Longing for You

by Jenny Frame

  Alexis sighed. “He was a man of his time. Strict, and didn’t much like the fact I behaved and dressed like a boy. I had to dress up when he came on Friday and Saturday. He spent the rest of the week with his other family. His proper family.”

  “He had a wife and other family?”

  “Yes, Lady Branwick and his son, James.”

  “You said your brother’s name with anger in your voice. Did you not like him? Did your father’s wife and your half-brother know about you and your mum?”

  Alexis gave a rueful laugh. “Oh yes, I met James quite often, and he went out of his way to remind me that I was illegitimate.”

  “That’s horrible. What a pig!”

  Alexis opened up her bottle of water and took a mouthful. Telling her truth was hard, but Katie deserved it.

  “I wasn’t upset for myself—I’ve always had a thick skin—but my mother had to put up with a lot of looks and gossip behind her back. But she adored my father for some reason and put up with that life.”

  Katie moved closer. “I suppose love makes us do things we never imagined.”

  Alexis gulped hard. It was as if Katie knew, but she couldn’t. “Yes, it does.”

  This would have been a great chance to tell her about the attack and what really happened, but she bottled it.

  “Anyway, most of the time Father left us alone, and my mum made sure I was well educated, and I had a father figure in my mother’s brother who taught me everything a girl wasn’t meant to learn. Sword fighting, shooting, hunting. It was in those moments that I felt mostly like the real me. My brother was jealous of me, I think. He wasn’t a natural fighter or hunter like I was, and it frustrated him if Father gave me praise. Then one day everything changed. My whole life turned on its head.”

  “What happened?” Katie asked.

  “Father died, and my brother inherited everything. My father had left a stipulation in his will that my brother James must take care of me and my mother, but he had a different idea about care than our father.”

  Katie took Alexis’s hand and furrowed her eyebrows. “What did he do?”

  “Cut us off without a penny.”

  “Bastard,” Katie said angrily.

  “That’s what he thought I was. Anyway, it was quite a shock. The staff had to go, and we hardly had enough to live on from my mother’s savings. It wasn’t long after that, that Mother grew ill. Very ill. The doctor gave her only a few months.” Alexis’s voice cracked with emotion.

  Katie lifted her hand and kissed the knuckles. “I’m so sorry, Alexis.”

  Alexis wanted to bury her head in Katie’s neck and sob away all her pain and guilt, but she couldn’t.

  “Thank you. But I was able to pay back my brother James with a little shame of his own. When my mother was in her last few days, she asked me to fetch a pile of letters from her safe. They were between my mother and father, and some were from his wife, Lady Branwick. James wasn’t my half-brother, he was my full brother. My father had two children with my mother, but his wife was unable to have children. Thus the title and the lands belonging to my father’s family would go to some distant cousin. To stop this happening, my mother agreed to allow James to be brought up as Lady Branwick’s son. He would then be the legitimate heir and carry on the family title and lands.”

  Katie gasped. “That must have been devastating for your mum.”

  “Yes, it hurt her so badly to watch another woman bring up her son, especially when he got older and looked down on us as my father’s shame, when he was part of it.”

  “So what did you do?” Katie asked.

  “When my mother passed away, I took the evidence to James. He was terrified of the consequences of losing his dukedom and agreed to pay me a proper inheritance. I made him sign a letter at his lawyer’s so he wouldn’t weasel out of it. I was then able to buy a commission in the army and live the life I wanted. Of course I had to pretend to be a man, and I passed successfully and made the rank of captain during the Napoleonic Wars.”

  “You’re so brave,” Katie said.

  “I’m anything but, believe me.”

  “Did you ever see him again?”

  “On his deathbed. I had been turned by Victorija decades before then, and when I heard he was dying, I felt I had to see him.”

  “How did explain your appearance?” Katie asked.

