy of someone or something else. But the simple fact remains that there are certain things you can’t do a damn thing about. Better to embrace the uncertainty of insignificance and focus only on what you can control.

  THE SKILL SET

  Daily Planning. At
the crux of discernment is your ability to plan out every single day. If you have no idea what you’re trying to accomplish, and how you’re going to accomplish it, how can you be expected to know what’s within your control and what’s not?

  I start every single day with my daily Battle Plan. I complete my six nonnegotiables (exercise, meditation, reading, journaling, planning, and visualization), list out the tasks I need to accomplish for the day, plan out my daily objectives (the results I’m after), and jot down any notes I may have about that day.

  This foundation allows me to identify the actions I have control over and the actions I don’t have control over, and it gives me the ability to focus my attention, efforts, and resources on the items within my power to control.

  Tactic-Focused. When it comes to discerning between what you can do and what you can’t, a tactic-centered approach is always going to be more effective than a goal-centered approach.

  Most people fail because they focus too heavily on their goals.

  Let’s say, for example, you want to lose twenty pounds. If that goal is the extent of your planning, there are too many variables outside of your control that could potentially keep you from what you want to accomplish.

  If, however, you focus on the tactics that will make that objective a reality, you’re more likely to succeed. If my objective was to lose twenty pounds, I would focus on the tactics of drinking 100 ounces of water per day, exercising for at least one hour a day, and eliminating processed sugars.

  Those three objectives will yield the desired result without having to focus on the result itself—just the tactics that are 100 percent within my control.

  CHAPTER 10

  WISDOM

  “I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing and that is that I know nothing.”

  -Plato

  One phrase that gets tossed around a lot these days is “my truth.” I understand what anyone who uses this phrase might be trying to say, but the reality is that there is no “my truth.” There is only “the truth.”

  You might have a theory. You might have a perspective. You might have an assumption. But unless you’re operating in objective reality, your opinion is just that—an opinion. Some might claim this is semantics. I disagree. Words are powerful. If you’re distorting the meaning of a word or phrase to fit your narrative, you’re likely limiting your perspective and your own sovereignty.

  A Sovereign Man must strive to recognize, understand, and act according to objective truth—as in, the truth that is not subject to interpretation.

  Let’s say you were given the task of completing a big project at work. At the conclusion of the project, you determined your truth to be that you did a “good job” (subjective and open for interpretation) and communicated your accomplishments to your employer. You assumed he would be as ecstatic about the project as you are. Unfortunately, you quickly find out he is not happy with your efforts and would like you to start the project over, or, worse, he assigns it to someone else.

  If you’re stuck believing the truth is that you did a good job, you will be less likely to do anything about improving the project or yourself. On the other hand, if you accept that what you only believed to be truth was merely a subjective opinion, and begin to consider other measurements for the successful completion of the project (time frame, budgeting constraints, results of the project, your employer’s expectations, etc.), you have now given yourself the foundation from which to build and the sovereignty that comes with it.

  This foundation from which to build is not an easy one to accept. Accepting the truth and acting upon it may require you to question everything you’ve ever known and everything you’ve ever believed about the way the world works. It may require you to accept that you’ve been wrong about a few things.

  The question then becomes, are you more concerned with being right than you are about producing results? The Sovereign Man is driven by results, not his own ego or his ignorance.

  IGNORANCE IS BLISS, OR IS IT?

  As I mentioned before, there was a time when I weighed fifty pounds more than I do today. I was fat, I was exhausted, and I was miserable.

  I will never forget the look of devastation on their faces when I had to tell them that I could not go jump with them on the trampoline. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to spend time with them. It was that I couldn’t. Physically, I could not.

  That was the day it clicked for me. I decided right then and there that I was going to get my health under control so I could step up more fully for my children and become more of the man I was meant to be.

  Out of all the challenges I have faced on my road to wellness, it wasn’t the working out that was the hardest. It wasn’t getting out of bed earlier. It wasn’t the discipline of doing the work. The hardest thing I had to do was to jump on the scale for the first time in five years.

