A Soldier's Honor (The Riley Code Book 1)

by Regan Black

  She shifted in her seat, avoiding his gaze. “How long do you plan on staying here?”

  “At the bar or at the beach?” He was rewarded with an unamused glare. “Maybe a few days. It depends on the investigation and the attempt to draw out the ringleader.”

  “Okay.”

  He hadn’t intended to dwell on custody arrangements or other practical matters tonight, but there wasn’t a good way to separate Bethany from Caleb. Not in his heart and apparently not even in conversation. “You won’t get any grief from the office about your absence?”

  “I’ve banked plenty of leave and vacation time,” she said, her eyes still on her wine. “My supervisor won’t complain.”

  “You like your work?” he asked, carefully. A contracts officer wasn’t the type of career she’d once planned on.

  A reluctant smile played with her lips. “I really do. Admittedly, the career track didn’t go according to my plans.” There was no hostility or regret in her voice or her gaze. “I wouldn’t trade a single day with Caleb to go back and do things differently at West Point.”

  Was that a signal to back off? Matt floundered for a more neutral topic. “You mentioned beach trips,” he prompted. “Is there a specific area the two of you enjoy?”

  She sat back and glared at him again. “Are you conducting an interview?”

  “Maybe,” he said, exasperated. “Aren’t first dates a type of interview?”

  “First dates?” Incredulous, she leaned forward. “You might be pretending a little too much.”

  He suppressed the frustration that wanted to just drag her into his lap and prove his true intentions here. “We were friends, and more, once.” With his end game in mind, he blurted out his first thought, his only thought, every time he looked at her. He would tell her, over and over, until she finally believed him, believed in him. “I’ve missed you. When you told me you were pregnant, I knew things would change. I never thought I’d lose my best friend.”

  She stared at him, clearly stunned. “I send you updates several times a year.”

  He shook his head. She wasn’t getting it. “That hasn’t been enough to satisfy me about Caleb, and none of those updates included anything about you.” He managed to stop himself just short of telling her he loved her still. He could see she wasn’t ready to hear that yet. Well, he wasn’t ready to retreat or surrender. They could have everything, be everything, as a family.

  He knew it. He’d felt the hot desire in her touch and the sweet tremble under her skin last night. “Are you seeing someone?” he demanded, more roughly than he intended.

  “I didn’t lie to the investigators,” she said, her mouth tense. “You know I’m not.”

  “Do you have any interest in reclaiming our friendship?”

  In the process of bringing her wine glass to her mouth, she paused and returned it to the table as if any sudden movement would transform the glass into a snake that might bite her at the last second. “We definitely need to find a way to be friendly. For Caleb.”

  Friendly? Some deep and primal instinct protested at that limitation. “That’s one factor.” He thought his composure under the circumstances warranted an award for meritorious service. “What about for you?”

  “Being friendly and establishing clear communication is essential,” she said in a prim tone.

  How was it everything he did to bring them closer seemed to have her moving in reverse and throwing up more roadblocks? He leaned forward. “Bethany, I don’t care who or what put this in motion. The truth is out now and things will change.”

  “I’m aware.”

  She didn’t sound too pleased about it. “I want what’s best for all of us,” he said. “You and Caleb. Me and Caleb. Caleb and my parents. You and me.” There was some essential, clear communication for her to chew on.

  She took a deep breath, her soft gaze tangled with his. “Your definition of ‘us’ seems to have several facets and a few moving parts.”

  “Together we will find the balance,” he promised. “You’ll find I’m pretty damn steady.” Impatience to have everything in place, to have her willingly beside him, where she belonged, threatened to unravel his composure. Hadn’t he demonstrated his reliability with the child support, the accommodation of her needs all this time?

  She laid her hand over the back of his. “I know that, Matt, and I appreciate it.”

  He should appreciate that she’d never bad-mouthed him to their son. Single-parenting couldn’t have been a picnic. Recalling his own teens, he suspected the next few years would be harder still. One of the many reasons she needed him.

  “What was the last movie you saw?” he asked.

  She blinked a few times at the abrupt return to first-date territory. “Caleb and I went to the latest superhero release. My girlfriends and I typically catch foreign films at this artsy little place down the street from our favorite wine bar.”

  “Foreign films?” That was new.

  One blond eyebrow arched in challenge. “And that tone right there is why it’s a girlfriend thing.”

  He wasn’t the least bit ashamed by the relief he felt on that score. “I’d rather read a book than see a movie most of the time,” he admitted.

  “Caleb will cure you,” she said. “What’s the last book you read?”

  He grinned, happy to be cured if it meant time with his son. “I’m in the middle of a detective thriller set in the early 1900s,” he replied.

  She named the author, beaming when he confirmed she’d guessed correctly. “I love his books, too.”

  “Really?”

  She launched into her favorite parts of the previous book in the series, and the easy conversation carried them through a second round of drinks. On this topic, her face became a beacon of happiness. They enjoyed a lively analysis of the stories currently out and those the author might address in the future. Matt thought he could bask in the common ground and her enthusiasm all night long.