  “I told him the truth. He was pretty out of it on drugs at the end, and no one would have taken his words seriously. I was glad I went. He apologized for what he had done and said that the guilt had eaten away at him over the years. That gave me an ending to that chapter of my life.”

  “Ready for the next chapter of your immortal life?” Katie’s smiled.

  “Yes, quite so,” Alexis said.

  * * *

  Katie was gobsmacked at Alexis’s former life. She would never have believed it. It was like something from a Jane Austen or a Charles Dickens novel. No wonder Alexis was so guarded emotionally—she was hurt so very badly.

  Alexis had gone to make Katie her nightly cup of tea, which, Katie knew, was also an opportunity for Alexis to retreat and recover a little after exposing so much of her past. When she returned with her tea, Katie said, “You must be so bored, stuck here with me, instead of out there doing your duty with Byron.”

  Alexis sat down and said simply, “You are my duty.”

  Katie was taken aback and didn’t know what to say next. Surely Alexis couldn’t feel that guilty. What was going on in this mixed-up vampire brain of hers?

  The silence between them hung so heavily that it felt it was going to be ended with either a passionate kiss or a passionate argument. But Alexis stepped up before any of that happened.

  “It’s your turn,” Alexis said.

  Katie, who was enjoying the warmth of her tea mug, snapped her head around to Alexis.

  “My turn? What do you mean?”

  “You wanted a story from my life, and now it’s your turn to tell me one from yours.”

  “A story?” Katie said with surprise. “I haven’t got any interesting stories. I’ve just lived my life with the Debreks.”

  “You do. For instance, what was it like to grow up in a household full of vampires? I imagine it didn’t feel normal.”

  “Normal? What is normal? Anyway it was normal to me. When I look back, the most overwhelming feeling I remember was of safety. I had a whole clan full of immortal vampires to make sure I was safe. They played with me, were very indulgent with their time, and entertained me as I ran around the estate. It’s strange when I think about it. The vampires that played with me back then haven’t changed, but now I’m grown up and basically the same age, and when I’m old and grey they’ll still be the same age.”

  “I don’t remember that—I mean, I remember some of the children of the human staff running around, but I don’t remember my vampires playing with you,” Alexis said.

  “You were too busy with your mind on clan business.” Of course, when she had the biggest crush on Alexis as a teenager, Katie often wished Alexis would notice.

  “What was it like at school?” Alexis asked.

  Katie chuckled softly. “That was a little strange, I suppose. As you know, the human staff get the best of everything, even more my family, because of our history with Byron. I was sent to the finest private school by Byron. The other children were sons and daughters of aristocracy, rich businesspeople, and celebrities, and there I was, my mum head housekeeper for the Debreks and my dad butler. There was gossip and lots of rumours about why I was really there.”

  “What kind of rumours?” Alexis asked.

  “That I was Byron’s father’s love child, that Byron was really a man, and I was her illegitimate daughter, but nothing was as wild as the truth.”

  “I suppose not.” Alexis laughed.

  Alexis was enjoying listening to Katie talk so much. She couldn’t believe she had kept herself distanced from Katie for so long. Katie was such a wonderful young woman, but that was wh
y she kept herself away, because Katie terrified her.

  “I wish we had talked like this sooner,” Alexis said.

  “So do I. My teenage self wished that too,” Katie said softly.

  “Why?” Alexis noticed a change in Katie physically. Her breathing became shallower, but her heart was increasing in speed. “What is it?”

  Katie cleared her throat and looked away. “It’s a bit embarrassing.”

  Alexis sat closer. “You don’t need to be embarrassed with me.”

  Katie searched her eyes, then took a breath. “I had the biggest crush on you since I was about twelve. I spent all my time trying to get your attention, but to no avail.”

  Alexis felt like she was punched in the chest. All these years they had been arguing and sniping at each other, and all that time there had been something between them.

  “Then I left home and went to university.”

