When We Were Still Human

by Vaughn Foster

  Chapter 25

  Val finished off the last bite of her burger and shoved the plate across the table. It had been three days since Vladimir left her in the hotel room. She had been in a state of panic when she awoke alone, but after a few hours, the silence was comforting. It was the first time in years she’d been truly free. Free to go past the forest, free to leave the castle, free of the hunger. Albeit, her first day of freedom was spent sleeping, but even that had been a gift.

  “How was everything, miss?”

  Val blinked and looked up to see the server, check in hand. She shot him a smile and took the bill. “Everything was incredible. I can’t remember the last time I ate like this. But I do have a question.”

  “Shoot.”

  The waiter set her plate down and beamed expectantly. Val grinned. He was young, energetic and didn’t seem to be masking any bitterness at the crappy server life. A remarkable feat for someone who had fended off the dinner rush almost single-handedly. If it was a facade, he was a better actor than she had been in high school. Diner life was definitely not for her.

  “This place is called Grizzly Tom’s Pancake House,” Val stated.

  “Mmhmm. Tom retired years ago, but the place is exactly how he founded it.”

  “Alright… But why is it called a pancake house if most of the menu items are burgers and lunch items?” She motioned to the next table where a couple was digging into a massive club and a buffalo burger.

  The server laughed and shook his head. “My boss says that Tom had a weird sense of humor.”

  Val found herself laughing along as she rose to her feet. She dug into her pocket and placed the rest of the money Vladimir had left her on the table. “Keep the change, okay?”

  The waiter was in the process of thanking her when he glanced down and actually saw the amount printed on the bills. His eyes went wide. He was about to ask something starting with “are you—” but Val was already out the door.

  She licked her lips and tried to savor the tangy barbeque sauce that still rested on her tongue.

  Stupid.

  She chided herself—her past self. Exercise had been religion; eating that much red meat, fries, and god knows what else was on that plate, without hitting the tracks after, would have been heresy. So much had been taken for granted. Obviously, if she got her humanity back, she had no intention of being a regular at Grizzly Tom’s. It was just sobering to realize just how much she had wasted of her past life.

  She had been so careful about what she ate. Then the choice of food was stripped away for two years. She had sacrificed friendship and family for school and work. Now she had nothing. It didn’t hurt. Part of her wanted it to; she wanted to cry, to feel the weight of everything that had been done to her.

  But she couldn’t.

  Whether it was the Mark, or the fake elf attack, or Raven, something in her had changed. She looked at the past in the same way that her mother looked at California. Great times and a beautiful place, but not where she was destined to be. Maybe down the road, but for now, that door was closed.

  Changeling.

  Then again, Sherry wasn’t even her real mother.

  The question left, then, was what doors were open. She paused. Looking around, the “pancake house” was now out of sight. She was the last of the foot traffic. With a sigh, Val turned at the next light and headed for the building that had caught her eye the day before. Last night, she’d gone people watching in the market square. Mothers held their children’s hands. Fathers attempted to corral the kids big enough to run ahead. Vendors tried to seduce patrons with “fresher goods,” though each had likely gotten their produce to the market at the same time.

  Then there were the two muggers beating the shit out of a man in an alley. It had all been to get to his wallet. Val had made an effort to stop them, but they were already speeding away in a car before she could get close.

  There was so much about mankind that was just fascinating. They were unlike any species on Earth. They could love and be loved, build and create. They could dream. But in the same breath, they could tear down everything. It was a kind of destruction that made Le Ciel look merciful.

  Angels lie, and you are their fifth transgression.

  No matter how much she tried, she couldn’t get the words out of her mind. A closed auction. Shattered glass. Rainbow mist. It was all a constant reminder of the choice she knew she had already made, even if she tried to run from it.

