“You’re going back to him,” he said, appearing as confused as he sounded. He didn’t need to hear her answer. “You’re leaving me for him.”
It wasn’t easy to say it, but she had to. “Yes.”
The next backwards step he took was his own choice. His body ebbed from hers, making her heart race. Panic squeezed at her lungs. Losing him was a nightmare come to life. But, Harlow had made this decision and did her best to disguise her terror with confidence.
“You expect me to let you go without a fight?”
“Like you were planning to,” she said. “Before you died… This isn’t anything we haven’t talked about before.”
Striving to be as calm and matter-of-fact as she could, Harlow tried to make it seem like this wasn’t tearing up her insides. Her fingers were shaking so bad that she knew she wouldn’t hold up under his scrutiny for long.
Going to the dresser space she’d shared with him, she began to make piles of her things, extracting them from their places mingled with his.
“Are you gonna marry him?” he asked. Focusing on the task at hand, Harlow needed to block Ryske out. But, he wasn’t going to make this easy. A moment later, he grabbed her arm and forced her around to look at him. “I asked you a fucking question, are you gonna marry him?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “He hasn’t asked me.”
Though she attempted to return to her task, he wouldn’t let her and renewed his grip on her arm to hold her in place. His brow was so low that his eyes darkened, bringing uncertainty to whether or not rage was a strong enough word for what he was experiencing.
“And, if he does,” he growled. “What are you gonna say?”
It was difficult to pretend that she was strong enough to handle this. The only support she could muster was to curl her fingers into her palms in an attempt to regulate her breathing. But, that pacing was shattered when Ryske shook her in demand of an answer.
“I’m going to say yes, Ryske,” she said. “I’m going to say yes. I will marry him and I will bear his children.”
Stunned like she’d just sucker punched him, Ryske’s hand slid away a fraction of a second before he staggered back. There was nothing else to say. She’d slammed the proverbial door in his face. That was the truth. She’d said it. He knew. It was done. Over.
Harlow couldn’t bear to look at the expression of pain and disappointment that was creeping onto his face, so she spun around to gather up her things. Taking them to her suitcase, she put them inside and did another trip to the dresser to grab more things.
Her eyes were blurring, a sure signal that her courage was running low. There was only so much of this devastation that she could handle and having his looming over her was intensifying her suffering.
This was her doing. She had made this decision. Harlow couldn’t ask him not to feel the way he was feeling. But, she couldn’t stand to be there, knowing she was doing this to him and that she had the power to change course.
Zipping up the case without even knowing exactly what she’d packed, Harlow was determined to get out of there. Fast. Standing up the case, she extended the handle and got a few steps closer to the door before he spoke.
“You don’t love him,” Ryske said, his tone deep. “He won’t make you happy.”
With a weight on her shoulders and a pain in her chest, she glanced back over her shoulder. “You knew that when you ordered me to go to him before.”
“I didn’t know the lengths I’d go to for you then,” he said, growling in his vehemence. “If you think this is over, you don’t know me at all, Trinket.” Stalking toward her, one slow step at a time, his words sounded more like threats than promises. “I will be everywhere you are. Everywhere he is. I won’t give up. I’m going to be there to exploit every moment of weakness you have. I’ll be in your head when you kiss him, in your heart when you’re lying under him… I’ll be the only man you’ll ever crave and I will take you from him.” He stopped in front of her. “You belong to me.”
A shiver went through her, forcing her to swallow away a curl of apprehension. “I don’t belong to anyone.”
The corner of his mouth curled in a display of swagger. “You told me to take what I want and that’s exactly what I’ll fucking do… even if I have to gut the motherfucker to do it.”
A different kind of fear seized her. “Ryske, you can’t—”
“I can do whatever the fuck I want if he puts his hands on my girl.”
Slamming down the handle of the case, she turned to face him. “You can’t hurt him. Do you think I would ever be with you again if you hurt him? He’s done nothing wrong. I made this deal. Be mad at me, not at him.”
