The night wore on, and a few cousins had started up a game of spades while Pops and DB set up an old, faded card table for a boisterous game of dominoes. Everyone was occupied by food or by watching a game, and I managed to slip out into the backyard. There, I found Jeremiah sitting around the fire pit while J-Baby ran around the yard with some of her cousins from her mom’s family. I claimed a seat next to my brother and squeezed his shoulder as I sat down.
“Where’s Lisa?” I hadn’t seen Ja’mya’s mother at all today, which was out of the ordinary. Ever since she came on the scene, even before giving birth to my J-Baby, Lisa had attended every family get-together. She and Jeremiah had been so attached at the hip that I had to wonder why they hadn’t started to look alike.
Jeremiah snorted and took a mean swig from the bottle of beer in his hands. “She’s probably with her fiance.”
My eyes bugged. “What the fuck did you say?”
His eyes cut toward me then out at the lawn, presumably to see if J-Baby was within earshot. “You heard what I said.”
I shook my head as if it would help clear my ears. There had to be something in them because there was no way he’d said what I think he said.
“I heard you alright, but I think my hearing might be a little fucked up because it sounded like you said Lisa was with her fiance. I know that can’t be right since she ain’t here with you.”
Another snort. Another drink. “Yeah, well…”
He had to be drinking just for something to do because there wasn’t a beer on earth that could get a Hawkins drunk. “What did you do?”
“Shit, I didn’t do anything.”
“Nah, that can’t be true. Lisa wouldn’t just leave you after sixteen years for nothing.” Not after basically building a life with him. They had met in when Jeremiah was a senior at UAPB and Lisa was a sophomore and they had J-Baby two years after Lisa graduated. After Jeremiah bought her a house and they moved in together, I thought everything was good. Hell, they were damn near one person.
He looked at me and the misery in his eyes shook me. How the hell had I missed that earlier?
“Think again, baby boy. Those were her exact words.”
I was confused as hell. “Bruh, you lost me.”
“Lisa wanted to get married.”
And the other shoe dropped. Oh. Now I got it. Marriage was something the three of us were very careful about. We had an amazing example in our parents, along with decades of advice from them—and DB—and it wasn’t something to be taken lightly. Every woman had the potential to be a wife, but—for me—I didn’t want a “potential” mate. I needed the one. That perfect woman for me. In thirty-four years, I still hadn’t found her, although, for the record, I wasn’t looking.
Jeremiah was different. He was like Pops in the way that he met his right woman early on. At least, I had thought so. It didn’t occur to me to question why he never married Lisa. I was so busy being “Hawk” that their relationship wasn’t on my radar. And honestly, outside of Mama, who was going to ask him about some shit like that? I mean, Pops, maybe, but that’s it. I wondered briefly if Jereth had ever questioned him about it.
“I’ll be honest with you, man,” I stroked my goatee, “I thought Lisa was ‘the one’ for you. You were so in love with her…”
“Am not were,” he corrected swiftly. At my raised eyebrows, he cleared his throat. “I love her but I don’t know if that makes her ‘the one’.” Ah, so big bro was in denial.
“Well, if she ain’t the one then what is all the drinking and tears for then?”
He shoved me so hard, I almost fell from my seat. I laughed.
“Fuck you, nigga! I’m not crying and shit. You asked where she was, and I told you.”
I shrugged. “You sound pretty heartbroken about it.”
“Nigga…”
I held my hands up in surrender. “I’m just sharing my observations. But what’s the big deal? If you love her and you can’t stop crying now that she left you then hurry up and marry her before whoever this other nigga is does it first.”
He sighed heavily and ran a hand down his face before tilting the bottom of his bottle up and draining the last of his beer. “Shit’s not that simple. She met someone and got close enough to him that she thought it was a good idea to accept his proposal.”
Damn. “You know who this dude is?” Maybe Boobie could run up on him…
“Nah, and I’m not even going to give Lisa the satisfaction of thinking that I care by asking anything about him.”
