Her Defiant Heart

by Monica Murphy

  The flowers. Where are they? Not that I can take them with me on the bus, but what did he do with them? Are they still in his car? I wish he would’ve given them to me a few days ago. I wish I could’ve enjoyed them longer. At the very least, I wish I took a photo of them so I could keep it on my phone forever.

  But wishes are for fools, and while yes, I can admit I’ve been a giant fool lately, I don’t have time for wishes or hopes or dreams. That’s all a bunch of bullshit. I need to move on.

  I need to leave this town—and Rhett—and never come back.

  “I should go.” I hitch the tote bag’s strap up higher on my shoulder. “I need to go buy my bus ticket.”

  “Yeah. Good luck.” He turns and walks toward his car, and this time, I let him go. I watch his retreating back, my gaze fixed on him as he climbs into the car, starts it, and pulls away from the curb.

  My vision gets blurry, sending me into panic mode, and I realize quick it’s because I’m crying.

  Blinking rapidly, I grab my suitcase and enter the bus station. It’s quiet, only a few people are sitting on the benches in the lobby, and I go to the desk, ready to purchase my ticket back home.

  The lady is nice as she tries to help me find the cheapest route, and all I can do is smile and tell her thank you through the tears. I think she feels bad for me.

  I feel bad for me, too.

  “Will that be cash or charge, hon?”

  “Cash.” I dig through my tote, searching for the ugly flowered cosmetics bag, but I can’t seem to find it. Frowning, I pull everything out of the tote, item by item. My snacks, the bottles of water, my crappy wallet that has maybe twenty bucks inside yet no credit cards, my phone, my actual cosmetics bag full of makeup, and all the other crap that’s rolling around in there.

  But there’s no bag of money.

  It’s fucking gone.

  “Shit,” I mutter as I prop my elbows on the counter and rest my head in my hands. Where did it go? Did it fall out of my bag and in Rhett’s car? Or did it fall out when I fainted in Rhett’s arms? For all I know it could be lying in the gutter right in front of my crappy rental, ripe for the picking.

  A wave of nausea washes over me, and I swallow hard. That was so much money, at least to me. How could I have lost it?

  “Everything okay?” the ticket clerk asks.

  I shake my head as I start shoving all my stuff back into my tote bag. “I don’t have enough money to pay for the ticket.” My voice is shaking and I’m going to start full on balling soon, I swear.

  “Aw, honey. Are you sure?” Her kindness is going to break me.

  “Yeah. It’s okay, though. I’ll be fine.” I sniff. “I’m gonna call my friend, see if I can get some help.” Feeling numb, I head outside, dragging my suitcase behind me, and I settle on the bench right in front of the station. I cry for a little bit, letting my sadness consume me.

  What the hell am I going to do now?

  Wiping at my eyes, I glance up to find Rhett’s car sitting in front of the bus station. I blink a couple of times, like maybe I’m dreaming this, but nope. His car is still there.

  I can’t believe it.

  He rolls down the passenger side window, his expression contrite when his gaze meets mine. My jaw drops open as we stare at each other. I can’t believe he came back for me. Me. Everyone leaves. They don’t care about me. They never did.

  Rhett cares. I don’t understand why, but he does.

  We keep watching each other for what feels like forever, and then he’s climbing out of the car and I’m running toward him, abandoning my suitcase like an idiot. We meet each other on the sidewalk and he pulls me into his arms, his mouth at my ear as he squeezes me tight.

  “Come home with me, Jens,” he whispers and I nod, too choked up to actually answer him.

  My cosmetics bag full of money isn’t in Rhett’s car. At least, it’s nowhere I can see, and I tried my best to be discreet as I scanned the floorboard where I last had my tote bag. Rhett doesn’t say much as we drive back to his place and neither do I, because what can I say?

  Tell him I’m sorry for being a lying jerk? It feels pointless to apologize.

  When we get to Rhett’s house it’s dark and quiet, like no one’s inside.