  Val looked up at the breathtaking gold and blue fusion of glass and stone that was St. Andrew’s Roman Catholic Church. Its three doors and duel towers looked fantastical against the modern cityscape. She jokingly wondered if she’d somehow slid into Annwn, but a donut box peeking from a trashcan placed her firmly back into Earth Proper. As she ascended the stone steps, she couldn’t help but stare into the intricate maze of circles that made up the center window above the doors. It’d been years since she had last stepped foot in a church. She had gone regularly when she was little, but her mother’s work eventually shut out the option. At age six, she hadn’t cared enough to press.

  The interior struck her like a wave. It took a moment to get bearings. Colorful tapestries, stained glass masterpieces, and the most intricately designed alter she’d ever seen greeted her in the dim light. Steeling herself against the hypnotizing patterns and arrangements, she exited the sanctuary. Thankfully, the confessional wasn’t too far away, and she found it before getting lost in the inevitable maze of hallways and stairwells.

  “Father,” Val said, closing the door to the booth. It felt strange, talking to someone obstructed by a perforated wall. Perhaps, if her dad had stayed with the Catholic faith, she would have grown used to it.

  “What is it, my child?” The priest’s voice was kind; fatherly. Though she should have expected that.

  “I...” Val realized that she had no clue where to even begin. “I’ve recently started working with some people. People who believe they can change the world; make things better.”

  “How so?”

  Val paused. She hadn’t given much thought to what she would actually tell him. She cleared her throat, stalling, until something plausible rolled into sight. “It’s a faith-based non-profit my mother used to work for,” she started. “They want to level one of their biggest buildings. After it’s rebuilt, they’ll lay off ninety-percent of staff and continue under a different business model.”

  The priest made an understanding noise. “I can understand why this is stressful for you.”

  “Yeah.” Val took a deep breath. It wasn’t the truth, but it was enough of it to be taken seriously. “It’s for a good reason. There’s a lot of corruption and the current way they’re running things has some… problems. If I work for them, maybe my voice can help guide the new order of things.”

  “Maybe it could,” the priest responded. “But I feel like there’s a but in there?”

  Val gave a dry laugh. “But if they’re right, then the way I’ve always seen the world has been wrong. I used to really believe in their mission. Now, they’re telling me they’ve been screwing up for years. Everything in me says that they’re right. That this time, they really are doing God’s will, or whatever. But what if I’m wrong? I’m afraid that we’ll fire good people with the bad, and their families will suffer. I’m afraid we’ll tear down the whole damn neighborhood and find out we miscounted funds and can’t rebuild. I’m afraid that if I actually try to do something good with my life, I’ll just hurt everyone.”

  The priest was silent for a moment. “I can understand your dilemma,” he said finally. “Quite a few years ago, I was in a similar situation. I felt called to join the priesthood. To make a difference. At the same time, every day I turn on the news, a monster is being marched out of his parish in cuffs.”

  Disgust cut through his voice, and Val could imagine a scowl behind the barrier. “What did you do?” she asked.

  “Allow me to answer you with a question. Do you feel like you’re being dr
iven towards these people? Like something deep inside is screaming you should do this or you’ll miss your destiny?”

  Val coughed back a profanity and slumped back in her seat. “It’s like I’m being called by heaven itself.”

  “Then answer that call. We do not choose our destinies, but merely whether or not we follow the path God has laid for us. You can refuse, and God can allow it. But his Will will still be done— with or without you. Does that make sense?”

  “Yes, a lot of sense actually. Thank you, Father.”

  They sat in silence for an uncomfortably long time. For a brief moment, Val wondered if the priest had walked off, but a booming sneeze violently marked he was still there.

  “Excuse me!” he exclaimed, surprise clear in his voice. “Allergies.”

  Val nodded, then remembered he couldn’t see her. “I’m… I’m not sure what people usually do at this point.”

  The priest laughed. “How about I say a prayer?”

  His voice was soothing. It was like a warm blanket had been draped around her shoulders and her breathing relaxed. Val started to nod in agreement before catching herself again. “Sure. That would be nice.”