I nodded. “I get that. Not only lie to yourself but lie to her too. That’s a solid plan.” He glared at me and I laughed. “Nah, you’re right. Just let whatever happens, happen.” I sobered. “When did all of this go down? Last I heard, you and Lisa were thinking of having another baby.”
“We were. Ja’mya is about to be thirteen, and I want a son. Lisa was on board with it until she came back from a weekend trip with her girls. After that, she said she wasn’t going to continue being my ‘forever girlfriend’ whatever that means. I mean, she was more than my girlfriend and she knew it. She was my…” He stared at the fire pit, seemingly at a loss for words.
“Life partner?” I supplied a word I heard thrown around a time or two recently. It was usually by same-sex couples, but I figured the same principle could be applied to whatever Jeremiah was trying to say.
“Yes! That’s it!”
I chuckled at how he sounded exactly like Pops from the day before. “Bruh, you do know that most people who have a life partner do so because they aren’t able to get married? Not because they refuse to.”
The look he gave me was almost offended. “I’m not refusing to get married. I’m just being cautious.”
“Okay bruh, if you say so.” I wasn’t going to argue him down about it. It was his business if he didn’t want to get married. That had nothing to do with me. I stood and slapped his hand. He pulled me into a hug and looked me in the eye.
“I’m not refusing to get married.”
I laughed at his insistence and pulled away from him. “Okay, nigga, damn! I believe you.” I didn’t believe his ass for a second.
I jogged out to the lawn and started chasing my niece and little cousins around, their joyous screams cracking me up. I stayed outside, playing with them for about an hour before retreating back into the house to call it a night. My family could kick it all day and night but I had to throw in the towel. I made my rounds through the kitchen and living room, saying goodnight and goodbye to my people. Neither Pops nor DB was anywhere to be found, but I didn’t question it. I climbed the stairs and stripped out of my clothes, falling into the bed without even taking a shower first. I’m sure my mama would say I smelled like a ‘puppy dog’ after running around outside like one but it was two a.m. and I was exhausted. I’d have to make sure I washed the sheets in the morning before I had to leave.
My flight was at ten a.m. so I was only able to swing four hours of sleep before a wake-up call from Trina got me out of the bed. After taking the shower I should have had the night previous, I stripped the bed and carried the linens down with me. The laundry room was through the kitchen, and as I cleared the living room, I saw a familiar figure standing where I had expected my father to be.
“Mama?”
She turned and grinned at me. “Well, it sure ain’t your daddy, huh.” Nah, it definitely wasn’t Pops. The way he’d been knocking back glasses of Crown assured that he wouldn’t surface until nine at the earliest. She set the spatula she held down on the counter. “Good morning.”
I was surprised to see her. When I’d left Houston, she’d been in Dallas, checking on a multi-unit building she thought I should purchase. She’d been gone for a week, and I hadn’t heard from her to hear how the look-see went. Seeing her this morning was a pleasant surprise.
I shifted the linens under one arm and walked over to embrace her. “Morning, Mama. When’d you get in?”
Planting a kiss on my cheek, she patted my chest
and turned back to the stove. “About midnight.” Her back was to me, so she didn’t see the surprised look on my face. I hadn’t seen her last night and I—oh. That explained Pops’ absence. I shook my head.
I looked over her shoulder to see pancakes, grits, eggs, and a potato hash. The smell of bacon was strong and though I didn’t see any, I assumed she had cooked that first and had it in the oven to stay warm. I wouldn’t eat any but I knew Pops had to have his bacon. I continued on to the laundry room and tossed the sheets and pillowcases into the high-efficiency washer. When I returned to the kitchen, Mama handed me an over-sized mug filled with tea. I smiled at the man-shaped infuser hanging on the rim of the mug.
“Are you surprised to see me?” She’d turned her attention back to the stove to remove the eggs and spoke to me over her shoulder.
I nodded, though she couldn’t see me. “Of course. I thought I wouldn’t see you until I got home.” I’d been in Houston so long, it was home now.
“Oh, you’ll see me there, too. I’m flying back with you.”
