Trust Me, Trust Me Not (Gavert City Book 3)

by Elodie Nowodazkij

  Nadia sighs and wraps an arm around my shoulder. “Your dad is...in one of his moods.” Nadia and Dimitri are the only friends who know how Dad can be sometimes. “I can postpone with Liam and see him later, if you want to grab some ice cream on your way home. Maybe your mom would like some.”

  I bump my hip against hers in an I’m-okay-don’t-worry move, which I know she’s not going to buy. “It’s fine. I need a good night’s sleep anyway. I have pageant training, and Jenna’s been even bitchier than usual. She hasn’t been wearing her engagement ring, so I wonder if something happened with her fiancé.”

  “The one she gushed about at the last pageant?”

  “That one.” I nod.

  “That sucks for her.”

  “And for the rest of us, too. She’s taking her anger out on everyone.”

  Nadia winces. “That means if I go see you at the Queen of Hearts pageant, she might tell me again that I definitely should stick to theater because my face and body are not big-screen material?”

  “You’re talented, and you’re gorgeous. I could make a routine to tell you.” I throw one pom-pom in the air. “N-A-D-I-A.”

  Nadia puts her hand on my arm. “I get it. You think I’m awesome.” She laughs, and the little crease between her eyebrows disappears.

  “Jenna also misses her own pageant days. She told me once how much fun she had when she was on stage.” I tuck a lonely strand of hair behind my ear. “And ever since she stopped wearing that engagement ring, she’s been worse. She made a six-year-old cry last week when she couldn’t remember her little speech.”

  “That sounds bad.”

  “Exactly. I wish she’d found another outlet for her rage.” I sigh loudly, seeing Caleb in the distance running with his best friend, Julian. Maybe Dad had loosened up a bit. “I’m going to try to go to the search tomorrow morning.”

  “Me too” Nadia replies. And we both stay silent for a few seconds. Both lost in thoughts. Another day, another search. And Rachel still hasn’t been found. Cars peel away from the parking lot. People are heading to the party.

  I nudge Nadia. “You should get going. Liam is going to worry otherwise.”

  This time, her lips stretch into her I’m-so-in-love smile. Liam and Nadia have been dating since our freshman year, and they won Cutest Couple two years in a row for a reason. She gives me a quick hug. “I’ll call you later!” she says over her shoulder as she jogs toward the parking lot.

  I hurry to the locker rooms. Every cheerleader is gone, either getting ready for the party or heading home to reassure their parents.

  The football team is celebrating on the other side of the stadium, probably thinking about their next game already. Dimitri’s notebook must be full of scribbles. I pull out my phone, and warmth spreads from the end of my curls to my toes.

  Shorty, noticed your car was leaking on the parking lot. Why don’t you bring it to the garage? I’ll check it out for you.

  I type back, Thanks. See you Sunday for our run?

  Ever since his physical therapist told him he could train again, Dimitri has been hell-bent on getting back into the best shape of his life.

  And a delicious tingle runs down my spine thinking about him running without a shirt again. He’s definitely in the best shape of his life.

  I undo my ponytail and run my fingers through my hair.

  A door closes in the distance, and my heart jumps up my throat. The silence in the locker room settles in my chest, and my eyes dart to the right, then to the left. “Don’t be silly. Everything is okay,” I say out loud, but taking a full breath is still hard. “Must be the football players leaving.”

  I grab my bag and hesitate between the emergency exit and the main exit a bit farther away. Blood pounds in my veins, and I’m tempted to run to the emergency exit. But this is ridiculous. No one is there. No one is there to get me.

  Footsteps resonate and I accelerate.

  But the footsteps get closer.

  There is someone.

  Someone behind me.

  A hand reaches out and touches my arm.

  Shivers run up and down my spine, and I scream.

  CHAPTER 3 – DIMITRI

  The football field almost seems smaller. When Coach Miller called to ask if I wanted to volunteer as his assistant during the season, I almost said no. Afraid of what it would feel like to be back on this field. Last year was supposed to be the best year of my life: I was going to bring Gavert High to another state championship; my mom was going to watch me win; I was going to get recruited by Texas State and then go into the NFL. Instead cancer took my mom and I fucked up any chance I had to play with the team. My dreams never included getting my GED. My dreams never included taking classes at Gavert County Community College while figuring out my next move. My dreams never included disappointing my mom before her death. The pressure behind my eyes ramps up. If my eyes were tires, they’d explode.

  I crack my neck, but it doesn’t help.

  I want to forget. But I’ve learned the let’s-get-drunk-and-drive way that forgetting comes at a price.

  Drinking myself to oblivion to forget my mom was battling cancer wasn’t the solution. She still died and I lost my position on the team, my life as a football player, and my future.

  There really is a before and after. When Nadia used to tell me about some stories she’d read, or a play she was auditioning for, she always said there was a before and an after. And with those comes one moment that changes everything

  My accident was the turning point. And my after sucks.

  Before, whenever I’d come into town, people would pat me on the shoulder, offer me an extra sandwich, an ice cream. Little kids would look at me with so much awe in their eyes. Guys would want to be me. I was celebrated. I mattered.

