Trust Me, Trust Me Not (Gavert City Book 3)

by Elodie Nowodazkij

  And Rafael nods. “True. But everyone fucks up.”

  Branson crosses his arm on his chest. “The way I see it? Whatever you did, Lacey will understand. What did you do anyways?”

  “I got paid by her uncle to watch over her, while she made it clear to me how excited she was to finally be independent and not feel like anyone had to take care of her so she could live her life.”

  Branson shrugs. “You have to grovel. Sing her a song or something, man.”

  Rafael’s laughter booms and several people stop walking and turn to us. “You’ve never heard Hunter sing. She’d run the other way and he’d empty the entire state of Texas if he starts singing!”

  “Well, he has to find a way. Maybe I can ask my mom if she developed an app yet on the best way to win back someone you screwed over.”

  He clearly meant it as a joke. He’s trying to clear the air. That’s usually what he does. Even though we’ve only known him for two years, and even though he was majorly pissed when the fraternity closed, he’s always been the nice and funny guy. His parents came to visit when he moved back in after the summer, and they’re much more serious than he is. I don’t think I saw them smile once during the few days they spent in town. His dad is a big-shot lawyer, while his mom is constantly creating apps.

  “Or you can do some other romantic shit,” Branson adds. “You’re studying Romeo and Juliet after all.”

  “Yep, but honestly Romeo almost seems obsessed with Juliet. I’m not sure that’s where I should get my inspiration. Plus, they both die at the end, you know.” I sound hopeless.

  “He wasn’t obsessed. He was in love,” Branson insists. “But whatever it is you need to do something.”

  “I think what I need to do is give her time. I’ll explain everything to her. Hell, maybe I’ll write her a letter or something. But then she needs to be the one to decide. It’s her choice. When I started reporting to her uncle, I did it without her knowledge. And yes my intentions were good, but they were also selfish.”

  Rafael leans forward and whispers dramatically, “You’re growing up, dude. You’re growing up.”

  “Whatever.”

  “You might want to do it sooner than later,” he replies seriously before flashing his signature smile, the one that earned him the nickname of Campus Casanova, at one of the girls waving at him from their floor.

  I’m tempted to tell him again that I’m not the only one who’s got problems.

  But I know better.

  CHAPTER 16 – LACEY

  I dash away from the Commons, away from the quad, away from the crowd, until I reach one of the emptier commuter parking lots by the administration building. Some students who have evening classes are hurrying the other way. I find a small courtyard that seems empty but is still close enough that I can see people around, so that I feel safe, and I call my brother. My brother doesn’t even take the time to say hi. “Did you know?” I hate my voice for not being as steady as it should be.

  “What are you talking about?” Luke asks, sounding genuinely confused.

  “Did you know about Hunter?” I press him, gripping my phone so tight my hand starts to cramp.

  “What did he do? Do you need me to come over? I can be there within an hour. Less if I hurry.” There’s anger and determination in the way he talks and a little bit of my own frustration slips away. He didn’t know.

  I pace around. “Is he there?”

  “Who? What are you talking about? Do you need me to come over?”

  I inhale deeply. “I’m fine.” The lie comes easily but doesn’t sound convincing. “You don’t need to come.” I wish I could see him but it’s not his fight. “Our dear uncle, is he there?”

  “He’s in his office.”

  “I’m okay. Don’t worry. I’m just angry with him.”

  “Uncle John?” Luke calls him and I need to hold on to my anger, because if I don’t, there would only be despair and feelings I don’t want to deal with. “He’s there.”

  There’s a muffled sound. And then, “I’m not putting her on speaker, Luke.” A pause. “He told you.”

  I stop pacing and the tears that I have been holding break free. I let myself fall on one of the benches facing the administration building. “Why? Why did you do that? I wanted to do this alone. I wanted...” I wanted Hunter to want me for me, not for a displaced need to keep me safe. My foot taps the ground. “Why didn’t you just ask me to give you regular updates? Why him?”

  My uncle clears his throat. “Because I was scared shitless.” My eyes widen. He’s not one to usually show his feelings. “You have no idea what it’s like to know I didn’t do more to help you and your sister and brother. To help my own sister. She’s dead because I didn’t find a way to help her. If she didn’t always seek to be accepted and understood...”

  “You’re not responsible for her decisions. Stop,” I almost yell but I choke up. “But you’re responsible for asking Hunter to watch me, to keep an eye on me.” My voice breaks. “Why did you ask him? He’s not a professional. He’s not a private detective. If you wanted to keep an eye on me, why him?” I need to know. I need to understand.

  He sighs and there’s a moment of silence broken only by Luke pestering my uncle with his own questions. “Uncle John?”

  “Because I wasn’t worried as much about your safety as I was about you, how you were feeling, if you were going to seek help if you needed it. I didn’t wait to ask him until after Charlotte’s dad became an issue, I asked him way before. I asked him after seeing you two together in your hospital room.” He sighs. “You were talking. And you weren’t just saying how well you were doing, you were opening up and you weren’t opening up to anyone else. Not to the doctors or your brother or to me. But to him. And I needed to know he’d be there for you.”

