Trust Me, Trust Me Not (Gavert City Book 3)

by Elodie Nowodazkij

  When she pulls away, it’s like I miss my air. Our foreheads touch. We both breathe hard. “Wow,” I whisper and she laughs that deep, carefree laugh I love.

  But then my heart stops. “Do you smell that?”

  “What?” She frowns and we both turn at the same time. There’s smoke in the near distance.

  And flames.

  The barn is on fire.

  CHAPTER 24 - LACEY

  I freeze. I can’t move. I can’t talk. The flames lick the building. People run away, screaming. The warmth. The smoke. The memories that always brew right below the surface shoot back up in my mind and I don’t think I can walk.

  Hunter must detect the desperation in my eyes because he wraps his arm around me. “You need to stay here.”

  “You need to go,” I croak. Because he needs to. He’ll never forgive himself if he doesn’t.

  “I need to stay with you.” His heart beats fast and he sounds conflicted.

  “No! You need to go. Now.” I push him slightly, looking up at him, trying to make him understand that I mean every word. “Go,” I urge him as his gaze darts frantically from me to the fire in the distance. “Go, I’ll be right here. Nothing’s going to happen to me. I’m fine.”

  He nods without a word. His lips find mine again for a short kiss, as if he’s afraid it might be the last time he kisses me, and my stomach squeezes at the thought. Every single time he rushes to the fire, he could die.

  He could die.

  I breathe in deeply forcing myself to relax my hands and my muscles. So not the moment to freak out. Shivers sprint down my spine and I glance around at the darkness.

  I breathe in and out. Breathe in and out. No one is in the shadows to grab me. Charlotte’s dad is in jail. Abram is in jail. I’m safe. HMD was a product of Mr. Moore’s revenge plot. I am safe.

  Screams mixed with shouts break through the barrier of my mind. And I jolt. They might need help. I might be able to help. I force myself to run down the path. There’s a noise in the trees beside me. As if someone else is running along with me. I don’t stop. My heart thumps louder and louder.

  I don’t look back. Something touches me. A hand touches my arm. I scream and tumble down. My heart jumps out of sync. “Please,” I whimper. I turn around. Nothing. No shadow. Another rumble in the trees.

  I scramble to stand back up, wincing at the pain shooting down my ankle. But I move forward.

  And when I turn toward the barn, my breathing stops. The fire is high and warm. It crackles loudly. The smoke is everywhere now. Like that night. Screams. People screaming and crying. The sounds of the fire trucks. They’re right next door. They’re already starting to extinguish it but it seems to fight right against them.

  My eyes search for Hunter but I don’t see him.

  Jasmine rushes past me. “What can I do?” I ask her. “What can I do?”

  “Can you get everybody to move toward the dunking station? We still have bottles of water there. People need to move out of the way and stay hydrated. I’m getting the list of people who signed up for the raffle during the dance to try to do a roll call.” She’s out of breath.

  I don’t know if I can do this. But I have to. “Everyone.” My voice isn’t loud enough. I grab one of the cones we used for the corn maze. “Everyone. This way!” Some people turn my way. “Let’s get you to safety. To the dunking station. There are bottles of water and you’ll be far enough away from the barn.” The couples who were dancing just an hour ago seem confused and dazed. “Let’s go!” I repeat. Adrenaline rushes through my veins. Hunter’s still nowhere to be seen.

  My throat is so dry I have issues swallowing. I help move people along and as I do, I move closer to the barn. My heart continues to beat faster and faster. The ground shifts around me. “Have you seen Hunter?”

  Jasmine’s look turns the adrenaline into ice. “He’s inside.”

  CHAPTER 25 – HUNTER

  The fire is loud. I don’t think people realize how loud a fire can be. Few people are still inside, scrambling to find a way out, fighting for their lives. I see them, but the fire threatens to swallow them whole.

  Someone grabs my ankle and I don’t jolt. I don’t panic.

  The man whose daughter wants to become a firefighter is stuck under a beam. “My daughter. She was getting some apple juice!” he cries out. “I told my wife I’d take care of her. I need to get her.”

