The United States of Rebellia

by RJ Pritchett

  “Rebellia! Oh, Rebellia. There you are,” a familiar voice shouted, but Rebellia didn’t turn her head to see who it was. It wasn’t Faye, so she didn’t care. “We’ve been looking all over for you. I was starting to think you were… you know…” Daphne said, leaning down to hug her as best she could. “Why are you here looking like that? Are you alright? I know how much you loved Faye… well, I only knew about your relationship for a couple of weeks, but I know you loved her a lot. She was such an amazing person, and you were lucky to have her. I know this might sound cliché, but I’m sure the two of you will meet again to really live out your happily ever after one day.”

  “You found her?” Quentin’s voice called from the distance. Daphne turned and nodded, motioning him to come over to where they sat by waving her hand.

  “Yeah, but she’s not moving,” Daphne said, staring at Rebellia. “Is she in shock or something?”

  “No…” Quentin sighed, taking a seat directly in front of her so their eyes could meet. Rebellia’s eyes looked away from him, even though her body didn’t move. “Look, Rebellia. I know you’re a little upset with me… for being the reason… I’m sorry. I should’ve told her when I could. Maybe none of this would’ve happened if I was a little more honest about my memory.”

  “It’s not your fault,” Daphne said, “it’s not either of you guys’ fault.”

  “It is,” Quentin said, his voice cracking mid-sentence, “I killed that poor innocent girl because of my recklessness. I couldn’t live with that. When the crash happened, I instantly became sober. It was a weird moment. It woke me up, but it was too late to turn back. I felt like the biggest piece of shit on the planet at that moment. I thought about turning myself in, but I couldn’t stand the thought of being in a courtroom, hearing the cries of that girl’s family so I kinda took my own life. I opened the windows of my truck and drove into the nearest body of water. I’m not proud to admit that, I’m very ashamed. I killed her. I’m the reason she’s dead. All because I couldn’t control my emotions and felt that alcohol would just wash away the pain of not having McKayla. The pain that I felt when my niece died must be the same pain that Rebellia’s feeling… or the same pain that Faye’s parents are feeling. She lost someone she loved, and she doesn’t know if it’s forever or not.”

  “It’s not forever,” Daphne said, “if we all know one thing it’s that true love never dies. Vincent and his wife are in Heaven right now, living happily ever after. That same future waits for Rebellia when her time comes.”

  “Rebellia never wanted Heaven after she woke here. Rebellia wanted to build her own Heaven right here in this world. She talked about it all the time. I don’t know if plans changed because of what happened… now she’s got something waiting for her in Heaven that she may desperately want. She might be sitting here, contemplating whether she should follow Faye or continue the initial plan that kept her going in this world.”

  “…” Rebellia didn’t say anything.

  Daphne and Quentin waited in silence, exchanged looks and waited a little longer. As the seconds went by, the silence became more and more awkward.

  “Come with us,” Daphne said standing up from her seat by Rebellia’s side, “Come back with us to the sanctuary. Everybody misses you. Patricia, Jabari, Larissa, Tobias, Sonia, Devonte, Maria, Abraham- everybody misses you. Even Vivian and her Secret Society… that’s the name of the people with the masks that attacked us in the forest. Vivian told us that Orion sent them behind her back. They were just following his orders.”

  “…”

  “Can you at least say something?” Daphne asked, “is your voice gone?”

  “…”

  Daphne was starting to get visibly agitated so Quentin intervened, “You know, Rebellia… When you walked away from Orion, I stayed behind. I didn’t know what you were thinking, and I felt that Orion was my only chance to find peace within myself. But after a short while, I knew I made a mistake. Luckily, I found you and Faye in the forest that one time. Remember that? You shot me, and you thought that Orion sent me to spy on you. He never did. I left on my own merit, and that shot hurt like hell. I should’ve spoken up when you asked to choose sides, but I didn’t think you would be able to pull off what you were thinking of doing… I hope I didn’t lose you with that wording. But after you left, I knew you wouldn’t be able to pull that off… not without support. So I followed you to become that support. I followed you to help you create the world that you imagined. A world where people like me don’t have to face God for our crimes on Earth. A world that we can live here forever freely. This dream is bigger than all of us. This dream is possible now more than ever now that Orion’s out the way. This world can be our Heaven if we keep pushing to make it that. I just need you to get up from this tree and continue to fight. I want you to get up and continue to rebel. We all need you, Rebellia. You may not be our leader, but we look at you as one. This is your world, and the rest of us are just living in it. We need you, Rebellia.”

