Three by Cain: Serenade/Love's Lovely Counterfeit/The Butterfly

by James M. Cain

  He clapped me on the shoulder, and went back to the ship. I walked down and found how the ferry ran. Then I went in a lunchroom and had something to eat. Then I went in a moving picture, so I could sit down. I don’t even know what the show was. Every fifteen or twenty minutes I would go out in the lobby to look at the clock. Whatever it was, I saw it twice. Around seven I left the theatre and walked down to the ferry. It was quite a while coming, but just about dark it showed up and I went across. It took about ten minutes. I walked down to Fish Harbor, found it without having to ask anybody about it, and then spotted the restaurant. I walked past it, then found a clock and checked on the time. It was half past eight. I walked on to where the street turned into a road, and kept on going until I figured I had covered three quarters of a mile. Then I turned around and came back. When I passed the clock it said five minutes to nine.

  I went in and ordered beer. There were five or six guys in there, fishermen by their looks, and I raised my glass at them, and they raised back. I didn’t want to act like some mysterious stranger, looking neither right nor left. After that they paid no attention to me. At ten after he came in. He shook hands all around in a big way, then sat down with me, and ordered beer. They seemed to know him. When his beer came, he sent the Jap out for a cab, and then began telling me, and telling them, about this trouble he had on his ship. He had his things packed, and was all ready to come ashore, when a launch showed up out of the night, and began yelling up at the pier for somebody named Charlie. “They kept it up, until I got so sick of Charlie I could have thrown a pin at them.”

  He was pretty funny, but I wasn’t in the humor for it. They were, though. “Who was Charlie?”

  “I never did find out. But wait a minute. Of course my second officer had his face out the hatch, ogling the girls, and do you know what the young upstart did? He called out: ‘Forget about Charlie! Come aboard, girls. I’ll give you a hand through the hatch—and let a real man take care of you!’ And before I knew it he had a line down, they had made the launch fast, and they were aboard my ship!”

  “What did you do?”

  “I was down there in a flash and I ordered them off! ‘Off and begone!’ I said to them. ‘Out of the hatch where you came in, and let me see no more of you!’ ”

  “Did they go?”

  “They did not! They stood laughing at me, and invited me to go with them! Then the man that was with them seconded the invitation, and my second officer had the effrontery to second him. I was so furious I could not trust myself to speak. But then with an effort, I got myself under control, and I said to him: ‘ ’Tis an official matter,’ I reminded him, ‘to be entered on your papers and reported to your owners. Get these girls out of here, and at once.’ Do you know what those girls said to me?”

  “What they say?”

  “ ‘Nuts.’ ”

  That got a laugh, “I argued with them. I pleaded with them, as I didn’t want any trouble. At last I had to appeal to the guard on the pier, who was standing there, looking down into the hatch, listening to it. ‘Is that right, my man?’ I said to him, ’that such entry into a ship is in violation of law? That they must enter by the plank, and pass the guard, otherwise be subject to arrest?”

  “ ‘It is, captain,’ he said, ‘and they’ll not pass the guard if I have anything to do with it.’ ”

  “That seemed to frighten them, and out they went, the girls, the man and my second officer. Him I will deal with in the morning. But what I cannot understand about these American girls is the boldness of them. Not one of them could have been more than nineteen, and where were their mothers all that time? What were they doing in that launch at all? Will you tell me that?”

  They all chimed in with what a tough bunch the young girls are nowadays, and then the Jap came in and said the cab was ready. He paid, and we took the valise he had brought with him, and went out and put it in the cab, and he told the driver to wait. Then he started to walk down toward the wharves. “Well, what about her?”

  He didn’t seem to hear me. “ ’Twas a noisy ten minutes. Of course, if the guard on the pier had been observant, he would have noticed that the man in the launch was my first officer. He would also have noticed that whereas three young girls came into the hatch, four of them went out of it.”

  “Oh.”

  We got to the wharves, strolled out on one, then strolled back, and stood on the corner, smoking. Out in the basin somewhere a launch started up. In a minute or two it slipped in to the wharf, stopped a second, and she hopped ashore and came running to us. Then it shoved off and disappeared. I had wanted to go down and thank those guys for all they had done for us, but he wouldn’t let me. “I’ll tell them all you say. The three girls they found have no idea what they’ve been a party to, and the less they know, the less they have to tell. They will see a nice picture show, now, and that’s enough.”

  It was always catching me by surprise, how glad I was to be with her, and I got this catch in my throat when she came running up to us, laughing like it had all been a big joke. We walked back to the cab, got in, and told the driver to take the ferry and go to the nearest Los Angeles bus stop. She sat in the middle and I took her hand. He looked out the window. She turned to him, but he kept staring at the buildings going by. Then she reached out and took his hand. He came out of it on that. He took her hand in both of his, and patted it, but it was a minute or two before he said anything. “… There’s something I’d like to say to both of you. I’ve enjoyed every minute of your stay on my ship. I wish you all happiness, and as you’re in love, you may have it. ‘Tis a big world, and I bob around it like a cork in a tub. But should you ever need me, and should I be there, you have only to say the word. Only to say the word.”