“If he was any kind of man, he wouldn’t have to blackmail you into being with him,” Ryske said. “The fucker will get his money back. He doesn’t get to have you too.”
“The money isn’t your responsibility either,” she said. “I’m going to handle that.”
Frustration and rage collided to make him growl out a loud groan of infuriation. “What the fuck is this hard-on you’ve got for going it alone?” he asked, holding up his arm to show the line of stars that now included hers. “Highs and lows until we’re dirt in the ground. You’re one of us, Trinket. We fight our battles together.”
“And me before them?” she asked. “What was that? You would cast your crew aside, so easily and without—”
“No,” he said, marching in her direction, making her muscles tense more with every inch he covered. “I didn’t say fuck them. I didn’t say we were through with them. They just know you’re my priority, as you should be… and you’re a priority for them too. You are one of us. They know what’s going on.”
“Good,” she said. “I’m glad to know you told them my private business.”
“Your business is crew business. We’re a unit, and you are not abandoning us.”
She folded her arms. “Like you all abandoned me?”
“Is that what we’re talking about here? Because if it is, the guys and me, we’re all willing to apologize, to grovel, whatever it takes. They want to make it up to you, to talk to you about it. You’re the one who shut them down out there. And, whatever we did, whatever they did, it was under my direction. Take it out on me, don’t punish them for it.”
“No one’s being punished,” she said. “This is not a reaction to anything. This is me, looking at where all the pieces are on the board and making the smartest, most honorable, decision for all of us.”
He sneered. “Most honorable? What the fuck is that? Most honorable?”
With a disdainful laugh, she leaned back. “It doesn’t surprise me that you don’t understand the meaning of that word given that your way of getting out of a relationship is to play dead.”
Ryske didn’t accept that. “I was out of our relationship,” he said. “We were through. That’s why you were so fucking pissed at me the night I died. I played dead to protect you, to stop you from feeling any obligation to come back.”
“And, yet, now you’re telling me I am obliged to stay,” she said, realizing that their anger was a deflection. Groaning, she grabbed for her hair. “God, Ryske, can’t you see why this is insane?”
“Insane that you would want to leave? Yes! You fucking love me!”
“It doesn’t matter!” she screamed so loud that she startled him. “It doesn’t fucking matter!” Hitting the center of her chest, she pressed her hand to her body. “Don’t you think this isn’t ripping me apart? Don’t you think I want to tell you I’m going to stay and that everything will be okay? I want to lean on you, to ask for help, to be part of your crew.”
“Then stay.”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I made a deal. Just because we don’t like that deal doesn’t mean I can renege on it. And, the fact that I even made that deal is both our faults. It’s yours and it’s mine. I wouldn’t have made it if I thought you were alive, but I wouldn’t have had to make it if I hadn’t chosen to take on my vende
tta… I should have listened to you. You said vendettas ruin people and you were right, Crash.” She opened her arms wide. “I’m ruined.”
Bending forward, he grabbed her arm and tugged her to him, making her body collide with his. “I want you anyway,” he said. “If you’re ruined, so am I, so are the guys, and we don’t give a damn, baby. You’re allowed to be ruined here. You’re allowed to be anyone you want to be, so long as it’s who you really are.” Weird thing for a con man to say. Like he’d read her thought, he smiled. “In these four walls, with your crew, you be who you are. You can have as much baggage as you like, be as screwed up as you like, and we’ll still welcome you. You’ll still be one of us… You’ll always be one of us. This is your home… I’m your home… I love you, Trinket. But, even if we fuck this up and hate each other tomorrow, you’ll still be on the crew. You proved that to us when you took charge of this place.”
Proved it. He’d demanded that she prove this was the life she wanted once before. At the time, Harlow hadn’t thought he actually meant she should go out and do something to prove her dedication.
Creeping suspicion brought doubt. She didn’t like it. Harlow didn’t like wondering if the guys had only come back because she’d grabbed the reins of Floyd’s and gone out to avenge Ryske. A foolish plan in the end.