  Did that mean she grew out of her crush, she had no feelings any more? But that night in Katie’s room. Alexis was sure Katie reciprocated her passion. Alexis knew what she should say—I feel the same way, I hope you still feel that for me, kiss me, let me make love to you, the first time I tasted you, I knew I wanted you—but instead, like an idiot, she went on to tell her why she couldn’t handle feelings of love and passion.

  “I’ve been in love before.”

  Katie’s eyes widened at that. “You have?”

  “Yes, back in 1850. I fell in love with a witch from a London coven,” Alexis said.

  Katie gulped. “What was her name?”

  “Anna. Byron warned me against falling for or having a relationship with a mortal, but it was first love, I was too wrapped up in it, and too young a vampire to understand the consequences.”

  “What happened?”

  It was so hard to tell this story, even though the pain in her heart was being eased by her love for Katie.

  “Byron and I had been called away on some business that evening. We were supposed to be having a dinner party with friends, and I was going to propose to Anna.”

  “You?” Katie said with shock. “Get married?”

  “Yes, well, I was still passing as a man in those days, and Byron was going to slip the vicar a few quid in case he was suspicious. But it never got that far. We returned back to the London house and found it had been attacked. Byron lost her lover, and I found Anna with her throat ripped out.”

  Katie gasped and put her hand to her mouth. “Oh God. Like that night when the London house was attacked and my friends killed when we were at The Sanctuary?”

  Alexis nodded. “I didn’t want to take the chance that would happen again.”

  Katie took Alexis’s hand. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have argued and behaved like a brat.”

  “You didn’t. I should have explained myself, instead of ordering you like one of my vampires,” Alexis said.

  Alexis loved the feel of Katie’s fingers caressing the back of her hand. She realized being truthful was their only way forward.

  “That night when I held Anna’s dead body in my arms, I promised myself I’d never let myself fall in love or have a relationship with a mortal again.”

  Katie stopped caressing her hand and went stiff. She’d clearly said the wrong thing.

  Katie let go of Alexis’s hand and stood slowly. “I’m really tired. I think I’ll go to bed.”

  * * *

  Alexis paced up and down in front of the fire, her hunger for fresh blood gnawing at her nerves like a million rats.

  She downed the glass of blood she had poured herself and prepared another from the bottle on the mantelpiece. Going without fresh blood wasn’t pleasant, but she could normally cope for this short a period, but this wasn’t a normal situation.

  Being in such close proximity to the woman she loved, the woman who fuelled her thoughts, her fantasies, her needs, was driving her hunger. Now she knew how Byron had felt when she fell for Amelia.

  Alexis was trying to keep it together for Katie’s sake, but she was stumbling with every word and had hurt Katie.

  It was clear Katie had feelings for her. That had become especially clear in light of Katie’s admission that she’d had a crush on her as a young woman.

  And instead of telling Katie the truth about her own feelings, she’d done her best to convince Katie that she wouldn’t be interested in love or a relationship again. Alexis leaned against the mantelpiece and glared at herself in the mirror.

  “You’re a bloody fool.”

  But wasn’t she correct? She’d vowed she didn’t want to love anyone again, but did she? She had to do something. She put down her glass and sped to Katie’s room’s door and felt even worse. With her enhanced hearing she could identify the snuffles of tears.

  Those tears were her fault. “Katie?”

  She heard Katie blow her nose in an attempt to cover the fact she had been crying, Alexis suspected.

  “What is it?” Katie said with anger in her voice.

  “Er, tomorrow…would you like to go a walk with me?” Alexis smacked herself in the head. That’s what you come up with? Seriously.

  “If you want,” Katie replied.

  At the very least, hopefully a new day would bring Alexis more courage.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Byron was worried about Amelia. She’d hardly said a word since they left their forest cabin, and she doubted she’d slept much last night. Her mind had been left reeling from this new information from Sybil, so goodness knew how Amelia felt. One thing that continued to surprise Byron was how much Amelia had been wrapped up in Byron’s world all this time, and she never realized it.