My eyes widened. “Damn, Mama. You just got here, and you’re going to turn right around and board another plane within twelve hours? Talk about jet-setting.”
She clicked her tongue. “You’re one to talk.”
“Yeah, but I do that for work, not just for the hell of it.”
My mama spun on me so fast, I took a step back. It didn’t matter that she was a foot shorter than me or one hundred pounds lighter. The woman could be terrifying when she wanted to be.
“I didn’t do this turn-around trip just for the hell of it, Hawk. I missed my husband and the desire to be with him was strong enough that I didn’t have to think twice.” She observed me with shrewd eyes. “I’m praying that you will find someone you care so much about that you wouldn’t hesitate to do the same thing. I’m praying that for all you boys.” Her eyes flew to the ceiling, and I knew she was thinking of Jeremiah, whose childhood bedroom was just above the kitchen. “Well, I’m praying for you and Jereth. Jeremiah already found that someone, but he’s so caught up in that…that bullshit that DB fed y’all as babies that he let her get away!”
I laughed nervously, glad that she changed the subject. “I was talking to him about that last night.”
The look she gave me was full of disbelief. “What did you say to him?”
I leaned back. Damn, was I not supposed to talk to my brother? “Nothing much. I thought Lisa was ‘it’ for him, and I asked if he knew who her new dude was.”
“Hm.” She turned back to the stove, this time taking the pot of grits off the burner. “Grab you a plate.”
There was a stack of plates on the counter behind the dishes of food. I didn’t even realize it, but, as Mama finished the food, she arranged it on the counter buffet-style. I set my mug on the breakfast table and grabbed a plate, loading it up with everything but the bacon. I hadn’t had bacon since I was a sophomore in high school. Jeremiah, who was a freshman at UAPB, worked part-time at the Tyson chicken plant. One day, while he was at work, a group of locals who were vehemently against the unethical treatment of animals papered the parking lot with pamphlets of what happened inside the plant.
My brother, along with most of the workers, didn’t give a damn and simply trashed the pamphlets. Unfortunately, at least one had missed his sweep, and I saw it when he picked me up from basketball practice. I was up all night researching what I saw in between those pages. After throwing up the fried chicken I’d had for dinner, I declared myself a vegan. A week later, when I realized vegan meant I couldn’t eat cheese, I switched to being a vegetarian. That was sixteen years ago.
Now that I was older and understood my gastrointestinal system, I avoided eating cheese for a different reason, but only occasionally ate animal by-products like eggs and honey when I was in Pine Bluff. Since I was waiting until I retired from basketball to buy a home here, I wasn’t going to tell my parents what they could and could not serve in their own home. Absently, I ate my food as I thought about the day before. I’d had more surprising conversations with my people in the last twenty-four hours than I had in the last six months.
Suddenly, everyone wanted to talk about relationships, building a family, and having kids. Shit, I needed to stay out of the water. At that thought, I eyed my mug of tea. I know Jereth relocated to escape a situation but maybe that was a two-fold blessing. Living on a different continent automatically came with a reprieve from conversations like the one I’d just had with my mama. The only one who hadn’t brought up anything weird was Pops. He was a real G. He knew how to appreciate what he had. One grandchild was better than none.
I watched as Mama turned off every burner on the stove once she was finished cooking and headed around the corner to where her and Pops’ bedroom was. Our flight left in three hours. I wonder if she was going to try to get a nap in or would she thug it out by staying up. We had less than an hour before we had to get on the road. Sacrifice for love. That was what she was doing.
I shook my head. I could understand what she was saying without experiencing it for myself. I looked down at my plate and quickly devoured the rest of my breakfast. There was a reason I kept my trips back home short. My head was always spinning soon after arriving, and I was eager to get back home.
Being secluded had spoiled me.
Chapter Six
Nedra
When You Will Shoot a Bitch If They Don't Stop Playing
“Let me ask you something.”