  The priest cleared his throat. “Lord God, creator of heaven and earth—”

  Val had only just bowed her head when her eyes shot open.

  Creator

  The cave and its twisted murals rose like steam in her mind.

  Creator.

  She felt the beat of her heart beneath the branding that screamed out what she was. That marked who made her.

  A soft “amen” broke the spiral, and she was again in St. Andrew’s.

  Taking a deep breath, Val sat up and shook the memory off like cobwebs. “Thank you. I needed that.”

  Before the priest could answer, she was on her feet and out the confessional. The looming archways felt impossibly warm and suffocating at the same time. The eyes from countless figures and paintings followed her back through the sanctuary. Some, she thought, were encouraging. Others, like the Madonna, seemed to hold nothing but disdain and disappointment. Finally, she was pushing open the wooden doors and standing in the cool night air. The city was surprisingly quiet at night. The day before, all the shops were open and people milled about in waves. Tonight, however, everything was still; except for the occasional passing car. Maybe it was only New York that didn’t sleep.

  “Yo.”

  Val jumped and turned to find Vladimir leaning against the side of the church. “What are you doing here?” she asked, still a bit startled. The sight was jarring. Fluttering black coat, black eyes, and fangs white enough to cut through the shadows were an impossible image on church grounds.

  He gave his ever-sarcastic grin and gently flipped his hair back. “For you, beautiful. Why else? I assume you’ve made up your mind?”

  “Yes,” she said quietly. The word felt foreign on her lips. “I’ll go with you.”

  “Perfect.”

  They walked around the city for nearly an hour; Vladimir droning on about whatever came to his mind and Val lost in thought. She could barely believe she was going along with this. No one had explained what she was supposed to do, or how this Kairos was to be achieved. Perhaps she could argue her way into a more passive role—one that didn’t involve directly killing people. Either way, it was her only option. From the inside, maybe she stood a chance at sailing the ship to a less destructive shore.

  Val ran into Vladimir as he came to a sudden stop. He spread his arms and slowly spun in a circle.

  “Valentina—”

  “My name is Valerie.”

  “Valentia,” he continued. He waved as if to encompass the whole city and the world beyond. “The night is young, we are here. We should have sex.”

  Val’s cheeks flared bright red. “Excuse me?”

  Vladimir leaned back against the brick wall of the building behind them. “I am an attractive man and have been told so by more lovers than the years you’ve been alive. And you are a beautiful woman.” He glided through the shadows and leaned in, his mouth just above her ear.

  “I can barely contain myself,” he breathed. “And you, my dear, have three very available—”

  “What the hell?! No! What’s wrong with you!” Val shoved him away and stomped off, leaving him alone on the sidewalk. She had gone at least a block before turning around. No one was there. She began to think that maybe he had taken the hint to leave her alone. However, looking down, she saw her shadow flutter until a fanged smile formed where her head was.

  “Come on, Val! What’s so wrong about two messed up people, ya know...”

  “Vlad! It’s just wrong, okay?” She crossed the street and left his shadow lying in place. Before she reached the corner, the dark shape was cutting her off. It pulled itself out of the sidewalk.

  “I, um... apologize?” He stared at his feet and sheepishly ran a hand through his locks. “Women always complain that men aren’t forward. And of course, I’m me, so—”

  “You thought I’d want to screw you?” Val crossed her arms and slit her eyes into a venomous stare. Vladimir shrugged and the familiar, casual indifference returned.

  “Just trying to be helpful,” he said coolly. “Two people helping each other to take a load off. Hell, we both could use it. Besides.” He leaned in closer than she expected him to risk. His lips were inches from hers, but instead of retreating, she held her ground and glared back. He tilted his head as if searching for something, then smiled. “I don’t believe the woman who ate a lovely elderly couple alive has any right to take the moral high ground.”

  Val wanted nothing more than to slash his face open.

  But she didn’t.

