Like two animals, we shriek, bawling next to his bed, but finding no answers to the tragedy in front of our eyes. No pain I feel is enough for me. The void is too deep and abyss to hollow ready to be filled with torment. My hands grasp Leif, while a coiling storm of emotions, like a tornado, rips and destroys my newfound balance.
“Why, my love, did you have to die?” I blubber, choking on the spasms shaking my insides. Pain takes hold, with punishing fingers digging into the flesh, claws clutching at my throat, the cold numbing my soul.
I don’t understand how all of this has happened to us.
In his hand, I find the ring cut apart, like in the dream. The words on the inside of the band say FOREVER WOVEN INTO YOU. I pull out the one nestled on my neck and read MY BEATING HEART IS YOURS. Sobs wrack me as the puzzle pieces begins to fit together. Memory of us getting married forms in my mind.
This memory of joy turns into painful sorrow aching in my chest and splitting my soul open.
I place my head on his chest and gasp in horror. My vision blurs as I unleash an ocean of tears onto his mangled body. Someone’s hands start to pull me up, and I turn, glaring at the intruder. Leif lifts his arms in a placating manner, his words wedged in his throat, and his dark eyes fill up again with undiluted sorrow.
“Let me help,” he rasps, touching my elbow, and I nod, needing to be closer to my husband.
Leif helps curl me into the curve of my husband’s lifeless arms. My fragile body continues to shake, and the pain stretches my chest wide. My throat is raw from the sobs pouring out, rupturing the silence.
How wrong the man I love feels.
Consumed by grief, I lay there, shaking, longing to feel the connection and revive his heart to beat for me. I close my eyes, exhausted, as the rhythm of the beeps and whooshing takes me under to the strange dreams. I grip my husband's waist, afraid to lose him again. The last chord in the symphony of our life breaks apart, and I close my eyes, savoring those last notes from our hopeful hearts. The final broken note reverberates in me, demolishing our love.
Rise and white petals fall from the sky, celebrating our oath and union bound in church. My heart soars with a euphoric feeling, making it want to fly with ecstatic joy that I am his chosen. We dance so much, barely eating, as our hearts are just too thirsty to be together.
After the reception, we leave for our honeymoon. In the expensive silver car, he steps on the gas, making the engine purr and rumble. I see excitement shining in his green eyes.
“Ready to have an adventure, my wife?”
I laugh at his roguish expression.
It is very early morning and, feeling a little bit sleepy, I nod off for one sweet second. But the sounds of screeching and cars braking jolt me awake. Our spinning vehicle disorientates me, and something hits us from the back side, making us whirl even more.
“Logan?”
That horrible dread in my throat chokes me. We are going to collide. The beautiful winter wonderland painted on the surface of the red bus mocks us as we spin towards our demise. My shocked eyes look over at Logan, who is desperately trying to handle the car.
Somehow, I know. This is the end of our forever.
I grab his arm, needing to tell him, “I will love you until the end of time,” but words never leave me.
His eyes grow soft and gentle, tears frozen in them for a split second, as his desolate gaze reflects all his feelings. Suddenly, he alters the course of the car and pure terror grips my chest as we finally collide.
We crash, flying forward from the impact. The brutal collision splits me in two—a million knives slice my body in thousand pieces and tear the ligaments apart.
Squashed in the metal grave, we lay, broken and bleeding. I wheeze, unable to draw in air, or speak. To get reprieve from the horror and from pain, I close my eyes. My husband’s hand coils around my numb fingers and holds on for dear life.
I hear his fading voice begging me to survive, every word forced and desperate, calling me back. “Cassandra, don’t leave…please. Live. Our babies…I need you …”
I open my eyes, forcing my lips to stretch in a smile. My vision blurs, then fades. The pain numbs me, and my limbs turn frozen. But I catch his loving expression, digging into my soul, before I leave him alone.
I jolt, startled, finding myself next to his unrecognizable body. My breath catches in my throat. I should have been the one lying here. My husband changed the course of the spinning car on purpose. He saved my life.
Affected by his blind instinct to protect me, I silently weep and kiss his chest through the hospital gown. “I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you for leaving me. For the stupid move to save me,” I whisper to him, settling my hand over his heart forced to beat against his will.
I decide not to think about it anymore. I let my beloved man keep his dignity and peace. Leif stands from the chair where he was sleeping and comes to help me as I attempt to untangle myself from him.
“Let me.” He gathers me in his gentle hands and carries me back to my room without a single word. I rest my head against his chest, feeling numbness spreading into my limbs, the hollow sorrow still ripping me to pieces with sharp claws, opening me wider. He stops at the station to talk to the nurses, then takes me to the hospital room I escaped from.
