Longing for You

by Jenny Frame

  Byron stood up and walked around to the front of the desk. She crossed her arms and leaned on the desk.

  “Consent is what we live by, both for taking blood from humans and turning them. They are high ideals, what we strive for, but we can make mistakes. I took blood and nearly killed Katie’s ancestors when I first became a born vampire. Where would I be without their forgiveness?”

  “That’s different.”

  “It’s not. I failed to reach our high ideals, and I was punished for it, and I keep making up for it to their family every day, and I have to say, if that had been Amelia before we became blood bonded, and she could have gained immortality through me, I would have probably done the same thing. Love drives us and makes us defend our lovers no matter the cost.”

  “I love Katie, and I will try to make up to her for letting her down, but she could never accept me as her lover after what I nearly did. Besides, I’m not brave enough to try and love again.”

  “What if the best thing for Katie, the thing that would make her happiest, make her safest, was your love?”

  Alexis was caught cold with that remark. It made sense. Maybe putting Katie’s happiness first was more important than her fear of getting involved with a human again. She needed to think about it more. “It’s all academic anyway. I am Katie’s least favourite person, and after what I tried to do, even less so,” Alexis said.

  She thought about being in Katie’s room the other night, angry at her for putting herself at risk, and they’d shared something so deep it shocked Alexis. Katie asked to kiss her. Did she truly share her feelings?

  Byron said, “She doesn’t know what happened. The Principessa and I decided to leave that to you. You can explain it to her, and I’m sure she will be more than understanding.”

  Alexis almost wished someone else had told Katie. How she was going to do that, she didn’t know.

  “So, Duca, on to the second reason why I wanted to see you. Amelia and I have decided to take Magda’s advice and go to the New Forest. Try to find some answers about Amelia’s past.”

  Alexis was relieved. At least she’d get away from here, away from facing Katie and her own guilt.

  “When would you like to leave, Principe?” Alexis said.

  Byron returned to her chair and said, “Soon. When Katie is strong enough to travel.”

  “Katie? Why—”

  “Katie is going to take time to recover and get her strength back, and Amelia thought it would be nice for her to have a break with us in the country.”

  Alexis gulped hard. “Is that wise? It could be dangerous.”

  Byron looked up and smiled. “We’re not expecting a battle, Duca. This is a fact-finding expedition.”

  What could Alexis say without letting Byron know what a coward she was? It was pathetic. She had been in huge bloodthirsty battles, the odds against her, nearly dying more than once, and she was more frightened of one human lying upstairs.

  “Yes, Principe. We’ll be ready to leave whenever you are.”

  “Thank you. That’s all for now.”

  Alexis bowed her head and left her office. She was about to head downstairs to her own office in the basement when she heard Amelia shouting her name. She looked up and saw Amelia running down the stairs.

  “Principessa, how may I serve?”

  Amelia smiled, “Good morning, Duca. I’ve just been in to see Katie.”

  “How is she?”

  “Oh, bearing up. She tells me you haven’t been in to see her yet.”

  What could Alexis say? Yes, I’ve been hiding from her like a scared child?

  “Yes, I’ve been busy.”

  “I think she’d really appreciate if you did, Duca. Give her some closure on the whole event. Bhal’s been to see her.”

  That was because Bhal was a hero, not a coward like her.

  “Would you go and see her? For me, Alexis?”

  Dear God. She couldn’t get out of a direct request from the Principessa.

  “Of course, Principessa.”

  Chapter Eight

  Katie hugged the bedcovers up under her chin. She just couldn’t seem to get warm, despite the three hot water bottles, the central heating in the room, and an electric heater Amelia got for her.

  She finished with the blood transfusion and was now hooked up to a drip giving her fluids and some essential vitamins. Dr. McKenzie said she was almost back to health and her old self, but regaining her strength would take some time.

  Katie didn’t feel like her old self, that was the thing. She heard a knock at the door. It was probably Norah with her breakfast.

  “Come in,” she croaked. Even her voice didn’t seem like her own.