  “…”

  “… I think we should give her some time to think it over,” Quentin said to Daphne, “She’ll come back to the sanctuary when she’s ready. I know she will. Rebellia always fights, and she always wins. This won’t stop her for too long.”

  “Okay,” Daphne said, pouting and wiping her watery eyes.

  “Yeah, she just needs time to herself right now,” Quentin said, smiling down at the statue of Rebellia.

  “We love you, Rebellia,” Daphne said, leaning to give her one last hug. Rebellia didn’t move. “See you at the sanctuary.”

  Rebellia didn’t move for the rest of the day aside from blinking, and even that was rare for her to do.

  “Hey, Rebellia,” another familiar voice said just as the sun was beginning to set on her fourth day under the willow tree. She didn’t look to see who the voice belonged to, sooner or later the voice would identify itself. “It’s Sonia. Daphne and Quentin told me that I would be able to find you here, and I wonder why you chose this spot… Does it mean anything to you?”

  “…” Rebellia said nothing.

  “I’ll take that as a yes,” Sonia said, “… Okay,” she sighed, “Listen. Quentin hasn’t been the only one holding secrets this whole time. Well, you already knew about Quentin, but you don’t know my story… the full story. I’m not going to spend too much of your time so I’m just going to pretty much summarize it. I want to tell you the real reason I’m here. I’ve always been kind of afraid to tell you this because I was afraid of how you would react. But seeing how you’re not really reacting to anything these days, now seems like the perfect time to tell you why I’m really here. It all started when I was in college… fun times those college days were, but anyway. Um… I met this boy who invited me to a party that he and his football buddies were having. He was literally the hottest thing on campus, destined to be an NFL superstar in a couple more years so he was looked at as royalty around the school. I was so excited to be invited to this party because I was just a freshman with little to no friends. I told my mom and everything, everybody was happy for me. Did I plan on sleeping with this future NFL star? Yes. Did I? Yes. After the party was winding down, we were both drunk. I know I wasn’t supposed to be drinking anyway being that I was only eighteen, but you know… college. I threw myself at him, and being drunk out of his mind now that he was able to drink legally, he accepted my invitation. We went to his room and… magic happened. The bits and pieces of that night that I remember were magical. Anyways, I was in love with him. I wasn’t sure how my parents would feel about me losing my virginity to a black man because my dad was borderline funny about things like that. I don’t think my dad was the least bit racist, but he always scoffed at the idea of me marrying someone who wasn’t… like us. I think I should’ve prefaced that with the fact that my dad had a black best friend during the early 1940s so if you let him tell the story, he pioneered the civil rights movement…” Sonia chuckled to herself after failing to hold it in. “After the ni
ght of the party, I thought this guy and I were in a relationship… however, he didn’t. He told me that what happened was a mistake. A bad mistake. Something that shouldn’t have happened. After hearing those words, I was humiliated, furious, heartbroken… all of the above. I called my dad crying… and while he was trying to figure out why I was crying, I told him what happened that night of the party. I told him what would make me feel better at the moment. I told him that a guy on the football team peer pressured me into drinking alcohol before he proceeded to rape me.”

  “…” Rebellia said nothing, although her right fist clenched around another small patch of grass nearby.

