When We Were Still Human

by Vaughn Foster

  “I don’t know. She said she didn’t want to give you more than you were ready for. You were just starting to get used to this ghoul thing and if you found out there was more, you might end up back at square one.”

  “That’s why she has us train every day…” The realization was so obvious, Val cursed herself for not thinking about it earlier. What was the only reason for invincible killing machines to perfect their combat abilities every day? In the event they encountered something that really could kill them.

  “Yeah. But please, promise you won’t bring it up when we get home. She’ll murder me if she finds out I told you.”

  “Don’t worry, my lips are sealed. Right now, all I can think about is dinner. I’m so hungry.”

  “How can you still be hungry! You ate like everything at lunch!”

  Val laughed and ruffled his hair as she pulled herself from the tree. “I don’t know. I’ve been a ghoul for like a year now. Maybe my hunger grows with me, and I just need more?”

  Laughing, Ligel shook his head and climbed back into the tree behind her. “Race you back home!”

  They returned to the cabin at nightfall. The sun had abandoned them, and the moon couldn’t be inclined to replace day’s light with her own. Not a bad time to be a ghoul, where the eye cuts through even the darkest of shadows.

  Ligel victoriously flung the door open as he entered the house. An invisible crowd cheered from his lips as the door unceremoniously slammed back in Val’s face.

  “And the mighty Ligel wins the race by a landslide, his opponent standing no chance to his speed and fury.”

  Val rolled her eyes, too exhausted to argue. She was tired, she was sore, and she was starving: three things she hadn’t felt this badly in months.

  “Hey, where have you two been?”

  The pair stepped into the kitchen to see Crystal had already set the table. A steaming plate was present at each spot beside a domineering glass of apple cider. “I thought you guys would be back thirty minutes ago.”

  “Sorry, Mom,” Ligel answered, “we went farther than planned, so it took us a while to get back.”

  Crystal playfully slapped him on the back of the head and sent him to the bathroom to get cleaned up. Looking up, she saw Val’s thin frame still standing in the doorway, hungrily eyeing the food.

  “What’s with you, girlie? You look like you haven’t eaten in days.”

  “Yeah, I know. I’ve just been needing more to fill me up, I guess. I’m sorry, I know you just took on an extra shift. I swear, as soon as you think I’m ready, I’ll get a job and start—”

  “Shut your mouth. The day we found you, you became family. Don’t you ever think you’re intruding or being a burden. So what if I have to take an extra shift? You're family. And not just because of these.” She paused, pulling Val’s arm up to eye level and squeezing into the veins until claws protruded. “But because I love you. Now, go change out of that dirty crap and sit down and eat.”

  After they had eaten, everyone went their separate ways. All through the night, Val tossed and turned. She tried to keep her focus on sleep; she tried to ignore that, after three full plates at dinner, she was still just as hungry. As she stared at the ceiling, counting the lines that sprawled through the wood, she prayed sleep would take her. The "to whom" or "to what" she prayed to wasn’t important. The mouthed supplications just helped to keep her sane. It was the only thing that numbed her against the beast gnawing its way from the inside out.

  Chapter 6

  Val awoke the next morning screaming in agony. Something was drilling a hole through her stomach. She was picturing quarts of blood staining earth. Entrails coiled around her fingers, and she was widening the deer’s already split chest cavity. Lifeless eyes. A stilled heart.

  Someone banged on the door.

  “Val!”

  It was Ligel.

  “I’m fine,” she growled through clenched teeth. She shut her eyes and tried to count down from one hundred.

  “Are you okay? I’m coming in—”

  “I’m on my period, okay? Fuck off!”

  Silence lingered in the air, then footsteps quickly retreated down the hall. Val started to regret the outburst, but another shot of pain blurred out the world. She took a deep breath and resumed her counting. By the time she reached the thirties, the hunger had dulled, and her breathing was steady. Without falling to the floor, she leaned over the side of the bed to examine the small bookshelf. Reading had become an invaluable distraction, at first from homesickness, and now from hunger.