  The door creaked open ever so slowly, and then to her surprise, Alexis popped her head around it.

  “Katie, the Principessa said you wanted to see me.”

  “Yes, come in.”

  “I can come back if this is a bad time—”

  “No, no, come in,” Katie said.

  She tried to push herself up onto her pillows so that she was sitting upright, but her muscles were devoid of energy.

  Alexis hurried over to her bedside. “Here, let me help you.”

  Katie felt Alexis’s strength making it easier to move. “Thanks.”

  “Your voice?” Alexis said.

  “The doctor said it will return to normal soon, amongst other things. Sit down, please.” Katie pointed to the chair by the bed.

  Alexis looked at it warily, then pulled it closer and sat down awkwardly. Alexis looked nervous. She didn’t think she’d ever seen a nervous Duca, but then recently she’d seen another first from Alexis. When they’d nearly devoured each other in her bedroom, Katie had seen lust, directed at her.

  Alexis crossed and uncrossed her legs and shifted around the seat. Her nervousness almost made her sweet.

  “Thanks for coming, Alexis. I wanted to thank you for saving me.”

  “I didn’t save you, Bhal did,” Alexis said firmly.

  “Of course you did. If you hadn’t come to me, then I would have been too far gone for Bhal to save me.”

  “Any vampire would have done the same.”

  Grumpy, awkward Alexis was back, and it was bloody annoying. “Look, I’ve offered you my thanks—would you just accept it graciously?”

  “Don’t get all upset. Save your strength,” Alexis said.

  “Well don’t be so bloody-minded then, and accept my thanks.”

  “I’m sorry. Of course I accept your thanks.”

  Katie started to cough and pointed to her bottle of water by the bedside. Alexis got it quickly and helped her take a sip.

  “Thanks,” Katie said.

  Alexis put the bottle down and returned to her seat. She watched Katie pull the covers around her tightly. She didn’t look at all well. Katie’s skin was so white apart from the dark circles under her eyes.

  To Alexis, Katie looked so small and helpless lying there. She had an urge to wrap her arms around her and hold her till she felt better. “How are you?”

  Katie looked her in the eyes, then stared back down at the pattern of her covers. “I’m okay. Be back to normal in no time.”

  Somehow Alexis didn’t quite believe that answer. What was Katie hiding? There was an awkward silence while Alexis tried to pluck up the courage to tell Katie about what really happened last night. “Katie, I…” Alexis hesitated.

  “What is it?” Katie asked.

  Alexis couldn’t spit the words out. She was too frightened and fearful of the hurt and disgust she was sure Katie would show her. So Alexis chickened out.

  “Is there anything I can get you?”

  Katie gave her the smallest of smiles. “No, it’s okay. How did you know I needed help last night? Did you hear me screaming?”

  “Not at first. I felt something was wrong, and then I heard you scream.”

  “You felt it? Have you had intuitions like that before?” Katie asked.

  Alexis couldn’t bring
herself to lie about a second thing. She looked into Katie’s beautiful eyes and said, “No, I never have. I just felt you needed me.”

  Katie looked back at her, clearly surprised, but something else was passing between them in that moment, something deeper.

  “Wow—I mean, that’s great. By the way, I wanted to apologize to you,” Katie said.

  Alexis was surprised. “What do you have to be sorry for?”

  “I caused all this mess, Alexis. You told me it wasn’t safe for a human, and I was stubborn and wouldn’t listen.”

  Alexis sighed. “I’ve realized now that I can’t lock you up and protect you twenty-four hours a day, as much as I’d like to.”

  “You’d like to protect me?”

  Alexis nodded and whispered, “Of course I would. You’re very important to m—the clan.”

  Katie reached out her hand, and Alexis looked at it for a few seconds before taking it. Touching Katie made her heart thud hard. The feel of Katie’s skin also showed her how cold Katie was.

  “You’re cold.”

  “Yeah, I can’t seem to get warm,” Katie said.