I whimper, gasping as a new wave of pain hits me full force. I am bleeding again. I can feel a void so deep it resonates through me, cutting me even deeper, sucking in every piece of will and light into the wide-open abyss.
Someone’s lips brush my forehead, keeping me centered. Leif. Then he wraps me in a shaking embrace and I feel his trembling heart breaking apart. I nestle next to it, not knowing how to make it better.
The morning comes fast, staining the skies with azure and reds, which gradually become oranges and yellows. A soft beard tickles my forehead as the snoring sound gives me comfort, until my family comes into the room a little later and shakes Leif awake. I close my eyes, hiding, biding my time. Comfortable for now, I pretend I am sleeping. He takes them to the coffee bar downstairs for breakfast. I am left alone, and I know Leif is giving me time to come to terms with the reality.
The breeze stirs around my body, announcing his presence as it nestles next to me, and I know that he belongs to me. I shake as tears spill from my eyes. Unable to comprehend his demise, I rest there, with Logan’s ghost warming my numb body, reminding me to live.
“I thought we would be together forever,” I whisper hoarsely to him, as pale lips kiss my head. I hear his whispers, urging me to use his gift. Exhausted, I close my eyes, begging him to stay with me a little bit longer, even if only in my dreams.
As if he heard my last wish, my husband draws me back near the lake, where we play with our kids and kiss under the trees, watching the sunset together. For the last time, I feel his embrace and take in his scent while drinking from his lips.
“Don’t leave us, please,” I whisper to him, memorizing his stunning eyes before he brings me back to the cruel reality. Here, I am on my own again, to battle the struggles. Our children will never know their incredible father.
Somehow, I knew I would ruin this family. The cost of love was too high for us all. He should have left, and lived a long and happy life with someone blessed with a happy future. Instead, he stayed with the person cursed to never know what happily-ever-after is. The pain and guilt are coming for tea, like old friends.
Welcome back, bitches!
This time, I can’t let them overwhelm me. This man gave his life and brought me back to our children. The woven net around my trembling heart will keep me alive. I just wonder what will be left of the person who lost so much.
Would I be capable of loving people as they deserve, and will I find peace as my heart chases all the ghosts from my past?
I’ll learn how to walk and breathe around the spikes lodged in my chest. I will run and live, even if my spirit abandoned me, bewildered by the vicious ache.
Making my decision, I lift myself up and turn around
. I find Lucas standing next to my bed, trembling, and he’s barely able to hold back his own tornado bursting from his chest. His tormented eyes reflect leashed agony and desperation that needs to break free. Otherwise, it will kill him, poison him, and crush him.
“I know,” I tell him, and raise my hands, inviting him to unleash his sorrow and hurt me instead. There’s an undulating need to feel it until it rips me apart, urging me to find the source of my demise.
Slowly, as if in a trance, he wraps his arms around me. Breathing carefully, Lucas shakes, trying to control what is inevitable. I squeeze him, kissing his shoulder, letting my tears come in hot rivulets.
“Let it go,” I encourage him. “It’s okay, I know.”
I hear his strangled sob rip from his chest, but he chokes, containing it. Not for long, though, as his grieving soul bursts from his throat and fills the room with agonizing heartbreak. My chest tightens, and I feel a fissure appear within, bleeding, as cold, ghostly hands grip my chest and squeeze it open.
An agonizing guttural wail rips through Lucas, breaking the silence, calling me to join him. I stroke his back, unable to speak, finding it hard to breathe. Instead, I clutch onto him, holding his breaking pieces in my embrace, and pray for strength to withstand this sorrow. In the midst of my own heart’s wrecked chaos, his pain cuts me, my soul like a tunnel, scraped wide open for all that suffering to flow like a river of never-ending agony. We both weep, trying to soothe each other’s souls that will never heal.
When the rest of the family returns, we are both numb, unable to move our tired bodies. My mum comes closer, and I see the pity written all over her face; words of sympathy are on her tongue. So, I close my eyes, surrendering to the darkness, because I don’t want to know.
Someone placed me on the soft clouds to rest, wrapping me in warm blankets, whispering healing words. My strength is ebbing and flowing, both filling the abyss of my heart and drowning in the sea of devastating sorrows. Soon, I will have to begin the journey of grief again, learning to cope with another hollow loss. I’ll face loneliness and guilt, then learn to forgive and force my soul to live when it yearns to give up.