  The weather matched the sombre mood in the car as the rain bucketed down outside, and in the silence, the pounding of the rain was all the more pronounced.

  They pulled up beside a farmhouse outside the village they had just passed through, and Amelia grasped at her hand.

  “Is this it?”

  “Yes, I can’t believe I’ve come back here. I vowed I never would.”

  Byron cupped Amelia’s cheek. “This time you have me with you. No one can do you any harm while I’m around. I promise you that.”

  “Words can wound as deeply as any physical blow,” Amelia said. “I’ve become everything Mum and Dad warned I would when I ran to the big city and bright lights. I’m in league with the devil, or so they’ll think when they see you.”

  “Well, perhaps, but you know differently. Just get the information, and let them think what they like. They’ll never know I’m a vampire anyway.”

  Amelia snorted. “They bloody will. I’m telling you—I grew up with this. For some reason they believed in your world, the paranormal one. I thought they were mad and their fundamentalist Christian ideas were as cuckoo as them, but here we are—they were right.”

  “Maybe that has to do with your past? Maybe they were let into our secret because of you?”

  “Maybe,” Amelia replied.

  “Shall we get it over with then?” Byron asked.

  Amelia wrung her hands. “Let me gather my thoughts. Just another few minutes?”

  Byron kissed Amelia’s hand. “Anything you like, mia cara.”

  * * *

  Katie had been waiting patiently since this morning for a break in the weather. She was determined to get out for their walk, just as Alexis had promised her, and finally the rain had stopped for the moment.

  She was waiting by the front door for Alexis while she finished up a phone call with one of the vampires that Byron had left in the village hotel. Katie sat in the chair on the porch and watched the water drops that the rain had left dripping off the roof.

  There was something calming about the forest scene after the rain, something soothing, fresh. Katie was feeling more connected to life with each passing day. It was a great idea of Byron’s to invite her here, and of course being close to Alexis was helping. Alexis, who she knew was her anchor, despite Alexis’s assertion last night that she wasn’t interested in love.r />
  That had hurt her feelings. Every time they seemed to get closer, Alexis either ran or said the wrong thing. Maybe she had overreacted last night, but it was hard to hear all about the woman that Alexis had loved.

  Just thinking that made Katie feel guilty. After all, the poor woman was killed, but it was hard knowing that the person you loved wouldn’t or didn’t want to move on from the past. Because she did love Alexis, every annoying, bad-tempered part of her. She always had.

  The cabin door opened and Alexis walked out. “Sorry to take so long. I just had to check in with the troops.”

  “Troops?” Katie questioned.

  “Vampires. I’m an old army officer. It’s hard to shake off sometimes. Are we ready?”

  “Yes, is everything all right?” Katie asked.

  Alexis looked confused. “Sorry, what?”

  “With Byron and Amelia?” Katie said.

  “Oh, sorry. I see what you mean. Yes, they set off earlier, and Bhal checked in a short time ago to say they were nearly there.”

  “I hope Amelia will be okay and find the answers she’s looking for.”

  Alexis helped Katie up and offered her arm. “I’m sure she will. Shall we take our walk?”

  Katie was glad to take Alexis’s arm. She was getting better but wasn’t at her full strength. They walked down the steps and down one of the forest paths beside the cabin. Katie looked at all the colours of the leaves and inhaled the fresh scent of the woods after the rain. She sighed.

  “Is there something wrong?” Alexis asked.

  “No, it’s beautiful. I’m so glad to be out in the fresh air.”

  Alexis smiled. “Good, I’m glad. Listen, I’m sorry if I upset you in some way last night.”

  “Why would you upset me?”

  “I thought—” Alexis would have to admit listening at Katie’s bedroom door. “It doesn’t matter.”

  They walked on in silence. Alexis was desperate to talk and open up about her feelings. The love she had inside her had grown so large that it was so hard to keep contained.