The Loop

by Nicholas Evans

‘Move your truck,’ Buck Calder said.

  ‘No.’>

  Helen stood facing him, with her arms folded, trying to look tough and official. Her head came about halfway up his chest. She could feel her knees going wobbly. She had her back to the driver’s door and was wishing she’d locked it before hiding the key. She’d lost all track of time. All she knew was that Luke would need longer than he’d had to get the pups out.

  Eleanor had given up on her husband and was now trying to make her son-in-law see reason while he supervised the removal of the second tree. The first had already been towed off the road by the Harding boys. Hicks stood there, shaking his head, not looking at her.

  ‘Hey bitch!’ someone yelled. ‘Move your fucking truck!’

  Helen glanced at him and saw it was her bearded friend from outside the courthouse. He and some of his buddies had guns out now and others had broken off branches and were busy wrapping rags around them and dowsing them with kerosene.

  ‘Hey! That’s great, guys,’ Helen said. ‘Are we going to set a cross on fire too?’

  ‘You offering to be on it?’

  ‘Craig!’ Buck called. ‘Does this truck constitute an obstruction? ’

  ‘It certainly does.’

  Buck turned back to her.

  ‘Are you going to move it?’

  ‘No.’>

  He looked over her shoulder into the pickup.

  ‘Give me the keys.’

  He held out his hand and Helen only just resisted the urge to spit in it. Over his shoulder she could see Eleanor talking to Abe Harding, telling him he was already in enough trouble as it was and would end up going to jail for a long time. He wasn’t listening. The second tree was being dragged away behind his sons’ truck, in the back of which the two dogs were tethered, still hollering.

  The torches were being lit.

  Buck Calder tried to reach around her for the door handle, but Helen moved back to block him. She suddenly remembered the last time he’d had her backed up against her truck and he seemed to remember it too, for he edged away a little, out of range of her knee.

  ‘Clyde? Get a rope on this thing.’ He walked away.

  ‘On her or the pickup?’ Ethan Harding called out.

  They all laughed. Someone handed Hicks a rope and he started to walk toward the pickup. Helen turned and wrenched open the door. She reached behind the seat and pulled out Luke’s rifle.

  She pointed it at Hicks and cocked it. He stopped in his tracks and everything went quiet. Buck Calder had his back to her and, slowly now, he turned and saw the gun. Helen swallowed hard.

  ‘Go home. All of you.’

  Everyone stood frozen, staring at her. For the first time, Eleanor looked frightened. Calder was frowning at the gun and as he stepped toward her she swung the barrel so it was pointing at him instead. He faltered. But he kept on coming.

  ‘Where did you get that?’

  Helen didn’t answer. She was breathing too fast and knew her voice would show, if it wasn’t already obvious, how scared she was. He walked right up to her, until the barrel was an inch from his heart.

  ‘You dare,’ he whispered. ‘You dare point my own dead son’s gun at me?’

  And he closed his hand over the barrel and took it from her.

  The mother wolf was right at the mouth of the den when he came out with the first bagload of pups and he thought for a moment that she was going to attack him. She backed away, barking and snarling at him, showing her teeth and gums. Luke yelled and swung the jabstick at her and only then did she run off.

  But she was still only twenty yards or so away, still barking and Luke worried that if he left the first bag of pups outside the den she might come and carry it off while he was down getting the others. Maybe, to be safe, he should take the first lot to the Jeep. But he probably didn’t have time and anyway, she might nip into the den while he was gone and make off with the others.

  He wedged the whimpering bag of pups into a crevice between the rocks and then hunted around for smaller rocks to stack in front of it. It wouldn’t stop her getting at them, but it might buy him enough time. All the while he was doing this, he tried to block his ears to the screams of the pup who was hooked to the wire which, he now discovered, stretched in a wide circle all around the den.

  What kind of mind, he wondered, could ever have devised such a thing?

  In the end, he couldn’t bear the screaming any longer. And although he knew he shouldn’t waste precious time, he had to have another go at getting the hook out of the pup’s mouth, while its mother ran around him in demented circles. But still he couldn’t get it out.