I looked up from my e-reader and bowl of popcorn to see Ashton perched on the arm of the couch. I’d been staying in Shanice’s partially abandoned bungalow for a couple of weeks now. It still took some getting used to, but I appreciated my friend for allowing me this space more than she could know.
Ashton had come into town on Wednesday and was staying for a week. Today was Friday, and she had been reminding me since she landed that we were going to some new club tonight. I looked at her expectantly. So far, she hadn’t bombarded me with questions about the divorce, but I knew it was only a matter of time. Maybe this was that time.
“Is there any chance of you reconciling?”
I sighed. And there it was. There was no way Chris was getting this question as much as I was. Or any variation of it. I wish I could record my answers to the frequently asked questions I’d been receiving, and play them back every time I needed to.
Not only was I tired of having to repeat myself, I was also tired of having to give my answers with kid gloves. I was tired of having to gently let people know the few things I was willing to share with them. I was so tempted to start giving out Chris’s number to every person who asked me questions about the divorce. “Here ya go; he’s the organizer of the event, and he should be able to answer all of your questions. Have a nice day.” But see, if I did some shit like that, everyone would call me bitter or unnecessarily rude. It wasn’t Ashton’s fault that she was asking me shit I’d had to answer too many times already, but that didn’t stop me from being annoyed all the same.
I gave her a short and sweet answer. “No.”
She slid from the arm of the chair down onto the seat. “Oh. Well, have you—”
“Ashton.” She stopped talking. “Please don’t insult me by suggesting that I haven’t tried to save my marriage.”
She blinked rapidly. “No! I wasn’t going to do that. I was just going to ask if you’ve already scheduled your ‘new to you’ dick appointment.”
I stared at her. Okay, that is definitely not on my list of faqs. “Seriously, Ashton?”
“Uh, yeah. Seriously. Have you?”
“First of all, I didn’t even know that was a thing. Second of all, no.”
She tsked as if my answer aggrieved her. “Oh, Nedra.” She pulled out her cell phone and swiped at the screen.
“What?”
She shook her head and continued swiping at her screen. Finally, she peered up at me. “Have you had any sex at all since…?”
Since that last night with Chr
is? She didn’t have to say it; I knew that’s what she meant. I shook my head. “Sex has been the second to last thing on my mind. Plus, I’m still married.”
“You’re going through a divorce,” she pointed that out like it was the answer to the questions of the universe. “You’re stressed. If anything, your pussy needs a massage.”
I sputtered. A pussy massage didn’t sound too bad now that I thought about it. It had been a while. Still…“But I’m not divorced yet. My vows meant something to me. Forsaking all others meant something to me. Means something to me.”
She nodded, an unconvinced look on her face. “I get it. Well, I don’t get it, but I get what you’re saying. No new dick until the old dick has cleared the premises. Got you.”
This whole conversation was weird. “I can’t believe you’re talking about this so nonchalantly like your brother isn’t the old dick.”
“Man, fuck Chris.”
I chuckled. “I did. Quite a few times.”
Ashton grunted. “Yes, you did. The only one to do it.” She chewed her lip thoughtfully before returning her attention to her phone. “You know, Chris resented the fact that you weren’t a virgin when y’all got together.”
I tilted my head. Chris had made enough comments over the years for me to know it bothered him that he was a virgin when we started having sex. It wasn’t hard to deduce that it was a problem for him. That he resented the fact I hadn’t been, however, was news to me, but it confirmed the thoughts I’d had a couple of weeks ago.
“No, I didn’t know that.”
“Yep, he didn’t think it was fair that you’d been with someone before him, but you were his only one.”
I frowned. “How wasn’t it fair? Why was fairness even a part of that conversation?”
Ashton shrugged, her face still in her phone. Uh uhn. Something wasn’t right. That ain’t no random thing to say.
“Ashton.”
Her eyebrows lifted but her face stayed tilted down. “Hm?”
“What aren’t you saying?” My question was met with silence and I shifted in the chair. “Don’t make me knock that phone out of your hand. Answer my damn question.”
To Buy a Vow Page 8