  After briefly scanning Crystal’s collection, Val settled on an old favorite—a book of fairy tales. As her fingers grazed the frail cover, a chill went down her spine. A sickly aura radiated from the volume and it slipped from her hand. The coppery smell of blood and the thickness of death rushed through the room as it hit the floor.

  The onset of sickness was acute. The febrile headache passed over and Val was able to peer over the edge of the bed.

  The book looked normal enough; a fairy and a small child spoke in a wooded clearing, a unicorn standing majestically in the background. But as she reached down for the book again, that same coldness licked at her skin. Val had every urge to throw the book through the open window, needed to free herself from its grip. Instead, she gritted her teeth and pried the cover open.

  There was no copyright, table of contents, or any of the familiar text that one should find within the first pages. Instead, there were three sentences penned in ink:

  The Angels lie, and you are their fifth transgression.

  They are coming, but we will save you from the saviors.

  Close your mind and open your soul.

  She stared at the words for what seemed like forever, then quickly turned the page.

  The Angels lie, and you are their fifth transgression…

  Val frantically flipped through page after page, the same ominous message meeting her in its chillingly beautiful script. She started to shake as the room grew colder. She coughed out a sound for help, but the words lay choked in her throat. A dark object appeared in the corner of her eye, and she shot around to see a black feather slowly drift onto her bed. Another, out of no traceable origin, appeared—followed by dark shadows creeping from the open book. She slammed it shut and threw it across the room, but darkness continued to seep from bindings. In a few short seconds, the walls, floor, and ceiling were enclosed in a purple-black substance.

  Val willed herself to take a fighting stance, but all she could do was press back against the headboard. She franticly flicked her wrists in some attempt to trigger her claws, and the ghoul abilities that would follow, but to no avail. For the first time in two years, she felt truly helpless.

  “Hello, deary.”

  Val raised her head, unaware she’d been closing her eyes. She was standing in a grey void. The purple-black was gone, replaced by a light grey that seemed to stretch forever. In front of her was an off-white silhouette of a man. She couldn’t make out much detail. The image nearly faded into the grey itself, but there were a few distinguishing features. He was very tall and appeared to be wearing a top hat.

  Val narrowed her eyes and prepared to strike. Her nails had extended to familiar blades and she could feel her teeth sharpen in her mouth. Whatever had come over her in the room was gone, replaced entirely by animal instinct.

  “Now, now, no need for those.” The man waved a hand and Val stumbled back, claws and fangs retreating into their human counterparts.

  She banished her initial shock and scanned her opponent. Maybe Crystal was right about hand-to-hand combat.

  “Who are you?” she asked coldly.

  “Who?” He tilted his head, seeming to ponder the question. “’Who’ is merely a function of ‘what’ and what I am… is a lowly traveler.” He raised a hand to where his mouth would be like he was sipping a glass. “I think a better question would be: ‘Why are you here?’”

  “Why am I here?” Val growled. She stole a step f
orward. As he, dramatically thought through the question, Val took in her surroundings. There were no obstacles between them. Unless his nonchalance was a ruse, which very well may have been the case, she could cross the distance between them in two seconds, side sweep, then pin him to the ground. After that—

  “Well, I’m not here to hurt you, so you can stop eyeing me like a piece of meat,” the man said with a laugh. “I stroll through the spirit realms on occasion to visit the woman of the house. After assisting with her son and husband, fifteen hundred—no, twenty years? I forget how you people age…” He scratched his chin, then began counting with his fingers, then toes, which Val now noticed were bare.

  “Fifteen years ago!” he exclaimed. “She’s resilient, that ghoul. Never once regretting the spell. Mournful, yes, all the time, but not regretful—no, sirey. Or, missey, I suppose. Why are you people so attached to your gendered pronouns? I understand the concept, but…”

  The silhouette’s rambling faded to the background as Val continued to replay what he had just said. Could he be…

  “I had to make him forget...”