  Football player.

  It wasn’t only about the game. It was a way of life.

  After?

  Some look at me the way I expect them to: a bit of pity, a bit of you-deserve-this. But what hurts the most is realizing that most don’t even notice me anymore. I’ve officially become a ghost of football past. Unless I can convince one coach to take another look at me. Even if it’s at a Division II or Division III school. Even if it is on the East Coast. No, especially if it’s on the East Coast. That may be the only chance I’ll ever get to be with Erin.

  Erin. My sister’s best friend, and the reason I have blue balls most of the time.

  “Good game tonight, guys. Really good game,” Coach Miller calls out to the football players gathering around him. He’s been giving me more and more training responsibilities and asks my opinion before calling the shots, and the guys respect me. But part of me envies them, their prospects. They have scouts in the audience ready to pick them up and make them stars.

  “Dimi, why don’t you tell the boys here how you guys won State Championship your junior year?”

  I step forward, remembering. “Practice, practice, practice. And teamwork. I know it all sounds like words thrown in the air before every game, but we became a team that year.”

  “And why didn’t you win your senior year?” Coach asks, and I wince. I’ve held talks at high schools in a hundred-mile radius as part of the court-ordered community program to campaign against underage drinking.

  “Because I fucked up. Because I let my team down.”

  The guys all stare at me, but Coach shakes his head. The locker room is stuffy and feels small, and part of me wants to shove my hope for a brighter future deep down and run away. But I can’t do that to the team. Facing my past and the demons that go along with it are part of what I need to do. Even if it hurts more than getting pummeled on the field when trying to protect the ball.

  Coach snaps his fingers in front of my face. “You’re wrong, Dimitri. They didn’t lose because of you. They lost because they didn’t remember how to be a team without you.” His voice booms. “Play for your team, play for your school, play for yourself. If you have an issue, settle it off the field. But on the fie
ld? You’re one! And you proved that again tonight!”

  The team huddles together. They’re still out of breath after the game, but the pressure is off—at least for now, and they all itch to get out and party.

  “Now, hit the showers. You stink.” Coach Miller chuckles and nods my way in his usual no-bullshit attitude. “Kuvlev, I need to talk to you.” He usually calls me by my last name if I either fucked up royally or helped the team to victory.

  Hard to tell if he’s mad or proud.

  “Yes, Coach?” He gestures for me to sit on the bench. “Two weeks ago, I went to the Annual Football Welcome-Back Dinner at Midwestern State University.” He pauses and his dark eyes bore into mine. “I saw my buddy—Chad—there. I told him about you. I told him your stats from your junior year and told him you were helping me coach this year. He said you could call him if you wanted.” He hands me a card with the mustang, Midwestern State University’s mascot, emblazed in it. “I know a recruiter from Bowie State University is coming here from Maryland to talk to you next week, but you have options.”

  My shoulders tense. Having options shouldn’t make me feel trapped. “Thank you, Coach.” I sound more confused than excited.

  He stands up, and I’m forced to look up. “One mistake doesn’t screw up your entire life, son. You’ve always wanted to play in Texas. You still can.”

  I nod but my thoughts are all over the place.

  Playing in Texas was a dream I crushed all by myself. And Erin is working for an early acceptance to the University of Maryland with Nadia. That’s where Mom graduated from, and Nadia’s always wanted to follow in her footsteps. Erin and Nadia made a pact signed in blood when they were twelve that they’d go to the same university.

  That’s where my best friend—Gabe—is going to school, too. He texted me before the game. The night of the accident changed him, too. He was in the passenger seat when we crashed against that tree. I thought I killed him. He was able to play again mid-season and he never held a grudge. He said we were both being stupid that night.

  And he’s right.

  When Mom found out about the accident, she cried. She didn’t let us see her tears when the cancer spread, but she sobbed when she visited me at the hospital. She didn’t think I heard her, but the sound of her tears will haunt me forever.

  That’s what hurt the most. Knowing I had let my mom down right before her death.

  I slowly stand up and busy my hands putting up towels and wiping off benches before dragging myself out of the locker room. The back exit is closest to me and to the parking lot, so I head that way.

  Nadia probably already left, but she’s not the one I’m looking for anyway.

  Ever since Rachel disappeared, all those feelings for Erin I thought I had hid away are rushing back. Because life is fucking short. Mom’s death should have taught me that, but I thought I needed to be better, to work harder, to have a future in order to be with Erin. Her dad told me as much after he found Erin crying because of me last year. His cold voice rings in my ears. You need to stay away from her. You’re not good enough.

  He was right then. She deserves that and so much more.

  Few cars are left in the parking lot. Caleb is playing tag with Julian. He’s laughing so hard it makes me smile. He’s had a hard time since their dad has been a suspect in the murders for years now. But it really got worse with Brooke’s disappearance last year and Rachel’s this year. They were both not only in his American History class, but he tutored them too.

  Rachel.

  I take a deep breath.

  My eyes scan the area, but Erin’s nowhere to be found. I force myself to not worry. She’s probably still talking to people in the locker room.