  “… Gracias, Señor Capitán.—… This big world, I go around, too … But, you need me—you say word, say word only.”

  “Me too.”

  “… ’Tis a pretty night.”

  On the ferry the driver went forward to have a smoke, and we were alone. He sat up and began to talk. “Her things are all in the valise. It holds them better than her own little box, especially that sword that she carries with her. She’s wearing no hat, and it would be a good idea if you were to stow your own hat with her stuff. You’re both well burned by the sun, and without hats you could well be a couple that has spent a day at the beach, and arouse no suspicion that you’re just off a boat.”

  I opened the valise, put my hat in it, and he went on. “Inquire of the busman, and get off as near what they call the Plaza as you can. In that neighborhood are many small hotels catering to Mexicans of the town, and you will attract no attention.Register as Mr. and Mrs. Perhaps you will not believe it, but under American laws you must write it so, and so long as you do, they will not care. In the morning, get up very early, and as soon as you can, get a hat on her. I have packed all her shawls, and forbidden her to carry one, as they will betray her sooner than anything else. I doubt if she has ever had a hat on in her life, so be careful that you pick one yourself, a little hat exactly like all the other hats in the place. When you have bought the hat, buy her a little dress. I know nothing of girls’ clothes myself, but her little things make me think of Mexico, and sharper eyes than mine might become suspicious. Buy her a dress like every other dress in the place. When you have bought her a hat and bought her a dress, you can breathe easier about illegal entry. Her accent will attract no attention. In America are as many accents as the countries of the world, and she could have lived here all her life and still speak as she does. But the clothes will mark her. She should meet few Mexicans. There is a belief among them that the United States government pays informers against immigrants of her kind. It does not, but one of them might turn her in for the sake of the legendary reward. As soon as you can, get work. A working man is his own answer to all questions, an idle man is a riddle they all try to guess. It would be a good idea if she learned to read and write.”

  We got out at the bus stop, and shook hands, and the
n she put her arms around him and kissed him. He was shaken up as I stepped over to help him into the cab. “And you’ll mind what I’ve been telling you, lad?—about her, and Mexico, and all the rest of it?”

  “I’ll mind. For the rest of my life.”

  “See that you do. For the rest of your life.”

  C H A P T E R

  7

  We found a little hotel, a two-dollar joint on Spring Street, and didn’t have any trouble. It was about what you would expect, but after Mexico it was like a palace, and they gave us a room with a shower, so she was happy. After she had splashed enough water to suit her, she came and lay in my arms, and I lay there thinking about how we were starting our life together in my own country, and wanted to say something about it, but next thing I knew she was asleep. We got up early the next morning, and as soon as the stores were open, went out to get that hat. Then we got a dress and a light coat. The hat was $1.95, the dress $3.79, and the coat $6. That left us $38 out of her 500 pesos. We stopped by a little restaurant, had a little breakfast, and then I took her back to the hotel and went out to find work.

  First thing I did was wire my agent in New York, the one that had sent me down to Mexico. I told her I was all right again, and to see what she could do, as I wanted to get going. Then I bought a Variety, the Hollywood edition, and looked in there to see if any agents carried ads. Quite a few of them did, and the one that seemed to be what I wanted was named Stoessel, and had offices in Hollywood, so I got on a bus and went out there. It took me an hour to get in to see him, and he never even bothered to look at me. “Brother, out here singers are a drug on the market, and they’ve quit fooling with them. They’ve had them all, and how many come through? Eddy, MacDonald, Pons, Martini, and Moore—and even Pons and Martini ain’t so hot. The rest of them, flops, nothing but flops. And it ain’t only that they flop, they have a hell of a time getting stories for them. They’re through with singers. When they want a singer, little production number maybe, they know where to get him. Outside of that—out. I’m sorry, but you’re in the wrong place.”

  “I didn’t mean pictures. How about theatres?”

  “I could book you twelve weeks straight, right up the coast, book you in a minute, if you was a name. Without a name for the marquee, you ain’t worth a dime.”

  “I’m fairly well known.”

  “I never heard of no John Howard Sharp.”

  “I sang mainly in Europe.”

  “This ain’t Europe.”

  “How about night clubs?”

  “I don’t fool with that small stuff. You want to go on in a night club, there’s plenty of them around. If that interests you, you might pick up quite a little time here and there, this and that. Try Fanchon and Marco. Maybe they got a spot for you.”

  I walked down on Sunset, to Fanchon and Marco. They were putting up a dance act, and a singer didn’t seem to fit. I went in a radio station. They gave me an audition, and said they’d let me have some sustaining time in the afternoon, but they wouldn’t pay for it, and I’d have to bring my own accompanist. I said I’d be back.

  Around four o’clock I went in a night club on La Brea, and they let me sing for them, and then said they’d put me on, $7.50 a night, tips and meals, report in evening clothes at nine o’clock. I said I’d let them know. I found a costume place to go in and rent an evening outfit. The price was $3 a night, $10 by the week, and that would leave a little profit, but they had nothing in there that would fit. I’m six feet, and weighed nearly two hundred, and that’s an out size for a costume place. I went back to Spring Street. There was a little place still open, and I went in and bought a second-hand guitar for $5. I wasn’t going to pay an accompanist to get me on the air. With that guitar, I could do my own accompanying.