  “My roommate isn’t here,” he says as he pulls the car into the garage and puts it in park. He turns to look at me. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. I’m good.” I nod, relieved that his roommate is gone. I’m glad we’re alone with no one to bother us. I don’t think I can face another person tonight.

  I follow Rhett to the back of his car to grab my suitcase and when he opens the trunk, I see my faded cosmetics bag lying there, just beneath my suitcase. My heart racing, I snag it up without him noticing, shoving the beat up old bag into my tote as Rhett grabs my suitcase to bring it inside. The relief that floods me at finding my money is downright overwhelming. As we walk into the house with me trailing behind him, I suddenly feel so tired, so broken down over everything that’s happened to me these last few days, I’m afraid I might collapse.

  “You should take a shower and go to bed,” he tells me as we enter his kitchen, his tone casual, almost indifferent. Like he’s merely a friend letting me crash at his place for the night. But maybe that’s all he wants us to be now. “You look exhausted.”

  “I am,” I admit as he leads me down the hall, showing me first a giant bathroom and then the guest bedroom, where he leaves my suitcase by the door. I enter the bedroom behind him, dropping my tote bag in the middle of the double bed.

  “Well, the bathroom should have everything you need, so…” Rhett’s voice drifts and I turn to find him standing there, looking lost. A little uncomfortable.

  It hurts, to realize I’m the one making him uncomfortable. I royally fucked this up, and there’s no way I can fix it.

  “Thank you, Rhett,” I say softly. “For rescuing me. Again.”

  He nods, stuffing his hands in his front pockets. “I know you probably don’t want to talk about it.”

  Yeah. I so don’t.

  “But I just want you to know that whatever’s—going wrong in your life right now, it can be fixed. I know it can.” The sincerity written all over his face is sweet.

  It’s also pointless. What’s gone wrong in my life can’t be fixed. If he ever finds out what I intended to do to him and his family, he’ll hate me forever.

  “That’s all I’m going to say,” he continues when I don’t respond. “So…good night, Jensen.”

  He turns and walks out of the guest bedroom, and I let him go.

  Heaving a big sigh, I throw my suitcase on the bed and open it, picking out some clothes to change into before I head to the bathroom. I find the shower fully stocked with soap and shampoo but no conditioner, yet I can’t complain. I hop into the giant shower and wash the bus station filth off of me, hoping the shame and sadness I feel slides down the drain too. The water is super-hot and the pressure is perfect, so I stand under that shower head for an extra ten minutes and savor it.

  I’m out of the shower and slathering lotion all over my still damp skin when I realize this is the second shower I’ve taken tonight. This has felt like the longest day of my life, I swear. I need to go to sleep and start over tomorrow. Maybe Rhett and I can talk more then. Maybe I can confess more too, but never the whole truth.

  I can’t risk it.

  When I open the bathroom door and see no lights on at all except for the guest bedroom lamp, I realize Rhett’s gone to bed without saying good night to me.

  That hurts too.

  Everything he seems to do to me tonight hurts, even though I know he’s not trying to hurt me on purpose. More than anything, I crave his approval. I want him to like me. He came back for me, so that’s got to mean something, right?

  I dump my stuff back in my suitcase and then crawl into bed, shutting off the lamp with a loud click in the otherwise silent house. I lay there for what feels like hours, staring up at the ceiling, thinking bad th
oughts, wondering if Rhett’s blissfully asleep without a care in the world.

  I hope like crazy he’s tossing and turning just like me.

  When I can’t stand it any longer, I slip out of bed and make my way toward the closed door at the end of the hall.

  Slowly opening the door, I spy Rhett lying flat on his back in the middle of his giant bed. He must’ve heard me enter the room because he sits straight up, the sheet falling to his waist and I can see he’s shirtless, his hair disheveled.

  My entire body goes on high alert at seeing his broad shoulders, his defined chest. I want to touch him, feel his skin on mine, his mouth and tongue…

  “Can’t sleep?” His voice is scratchy. Sexy.

