Then he changes the angle for deeper penetration. My skin pebbles with goose bumps and my muscles tighten.
“Logan…” I choke out as my muscles burn. Logan’s eyes glow with fire in his black irises. His nostrils flare, and his forehead dampens, struggling to hold back his own release.
“Now!” And just like that, my body begins to convulse and my womb spasms. I scream, the sensation too intense to hold back. I shatter as he increases his drive, now chasing his own release. I feel him swell and shudder, groaning like a beast.
He engulfs me with his possessive hands, kissing my temples, as we lie there quietly, wrapped up in each other. Our violent sex leaves us breathless, and the exhaustion pulls me into a dream as Logan’s soft snores call me to join him.
“Cassandra!”
The voice propels me to find it and leave the calmly swaying field. The shadows are hidden in the darkness.
I turn and walk towards the familiar place. I already know how to find it. I pass the green foliage to find the waterfall in front of me. A man, about six feet tall, stands next to it. Finally, he looks at me. His voice propels me to come closer.
“It is time.” His booming voice vibrates and rumbles through me. Without any warning, he pushes me into the water.
I wake up, leaping up into a sitting position as my heart drums in my chest. Logan’s naked body wraps around me, and he kisses my shoulder, rocking me as I cry. “It was just a dream, you are with me now. You’re safe.”
I’m worried about the separation from my children and losing him. I turn around, sealing my mouth over his, trying to inhale him into my lungs. Without a fight, he gives everything he has with every stroke of our tongues.
“I don’t want to lose you,” I whimper, acknowledging the truth that in his arms is where I am happiest.
“Then don’t,” he murmurs in reply, as he holds me, kissing and claiming my fears, turning them into passion.
An hour later, we come downstairs, finding everyone enjoying the cheesecake I left cooking in the oven. I look at Logan with wide eyes as I realize that we were gone too long for them not know what we’d been up to. He chuckles, giving me an arrogant, pleased grin.
“Here you are!” Darren quips as he stands and takes me by the hand, leading me to the sofa. “You look great, sweetheart. Thank you for the cheesecake. How are you feeling?”
“You are welcome, Darren, good to see you too. I am all right.” Embarrassment burns my cheeks as I see my sisters and Logan’s brothers looking at me giddily.
“I am famished, Dad! Let’s go, Cassandra. See if they left us any food.” Great. Now is their opening to tease.
“Are you funding your woman’s talent to sing, Logan? You should, you know.”
The idiot will suffer in pain for this. Raine throws a pillow at Leif as he chuckles, making everyone cackle. I look at Logan, who is polishing off someone’s leftovers like an animal.
“Where are the twins?”
“We took them upstairs for a nap.” Raine covers her mouth with amusement. I have a feeling I know what that’s about.
“And we heard someone being whipped…” Leif sing-songs, wiggling his eyebrows, and I grab a throw pillow, heaving it at him. He catches it in mid-air and flops back on the sofa, laughing.
“All right, I need some food in me before I have to deal with you all.”
Chapter 10
FAREWELL
~Cassandra~
During the week, I had a few episodes. The fear of losing my kids triggered my memories to resurface, but Lucas and Logan managed to help me to deal with it. I also started Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, and the first session was a few days ago.
Laisa is helping me cope with the distress. The therapy focuses on my recollections, to change my negative outlook and help me gain control of my fears. For now, I am so overcome with dark thoughts, I hardly can hear her. The demons resurface, stronger than ever, to torture me.
A ringing phone interrupts my playtime with the twins. I stretch my arm to reach for it on the sofa. Logan’s picture is displayed on the screen and I stop for a moment to collect myself.
“Hi!” The hammering in my chest makes it difficult to concentrate on what he is saying.
“I am coming home. I had few meetings to deal with. You ate already?”
“Not yet, we are about to.”
“See you in thirty minutes!”
“See ya.”
Silent and restless, I wait for his arrival with dread that our time is coming to an end. However, I keep reminding myself that I requested this space and the move is a good choice.