  Without thinking Alexis moved her chair closer and said, “Give me your other hand.”

  Katie moved to the edge of the bed and gave Alexis her other hand. Alexis put her hands over Katie’s clasped hands and started to rub them vigorously.

  Katie smiled, “That’s nice.”

  “My mama used to do it for me when I was a little girl,” Alexis said and then kicked herself. Why had she said that? She never talked about her hurt and her family.

  “I haven’t heard you talk about your mother before—mind you, I haven’t ever heard you talk about anything apart from giving me trouble.” Katie smiled when Alexis stopped her rubbing motion and looked a bit flustered. “I’m just joking, Duca. How about we call a ceasefire on all our squabbles from before last night.”

  Alexis returned her smile but didn’t let go of Katie’s hands. It felt nice to be touching her, after she thought she’d lost her last night. She stroked her thumb across the back of Katie’s hand.

  “I’d like that.”

  Katie’s smile at that comment shattered any remaining hardness around Alexis’s heart. In that moment Alexis promised that she would help Katie back to health and guard her to make sure no harm would ever touch her again.

  “I’m sorry Josie got past my guards. They have been reprimanded. She managed to sneak out when the guards were changing shift, then made off.”

  “It’s not your fault. You can’t be everywhere.” Katie hesitated. “But Josie is still out there.”

  “I don’t want you to worry about her. I will keep you safe.” Alexis was getting lost in Katie’s eyes and her touch.

  “You know,” Katie said, “when I was unconscious last night, I dreamed about you.”

  Alexis’s heart thudded even harder, and she tried hard not to show how much Katie’s touch was affecting her. But goosebumps had broken out up and down her arm. “Oh?”

  “I was looking for you, shouting your name, but I couldn’t find you.”

  That was a bit too close to the dream she’d had. She had been screaming Katie’s name, desperately trying to find her. She pulled her hand away and stood up quickly.

  “I’d better get back to my duties.”

  Katie’s face fell. “I wouldn’t want to keep you from your work.”

  Alexis knew she was being gruff and dismissive, but it was her way of coping with this emotional situation. She turned and walked to the door urging herself to not look back, but she couldn’t stop herself. Alexis had so much to make up for. She would have to beg for Katie’s forgiveness once Katie found out what she’d done.

  Alexis turned back around and said, “I do have to go now, but may I visit you this evening?”

  Katie’s smile was back and it made Alexis feel good.

  * * *

  Victorija had to get out of her room. The walls felt like they were closing in on her, so she walked downstairs and out of the castle to the stable block. Her horses reminded her of a happier time when she was young.

  She patted the horse named Angel on the snout, and it whinnied. Her horses were the only creatures that weren’t afraid of her.

  Victorija had only just finished drinking blood, and the gnawing hunger was back again. She hated feeling like this, constantly hungry and her body jittery like she was some kind of drug addict.

  But there was fear too, for there was nothing Victorija hated more than being out of control, and this hunger was out of control. An image of Victorija ripping the heart out of Lucia, her grandmother, came to the forefront of her mind.

  The movie in her head of the event was torturing her and had taken its toll on her. The childhood feelings of happiness, sadness, and love were debilitating. She had banished love from her heart centuries ago, but now she could remember how they felt.

  Victorija looked down at her hands and saw they were shaking. She pressed her head against the stable door and pleaded with herself, “You have to conquer this.”

  “Principe?” She heard Drasas’s voice behind her.

  Victorija turned around and saw Drasas with a woman she didn’t know. An attractive, intriguing looking woman.

  “Who is this?” Victorija asked.

  “This is Madam Anka, the woman I said may be able to help you feel better.”

  Anka held out her hand. “Principe, it’s an honour to meet you.”

  Victorija took her hand. “Who are you?”

  “I’m a very powerful witch who can help you. I contacted Drasas to broker this meeting. I want to propose a deal. I have dark witches, werewolves, and fae all on my side. So I should like to propose a mutually beneficial arrangement to allow us both to take on the Debreks.”