  “It was you…” Val said slowly, looking at the silhouette where it’s eyes would be. “You made Crystal’s husband forget they existed.”

  He shrugged, then took another sip from his invisible glass. “Just because I’m practically a Greater Spirit doesn’t mean I don’t have a heart. Who could say no to a crying young woman and a baby?”

  Val froze. Despite his nonchalance, it was like he’d hit her with a truck. There was so much she didn’t know or could even begin to understand. If this man-spirit-whatever not only knew about ghouls, but could cast spells and walk through the spirit realm, perhaps he could—

  “You brought me here,” Val spat out suddenly. “You wrote to me in that book…”

  Angels lie…

  Val had no idea what that could have meant, but the ‘save you from your saviors,’ maybe. She certainly didn’t need saving from Crystal and Ligel, but maybe he meant the life of a ghoul. If that was the case—

  “Not at all.” He shook his head, then sat on the grey ground. “Lies from a liar. Well, that’s harsh. I’m sure there’s truth in whatever Raven told you. I’m not particularly fond of either party. I vote independent, personally. If one could vote for the supernatural forces that battle for the essence of reality, that is…”

  He looked up and seemed to read the confusion in Val’s face. “Raven tried to summon you, but I intervened and brought you to this middle ground. It’s not the aether, given you’re not a spirit or a dreamwalker, but it’s as close to it as your mind can perceive. If you want me to send you through, I can. I just wanted to meet you first. I was curious.”

  “What?” Val tried to process what he was saying. She had no idea who this Raven was, or where he had attempted to summon her to. A shadow of the fear that had overcome her moments before began to rise, and Val deemed that she was content with ignorance.

  “That’s alright…” she said slowly. “You can just send me back. But why did you want to meet me?

  “The fifth of the angel’s transgressions,” he said, leaning forward to study her. “I don’t vote, but I like to know what’s going on.”

  Val shook her head before turning away. “You’re insane.”

  The man shrugged, then gave a delicate wave of his fingers.

  The next second, she was opening her eyes, safely tucked into bed. The light from the window suggested that the sun had been up for at least a few hours. The suggestion was further confirmed by the smell of breakfast wafting through the woodwork. Turning her head, she saw that the book of fairy tales was secured in its place on the bookcase. Val tentatively pulled it from the shelf and opened up to the first page.

  Jack the Giant Slayer.

  She quickly flipped through the rest of the book. All of the strange writing was gone, replaced by the anthology of classic stories.

  Maybe I just—

  A stab from her stomach yanked Val back to her current reality—she was starving. She swung her legs over the edge, then paused, feeling lightheaded from the movement. The smell of food only made it worse, but her stomach roared as she imagined what Crystal had cooked. Drool dripped down her chin until spittle landed onto her hand, snapping her from the trance. Gathering her strength, she forced herself to her feet and stumbled into the kitchen. Ligel and Crystal were already seated at the table, halfway through their plates.

  “That time of the month, huh?” Crystal asked as Val went to the stove and made herself a plate. When she didn’t respond, Crystal gave a knowing sigh. “Even as ghouls, you can never escape Eve’s bloody waterfall. Be happy you were born a boy, Ligel,” she added, shooting a smirk at her son.

  Ligel glanced up, cheeks flushed, before dropping his gaze to the table.

  Val took her seat and started on the biscuits and sausage gravy. She glanced at Ligel from the corner of her eye, but he was stringently keeping his head down. She wanted to apologize, but barely had the motivation to eat, much less talk. The biscuits were delicious, as were all of Crystal’s meals, but only served to assuage her appetite as a droplet to a desert. Even as she swallowed the last bite, she could feel herself breathing out the nutrients. It was just like the meals earlier that week, but at least before, eating would dull the hunger. Now she just felt empty.

  But Li and Crystal looked fine. Val eyed them as they happily chewed. Fork, mouth, plate. Fork, mouth, plate. Fork, mouth plate—Crystal stopped. Val bitterly glared as the woman pushed the plate she’d been working on aside. There was still a quarter of a biscuit and a good bit of gravy left, too.