  Then the mother stopped hollering and Luke heard another sound. A first distant rumble of engines and a dog barking. And looking up the clearcut, he saw headlights pan the sky.

  He put the pup down, grabbed the flashlight and the empty bag and dived back down into the den.

  The cars and trucks all pulled up in a line along the top of the clearcut and everyone climbed out. Most of them had guns and those who didn’t were holding flashlights or flaming torches. Abe had his dogs on leashes now. They were barking more crazily than ever.

  Buck stood by Clyde’s truck with Henry’s gun in his hands. His blood was still simmering at the sight of that little whore-bitch pointing it at him. He felt like smashing her cute little bunny-hugger face in. It was just as well Craig Rawlinson had been there to take her aside while they shunted her shit-heap of a truck off the road. He’d felt pretty much the same about Eleanor, siding up with the bitch against her own husband like that. It was unbelievable.

  Tactfully, Rawlinson had said he’d stay down there with the two of them. Buck knew he’d then be able to plead ignorance about what they were all about to do.

  ‘So, where is it?’ he said.

  Clyde pointed down the clearcut.

  ‘Plumb in the middle there. Couple of hundred yards down. See the rocks?’

  ‘Uh-huh.’

  ‘Den’s right under there.’

  ‘Look!’ Wes Harding yelled. ‘There’s one right there!’

  He was pointing toward the edge of the clearcut. Every flashlight they had was at once pointed the same way. Few of the beams could reach that far, but enough could for them to see a white wolf, brazen as day, standing there staring right back at them. And as they looked, she had the nerve to start howling at them.

  Buck was just lifting his rifle when three or four others beat him to it and a volley of shots rang out.

  How many hit her, it was impossible to tell, but it was enough to lift her clean off her feet. She was dead before she landed.

  ‘Listen up!’ Buck called out. ‘I’ve got a job to finish here. I’ve killed me two of these critters today and if anyone’s going to jail it’s me, okay? If another one shows, it’s mine. You all understand?’

  There was mumbled agreement.

  ‘Abe and me are going to be cellmates. Ain’t that right, Abe?’

  Abe didn’t smile.

  ‘Okay. Got the shovels and the gasoline?’

  The loggers called out to confirm that they had.

  ‘Then let’s go.’

  It wasn’t as easy a walk as it looked. There were felled trees that they had to climb across and stumps and root holes to snag their feet. Buck let Clyde lead the way with the flashlight. He kept the safety catch of Henry’s rifle off and his eyes locked on the den. He wasn’t going to have one of these drunken jerks beating him again if another wolf showed its face.

  They were about halfway down the clearcut now and he could see the black hole of the den showing clearly in the pale moonlit earth. Suddenly he saw its shape alter. It was another wolf. He didn’t want to yell because he knew, despite what he’d told them, all the others would take a shot.

  Instead, he whispered to Clyde to stop.

  ‘There’s one coming out. When I tell you, shine your light.’

  He raised his gun and centered the crosshairs on the moving shape emerging from the mouth of
the den.

  ‘Now!’

  At exactly the same moment that the flashlight beam found its mark, Buck pulled the trigger and the shot rang out.

  There was a cry. Sharp and terrible.

  And Buck and all who heard it knew that it wasn’t from a wolf.

  ‘Luke? Luke?’

  It was the moon calling him and he couldn’t understand why or what it might want. And he couldn’t understand why it kept getting lost in a whirl of red clouds and then suddenly bobbing out again. Except they were more liquid than clouds and closer too, almost as if they were actually in his eyes. And now he found he was in control of them, because when his eyes filled up and the moon went red, all he had to do was blink and everything would clear and there was the moon, all clean again, calling him.

  ‘Luke? Oh God. Luke?’

  It sounded like his father, but it couldn’t be, because his father didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. And there were other voices, voices he didn’t recognize, and sometimes their shadows loomed across the moon and he wished they would get out of the way and leave him alone so he could watch it.