  Riding that newfound connection, he paid the tab and invited her to walk on the beach, under the stars. He wasn’t about to waste the romantic potential of a clear, warm night.

  She accepted his hand when he offered it to steady her as she slipped out of her shoes. He kept her hand in his while they crossed over the loose sand near the dunes. When they reached the packed sand near the tide line, he didn’t want to let go. Fortunately, she didn’t pull away.

  The ocean rolled in, lapping at the shore, the sound a steady backdrop to their conversation. It was the first time in days he didn’t feel the crawling sensation of being watched. It was just the two of them and it gave him a taste of what they could have. He wondered if her chattiness was because she too felt safe out here with him.

  She seemed to read more than he did, across a wide variety of genres. An image flashed to the front of his mind, the two of them on opposite ends of a couch, comfortably engrossed with their books. And then he would set his novel aside and seduce her away from her story and into his arms with irresistible kisses and touches. Please, he thought, give him a chance to show her how sweet life could be if she let him in.

  It wasn’t a completely new vision, he realized, just a fresh rendition of the days they’d studied together in the lounge. Before she’d left West Point to protect his career. The thought sobered him momentarily. No matter what he did tonight or in the future, he could never repay her sacrifice. His sincere gratitude had fallen on deaf ears every time.

  As the talk of books waned into a comfortable silence, he stopped and dug his toes into the sand. “If I could go back to our days at school, there’s only one thing I would do differently.”

  “Use two condoms?” she quipped, proving just how relaxed she was.

  “No.” He smiled. “As you’ve said, everything about Caleb is a gift, not a regret.” He smoothed her hair behind her ear as she gawked at him. “No,” he repeated. “I would have given you a better reason to trust in me.”

  She frowned. “What are you talking about? I truste
d you with everything.”

  The cool foam of the rising tide swept over his feet and he traced the soft glow of moonlight on her cheek. “Not everything. You didn’t trust me to provide for you.”

  “Matt. Don’t do this.” She jerked back, out of his reach. “We were having such a good time.”

  “What did I do?”

  “We can’t keep poking at the old wounds.” Her voice cracked. “I could have dropped out of West Point, out of your life without a word, but I told you what was going on. I trusted you with the truth. Why wasn’t that enough?”

  “You wouldn’t let me step up and take responsibility.”

  She pushed at her hair and the sound she made sounded like a growl. “Because you had other commitments and so many expectations.” She wrapped her arms around her middle now. “Better if only one of us gave up the dreams and goals we’d brought with us to school.”

  “I stand by my answer,” he insisted. “I respected your decisions every step of the way. And every day, for the past fifteen years, I’ve wanted to give you and Caleb more than money.”

  “You’re angry,” she murmured.

  “Not with you,” he said.

  On an oath, she stalked off, the breeze from the ocean lifting her hair like a cape behind her.

  “Well, not entirely with you,” he admitted. She shivered and he slid his arms around her waist, drawing her back into the warmth of his body. “Bethany, you’re one of the strongest, most stubborn people I know. What good would arguing have done? All this time, I’ve kept out of the way, giving you space and privacy at every turn. Everything you said would make you happy, I agreed to. Now I want more.”

  “More?” Her voice cracked. “Why are you doing this?”

  “Last night you said you’d give me whatever I wanted,” he reminded her.

  “And look how that ended,” she muttered. “I keep hurting you, Matt.”

  “Not intentionally,” he said. He kissed the soft, delicate skin where her neck and shoulder merged. Her body seemed to sigh in response. “I want you. Trust that.” He turned her slowly within the circle of his arms. Her gaze was fixed on his chest and he tipped up her chin, the moonlight painting her face in a lovely glow. “Trust me.”

  As soon as his lips touched hers, he knew. Nothing had changed. Hurtful words aside, his heart was still hers. Would always be. What they’d shared years ago hadn’t been a fluke. This heat and need were as current and tangible and constant as the tide.

  Matt wanted her as a woman, as mother to their son, as his family. He wanted his best friend back in his life. She and Caleb had been the family of his heart all this time and he refused to neglect that need any longer.

  He slid a hand into her hair, taking the kiss into that wild territory known only to the two of them. Her hands gripped his shoulders and she pressed those soft curves flush against him. It was a wonder his shirt didn’t flare and ignite from the need rising to a demanding blaze between them.

  He felt light-headed and completely grounded at the same time. He didn’t know how it was possible, except for her. No other woman did this to him. Never would. She was everything. Moonlight and sunshine. In her, he felt both a sweet freedom and a stable foundation.

  He brushed a kiss over the shell of her ear, nipped her earlobe lightly, drawing out a shivery gasp. She didn’t retreat now, only tilted her head to grant him better access to that slim column of her throat.

  Painfully hard, he pulled her hips to his so she could feel what she did to him. “More?”

  “Oh, yes, Matt. Please.”

  He cupped her breast in one hand, thumbing the nipple through the fabric of her sweater. She arched into his touch with a moan that made him want to lay her down right here on the sand.

  Her fingers tugged his shirt free of his jeans, and when he felt her skin on his, he growled with pleasure. Those clever fingers slipped under his waistband and gripped hard.