  “Being a Caucasian woman, I knew that my story would be told, and I knew that that man would lose everything, and I didn’t care. I never cared. Fuck him. If he could hurt me that much and make me feel like a piece of shit, then I could make the world look at him like he was a piece of shit. I never told a soul about what really happened until now. I was on my deathbed as an old lady, surrounded by my family and loved ones, taking this deep dark secret to my grave. I thought that once that life was over, I would be done with that situation. But unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. I’m dead, but I’m still dealing with the mistakes that I’ve made in my life. I ruined that man’s bright future because I wanted revenge. He was thrown in jail, and even when he got out, he had to register as a sex offender. His life was ruined because of me. His football career was ruined before it could really take off. I broke that man, and it’s sad to know that I’m not the only woman to do something like this as payback. It’s really messed up. Do I feel sorry for what I did now? Yes. If I could go back in time, I would go back to convince myself not to go to the party. Of course, I probably would’ve still went to the party because, at that age, nobody was able to tell me not to do something I really wanted to do, not even myself. After living out my lie (crying on TV and in the courtroom, also doing countless interviews about the story I rehearsed over and over in my head) my life eventually returned to normal. I met a nice guy that eventually became my husband, we had five children together -all boys. I was happy until the day I died. But now, I’m being forced to live out that ugly lie every time I close my eyes in this world. It’s sickening at this point. I’m sorry for what I did, and I don’t think I can ever find peace with myself. I joined your group because you didn’t give a damn about finding inner peace -in fact, you pretty much tried to avoid it just so we all could stay together in this world for as long as possible… it made me feel good. I was able to hide my true story and fit in by controlling the narrative of who Sonia McDermott was. If I never had to find peace with myself, I was perfectly fine with that. But now I know that that’s pretty much unavoidable. One day, I’m going to have to explain my lie to my parents in the next world. One day, I know I’ll meet that man again, and I’ll beg and plead for his forgiveness, but he’ll probably never accept my apologies. I ruined his life, he has every right to be upset with me. That’s a grudge worth being held for eternity. Now, I don’t know how you’ll react to this once you snap out of… whatever you’re in right now, but I’ll be awaiting any consequences when you get back home. If you want me to leave your guild, I’ll understand. Thank you for everything, Rebellia.”

  Sonia stood up and walked away, wiping her eyes.

  “…” Rebellia stared blankly into space.

  The sun was high in the sky on the fifth day Rebellia sat under the willow tree. Devonte and Maria both sat next to Rebellia as she sat motionless at the base of the tree. Devonte gave her a kiss on the cheek and thanked her for everything. He got very emotional seeing Rebellia in the state she was in.

  “Devonte really missed you,” Maria said, smiling, “He’s been waiting to see you for a very long time, but we didn’t all want to come at the same time. Quentin thinks it might be too overwhelming for you. Anyways, we wanted to stop by and say hi. The past couple of days have been rough. With the whole kidnapping thing, and you guys escaping, and then you went back to obliterate the person who kidnapped you… I didn’t know what the hell was going on. But I did know one thing. I knew the Faye situation would change you. I just didn’t know it would have you like this. I didn’t know Faye for as long as you did, but I knew her just enough to know that she would hate to see you like this. You’re a fighter, Rebellia. You’re strong, and you have to remain strong for all of us. This isn’t you. So wherever you are in that little head of yours, you need to find yourself. Your real self. Because this… this isn’t it. This isn’t the same girl that pointed a gun to me thinking I was some sort of spy who got her friend to move on somehow. This isn’t the same girl that stands in front of the giant bonfire, speaking her truth to anyone within hearing distance. The girl with the fire inside of her that when she speaks, people would stop whatever they’re doing to listen… this isn’t the same girl I know. I just hope she comes back because the sanctuary isn’t the same without her. It doesn’t really feel like home anymore.”

  “…” Rebellia stared.

  “Over the past few days, I’ve learned things… things about me that prove that I should have waited to gather all the information before telling my story. There are a lot of missing pieces of my life that I left out just due to not remembering. I was so eager to move on the way Vincent did that I had no patience. Those memories came back to me and I know the full story of my life. I finally know who pulled the trigger that ended my life and what prompted them to do so. And what makes it weird is that I was able to see what happened immediately after I was killed. I saw the aftermath of what happened. I’ll tell you some other time though when you’re in your right state of mind. I shot the bullet that ended that young man’s life. It was self-defense, but it weighs heavy on my conscience nowadays. But looking back, I truly don’t know any other way I would be able to get out of that situation with my daughter and I unharmed. Sometimes, you have to make choices in an instant in order to survive. I made that choice and still lost my life due to something I… later,” Maria sighed, “I’ll tell you later. Do you have anything to say to her, Devonte?”

  Devonte looked at Maria and then back at Rebellia.