I take both kids to the living room and strap them into their feeding chairs. Then, I get on making salads, as the main course is already done. The soft music playing in the background fills my ears, and the anxiety is a swirling tornado, making my legs bounce and hands shake. I close my eyes, breathing in and out, and looking for the positive memory to center me. After I calm down, I set the table for us, then sit next to my eating munchkins. The tears are streaming down my cheeks.
Something hits me in the face, and Leon shrieks to get my attention. I find him trying to get back the steamed carrot from me.
“I see a food fight is your forte, my boy. How about you eat it?” Then Liane notices the carrot and tries to steal it. Leon pushes all of it into his mouth, making his sister upset.
“All right, you two, I have enough rabbit food, hold on.” I bring broccoli and carrots for each of them, letting them explore and make a mess while eating. Chuckling, I realize my kids distracted me from a panic attack. “Smart kittens.”
The explosive mess left behind makes a canvas of exciting art on the floor and their clothes, and that is how Logan finds us. Cleaning up all the mess from their hair and faces, I try not to trip over the slippery food bits.
“Hello, my fighters, what happened here?” Both twin faces lit up in delight at seeing Daddy.
Lifting their hands and demanding his attention, their raised voices make him comply faster. Logan quickly takes off his jacket and tie as he picks up both dirty kids. Giggles fill up the room as he starts talking to them about keeping the house clean and tidy. Liane watches her dad in fascination, about to taste his cufflinks, and Leon tries to tear off the tie.
“Well, good luck with the team bandits!” Meanwhile, I fill up our plates and make tea. Just before we have a chance to eat, Leif and Lucas join us.
“Did you leave us some food? She made ‘Kiev cutlets’ with the potatoes mash. I canceled a hot date and meeting with a business partner for this lunch with you guys,” he tells me, out of breath, as he surveys the table set for two. “Where is my plate and his?” He points to his brother, who tries to hide his amusement behind a cough.
I roll my eyes. He rubs circles on his belly as he watches our plates with hunger and I exhale a breath. “Sit down and take mine. I’ll load new ones for us, Lucas.”
But Lucas, being sweet and mature, comes to help me with the food instead. Leif wolfs down his food in record time.
“More, please?” He lifts his empty plate as he gives me a puppy face. Shaking my head at him, I load his plate again. We are about to eat as my sisters and niece, Arianna, ring the doorbell.
Girls at least are low-maintenance, as they load their own plates and sit next to us.
“Do we have any sweets, Auntie?” Arianna has a hopeful expression that changes into excitement as I tell her I baked chocolate brownies.
With tea in hand, I walk into the living room to check on the kids and end up with a squad of cheerleaders following me. The little ones get to be spoiled rotten with love and attention as they don’t stay long in one place, and both travel from one person to another. Arianna comes to hug me, telling me all about last week at school and a few girls who seem to be rude to her.
“So, did you tell her?” Leif asks, raising his eyebrows, waiting to confirm something. Logan shakes his head as he looks at me, nervous. I wait for the explanation, but Darren let himsel
f in with his spare key a moment later. He walks in to find us huddled together.
“What a view to come home to! My girl and boy missed their grandpa.” We all look at the twins bouncing in Raine and Lucas’ arms, as they lift their small hands to be picked up by their grandpa.
“Did you tell her about the change of plan?” Darren asks his son, while cooing to Liane and Leon.
“Tell me what?” Since everyone seems to know something I don’t, I’m intent on pushing for details.
Logan exhales and gathers himself. “Let’s go for walk?”
We head out to the lake, which is usually lit up with decorative lights. Today, it looks magical, like some sort of dreamlike hideaway.
Recently, the boys brought wooden stained stools and curved tables to sit at, and a few decorative pots are scattered around. The water reflects the scenery of the trees, creating beautiful art on the glassy surface.
“Do you want to tell me what your family has been hinting at today?” I sit comfortably, yoga style, and wring my hands to try and stop the train wreck in my mind. But Logan sees through it.