  I knew that it had gotten bad, but I had no desire to quantify how bad it actually was. It was easier for me to remain woefully ignorant than it was to face the reality of the situation I had created for myself.

  You might be thinking, “C’mon, Ryan, why would that be so hard for you to do?”

  Think about your life for a second. Have you ever avoided pulling up your bank account statement or retirement account because you knew what you’d find? Have you ever avoided a tough conversation with a boss or supervisor because you knew what he would have to say? Have you ever dodged a meaningful conversation with your wife because you knew things were on the rocks?

  If the answer to those questions is yes, you too have fallen prey to turning a blind eye.

  To overcome this natural tendency to pull the wool over your own eyes, you’re going to have to grow up and stop acting like a child. Yes, I said, “stop acting like a child.” Because when you pretend a situation doesn’t exist that clearly does, frankly, you’re acting like my four-year-old daughter.

  The other night we took her to a Halloween corn maze. Each year, one of their employees dresses up as the headless horseman. He rode his horse up behind her but rather than scream, she simply threw her hands over her eyes and pretended the threat was no longer there.

  Of course, covering our eyes does nothing to eliminate the threat, but it doesn’t keep us from doing it either.

  BECAUSE I SAID SO

  If you’re like me, there is no doubt that the phrase “because I said so” has passed your lips. I love that my children ask me questions, but sometimes it just gets to be too much. When I hit that line, my default answer is always, “because I said so.”

  If it works, my children stop asking questions and simply do what they’re told to do. Unfortunately, I’m programming my children to avoid asking too many questions and training them to follow orders, not necessarily think for themselves.

  We do this without thinking because our parents did it to us. This brings up an interesting consideration. As much as our children have the natural tendency to question and, in a way, rebel against authority, we have the same urge and desire.

  You might be thinking, “I don’t have the urge to rebel. I’m a team player. I get along with others and play nice.” What if the only reason you do “play nice” is because the process of programming you to follow orders without asking questions is already complete?

  Your parents, your teachers, your coaches, and your employers—bless their hearts—have spent decades conditioning you, prepping you, and getting you to follow orders. Sure, they might have your best interests at heart, but what started with noble intentions has now become a pattern for the way you operate your life—like a robot.

  Nowhere is this more evident than in the military. I joined the military when I was eighteen, my senior year of high school. When I finished school, I shipped out to basic training in Fort Sill, Oklahoma.

  From the minute we reached the Military Entrance Processing Station (MEPS), our life was no longer our own. For nearly four months, I was programmed and conditioned to act without thinking.

  The day we off
icially started basic training, one poor private was gutsy (or dumb) enough to ask why we had to line up in formation. I don’t remember much of the answer to that question other than a slew of vulgar adjectives, five fired-up drill sergeants, and one sorry soldier.

  I hold no ill will against the military for this training—in many ways, this type of programming has saved the lives of countless American soldiers. But there is no question that it was a battle for control of my heart and mind. Formations, cadence, inspections, and more were all designed to program me to adhere to a set of predetermined rules without question.

  This sort of conditioning can be summed up perfectly in a scene from the movie Forrest Gump.

  In the scene, Forrest Gump is assembling his weapon in the barracks.

  “Done, Drill Sergeant,” he yells.

  The drill sergeant marches over and barks, “Guuump, why did you put that weapon together so quickly?”

  Confused, Gump answers, “Because you told me to, Drill Sergeant.” That’s the perfect answer in the given moment, and one that is at direct odds with your agency.

  One might make the argument this type of training is critical when it comes to the military and potentially life-or-death situations. The last thing you’d want in a firefight is someone questioning orders. Fortunately, for most of us, life isn’t a series of life-or-death scenarios. That being the case, blindly following the pack means you’ve relinquished your sovereignty.

  CONFUSION LEADS TO COMPLIANCE

  One of the greatest threats to the powers that be is a wise man who operates in the world of objective reality. The wise man questions authority. The ignorant man pledges his blind allegiance. Who do you think is more profitable?

  Big business knows this. The media knows this. The government knows this. And, whether you believe it’s malicious or not, each of these organizations has created a web of confusion and complexity.