  “Um… yeah,” he said, sniffling, “I just wanted to say thank you to her again for taking me into her family when I couldn’t find my own. The fact that this is where dead people go is still a lot to take in, but I’m fine. I know my big brother shot me. After talking to Maria about it a lot, I know that my big brother did it to end my pain. I was going to die either way, he just… he just did it to protect me. I was in pain, dying slowly to cancer and he… he saved me. My brother helped me until the very end and I… I miss him. I can’t wait to see him again so that I can hug him, thank him and tell him how much I love him. My brother always was a nice person. He was the best big brother in the world. I have dreams of him now, not memories, but dreams… he keeps asking for my forgiveness, but I don’t think he can hear me when I speak. I don’t even think he could see me in those dreams. I keep answering him, but he ignores me and keeps asking me to forgive him. Well, he can’t hear me right now, but I forgive him. He saved me, and just because we’re away from each other right now… doesn’t mean I won’t see him again. Maria says that I can’t choose how long I stay here, but I plan on staying here with you forever. I don’t ever want to leave. I want to stay here, and when my mother, father, and brother die… I want them right here with us. All of us. Forever.”

  “Just because they’re away from each other right now, doesn’t mean he won’t see them again,” Maria smiled and wrapped Devonte in her arms, “Do you hear that, Rebellia? If you think for one second that you and Faye will never see one another again, you must be foolish. That’s the way life works, you love, and you lose, but you lose only to find love again. Love is everlasting, and we’re proof that time or distance can’t stop that. No matter how much time goes by, Devonte will be right here waiting for his family to arrive. Time and distance didn’t stop that love, and I’m pretty sure they feel the same way about him.
Same way I feel about my family. If I were to find my mom here in this world, that would be amazing. We’ve been apart for a really long time and the love still exists. You can be here a hundred years without Faye, but once you transcend, the two of you will pick up where you left off. I guarantee it.”

  “…” Rebellia moved her lips, almost to a smile as a tear rolled down her cheek. Her body remained still.

  “We’ll be waiting for you, Rebellia,” Maria said, standing up. Devonte followed suit. “Whether you come home tonight, tomorrow, a year from now, whatever. We’ll be waiting. And once the wait is over, we’ll pick up right where we left off too.”

  Maria put her arm around Devonte’s shoulder, as the two of them walked away… back home.

  The sun was on the cusp of rising the next morning when Rebellia’s next visitor came to sit with her under the willow tree.

  “… Hey,” Patricia said, not really expecting a response, “I heard what happened… with Faye, and I have to say that I’m sorry it had to go like this. I feel your pain. I know the state you’re in because I entered it for a little while when I got the news that Travis left. I couldn’t stop thinking about him as you know, but after a while, I stood up and I kept going because I know Travis wouldn’t want to see me at a low point like that. He would want to see me picking up from where he left off to help the group by any means. That boy loved being a part of what you created. He always told me about the future of this group and how one day it would become bigger than anything that ever existed. We always talked about how we would stay together in this world forever and right now, those conversations seem silly. If you left it up to me and Travis, Heaven wouldn’t have made our lives any better than when we were together. I got to Heaven the moment I laid eyes on him in this world, all my memories came flooding back to me and I was so happy to see him again. The day he died, I was broken. But we found each other in the afterlife, that’s sort of a happily ever after, right? But it wasn’t. It was just a temporary happiness because Travis is no longer with us. I know exactly how you feel. Losing someone you loved dearly is the worst possible feeling but sitting here and sulking won’t make shit any better. We gotta keep moving forward to make this place what you and Faye wanted it to be. We need more numbers, we need to expand, we need to keep this group running like a well-oiled machine, but it cannot happen with you sitting here and doing nothing. If you stay here, Rebellia… everything that you and Faye talked about this world becoming would be for nothing. Everything that me and Travis talked about this world becoming would be for nothing. I don’t want my memories with him to be useless, I want them to mean something. I use those conversations that Travis and I had as motivation to bring your vision to life. You should do the same instead of sitting here feeling sorry for yourself. The world won’t end because your girlfriend left. Remember what Vincent said… ‘The hardest part about losing someone is seeing that the world continues without them’ he said something like that. But we are proof that life continues after it supposedly ends. We’re here forever. Faye is going to be waiting for you just like Travis is… waiting for… me-” Patricia paused. Her eyes widened as a look of disbelief overtook any other emotion she could think about putting on in that moment.