“I am rethinking our move to the States.” He stops, apparently giving me time to digest the news.
“What do you mean?” Dreading the answer, I wait for him to explain, but he says nothing. I set my jaw and glare at him. “Care to elaborate, Logan?”
“Keep calm, all right? I don’t think that moving to America is the best course for our family. The long separation is not good for any of us.”
“It’s just for a year, Logan, until I learn to deal with the PTSD.” I try to breathe through the pressure gathering under my eyes and nose. But the man in front of me is not giving up. He squeezes my hands and pulls me closer.
“I agreed that we could try moving away for two to three months, but not longer.”
Distressed, I start to shake. Logan is changing the rules. I watch his jaw work hard as he tries to find the right words to convince me.
“I don’t think that it is necessary to move to the States to give you what you ask for. We could move away to a different area of the city, but the ocean is too extreme. You could come and visit us.” He searches my gaze, trying to make me understand, but I still have reservations.
“What about your life in the States, the family you left behind?” Curious, I watch as a slow smile breaks across his handsome, roguish face.
Before I can ask, he clears up the confusion. “Actually, my father was the one to suggest this solution. Dad will be ok. Staying here is more important than going back.” His gaze travels over me, then caresses my face and lips with the intention to taste.
“Don’t you dare try to distract me,” I warn him lightheartedly, as I wait for his explanation and hope for the things I am afraid to ask for.
“My life is here with you.” He smiles impishly, waiting for the fight to come. Logan wraps his arms around my waist as he leans into me, challenging me. Unable to help myself, I lick my lips, watching him expel a breath. He’s just as affected by our proximity.
“Trust me with our family’s well-being.” He kisses the tip of my nose and then the corners of my lips as he continues, “You heard me, I said our family, us. I want us to be able to celebrate every occasion together and have a chance to go for a walk in the park, take pictures. I want to know if you’re not well and need me to hold you.”
Tears are leaking from my eyes as I listen to him, craving this life with him more than I care to admit. “Sometimes I wonder if you consider me as your anything, Cassandra. Doesn’t it cross your mind that I love you?”
“Do you remember our conversation at the hotel? You said that you can’t give me the things I want. You didn’t want commitment, and I needed to hold on to the last thread of my modesty and pride. At first, I thought you came out of obligation.”
“Do you still believe that I have no feelings for you? I love you, Angel. I will never hurt you.”
I shrug, afraid to accept his confession. “Does it matter? I will ruin you, break what you hold dear.” The past visions echo my fears as I hold back a whimper.
“Why do you fear that you will hurt me?” A soft glow ensnares me as it takes me back to the man I once loved, and Logan seems to know. “Cassandra, tell me about him.”
Avoiding his penetrating gaze, I look towards the water that exhibits the gloomy skies above. “Sam was an excellent husband, father, and friend. After we lost our kids, I couldn’t be with him anymore. Sleeping in the same bed was too much to bear. I hated myself for living, and that hate transferred to our relationship.”
“In the middle of an argument one night, I realized he was on his knees, begging me to forgive him. The shock I felt was a significant indicator of who I had turned into. The rage I felt made me incapable of being sympathetic. Abusive behavior wasn’t in my plan. So, I asked him for a divorce, reasoning that we were both wounded and grieving, barely knowing who we were anymore. We needed to heal and reconcile.”
“Did he agree to the divorce?”
“Yes. I was relieved that Sam wasn’t fighting me on this. We decided not to tell anyone. I couldn’t help him, Logan. He was dealing with his own demons. It could have destroyed the good parts of our life, and we owed it to our children to preserve those memories.” Lost in my head, I take a trip down memory lane, to those times that we were young and hopeful to start this beautiful life of our own.
“You were blaming yourself, weren’t you? Do you believe that you don’t deserve to be loved, Angel?”