  My chest clenches and I glance up at the sky. Clouds take the shape of what looks like a broken heart. How fitting.

  “But Lacey-heart.” He called me that once during our summer with him. He’s usually not the type to talk that way, but I had gotten stung by a bee and I was trying not to cry because I didn’t want Mom to find a reason to bring us home. It was such a wonderful summer. “He would have done it without me asking. I just wanted to make sure. I wanted to be reassured. But he would have done it. This guy...he’s there for you. With or without me giving him money or trying to get information for him.”

  “But now I’ll never be sure,” I insist.

  “Come on Lacey, you can be sure. He didn’t text you as often as he did because of me. I couldn’t really find anything on Jane Doe, and he still continued. Why would he have told you? Why would he have come clean if it’s not because he wants to be sure you’re on the same page? Don’t repeat the mistakes of others...”

  I want to scream, but my rage is dimming. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything. I’m not sure of anything. And if you want to know how I’m doing, you can ask.”

  “How are you doing?”

  “Shitty because my uncle paid someone to keep an eye on me. Someone I thought liked me for me,” I retort back.

  And my uncle inhales sharply. “Fair. But besides that?”

  And for a few minutes, I let myself talk. Talk about school. And what happened yesterday. And how nothing makes sense.

  “You need to let me make my own decisions,” I tell my uncle after he reminds me that I need to be careful and that he’s been in touch with the police station here.

  “And you need to know that you’re not alone. You’re not alone anymore. I made a lot of mistakes. I know I’m not perfect.” Luke laughs in the background but Uncle John continues, “But you’re my family and I’ll do anything to keep you safe.” He clears his throat. “And Hunter is not a bad guy. And the fact that he told you about our little arrangement only three days after actually spending time with you should tell you how much you mean to him.”

  “That’s one way of looking at it,” I reply, but I’m not sure anymore. I feel drained. “I’ll talk to you
guys later.”

  And I hang up.

  And even if it doesn’t solve anything or it doesn’t stop the hurt from feeling betrayed, it helps somehow.

  It helps me feel less alone.

  CHAPTER 17 – HUNTER

  What feels like forever later, I park in my usual spot and before I head inside the fire hall, I pull out my phone.

  I left you a letter with Elena. I’m sorry. I really am. Whenever you’re ready to talk, if you want to, I’m here. And for the classes, we can do everything online. I can set up a DropBox and we can do video chat without the video. But if you don’t want to, I’ll talk to Mrs. Jackson. And don’t worry about the carnival.

  I had been looking forward to spending more time with her. She doesn’t answer.

  I wait a few minutes. But maybe she doesn’t have her phone. Most probably she doesn’t want to answer.

  And then it pings and my entire fucking body tenses and relaxes at the same time. Romeo and Juliet didn’t really know each other...

  Okay. I type back because I’m not sure where she’s going with it. The evening settles on the neighborhood in the distance. The sky is a mix of orange and pink. And all I’m thinking is that I wish she’d be close to me. She loves sunsets. And sunrises. She said anything that makes it feel like another day is possible, while still being present in that one moment between darkness and light.

  Do you think they would have worked in the long-run? If they didn’t have this tragic ending? How would their lives have gone on?

  I don’t know.

  They were wrapped up in the stars in their eyes. And the way they made each other feel. And their attraction.

  I can almost picture her blushing. The faint blush that seems to take residence when we have that sort of back and forth or when we talk about kissing.

  I wonder how much of your story you bring whenever you read a play or watch a movie. How much of your own experiences shape the way you look at it.

  My phone rings and I lean back in my seat, my shoulders so tense I would need a bulldozer to loosen them up. “Hey.”

  “Hey. I read your letter.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’m still mad. Mad at you and my uncle. And mad at myself.”

  I tap my fingers on the steering wheel. “I told you that I would do it differently if I could.”

  “I know how much your grandparents’ house meant for you and how difficult it was for you to ask for help. And my uncle is right, you only reported on my wellbeing, never on what I was doing or saying, and you stopped almost as soon as we actually saw each other again. I’m just not quite sure about...anything.” She takes a deep breath. “I wasn’t sure before and I’m even less sure now.”

  “Okay.”

  “I worked on one of the assignments and I’ll send you the presentation preparation worksheet tomorrow. And I’ll come on Friday night to the meeting with the auxiliary. But until then, maybe we should just wave at each other if we see each other but that’s it. I need some space.”

  “Okay,” I say again because that’s much better than what I was hoping for. Much better than cutting all ties. “I really am sorry.”

  “I know.”

  “If you need anything, let me know though. If you see Charlotte’s dad...”

  “I’ll call the police.” She doesn’t sound annoyed, just tired and sad and I wish I could reach through the phone and hold her hand or find a way to make that sadness go away. I wince, because I’m the one who made her sad. “And Hunter?”

  “Yep.” I grip the phone.

  “Be careful too.” She hangs up and I sigh loudly, slamming the steering wheel with my hand.

  All I wanted was to protect her, to make sure she was safe...and now? Now I can’t picture tomorrow without seeing her smile, hearing her talk, holding her hand. I can’t picture tomorrow without feeling like shit because I’m part of the reason she feels so sad.