  “You’re not going to finish that?” Val asked quietly.

  “Hmm?” Crystal looked down at her plate, then back up. “Oh, no, I’m stuffed.” She paused, then furrowed her brow. “You don’t look too hot.” She leaned closer and looked Val up and down. “Are you sure you’re doing alright, hun?” Crystal asked worriedly.

  “Not like you’d care,” Val spat back. She cast a cold glare across the table.

  “Excuse me?” Crystal exclaimed. “Where’s all of this coming from? I’ve just noticed you’ve been getting a little pale and you’re eating a lot more than usual.”

  “Probably because you’ve been holding back on me, you arrogant bitch!” Val screamed back. A purple tint crept over her vision and anger swelled tenfold. She slammed her fist into the table, sending a large crack down the center. She was blinded by hunger. Loathing controlled her mind and body as words she never thought before continued to roll off her tongue.

  “You never wanted me here, and we both know it! You had the perfect set up out in the middle of fucking nowhere with you and your perfect little son. You took me in, but just ’cause you couldn’t live with yourself to let me die. But you couldn’t support all of us, huh?!” Val picked up the plate, scowled, then smashed it to the ground. “This is just some kind of animal meat, isn’t it?! Bought in civilization. You’re probably surprised I still remember what that is, keeping me locked in this prison for over a year.”

  Crystal gasped and took a step back. “Val, what? Your eyes—”

  Val glanced at the silver tray on the table. Her pupils had dilated to three times their regular size. What wasn’t consumed by black was a deep, glowing purple.

  “Stop it!” She leapt up and kicked the chair aside. “All I want is food. I need to eat. Or maybe, I might just have to improvise...” She raked her claws along the table as she neared Crystal.

  Ligel jumped between the two and raised his hands defensively. He was trembling, face taut. He looked pleadingly into Val’s murderous stare and took a step forward.

  “Val, what are you doing?! Please, just tell us what’s—”

  The back of her hand sent him sprawling across the room. Val lunged after him, but a hand caught her by the throat, midair, and threw her aside. She growled, snapping her head up to see Crystal running across the room to Ligel. The woman fell to her knees and started ripping her
sleeves to stop the bleeding.

  “It’s okay, honey, Mommy’s right here. It’s all going to be alright, okay?” There was no response. “Why aren’t you healing?” Panic cut through her features like a knife. “Why aren’t you healing?!” The slow rise and fall of his chest was the only sign he was still alive.

  Crystal’s cry and Ligel’s unconscious body were enough to snap Val from the trance. The purple haze that had consumed her vision faded, and she could now clearly see the blood staining her fingertips. What had come over her? This was her family. That was the same boy who had called her his sister. She took a step toward him but was halted by a glare of pure hatred from Crystal.

  “Get the hell out of my house!” In the entire year Val had lived with them, she had never seen Crystal so upset. But she was family, wasn’t she? This was the only place in the world where she was safe. She tried to make another advance but was stopped again.

  “I said get out!” Tears surged down her cheeks. She took a deep breath and shifted her eyes back to Ligel. “Val… I’ve been a ghoul a long time. And that… your eyes… it was more than a ghoul’s hunger. I- I don’t know.” She took another deep huff and wiped the tears from her eyes. “I don’t know what’s happening with you, Val, but you need to figure it out somewhere else. Ligel is all I have left… I wish you the best.”

  “Crystal,” Val whispered. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what just happened, I just—I snapped. I don’t know where any of that came from, I didn’t mean it! Please, just let me help him. I know what I’m doing, you know this. You’ve already slowed the bleeding. Let me see if the cut is infected. Where did you move the medical supplies?”

  Crystal didn’t reply. Her attention focused back to her wounded son. “It’s okay, Li, everything’s going to be okay.” She continued inaudible whispers, holding his still body against her chest.

  Val stumbled back. What happened? The hunger—the beast— had eviscerated her life. Again. Turning from mother and son, she ran out of the cabin.