Even if that was the case, should she be offended? Ryske had said he set her free by faking his death. His plan was for her to go off to her life with Rupert, guilt and conflict free.
That she hadn’t been able to do that showed them, and her, that she was destined for this life whether any of them wanted her to be or not. If she hadn’t had that epiphany about her purpose in life, she wouldn’t have known that she was capable of all she’d achieved. Even if it was misguided, Harlow was proud of the resolve that she’d shown and her dogged determination to fulfill her mission.
“Crash,” she whispered, snaking her fingers up the front of his tee-shirt to scratch his tattoo. “Is there anything you wouldn’t do for me?”
“No,” he said, splaying his fingers on her back to hold her closer.
One of his hands ascended to cradle her head. Before he could exert any force, she tipped it back to look at him.
“Let me go, baby,” she whispered. “You have to let me go.”
His grip didn’t relax. His own determination was sure when he shook his head. “I let you go once and it tortured me every day. I won’t do it again.”
Nothing she could say would change his mind. All Harlow could do was return to her purpose. “I spoke to Svetlana when you were dead,” she said. They’d only go in loops if one of them didn’t just face the truth. “She has some girls interested when the time for Pothos comes. I know you’ll look after them.”
“Trinket…”
Reaching around to her back, she found each of his wrists and pulled them away from her body so she could step out of his embrace. “I love you, Crash,” she said, maintaining eye contact while slipping the bracelet from her wrist. “Don’t ever doubt that I do. No matter what happens.”
“I can’t let you walk out of here.”
Harlow tucked the bracelet into his jeans pocket. “Yes, you can.” She smiled and curved a hand around to the back of his neck to pull him down for a kiss. “You can handle anything, Crash. Anything at all.”
His forehead came to rest on hers. They stood like that for a minute before her tears escaped. Hoping that he hadn’t seen them, Harlow spun on her heels and left, pulling her case along with her.
She had to leave and this time, she knew she may never come back.
30
After another night at Clyde’s that involved ice-cream and alcohol, Harlow got a cab to Costello’s to work out and say her goodbyes. Everyone was surprised to learn that she was moving back to the suburbs for good, but they were all too polite to ask about her and Ryske.
Harlow got the impression that most of them thought she’d return eventually anyway. Given the amount of ping-ponging back and forth she’d done, it was impossible to argue with that assumption.
Avoiding Floyd’s was in the forefront of her mind on her walk to Felipe’s. Any of the crew could be out and about and she didn’t want to run into them. The kid was doing okay, though he refused again to talk about what had happened or who had beaten him up. That left Harlow with few options. All she could do was advise him to trust in Ryske and the rest of the Floyd’s crew. He’d promised that he would.
Just in case, she gave Felipe her parents’ phone number and told him he’d always have a safe place with her. More than once, she reiterated that he shouldn’t hesitate to call if he needed anything. It was tough. Harlow wanted to be there for him, to be a friend to him. But, being so far away, she’d be little help in emergencies. If it came to it, she’d call Floyd’s and send one of the frequent flyers to his aid.
Once the serious stuff was out of the way, the two of them watched some TV. Harlow laughed at his jokes, and ate potato chips, but eventually she had to say goodbye.
It was nice to have the time to let everyone know how she appreciated them. Leaving the city wasn’t happening in a mad dash. This time, she was doing it properly.
There were only two more places left for her to visit. Once those were checked off her list, she’d head over to Sweeting Security to tell Rupert that it was time for her to make good on their deal.
Showing up to give herself to him would be a surprise. Finding out they were together again would shock her parents more than it would Rupert. They’d be stunned to discover that she was living with her ex-fiancé again, but it was her plan to move back in with him. There was no point in putting off what was inevitable.
Even though Harlow had already said goodbye to Ophelia, the women had business to discuss. The visit wouldn’t be a chore though, she was looking forward to seeing her friend again.