  He thought of telling them, because he knew he had a voice. Helen had found it for him. But he didn’t know where it was at the moment. Perhaps she’d borrowed it. There was a kind of cold space in his throat where it normally was, like a hollow in a snowdrift. It was the only thing he could feel. Except that when he blinked, one of his eyes felt funny and he wasn’t sure he was looking through it anymore. It seemed to have something wet and lumpy in it that even the blinking couldn’t clear.

  Thwuck-thwuck-thwuck.

  Now there was another moon coming across the sky. Or maybe it was a star or a comet. But it was lower than that and really, really bright. Blindingly bright. It hurt his eye. And he could hear it too now, getting louder and louder and louder.

  Thwuck-thwuck-thwuck-thwuck.

  And then both it and the moon flooded with red clouds again.

  It wasn’t clouds. It was curtains, red curtains, closing across the sky. And this time he couldn’t blink them open. Someone was trying to do it for him, but they just kept on closing.

  Crimson curtains.

  Thwuck-thwuck-thwuck-thwuck-thwuck.

  Where was she?

  He wanted her to bring him his voice so he could talk with her and touch her and feel more than just this cold hollow in his throat. There were so many people now. And there seemed to be some new ones too and they were sticking things into him and putting some kind of mask thing over his face.

  But where was Helen?

  Just for an instant, he thought he heard her voice, among all the others, calling his name. But they were lifting him up now and away and the red curtains had closed for the last time. Maybe when they opened again she would be standing there. Maybe he’d be there too, beside her.

  Two stone statues, hand in hand.

  SUMMER

  36

  Eleanor sat alone in the mall café, sipping a soda and watching the holiday crowds go by. It was the Fourth of July weekend and the place was teeming. The café was on a corner by the escalators and had counters serving food of almost every ethnic kind, provided it was fast and fried. There were troughs of plastic greenery and the tables were of plain white plastic, each with its own blue and white umbrella, whose purpose (since the mall was hermetically sealed to the elements) Eleanor found puzzling. Perhaps they were to protect those eating from any missile thrown from the escalators.

  At the next table, a group of teenage girls sat trying out make-up and nail polish they’d just bought. Occasionally they would all erupt in screams of laughter or call out in chorus to someone they had spotted on the escalator. The waitress had already warned them twice to be quiet. Nearby, a young couple was feeding identical blond baby girls, who lounged happily in the most splendid double stroller Eleanor had ever seen.

  She looked at her watch. He was ten minutes late. Perhaps he was having trouble finding the place. He’d always hated malls, but when he’d called she hadn’t been able to think of anywhere else to meet. It was right across the street from the apartment she was renting.

  The prospect of seeing Buck again, after all these weeks, didn’t make her feel nervous, only sad. The last time had been at the hospital on the night of the shooting, while the surgeons were trying so hard to save Luke’s life. Eleanor hadn’t been able to look at Buck, let alone speak to him. She wasn’t going to let it be like that today.

  When he’d called, his voice sounded so different that she hadn’t recognized him. He’d had to say his name and she’d thought, how strange, not to know who it was, after all those years of marriage.

  She saw him now, at the end of the avenue of storefronts, walking alongside his reflection. He had his head slightly bowed, his face half hidden by the brim of his hat. His walk was uncertain, awkward almost, as though he didn’t belong in such a place. He was wearing a pale blue snapbutton shirt and black jeans that seemed baggy on him. As he got nearer she saw how thin he’d become.

  The girls at the next table had paid their check and were sweeping out of the café and one of them, who wasn’t looking, collided with Buck. He staggered back and for a moment it seemed he was going to fall. But he didn’t. The girl apologized and was whisked away by her friends. Eleanor saw them all giggling and teasing her as they went.

  Buck stood by the entrance, adjusting his hat and scanning the faces. She had to wave to make him see her.

  ‘I’m sorry I’m late,’ he said as he walked up. ‘I got confused with all the different entrances.’

  Eleanor smiled. ‘That’s okay.’

  He sat down and the waitress arrived. He ordered a coffee and asked Eleanor what she wanted and she said she was fine with the soda. When the waitress went, they sat in silence for a few moments, neither one of them knowing what to say.