  I stop at the foot of his bed, feeling exposed since I’m wearing an old, oversized T-shirt that barely covers my butt and nothing else. Not even a pair of panties.

  Honestly? I ‘forgot’ to wear panties on purpose. I knew I was going to do this.

  With Rhett, when it comes to us, I have no shame.

  “Yeah,” I finally say.

  “Want to join me?” He flips the covers back and I don’t even bother answering. I just climb into his bed and snuggle up to him with my head resting on his chest, sighing with happiness when he tugs the covers over us before wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me even closer.

  We remain silent and I let my hand wander across his chest, fingers skimming down his stomach. He’s touching me too, one hand sliding up and down my back, the other hand toying with the hem of my shirt. His muscles quiver beneath my fingertips and feeling emboldened, I move further south.

  To discover he’s completely naked.

  “Rhett,” I whisper, trying to sound outraged, even though I’m not. Of course I’m not. This is exactly what I want. “You don’t have any clothes on.”

  “Yeah, well you’re not wearing panties.” To prove his point, he reaches beneath my shirt, his fingers grazing my pubic hair.

  My legs automatically part for him and then he’s touching me, stroking me. I was already wet in anticipation of this and his fingers find my clit, his thumb circling it at the exact moment his mouth finds mine. The kiss is sloppy, all open mouths and searching tongues and mingled gasps and moans. His long fingers feel so fucking good and I strain toward his touch, another gasp escaping me when he strokes my clit just right.

  “I want to be inside you,” he whispers against my mouth and I moan in agony when his fingers disappear. He grabs hold of my waist and next thing I know I’m on top of him, my legs spread across his hips, his hard cock between my legs. I grab the base of him and guide him into position, sinking on top of his cock slowly, the both of us moaning in pleasure as he enters me.

  “Looks like you got what you wanted,” I tell him, smiling when he arches beneath me, sending his cock even deeper.

  Rhett impatiently grabs at my T-shirt and I take it off, yanking it over my head and tossing it onto the floor. His hands go for my breasts, assured fingers stroking my nipples as I start to ride him. He’s so deep, seemingly hitting every pleasurable nerve ending within me and I toss my head back, my hair trailing behind me as I bob and sway.

  “Jesus, you’re beautiful,” he murmurs, his hands going to my hips, guiding my movements. “I could fuck you like this all night.”

  A thrill moves down my spine at his words. Sweet, respectful Rhett knows just what to say when he’s inside me, I’ll give him that.

  “Go faster, baby,” he urges and I increase my pace, crying out when he nudges one particular spot. It feels so good. So, so good. I move faster, faster, faster…

  “Oh God,” I gasp when the orgasm washes over me, making me shiver. I’m a trembling, moaning mess and he flips me over so I’m on my back and he’s fucking me hard, driving me into the mattress, my entire body still shaking from my orgasm as he pounds into me.

  And then he’s coming too. He moans my name, his mouth on my neck, his hips still working as he spills himself inside me. I swear another, smaller orgasm hits me, and I clutch him close, savoring the feeling of the two of us coming.

  Together.

  “Goddamn,” he whispers against my neck when he seems to find himself again. “That was amazing.”

  I start to laugh. I can’t help it. The utter relief of him still wanting me has left me spent.

  Happy.

  He lifts up on his elbows so he can look at me, an arrogant yet adorable smirk curving his mouth. “You wanna do that again?”

  I shift beneath him, enjoying how we’re still connected. He didn’t wear a condom, but I’m on the pill. Probably stupid and reckless and I hope to hell he doesn’t have a STD, but right now, in this moment, I don’t care.

  “Jens?”

  “Yes,” I say when I realize I haven’t answered him. I drop a kiss on his damp with sweat chest before I say, “Let’s do that again.”

  So we do. We do it again and again. We fuck all night, and Rhett’s right. It’s amazing. I let him use me, and he lets me use him. He takes me from behind, his hands gripping my hips as he pushes deep inside me, making me come so hard I see stars. I get on my knees while he sits on the edge of the bed and I give him a blow job. He spreads me wide and licks me until I’m pulling on his hair and screaming his name.