For now, I will draw on the comfort my family provides until I grow strong enough to rise and walk, able to breathe through the shards of despair ebbed into my soul. My existence is pure agony, a hollow emptiness full of guilt and darkness, eating away my humanity.
Unfortunately, I don’t get to give up. The promise to my husband is pulsing in my veins, forcing me to fight it. And I will, for him, for us.
THE END
Thank you note
Thank you so much for reading Tangled IN YOU and Entwined IN YOU. Cassandra and I had a long and very tumultuous journey together. She begged me to write her book and finally set her free, but I had so many doubts. I never dared to dream to become an author, but since the first book I read landed in my hands, I couldn’t deny the pull it had on me.
Since you already know how compelling the main character of this book is, you probably aren’t surprised she won this inner battle with me too. Cassandra and Sandra, of course, found their way in and changed my life. Their story that ripped my heart to pieces also set my dreams free, teaching me to be courageous even when I am afraid.
Cassandra Knight is part of my soul, and her story represents emotional character growth and learning to be loved again. This incredibly painful, beautiful story about self-forgiveness, healing, love, and hope, was incredibly hard to write. Every day, for two months, I was an emotional mess. My salty tears streamed down my cheeks, washing the keyboard with her sorrow. I swear, every shard of her agonizing cries, was lodged in my heart, her grip undeniable and her existence unshakable.
I know, I tore your soul apart, but I also left a spark of hope warming your heart to dream about hopeful endings. There will be one, not as straightforward, but nevertheless engrossing and beautiful as the beginning.
Cassandra’s story is not over, and I promise you, I will soon release sequels to finally give her a happy conclusion. But for now, hold her in your hearts, love her scars and appreciate her story the way I do.
Please follow Cassandra’s journey in the sequels.
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Thank you, so much for purchasing Entwined IN YOU, and for continuing Cassandra’s journey with her. If you enjoyed it, please consider leaving a review or recommending it to a friend. I will be so grateful if you will share your love for this story with others.
Thank you again for your support!
Acknowledgment
Just knowing that you are reading my book(s) makes my heart soar with happiness and gives me a strong sense of fulfillment. I want to express how grateful I feel to all the people who held my hand, encouraged me when I felt down, and the ones who helped me along the way to becoming a self-published author.
I found such an amazing, helpful, and warm community, and friendships along the way. Those people sharing their experiences and knowledge encouraged me to believe that I could succeed in this industry as well. The messages and the positivity they shared made me hold onto this dream with my teeth and nails, even if I doubted myself.
A huge thank you to my incredible family, who was patient and understanding even if I had to sacrifice our weekends, or other family adventures just to get things done. My amazing husband who was supportive of my newfound passion, an arduous self-discovery journey.
I’m also grateful to my fantastic editor Jenn Wood from All About The Edits, who baptized me into this word with her red marker and sometimes funny, sharp, and on point comments. I loved them, giggled like a girl. Jenn also was a positive force restoring my confidence when I felt it dwindled down and needed moral support. Thank you for helping me find amazing betas who were the first experimental bunnies reading my jaded story and helping to figure out other things. Their insight was invaluable and helpful.
I have to acknowledge a Secret Beta Reader from Indie Hub, who surprised me with her incredible critique and insight. She restored my faith in my writing and left me with warmth and hope that there will be more people who will connect with my book and writing style. I will be holding your thoughts in my heart for a very long time.
Thank you, Danielle Dickson, from Vixen Designs, for a fantastic job creating my beautiful book covers and branding me as an author. It was an absolute pleasure working with you and bringing my vision to life.
A massive shout out to the bloggers and reviewers for taking a chance on a new author and giving me such love. You are the best!
Last, but certainly not least, to you readers, who allowed me a chance to win your hearts with this uneasy, heartfelt story of Cassandra. I hope you aren’t too mad, and will continue to follow her journey through the next books. She is going to surprise you, that I can promise you.
About the Author
Cassandra loves to write with a scented candle burning and a pillow on her knees. It is hard for her to talk about herself since she is an introvert, control freak who loves her safe bubble more than anything. Cassandra also loves to get lost in music and let her mind wander into other worlds until she can taste her story like a dessert.
She claims she defeated her depressive moods, more times than she can count, by reading countless books. She has a weakness for the fantasy and PNR genres, but also enjoys other romance subgenres.
She lives with her two boys and most patient husband in London, England. Cassandra spends her weekends cycling or being in the parks with her kids, just to recharge her mind and esca
pe city life. She loves to take pictures, but not of herself, as well as watch movies and TV shows with her sisters.
Entwined IN YOU (In You #2) Page 20