  ‘So,’ he said at last. ‘You fly tomorrow?’

  ‘Monday.’

  ‘Monday. Right. To London.’

  ‘Via Chicago.’

  ‘Oh. Then . . .’

  ‘We’ll have a week in Ireland, then on to Paris, Rome. Then back to London for a few days, then home.’

  ‘That’s quite a trip.’

  Eleanor smiled. ‘You know I always wanted to travel.’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘I think Lane’s looking forward to it.’

  ‘She is. She told me. Nice for you to have some time together.’

  ‘Yes.’

  Buck’s coffee arrived and he stared at it and stirred it for a long time, though there was no need because he always took it black, no sugar. It gave her time to study him. He looked almost haggard. There was a patch of gray bristles on his chin that he’d missed with his razor. His shirt looked as if it hadn’t been pressed.

  ‘Lane was telling me the house you’re buying down in Bozeman is real nice.’

  ‘It’s lovely. Small, you know. But I don’t need a big place.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘You heard Ruth’s moving to Santa Fe?’

  ‘Yeah.’ He nodded. ‘Yeah, I heard that.’

  There was a pause. The music playing in the mall dipped briefly for an announcement about a young boy who’d gotten himself lost. It told the parents where they could find him.

  ‘You know, Eleanor. That thing between Ruth and me, it was never really—’

  ‘Buck, don’t. It’s gone.’

  ‘Yeah, but—’

  ‘It’s all gone.’

  He nodded and kept his eyes on his coffee. He started stirring it again.

  ‘Anyway,’ he said.

  ‘How are things on the ranch?’

  ‘Good. Pretty good. I’ve handed a lot of stuff over to Kathy.’

  ‘She told me.’

  ‘She’s quite something, that girl. Twice the rancher Clyde’ll ever be.’

  ‘He’ll learn.’

  ‘Maybe.’

  ‘Little Buck’s growing so fast.’

  Buck laughed. ‘Yeah! Yeah, h
e’s coming along good. Give him a year or two and he’ll be running the whole joint.’

  He took his first sip of coffee. Eleanor asked if he’d heard yet when his trial might take place.

  ‘September, so they reckon. Kathy tell you about Clyde?’ Eleanor nodded. They’d found his fingerprints on that horrible wire loop thing. But, probably because Buck was pleading guilty to everything, charges against Clyde had just been dropped. Eleanor knew that Kathy would never forgive herself for showing him how it worked.

  ‘Do you have any idea yet what kind of sentence you’ll get?’

  ‘Nine months, a year, maybe more. Tell you the truth, I don’t really care how long it is.’

  ‘Oh, Buck.’

  She wanted to reach across the table and take his hand. But she didn’t. She saw his face clench up as he tried to fight his tears. As if he hadn’t been punished enough, she thought.

  ‘When I think of Luke, I . . .’

  ‘Buck, please don’t.’

  ‘No. I know.’

  He took a deep breath and held it inside him a moment, then let it come slowly, shudderingly, out. After awhile, he sniffed and looked around.

  He forced a laugh. ‘Anyway, Abe’s boys say it’s like summer camp in there. Apparently the old guy’s having the time of his life.’

  Eleanor smiled. The young couple with the twins was leaving now. She watched Buck’s face as he watched the babies being wheeled past. One of them gave him a glorious smile and it seemed to start the tears welling again in his eyes. He was so very near to the edge all the time. Eleanor sat still and let him get over it. And at last he was able to look at her.

  ‘All I wanted to say, was . . . I’m sorry, Eleanor. I’m so sorry.’

  By the time they had driven high into the mountains, as far as the last road would take them, a thin band of pink had risen in the eastern sky. Hope, two hours earlier, had been like a ghost town and as they crossed the river, she had looked toward the church and thought about that day, almost a year ago, when Dan had told her about the road of wolf skulls.

  This time, he didn’t say a word and neither did Helen. And the only pair of eyes that saw them as they drove down Main Street belonged to a black cat that stopped in their dimmed lights to assess them then hurried on across the road.