Ascending in the elegant elevator, Harlow thought about how perfect this building was for the sophisticated Ophelia. This would probably be the last visit she’d ever make to the building. So many lasts before a cascade of firsts.
Her first home. Her first wedding. Her first child.
She shivered.
Leaving the elevator to walk across the hallway to Ophelia’s door, Harlow tried to forget about the track her life was on. Once Rupert had the green light, she didn’t have to be clairvoyant to know how events were going to unfold. Her future would take off like an express train on a clear line. It wasn’t like she hadn’t lived through the whirlwind before. Slamming on the brakes hadn’t been easy the first time, it would be impossible to do it again.
Knocking on Ophelia’s door felt final. Harlow held her head up and waited for her friend to answer.
When she did, Ophelia seemed taken aback. “Harlow,” she said. “What are you doing here?”
She couldn’t remember a fight or a falling out. Ryske hadn’t said anything about Ophelia having a problem with her. Yet, the woman she’d considered a friend definitely had a standoffish air that suggested she was not pleased to see her. It wasn’t anger that emanated from Ophelia, it was something else, like impatience and discomfort.
“I needed to talk to you for a minute,” Harlow made herself say. “If this is a bad time…”
“No,” Ophelia said, as if reminding herself of her manners. “No, sorry, I… I just wasn’t expecting you…” Stepping back, she gestured her inside like she was herding children. “Come in, come in. What do you need?”
Perceiving a need for urgency, Harlow strode into the living room with Ophelia hot on her heels. “I wanted to talk to you about the money.”
With a sound of frustration, Ophelia dropped onto the couch. “You have to give these things time, Harlow. I can’t produce money from thin air. If I’d known you’d be at me—”
“No,” she said, noticing that her friend’s patience was frayed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that I expected payment today.”
Pushing past her awareness of being unwelcome, Harlow stopped t
aking Ophelia’s attitude personally and sat down at her side.
“What’s going on?” she asked, trying to read her friend. “You’re not yourself.”
With a sigh, Ophelia touched her pendant. “I’m sorry. I’m being rude. I just… I haven’t been sleeping well and Jarvis is on his way over.”
That changed Harlow’s mood too. The last thing she wanted to do was see that asshole. But, she didn’t want anyone to think she was afraid of him, and abandoning her friend wouldn’t be right.
“Is he harassing you?”
Ophelia’s smile was tight. “He’s my brother; he’s been harassing me my whole life.” Her brows moved. “But, something’s been different since Ryske came back.” Letting her gaze drift down, Ophelia fidgeted with the engagement ring she was fixating on. “I can’t get in touch with him.”
They weren’t talking about Hagan anymore. “Ryske?” Harlow asked, putting a hand over Ophelia’s to bring the woman back to the moment. “You’ve been trying to reach Ryske?”
Ophelia nodded and clung to her hand, burning with a desperate hope. “You know how to contact him, don’t you? Where to find him?”
Yes, Harlow knew where to find him. It didn’t surprise her that Ophelia wasn’t aware of Floyd’s location. Anwen wouldn’t have known it either. Before her, women weren’t allowed to be in the apartment. That’s what the crew had said.
Hagan knew about the bar, and may have assumed his sister did too. The couple were engaged after all. That the siblings hadn’t discussed it spoke of how little Hagan wanted to acknowledge his sister’s feelings for Ryske.
“What do you need from him?” Harlow asked, aware that when Ryske came into contact with Hagan, he often found himself at the edge of life. “From Ryske?”
“I need him to call me. I need direction. I need—”
“What does Hagan want?”
The noise Ophelia made wasn’t encouraging.
Hagan wanted Ryske dead. The hatred that blazed from him was rooted in what had happened with Anwen. Harlow didn’t know if Hagan even knew about the original robbery at the auction, probably not. He’d have been too focused on Anwen’s betrayal.
Go It Alone (A Go Novel Book 2) Page 24