  I check my cell and see she answered my text. I’m about to call her, but her dad grabs my attention in the distance. Erin’s friend Audrey stands next to him, and he leans toward her. Audrey seems uncomfortable, shifting from one foot to the other. I can’t see her face, and I’m about to walk their way to check on her, when Audrey turns around and leaves. She seems in a hurry, and I can’t help but think Erin’s dad had something to do with that. Audrey was supposed to wait for Carlos. Carlos couldn’t shut up about it for the past week, and now she ditches him before seeing him?

  My stomach churns, but I can’t stop staring at Erin’s dad, who’s yelling for Caleb to hurry up. I can hear him from here. Our families have been too intertwined in the past decade to not realize her dad can be...strange.

  That talk he had with me last year was intense. The way he stared me down, the way his hand tightened on my arm, the way he smiled like nothing happened after.

  At school, he used to be funny. He cracked jokes. He used to get a Teacher of the Year award every single year. But at home, he always had this darker side. A darker side that grew more pronounced on Erin’s thirteenth birthday, the fourth year a girl disappeared in Gavert City.

  Erin’s car is parked on the far right of the parking lot. And my hands clam up. There’s no rationale behind it. Erin’s in the locker room. She has to be safe.

  But still...my feet march back toward the building’s main entrance until I break into a small jog.

  She exits the building right at as I’m about to open the door—her skin is flushed, but not the way it is after a game, she looks like she’s scared and my hands tighten into fists. Carlos follows her outside. When he sees me, he steps back. “I didn’t mean to scare her, I swear. I was rushing to see Audrey and I saw Erin walking ahead. I didn’t think, man. Erin, I’m so sorry.” Carlos’ words tumble out of his mouth faster than he’s ever been on the field.

  Erin’s smile is shaky, but it’s there. “I shouldn’t have screamed like that. Clearly, I’m on edge. I’m sorry.”

  My gaze darts from Carlos to Erin, and before I can help myself, my fingers reach her face. A hint of a blush spreads on her cheek, and I step closer to her.

  Carlos clears his throat. “Have to go. Audrey said she’d meet me at the party.” He almost sprints away.

  My hand still cradles Erin’s face, and her blue-green eyes widen slightly. Her dark red hair falls past her shoulders. Her lips I know to be soft and sweet and addictive part and I can't stop staring. I could lose myself in her. I could find myself in her. I have to regain control or I might ask her if she feels like going back to the empty locker room for a make-out session of the century.

  I step back and let my hand drop. She inhales sharply and a flash of disappointment shatters her face, but she regains control quickly. “Assistant Coach Kuvlev, what did you think of the game?” She starts walking toward her car, and I follow.

  “We did pretty awesome. But I think the cheerleaders were the best.”

  “If I didn’t know you any better, I’d think you were trying to flirt with me.” Her tone is hopeful, but until that meeting with the recruiter, I need to rein myself in. We already had a missed chance, a missed opportunity. Erin’s dad wasn’t the only one who was pissed I hurt her. Nadia was mad like I’ve never seen her before when she found out what happened at the away game last September. But their reactions don’t compare to how angry I was at myself for putting a dent in Erin’s heart.

  That wasn’t my intention.

  I wasn’t ready then. I couldn’t deal with Mom’s cancer or the pressure or my own thoughts. All I wanted was to play and party and pretend.

  I change the topic. “I saw your text. Definitely up for running on Sunday.” We stop by her beat-up car. “How is your dad? He was talking to Audrey earlier.”

  She winces. “Hope he didn’t make her uncomfortable. Ever since the school put him on leave, he’s been acting even weirder than usual.” She blows out a breath and leans against her car. “Do you remember when Nadia and I turned thirteen?”

  I was fifteen then, almost sixteen, and I remember the bathing suit she wore that summer. “Mmm-hmm.”

  “I think that’s when he changed. The summer we turned thirteen, he got mad more often. He yelled at Mom more often, too. And th
at’s when I feel like I’ve disappointed him but I’m not sure why.” She shakes her head as if trying to get rid of unwanted thoughts. “Anyway, I have to go. I’ll try to be at the search party tomorrow morning. Maybe I can convince Mom and Dad to let Caleb spend the night at Julian’s. He needs to have fun.”

  My fingers itch to caress her face again, my arms need to hold her, my mouth wants to kiss the worries away, but I hold myself still.

  “If you can’t make it tomorrow, I’ll see you Sunday morning. Be careful, okay?”

  “Always.” And she rises on her toes, her lips brush the corner of my mouth way too quickly and she hops into her car.

  Leaving me behind.

  FEAR ME, FEAR ME NOT is available NOW!

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  ELODIE NOWODAZKIJ WAS raised in a tiny village in France, where she could always be found a book in hand. At nineteen, she moved to the US, where she learned she’d never lose her French accent. She graduated with a bachelor’s degree in Modern Language & Linguistics, and later earned master’s degrees in German Cultural Studies and European Studies. Unbeknownst to her professors, she sometimes drafted stories in class. Now she lives in Maryland with her husband, their dog and their cat. She's also a serial smiley user.