  “Papa!” Nola’s voice is still clear. That’s a good sign. Chief Stan rushes past me with J.J. They attempt to move the beam. “We’ll take care of him. You go get his daughter.”

  I make my way through the smoke, breathing into my mask. I’ve got my gear on before getting back into the barn.

  “Papa!” she screams again. I see her. The fear in her eyes. The tears streaming down her face. There’s no time to freeze. No time to think. No time to overanalyze. Every second counts. I rush to get her. She’s close to the second exit but she can’t see it with the smoke and she’s trying to get to her dad. I grab her. “He’s going to come out.” And in my heart, I pray I’m not lying—ignoring the fact that I never pray. “He told me to get you and to wait for him outside.” She struggles in my arms. I don’t know if I’d believe me either. She coughs and this is my cue to stop trying to convince her. I sprint out of the barn. The guys who stay back swarm the place, ready to put their lives on the line. I give Nola to her mom, who’s screaming her name on the sidelines.

  “Where is he?” The tears in her voice match the ones running down her face. She wipes them away with her hand. Maybe so her daughter doesn’t realize how scared she is.

  “He’s going to come out. I’ll make sure of it.” The fire growls and it has this eerie sound, the one I always associate with it getting bigger and louder. “J.J. and Chief Stan are still inside.” I call out. Paul and I exchange the type of look you never want to exchange: If we don’t get them out in the next two minutes, the structure will collapse on them. Barns burn quickly. The water’s already helping but the smoke could get them, the loose beams could crush them. We both rush back inside. The smoke is thicker.

  I don’t see them. I can’t hear them. My chest squeezes from the lack of oxygen and the urgency.

  Paul’s one step ahead of me. He gestures to the other side. Chief Stan and J.J. got the man out. Paul helps pull them out. Chief Stan and J.J. hurry out. But J.J. isn’t as fast. He’s carrying someone else in his arms. There’s a loud crash. The barn’s collapsing. The structure breaks down in front of us. On top of us. A beam drops. Another one.

  “J.J.!” I scream his name and push forward to grab him and the person he’s carrying to safety.

  But it’s too late.

  CHAPTER 26 – LACEY

  The fire loses some of its ravaging power. “Hunter!” I call but he’s nowhere to be seen. Lieutenant Chuck and one of the guys I don’t know are close to the scene. They just made it out. I run toward them, but Rose, the medic, stops me. “You can’t come any closer. The barn is about to collapse.”

  “Hunter!” My voice breaks.

  “He’s going to be fine. That’s his job. He’s going to be okay.” She loosens her grip around my waist and I kick forward, almost falling down in the process.

  And then there’s a rumbling. The barn collapses in front of us.

  “Where is he? Has anyone seen him?”

  Lieutenant Chuck barks orders from the side. He looks ashen and not steady on his feet, but still commanding. “You two. Where are Chief Stan, Hunter, J.J., and Paul? Last location?”

  “On the side exit of the barn. There were still people inside. A few. Someone stuck and a little girl and we got a report of a woman who was disoriented.”

  My heart stops. My eyes strain to make out the silhouettes by the side of what used to be the barn. “He has to be okay. He has to be okay,” I repeat, tears clouding my view.

  Chuck shouts more instructions.

  “We got them!” someone calls out. I breathe in. “They’re in bad shape.” I c
an’t breathe out.

  Directions and orders are given. I’m not sure who speaks. I’m not sure what’s happening.

  “Get them to the hospital. Now. Anybody else?”

  “We can’t see anyone else, but we’ll keep looking.”

  “Stay safe,” Chuck reminds them. And I glance around, desperately looking for Hunter.

  “Can...can I go...? I want to be with him,” I whisper and I’m not sure Chuck can hear me. The ambulances are here, waiting. And his hand gently touches my shoulder in the chaos.

  “Go with him. It’s not going to be easy for him. But he needs to know you’re there.”

  The ambulance is already gone by the time I make it through the crowd. My car is in the parking lot and as I sprint down the path leading to it, tears roll down my face. My throat tightens and fear spreads into my veins.