  He wanted more, far more, than sex. He wanted her as addicted to him, to them, as he was. But not here on the sand, on a public beach. Although an arrest for public indecency might make for a humorous story, it wouldn’t do anything to prove she could trust him with her every need and desire.

  With his lips fused to hers, he pulled her hands back and threaded his fingers through hers. “Let’s go back,” he said. “Soft sheets are better than sand.”

  “In a minute.” She linked her hands behind his neck and gently pulled his mouth down to hers. Her velvet tongue tangled with his and he suddenly wasn’t sure it was safe for him to drive.

  Was she testing him or was she as overwhelmed as he was? They should probably stay here until he could see clearly again. He nudged her further up the beach, away from the chill water of the incoming tide, his hands cruising up and down her mouthwatering curves.

  If he wanted to get out of here, he should make more of an effort to slow things down. He’d remember how to do that any minute now.

  * * *

  In the dwindling part of her brain that was thinking logically, Bethany agreed that sheets and a soft mattress would be better than sand, yet she wasn’t ready to put these incomparable feelings on the back burner for the drive back.

  Back to a guest room in his parents’ house.

  Just anticipating the awkwardness of that scene made her blush. They had to go back, and better to go back earlier rather than later. She hadn’t even thought of Caleb in close to an hour. What if he needed her?

  Right. She nearly laughed aloud. Caleb hadn’t exhibited any reservations about meeting Matt’s family. She knew her son was polite, confident and adaptable.

  And she’d denied him his rightful place with the Rileys because of her fears. Fear, specifically and singular, of the man kissing her now.

  She eased back, her mind reeling and her heart aching with what couldn’t be. Even if he really had forgiven her for denying him his son all these years, how would he ever trust that she wanted him on his own merits and not just as a protector from a persistent enemy?

  “Hey.” Matt smoothed her windblown hair back from her face. “You disappeared on me again. What are you thinking about?”

  “I had an image of facing your parents and Caleb after making out with you.”

  “So what?” He grinned. “Caleb is solid evidence we’ve done more than make out in the past?” He nibbled at her lips again. “My parents know where babies come from.”

  “Stop.” She gave him a nudge back, but she couldn’t stop the giggling that bubbled up.

  He’d always known what to say to draw her out of herself, until she’d taken herself too far out of his reach.

  “You’re overthinking it,” he murmured.

  And that quickly she bristled, once more on the defensive. “Which part?” She folded her arms over her chest, if only to keep her hands off him.

  “We’re not kids anymore,” he said. “There’s no curfew. If we both want to spend time here on the sand or sleep in the same bed, that’s up to us.”

  “And what example would that set for Caleb?” she challenged his logic with the only argument she had left: parenting.

  “How would it be anything other than good news that his parents want to be together.”

  Exasperated, she stalked away from him. The space and cool breeze off the water helped her regain her composure.

  “What’s the real issue?” Matt asked, trailing her. “I can’t help if you don’t open up.”

  She couldn’t tell him she loved him. She should, she just couldn’t seem to bring those words up out of her frightened heart. “Why didn’t you ever marry?” She’d asked him before, but over the last few days, she realized he hadn’t given her the full truth.

  He scowled and turned that dark gaze out to the water. “If I tell you, will you answer the same question?”

  “Yes.” Once she heard his answer, she’d know how to couch her own reply.

  He shrugged out of his jacket and laid it out like a blanket on the sand for her, another example of h
is chivalrous manners. She’d done her best to instill those same values in Caleb, if for no other reason than so he would make his father proud if they ever met.

  And they had. She realized she was more than glad; she was truly relieved that they would have a relationship from this point forward.

  “Come here.” Matt drew her down to sit next to him, sliding his hand down her arm to clasp her hand.

  She stared at their joined hands, balanced on his knee. How many times had she had dreams of stolen moments like this one? “Plan to keep me waiting much longer?”

  He rubbed his shoulder to hers. “I never married because no one else was you.”

  Her heart did a happy pirouette in her chest and she resisted the urge to lean into him.

  “Don’t get me wrong—I dated.”

  “Me too,” she said. “I wouldn’t have expected anything else.”

  “Whenever things started getting serious, I imagined what would happen if you ever relented and gave me a chance to know Caleb,” he added.

  Me too, she repeated in her mind. “You must blame me for so much.”

  “We’re both responsible, Bethany. I’m sure it hasn’t felt that way, when you’ve been in the thick of it day in and day out on your own, but I don’t blame you for anything.”

  “There are times when you are too good to be true,” she said.

  “What a crock,” he said. “You’re just trying to get me into bed.”

  She laughed, snuggling into his warmth as a breeze raised goose bumps along her arms. Matt wrapped his arm around her shoulders, sheltering her with his bigger body.

  “You’re my best friend, love,” he said. “You know my flaws, as well as my strengths.”

  The endearment left her dizzy. “I’m not so sure.”

  Matt gave her a squeeze. “It’s your turn. Why didn’t you marry?”

  She stared out at the blackness of the ocean. Lights sparkled from the pier in one direction. Homes dotted the shoreline in the other direction. Somewhere out there Matt’s parents were getting to know their grandson.