  I kept that up three or four days. I parked the guitar in the radio station, and went in there every day at two thirty. I was to get fifteen minutes, and be announced under my name, but when I cut myself up into two pieces, John Howard Sharp, baritone, and Signor Giuseppe Bondo, the eminent Italian guitar player, they gave me a half hour. I’d sing a couple of numbers, and then I’d introduce the Signor, and the Signor would announce his selections in a high voice, in Italian. Then I’d try to translate, and get it all wrong, so if I said it was to be Hearts and Flowers, the Signor would play Liebestraum, or something like that. The station manager thought that was a pretty good gag, and made us a regular feature, and put our names in the paper. After the second day he got twenty or thirty letters about me, and two or three hundred about the Signor, and he got all excited and said he was going to find a sponsor for us. A sponsor, it turned out, was an advertiser that would pay us.

  One of those days, after the broadcast, I took the guitar out with me and went to Griffith Park, where the Iowa Society was having a picnic, forty or fifty thousand of them. I thought if I went singing around, there might be some tips. I had never taken a tip, and I wondered how I was going to feel about it. I needn’t have worried. The Iowa Society liked me fine, but none of them dug into their pocket. But next day I went in the Biltmore, where the Rotary Club was having lunch. I marched right in with the guitar, just like I was supposed to be there, and when I got into the dining-room I went to the center of the U table that they were all sitting around, hit a chord and started to sing. I picked the Trumpeter, because you can rip into it right from the start without any waiting around for a chorus to get started on. A captain and three waiters hustled over to throw me out, but two or three of them yelled, “Let him alone! Let him alone!”

  I got a hand, and piled a couple of numbers on top of it. I remember one of them was the Speaks Mandalay. Then some egg up in the corner began to yell, “Pollyochy! Pollyochy!” I didn’t think it was a Pagliacci crowd, so I didn’t pay any attention to him, but he kept it up, and then some of the others yelled “Pollyochy!” too, mostly to shut him up. So I whammed into the introduction, and began singing the Prologue. It’s not my favorite piece of music, but I do it all right, and at the end of the andante I gave them plenty of A flat. By rights, you sing A flats for dough, and for nothing else, but it had been a long time since anybody wanted to hear mine. I swelled it and cut, and then on the E flat that follows it I shook the windows. When I finished I got a big hand, and gave them some Trovatore and Traviata.

  When it was time for the speeches the president, or chairman, or whatever he was, called me up, and told me to wait, and they began making up a pot for me. They borrowed a tray from a waiter and passed it around and when it came back it was full of silver. He handed it to me, and I thanked him, and dumped it in my pocket. I had taken a tip, but I didn’t feel anything. I went out in the washroom to count it.

  It was $6.75, but we were getting low, getting low. Even with that, we were down to $22, and nobody showing the least interest in John Howard Sharp. Still, there was an outdoor performance of Carmen that night at the Hollywood Bowl, at a dollar and a half top but with some seats at seventy-five cents, so of course we had to go. If you want to know where to find an opera singer the night some opera is being given you’ll find him right there, and no other place. A baseball player, for some reason, prefers a ball game.

  So I told her to get dressed, so we could eat early, and try to get out there in time to get some kind of decent seat. By that time she had quit playing with the shower bath to play with the hat. She’d put it on, and take it off, and put it on again, and look at herself in the mirror, and ask if she had it on right, then take it off and start all over again. I generally said it looked swell, but it was funny how dumb she was, catching on to how it worked. Up to then, I had always thought of a woman’s hat as something that she put on, and forgot about, and that was that. But the way she did it, was the funniest-looking thing you ever saw in your life. Half the time she would get it on backwards, and even when she didn’t, she would pull it down on her head some way that made it look like it didn’t even belong to her. I tried the best I could and it was better than her way, but it always looked like a m
an’s necktie would if somebody else tied it for him.

  It was a warm night, so she wasn’t wearing the coat. She decided to wear the bullfighter’s cape. It looked pretty swell, so it was all right with me. When she had laid it out, she came over for me to put the finishing touches on the hat. I fixed it so it looked almost right and then she went over to the mirror to have a look. She gave it one last pull that made it all wrong, put on the cape, and turned around to be admired. “Am I very pretty?”

  “You’re the prettiest thing in the world.”

  “Yes.”

  The curtain was advertised at eight thirty, and we got there at seven thirty, but I found out I didn’t even know what early meant on a night when they’re giving opera in the Hollywood Bowl. Most of those people, I think, had been there since breakfast. The best we could get was up on the rim, at least a quarter of a mile from the show. It was the first time I had ever seen the Hollywood Bowl, and maybe you’ve never been in it. It’s so big you can’t believe it. It was just about dark when we got there, and they were pouring into it through every ramp, and everywhere you looked there were people. I counted the house as well as I could, and by my figuring when they all got in there would be twenty thousand of them. As it turned out, that was about right. I sat there wondering whether they used amplifiers or what the hell they did. It frightened you to think of singing in such a place.