  THE EMERGENCY ROOM is full of people, of nurses running around. It seems like disinfectant and a particular smell. A hospital smell I guess, because it reminds me of when I spent so much time there.

  There’s beeping and a large desk in the center of the place. I was directed to the second area. On the board, Hunter’s name is followed by a number: four. A nurse with hazel eyes and a tired smile sees me looking. “What does the number mean?” I ask—my heart in my throat.

  “It’s the priority number. Your boyfriend’s number four.”

  I blush and she giggles—a weird and yet welcoming noise in the busy hallway, a ray of sunshine in the darkness. “I remember you. I used to work on the third floor. Every nurse used to talk about him staying with you almost every night, sometimes coming in the middle of the night, still wearing his firefighter uniform. A keeper for sure.” She tilts her head. “Four means he’s not on the high priority list.” And then a shadow covers her smile. “I’m sorry about his coworker. So tragic. He saved that woman but he couldn’t make it out on time. They did such a heroic job.”

  I inhale sharply. Which co-worker? What is she talking about? Does Hunter know? I want to be there before he finds out, to be there for him. And not only because he’s been there for me.

  “He’s in the third room on the right,” she adds and then hurries to another room.

  There are a lot of people but I keep my eyes on Hunter’s room. I pass an older gentleman who’s telling his kids to go home. Another person seems to be alone, watching the commotion around him.

  “The doctor will be right with you,” another nurse tells him. And he nods.

  Others can’t walk. So many lives are going to end up taking different paths than the ones they thought they were on.

  I stop in front of Hunter’s room. The sliding door is half open. The sink to the right has another sign asking visitors to disinfect their hands and another bottle. I do as asked.

  The TV is on mute but the news is playing. The local news is talking about the fire. Has he turned down the volume?

  In my memory, the bed is large but he’s taking up all of it. He has a sling holding his left arm, cuts on his cheek and lips. New burns on his shoulders and biceps. He’s attached to an EKG with an IV in his right arm.

  His eyes are closed but I know he’s awake. His breathing changed. I sit down on the chair next to the tube and his EKG.

  “I’m here,” I whisper. And I try very hard to push away the images of the barn collapsing, when the thought of his possible death crossed my mind. I struggle to inhale properly like there’s a hand squeezing my chest.

  He still doesn’t open his eyes.

  “J.J. didn’t make it.” His voice is raspy.

  “I’m so, so sorry.” My words seem hollow. When we buried Mom, only a few people offered us their condolences. Luke kept on saying the ones who didn’t mustn’t have known her. But can’t you also be sorry for the life people lived and not only for their death? J.J. had a full life ahead of him and he was a hero. And he was Hunter’s friend. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I repeat. How can you put sorrow and pain into words?

  “I didn’t see that other woman he was carrying. I only thought about the dad and his little girl.” I don’t say a word. He’s not crying and he clenches his jaw like that’s the only control he has right now. And I get that. I really do. “They saved his dad but then J.J. didn’t listen to Chief and he went to grab that woman. He saved her too but as he propelled her into my arms, he...he stayed behind. A split second and it was too late. I couldn’t grab him. I couldn’t get him. I should have known. I should have been there.” He pauses and his eyes meet mine. And my chest clenches. He may be able to control his tears but he can’t control the despair in his eyes. “I should have known.”

  “You couldn’t have known.”

  “I should have known.” The intensity in his voice cuts through me.

  “It’s not your fault,” I beg him to understand, but I already know he’s not going to hear me. Not now. But those are words I think he still needs to hear. “It’s really not your fault.” My throat is dry.

  “Do they know what started the fire? On TV, they said it started in two different locations.”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Okay.” He winces as he slides himself slightly back up. “I need to get out of here.” He pauses and his gaze turns sweeter, more concerned. “How are you?”

  “I’m fine. I helped Jasmine.”

  “I told you to stay back!” he roars but I don’t move. “I told you to stay back,” he repeats more to himself.