  THE FIRE HALL SMELLS like the fries and chili that were served during the charity bingo two days ago.

  “Hey!” A couple of the newest volunteers wave at me from the large table in the corner.

  I nod their way, unable to shake the feeling that until the police can find out exactly how someone hacked into her account, Lacey isn’t entirely safe. But at the same time, there’s nothing I can do and I need to concentrate on work. I need those hours. I need to prove myself. I need to get off probation.

  The officers’ quarters’ door is open and the lieutenant is on a chair reading a book. He raises an eyebrow as he notices me hovering. “You know the rules.” His voice is kind. “I was talking to J.J.” He tilts his chin toward the other room. Someone snores loudly. The tell that J.J. is still recovering from his all-nighter. He’s one of the professional firefighters who works three days straight and then goes home to his wife. He joined the crew a few months ago.

  Sometimes the station is quiet; a call here and there, a gas leak, animals on the streets. This time they were the first on the scene at a shooting.

  J.J. didn’t want to talk about it in the morning.

  I did overhear him on the phone with his wife. The lieutenant told me once how important it is for families to be on board with that type of life. The lieutenant and his wife divorced two years ago. It wasn’t easy for him then.

  “I’m glad you made it on time.” Lieutenant Paul checks the clock before standing up. He crosses his arms over his chest and walks out of the officers’ quarters and into his office.

  “I need the hours and I was on the schedule.”

  Lieutenant Paul looks me up and down. “You know that I had to vouch for you after what happened with your papers at school? It took some convincing, especially after you missed a bunch of hours and classes with what happened to your dad a year and a half ago.”

  “I appreciate that.” I stand tall. My voice doesn’t drop. I don’t look away and I don’t frown. I joined the volunteers almost two full years ago, after Jane Doe and after Dad got arrested for his scheme. It was a way for me to have a place to stay and to be able to apply to scholarships. Two years ago, I may have been combative. I may have not known what to say so I would have acted up. Lieutenant. Chief. This place. They have definitely been helping me in more ways than one.

  “Part of our agreement was that you would help with the fall carnival, as we’re expanding it to include more activities for the kids, and that you would help with recruiting for the auxiliary.”

  I nod. “A friend of mine will be joining us to help and she might volunteer for the auxiliary.”

  “Good. Jasmine will be happy. You know she not only runs the auxiliary but we all call her the unofficial chief around here.”

  “I heard that.” Chief Stan enters and his stern voice doesn’t really match his smile. “And I totally agree. I told Jasmine many times she could run this place if she wanted to, but she insists she’s better on a construction site than on a firetruck. You’re coming to the auxiliary meeting on Friday night, right?”

  “Yes, Sir. And Lacey Simon, who will be helping me, will be there as well.”

  He claps my back. “That’s good. You’re recruiting for the auxiliary. We need more young people to join. Maybe she’s interested in the fire program too.”

  Thinking about how she told me per text over the summer that she checks every fire alarm before going to sleep, I’m not sure that it would be her speed.

  But before I can answer, a siren rings and everyone goes into motion.

  And for the night, I don’t have any time to think.

  CHAPTER 18 - LACEY

  Two days later, I’m less angry and more uncertain about everything. He gave me the space I asked for, only answering emails about class.

  And for the past twenty minutes, I’ve been pacing in my room, wondering how I’m going to go to the station and get in while not knowing anyone except him, and not make a perfect fool out of myself.

  It’s why I haven’t gone and applied for the intern position at the campus daycare yet.
>
  I check my reflection in the mirror again. My hair is loose on my shoulder. And thanks to foundation, I look like I’m well-rested, even though I only slept a few hours last night. My hair smells like my vanilla shampoo. If there wasn’t a turmoil of emotion within me, I could almost pretend like everything is fine.

  Noah made it safe to Maryland, but the police still aren’t sure who hacked my email. They said my password (which I ended up giving them) may not have been secure enough. I changed it. It’s now !Moreconfusedthanever3! At least it’s easy to remember. Hailey, or HMDnow, hasn’t been seen in any forums. She hasn’t logged in since that day she lied to me about Noah being dead.

  Hunter texted me earlier and said he could pick me up, but I’m taking my car. My little gray Honda that my uncle helped me pick and that Luke’s friend, Dimitri, repaired for me at a cost.

  “Don’t forget to breathe,” Elena says with a smile. She and Brielle are laying on Elena’s bed, watching a show about science. I hear bits and pieces, but it’s like a foreign language to me.

  Brielle turns to me. She’s been very kind to me since the beginning of school and she definitely makes Elena happy. “I find it cool that you’re going to help at the fire station.”

  “Just with the kids. And I mean it kind of only started because I need help in English and...”

  “Huuuuunnnnnter.” Elena giggles and Brielle shoves her arm in her ribs.

  “I know Hunter. We were in the same prep high school. He was nice. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he was kind of entitled, but not a jerk. And trust me—there were some real jerks at that school.”

  “You have your phone with you, right?” Elena asks with a frown, and I do my best not to sigh and stomp my foot in response.