  And finally, when it’s around three in the morning and Rhett is fast asleep, I slip out of his bed and stand next to it, watching him for a while. He’s lying on his stomach, the sheet draped across the back of his calves, exposing his perfect butt and smooth, muscular back. His eyes are tightly closed, his dark hair a complete mess and his cheeks are covered with dark stubble.

  He’s gorgeous. And for one more night, he belonged to me.

  I make my way back to the guest bedroom and change into a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. I sent out a text to Savannah right before I took that shower, letting her know Rhett’s address and begging her to come pick me up when she’s done with work.

  She sent me a text a few minutes ago saying she was waiting outside for me.

  Quietly I make my way out of his house, hoping Rhett will forgive me for not locking the door. I head for Savannah’s car and she gets out, opening the trunk for me so I can put my things inside.

  “You sure you want to do this?” she asks after she carefully shuts the trunk.

  I frown at her. “What do you mean?” I’m tired. I’m sore. And I’m really not in the mood for conversation right now.

  “You really want to sneak out and leave whoever it is inside that house?” She waves a hand toward Rhett’s house and I glance over my shoulder, hating the longing that seems to spread through me.

  “It’s the right thing to do,” I tell her once I’m facing her. “In the end, I’ll just bring him down, and he’ll hate me.”

  That’s the absolute truth.

  She sends me a pointed look but says nothing. Neither do I. We get in her car and she drives me away from Rhett.

  I cry silent tears all the way to her place.

  “You’re going to be okay to work tonight, right?” Savannah asks as we walk into the club.

  Nodding, I head straight for the time clock and punch in, Savannah right behind me. “Yeah. I need everything to get back to normal, you know?”

  I can’t sit around and feel sorry for myself any longer. I need to forget what happened with Greg the creep, and I definitely need to forget about Rhett and my plans to ruin him and his family.

  Yeah, I was selfish taking that one last night with him, but I thought it might get Rhett out of my system.

  Instead, I think it made everything worse. He’s all I can think about. I’m fucking obsessed.

  It sucks.

  I also couldn’t stand the thought of going back to my house in the crappy neighborhood and staying there alone. Rhett could find me there, too, and that’s the last thing I want. Savannah’s letting me stay at her place, thank goodness. She said I could stay as long as I wanted, which was a huge mistake. At the rate I’m going, I’ll never leave, but I�
�m grateful for her friendship.

  I went back to school, trying my best to catch up on my assignments, and begging my professors to let me retake a couple of tests I missed. I thought I would give up on the college dream, but what else am I going to do? I already spent all my money on my education, so I need to see this semester through. What I’ll do after the semester ends, though, I’m not sure.

  I’ll worry about that later.

  Don is glad to see me back at work, I can tell just by the look on his face, and I let him embrace me for a brief moment before I extract myself from his beefy arms.

  “You’re looking good, doll,” he murmurs, his expression sincere. “I was worried you wouldn’t come back.”

  “She shouldn’t come back,” Savannah says, coming to stand right beside me. “Not after what happened.”

  At least Don looks contrite. “Never again. I promise we won’t let something like that happen,” he says firmly. “We’re planning on establishing more strict rules at the club. There will be a meeting about it soon.”

  The moment he walks away, Savannah rolls her eyes. “Right. He’s too greedy to not take money from customers for ‘extra’ services. He’s just saying that because he feels guilty.”

  I don’t respond. Honestly, I don’t want to talk about what happened to me. I’d rather forget it ever happened in the first place. Scrub it from my brain forever.

  “Seriously, Jen, what are you going to do if that guy shows back up here?” Savannah asks as we walk over to our lockers. “He could, you know.” She’s referring to Greg.

  “He won’t,” I say firmly, just as I swing my locker door open. Maybe if I believe what I’m saying, it won’t happen.

  Yet I can’t help but have those thoughts. He could totally show up here whenever he wants, and what would I do? Scream and run? Kick him in the nuts and call him an asshole? Call the cops?