  “I don’t care about attacking the Debreks just now.” Victorija started to walk away.

  “What if I could tell you what’s wrong? Why you can’t seem to sate your hunger? Why you feel like you’re becoming lost in your mind?”

  Victoria stopped and looked back. “Tell me.”

  * * *

  Later that evening, after Alexis finished with her duties, she went down to the kitchen to get Katie a cup of tea. Alexis knew this was Katie’s nightly ritual and probably no one else noticed, and she didn’t know if Katie would ask for it in her current state.

  She bounded up the stairs in a flash and walked along the corridor towards Katie’s room. There was a guard now stationed outside on Alexis’s orders. Josie had run, but she might be stupid enough to return if the lure of Katie’s blood was too strong. As she approached, she heard a voice in Katie’s room and it put her on alert.

  “Who’s in there?” Alexis said to the vampire on the door.

  “Dr. McKenzie, Duca. Katie had a bit of an incident when the doctor arrived to check up on her.”

  Alexis tuned her hearing into the room.

  “I know it can be a frightening world, living amongst vampires. If you’d like to get away to recover, I mean, it could be arranged.”

  Alexis had heard enough. No one was taking Katie anywhere. She walked straight in the door without knocking and saw Tyler McKenzie seated on the bed. Katie had pushed herself up against the headboard and was using her covers as a barrier.

  Tyler jumped when she heard the door open. “Ah, Duca. I came to check on Katie and take out her IV line, and she seemed to think I was Josie coming back to finish her off.”

  Alexis gave her a hard stare. “I’ll take it from here.”

  At first the doctor met her stare for a few seconds, then looked off to the side. “I’ll just get my bag. I’ll be back tomorrow to see how she is.”

  Tyler gathered her bag and started to walk to the door. Just as she was about to leave, Alexis said in a low voice, “Ms. Brekman will not be going anywhere, Doctor. A vampire attacked her, and only vampires are the correct ones to keep her safe from further danger.”

  Tyler gave her a false smile. “Of course.”

&
nbsp; Once the doctor left, Alexis approached the bed and put the tea down on the bedside cabinet. “I brought you your tea. What happened to make you so frightened?”

  Katie’s knuckles were white from hanging onto the bedcovers so hard. “The window.”

  Alexis looked over to the window, but she didn’t see anything amiss. She reached out her hand, asking Katie to take it. Katie looked at her hand, grasped it, and as she did let out a breath. Katie’s hand was still feeling cold.

  “Everything’s not right,” Katie said.

  Alexis remembered this afternoon when Katie said she was fine, she’d felt Katie was hiding something. But she had to get her to relax before she could talk properly.

  She lifted the mug of tea and put it into Katie’s hand. “I’ve got your cup of tea. I know you don’t go to bed without it.”

  Katie felt the warmth of the mug enter her hand and travel up her arm. It along with Alexis’s presence made her taut muscles relax, and she slid back down the bed. She brought the hot tea to her lips and the warmth seeped into her bones, brought her back to the present.

  “What happened, Katie?”

  Katie rubbed her forehead. “I was dreaming, I think. I thought I could see Josie at the window, and then I woke up and Tyler was standing over me. I thought it was Josie.”

  “Listen, Josie can’t get in here. I have a guard on your room door, and I’ll put two guards on patrol under your window. She won’t get near.”

  “Thank you, and thank you for the tea. How did you know I have it every night?”

  “I noticed,” Alexis said simply.

  Katie was taken aback. “I didn’t think you noticed anything about me.”

  “I notice everything.”

  Katie’s thoughts and emotions were so mixed up, she didn’t know what to think about that answer. She would think about it more deeply another time.

  “When you said everything’s not right, what did you mean?” Alexis asked.

  How could she explain how she had been feeling since she woke up after the attack? She hadn’t articulated it to anyone. Could she now? How could you explain that you felt like you had lost a part of yourself?

  “I don’t know how to explain—I haven’t told anyone this.”