  “They needed help and then when I was looking for you...and I couldn’t find you...” My voice breaks and I hate it for breaking. I should be strong for him now like he was for me.

  “I’m going to be okay.” He frowns. “I need to see J.J’s parents. His wife.” He shakes his head. “His wife is going to be heartbroken. She’d asked me to take care of him and I failed.”

  “What happened isn’t your fault.”

  He closes his eyes again but his frown is still there. “I need to be alone.”

  “I don’t mind staying.” I’m not sure what to do.

  “Can you please leave?” he asks and when he reopens his eyes, he has the same intense look he did a few minutes ago. “And Lacey. Maybe it’s best that we only see one another for English. You’re not in danger anymore. And, um, it’s best if we keep our distance. And I don’t really want to go to that outdoor movie festival. You know, it’s one thing to be casual but it’s another to go on dates and see each other too often.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense,” I whisper. “We...we were talking and...um, we were kissing. You said...”

  “I like you, but as I said, you’re not in danger anymore and I don’t really want to make this”—he gestures between the two of us—“something it’s not. I think I led you on a little, and it’s not fair to you.”

  I thought my heart was shatter-free, that it had seen and lived through everything.

  I was wrong.

  “Okay.” I fight the tears. I won’t cry in front of him. He’s mad and angry at himself and the world. But it still feels like knives are digging scars in my heart. I stand back up.

  I lean forward to kiss his cheek but he turns away. “Please, don’t.”

  I stand back up and rush out of the room, leaving a part of me behind.

  CHAPTER 27 – HUNTER

  It took everything I had in me to turn away. If I took one look at her pain-stricken face, I’d have begged for her to stay, to climb into that tiny bed with me and to hold me tight, despite the pain and the cuts and the broken arm.

  If I can’t even protect my brothers, how would I protect her? If I can’t even protect my brothers, how am I worthy of her? If I can’t even protect my brothers, what’s the point of all of this?

  Everything’s blurry.

  I want to scream but I don’t.

  Instead, I swallow back the tears. When my father died, I didn’t cry. I was mad and I was sad. Seeing Mom and my grandparents having a hard time was a punch in the gut. But I didn’t cry one single tear.

&n
bsp; When I found Jane Doe, I didn’t cry.

  But right now? Right now it feels like the Niagara Falls are pooling behind my eyelids.

  I lean back and turn up the volume of the TV.

  “Tragedy strikes fundraiser. The volunteer firefighters of Sommerset County were having their annual October fundraiser at the Sommerset Barn, when the fire they fight every day claimed one of their own.” J.J.’s picture fills the screen. And then they show one of him and his wife Abby. I look away, before forcing myself to stare at their smiling faces. My chest tightens so much it hurts to take a breath. He’d been talking about how he wanted to take her to California to go wine tasting. He said she’d been dreaming about it ever since watching some movie. And he wanted to surprise her.

  But he’s never going to do that.

  He’s never going to go home.

  My throat burns.

  Like my dad, I bring tragedy to people around me.

  Like the girl in the water, I couldn’t save him.

  There’s a knock on my door.

  “I told you to go away Lacey.” I force my voice to sound like I mean every word.

  Chief Stan enters the room. “You told that young lady to go away?” he asks and sits on the side of my bed. His shoulders are slumped and his eyes are haunted. “You weren’t even on duty Hunter. I was with him.”

  I still don’t say a word.

  Chief continues, undeterred. “Did I ever tell you about my brother?”

  Everyone knows Chief’s brother died in a fire—the first time they ended up on the same job. They were in two different companies, but there had been a very dry summer and fires were spreading in several counties. He was there when his brother died. I nod.

  “I didn’t ask you if you knew about it.” His voice is kind but thoughtful. “I asked you if I ever told you about him.”

  I shake my head.

  “He was younger than me. Four, almost five years younger. And he followed in my footsteps. Mom used to say I could do no wrong in his eyes. But when he died...” He chokes on his words. “I couldn’t forgive myself. I held myself responsible. Even though it was not my fault. Just like it’s not your fault.”