  It would have been futile. Not just because he’d heal instantly, but because she knew he was right. She was a monster. If not for the spell burned into her chest, she wouldn’t even be able to stand out in the open. Chances were, she’d get caught again. But next time, they’d chain her away in some interdimensional black hole.

  “That… wasn’t me...” she said, her voice hoarse.

  “Of course it was. You simply acted upon your base desire. Why bother fighting what you are? Saying you’re not a ghoul— that you’re not Gluttony incarnate— would be like saying you’re not an incredibly determined, brilliant, loving person. There’s no reason to be ashamed of what you are.”

  Val had never seen this side of Vladimir before. His words flowed gently as his hand cupped her cheek. She didn’t realize they had moved, but in that brief second, he had transported them onto the roof of a nearby apartment building. He stepped away and sat on the ledge, legs dangling over the city.

  “I didn’t say that to make you feel bad,” he said after a minute. “I was telling you so you’d understand. My Mark suppresses the blood lust, but the other kind… I didn’t mean to pressure you. But I’m sure you know the feeling.” He gave a dry laugh. “A day probably doesn’t go by that you don’t wanna just bite into somebody, even though you don’t need to do it.”

  “Vladimir…” Val wasn’t sure what to think. He really did seem like a decent person, albeit a bit strange and probably with his fair share of sexual harassment reports. Perhaps he wasn’t a complete—

  “But I do still want to sleep with you.”

  And the moment was gone.

  He laughed bitterly, then wiped his nose. “I’ve slept with so many women that it’s starting to get boring, if you can believe it. Every hair color and body type, almost every race, human or otherwise…” He turned his head to look into her eyes. “I have yet the luxury to say that I’ve had one of the Seven Deadly Sins under my sheets.”

  “You really have no shame, do you?”

  “None at all.”

  Val fumed. His nonchalant smirk, his womanizing... Even the constant flipping of hair out of his eyes was antagonizing. How could anyone be this calm? He seemed to have no shame, or even disappointment from the rejection. Just ignorant bliss. Was this really the legendary Prince of Darkness, one of
the four rulers of Earth’s supernatural realm? She tried to resurrect the image of him in the buried city. Instead, the picture that won out was of a perverted ass who lacked the power to keep it in his pants.

  Val sighed and sat beside him on the ledge. She’d give herself a migraine if she paid him attention. He was like a child: either too self-absorbed to see how he affected others, or he simply didn’t care. “If you’re that desperate, why not ask Avia? Just show up at her door and she’ll be all over you.”

  He shook his head. “Michael’s father, Reign, had this way of explaining the aether. There is a natural way in which life and power flow. Its most basic state will bring prosperity, joy, and peace. To go against this natural order, such as the sons of Daemon, leads only to destruction, pain, and madness. Only a visage of reason will remain.”

  Val shifted uncomfortably on the ledge, waiting for him to finish. Seconds went by and he finally lifted his head.

  “Wrath’s the way she is because she was dealt a bad hand from day one. Given her position as one of Michael’s chosen, I can’t risk breaking her any further.” He sighed again and turned away. “Everyone’s had shit happen in their lives, Val. Just be thankful your life didn’t fall apart before you were cursed.”

  Val chewed her lip and stared into the city lights. She was dumbfounded. Vladimir actually seemed concerned for someone other than himself. The person she met outside the church was gone, replaced by someone who could almost be mistaken as human.

  “If I ask a question, will you answer honestly?”

  He raised a brow, but when she didn’t continue, nodded.

  “Did you know I was a changeling?”

  His eyes widened, but the question didn’t seem to startle him. “Yes.”

  “Did you, or one of Michael’s people do it? The swap, I mean.”

  “No. It’s literally impossible for an angel or one bound by the Accords.”

  Val nodded and looked back over the city. This time, the silence ate away at Vladimir. He shifted on the ledge until he finally cleared his throat. For the first time since she’d met him, he seemed at a genuine loss for words.