Goose bumps explode on my skin as I feel his unnerving gaze locked on me, waiting for my answer. A whimper escapes me. “I don’t deserve you. You should walk away and find someone who is a better person than me. I have this darkness in me that’s poisoning everything. I’m dreading that it will change you. You are the dream, the enchanting fantasy of a different life, meant for a soul who will be worthy of you.”
“Is that what you see when you look at me? A fantasy?” He takes my hand and puts it on his cheek. “Look at me.” He kisses my wrist and I give in. “You are all I see, all I need. You think I am a dream, so you are to me. I am waiting for you to wake up and see that there is nowhere for me to go, nowhere for me to be. So just love me, because I can’t live without you.”
“Then we are doomed, Logan, because I am drowning, and you are here for me to latch onto. You could have a less complicated relationship with someone else.” I cup his cheeks as I look into his green eyes, flooded with emotion.
I try one more time. “Let me set you free.”
He seizes my waist, fusing us together as his lips claim mine, our tears mixing together. We grab and clutch onto each other as though someone might separate us. Desperate whimpers leave me as his groans join our furious kiss. Our hands roam everywhere, and I wrap my legs around him, melding my front to his chest. He squeezes my butt, reminding that he has me.
His lips travel down my neck and as he reaches my ear, he whispers, “I won’t leave you, and I won’t give up on you. I will stand here in the middle of the storm and hold my ground. I will soothe all your scars with my lips and all your pain with love. I’ll give you all the space you need, but I will dare you to let me in, closer to the center of the hurricane.” He bites the sensitive spot on my shoulder, soothing it with his soft kisses.
Then and there, we sit and watch each other as the connection between us flows, lacing the threads around us. The feelings of contentment spread through my limbs and nourish my battered soul. The strong sense of love pulses within me. I stop being afraid.
“When are you moving out? Where?”
“Today. Dad found a property fifteen minutes from here. We’re going to lease it for a year. Help us pack. It would be good for you to find peace before you say goodbye to them.”
“Let’s go then.” I’m determined not to chicken out.
We disentangle from each other, and with a final look at the view, we head back home. The gang’s sitting on the porch, playing some sort of game with a bin and p
aper balls.
“So, what’s next?” Raine asks, as we come closer. Everyone pauses, waiting for the verdict.
“I plan to help them pack.” I pick up Liane as Logan gets Leon, and we silently leave with them. “Do we have any boxes?”
A worried Logan looks at me. “Yes, I’ve got them in the office. You sure you want to do it?”
I look at him as I kiss my little girl’s head. “Yes, I’m sure.”
We pack their clothes and toys and all the other necessary things. I decide that I want them to have few photos of us, so I go to my room to get them. On my nightstand are my favorite ones, so I wrap them in newspaper and pack them in the box.
“I think we are done here.” Logan looks around.
“Have you packed?” I ask him.
“Not yet. Are you going to be ok?”
I nod as my throat closes with emotion, and I turn to the twins as the first tears fall. I want to have a private moment with them before they leave.
I pick up my son and sit with him in the chair, trying to spend as much time left with him as possible. His sweet scent invades my nose and I laugh at his curious mood as he explores my necklace. Then my girl angrily lets me know she desires to be with me also. I place her on the carpet and both play together.
I take a book from the bookcase and start reading about lost little ducklings. Both are so mesmerized and have an open-mouthed expression. I make all the quacking sounds that makes Leon laugh and Liane babble.
Their cute innocent faces are so excited and happy that I don’t notice Logan standing in the doorway, watching us with a soft expression.
“I am ready.”
Hearing his silent confirmation, I place the book back on the shelf and gather my son. Since Liane is already in her dad’s hands, we all go downstairs where everyone is waiting for us.
“We’re going to give you few minutes to say your goodbyes,” Darren tells us, as he steers everyone else further into the kitchen to give us privacy. An unstoppable torrent of tears runs down my cheeks as I realize this is it. We won’t be seeing each other for three long months. I look at their cute little faces, unable to imagine being apart from them.
Entwined IN YOU (In You #2) Page 8
