A Soldier's Honor (The Riley Code Book 1)

by Regan Black

  “I was thinking we might take Caleb out to find a car this afternoon.”

  “What?” Her mouth dropped open in shock. She leveled an accusing glare at Matt. “What?” she repeated.

  He opened his mouth, to explain he’d had nothing to do with this, but his dad drew her attention. Good. Matt didn’t want all the progress they’d made to get undone because his dad saw a chance to raise another grease monkey.

  “I haven’t mentioned it to Caleb yet,” Ben said. “In case you didn’t approve.”

  “No.” Bethany’s shoulders rolled back. “I do not approve of you buying a fourteen-year-old a car.”

  “To be fair, calling it a car might be overstating it,” Ben said. “I’d like to buy something he and Matt can work on, take their time with.”

  Bethany had opened her mouth to argue and snapped it shut again when the words sunk in. Her lips slowly formed a small circle that dumped Matt’s mind right back to last night and scenes he’d rather not dwell on while sitting next to his mother.

  “How about Dad and I take him out this afternoon and gauge his interest?” Matt suggested. “We won’t push him into anything.”

  “That’s a great plan,” his mother said, chiming in. “That leaves the three of us time for a girls’ day. I’m overdue and I bet you are, as well.”

  Bethany smiled and murmured a gracious agreement and let the ensuing conversation swirl around her. Clearly they’d overwhelmed her. Damn. That would probably backfire on him.

  Matt was sure he was the only one who caught the flicker of sadness in her pretty brown eyes. He wanted to know what she was thinking, though he wouldn’t press her in front of his parents.

  At the sound of a sharp whistle, Matt’s attention snapped to the beach. “Check him out!” He stood up and pointed to the beach, where Caleb came in on a low wave, executing a cut back to ride the wave right into shore as if he’d been born to it.

  His parents and Bethany stood as well, applauding and cheering. Caleb hopped off his board as the wave fell apart on the beach, and he punched a fist into the air and then took a deep bow.

  The kid was fitting right in as a Riley. Matt wished he could feel simple pride about that. Instead, his mind kept drifting back to whatever was haunting the woman he loved. Setting aside his coffee mug, he headed down to the beach, pleased to hear Bethany excusing herself to join him.

  Caleb, surfboard under his arm, came loping up to them. With a flick of his head, he shook the water from his hair and pushed it off his face. Laughing a little. Matt gave him a high five.

  “You did a great job,” Bethany told him.

  “Aunt Gracie’s awesome,” Caleb launched into the key things he’d already learned while the three of them waited for Grace Ann to ride in to the shore near them.

  “Hey, squirt,” Matt said as his sister joined them after a few minutes. He slipped his arm around Bethany’s shoulders and made the introductions.

  Grace Ann’s dark eyebrows twitched just a fraction as she correctly interpreted his possessive gesture. “Pleased to meet you,” she said. “Your son is a quick learner.”

  “I think he comes by it naturally from the Riley side of the family,” Bethany said.

  “Mom has decided you’re having girl time while Dad and I take Caleb out this afternoon.”

  “Where are we going?” Caleb asked.

  Matt shook his head. “Pop wants it to be a surprise. You’ll find out soon enough.” He wasn’t about to steal his dad’s thunder. “Tell them we’ll be back in a bit.”

  For several minutes, they walked along in silence, not touching. Finally Matt couldn’t take it anymore. “You okay?”

  “Sure,” she said. Her lips twitched with the fib.

  “Is that code for you’re feeling blindsided and don’t want to talk about it?” He caught her hand and swung it a little as they walked on.

  “Sure,” she repeated, laughing a little. She tipped her head back to study the clear sky above. “The idea of a car bugged me, but thinking of it as a project you can share, it makes more sense.”

  “Good.” He tried to wrap his head around what he wanted to say. It was important to state things in a way that she wouldn’t argue with him.

  “Have you heard anything more on the investigation?”

  “Eager to get out of Riley territory?”

  “No.” Her smile was sincere, calm. She pressed up on her toes and kissed him lightly. “It’s peaceful here, which is a nice feeling.”

  Agreeing with her, he kept the lack of any developments to himself, and just let them enjoy these moments, not sure what to expect when this interlude ended. Eventually, they turned back and watched Grace Ann and Caleb bodysurfing.

  “He’s a Riley to the bone,” she said, leaning into his arm. “I’ve always seen you in him, but he moves like Grace Ann.”

  Matt knew what she meant. “You know what I see when I look at him?” He waited until she dragged her gaze away from their delighted son. “I see you. In every school and team picture, I see your fire and grit.”

  He’d never held his son as a baby, never played catch out in the yard or taught him to swing a bat. And with every hour, he discovered how little those missed moments mattered. None of what they hadn’t done lessened his love for Caleb or Bethany.

  They’d reached the house and his mother was calling all of them up for breakfast. He kissed her fast before anyone had a chance to notice.

  “When you’re out today, try to relax and have fun,” he said. “I know it’s not a foreign film, but there will probably be mimosas or margaritas.”

  He stole another kiss. If he could keep her dazzled, he might have a better chance making this permanent. “They like you already,” he promised. His hands on her hips, he urged her up the stairs. “And take notes,” he whispered at her ear, pleased when she shivered.

  “Notes?” She cocked an eyebrow. “On a girl day?”

  “Yes. Then we can compare tonight,” he wiggled his eyebrows, “in bed.”

  It made her laugh, which is exactly the Bethany Trent he wanted his family to see.

  They ate breakfast amid a great deal of happy chatter before the three women dashed off to do their thing. From Matt’s perspective, life didn’t get much better than three generations of Riley men on the hunt for the right project car. Caleb had been a bit wary about the search when they set out, but once Ben, aka Pop, shared a few stories about the potential, he got into it.

  * * *

  Now with the sun going down, Matt stood under the bright lights of his dad’s garage, shaking his head at the little rust bucket his son had chosen as a first car. It was going to take a solid year of weekends to get it in working shape.

  And when it was done, Caleb would be careful with it on the street, making him a more conscientious driver, which was the real point of this endeavor. His parents had handled each of their new-driver children in a similar fashion. Matt smiled to himself, looking forward to every greasy, frustrating hour in store with his son.

  He had so much to be thankful for and yet he couldn’t drag his mind from all he would lose if the persistent predator had his way. There hadn’t been any real trouble for either the men or women this afternoon, and so far nothing new had happened to his siblings, but Alex’s team wasn’t any closer to identifying the opposition that had been working them over. He’d squeezed out a few minutes alone with his dad, talking over various missions and problematic soldiers. He’d passed along another few names, though it would be some time before they knew if the names panned out.

  Matt wanted to insist that Caleb and Bethany stay here with his parents, out of harm’s way. They would happily stock the boat and head out to sea for a few days while Matt flushed out the troublemaker. He could go back to Washington and draw out this vengeful jerk.

  Of course, he already knew Bethany would never go for it.

  The garage door opened and Bethany walked in as if his thoughts summoned her. If only life was so easy. “I came to tell
you to stop thinking about it,” she said, planting her hands on her hips.

  “You’re back.” He started to move to her and then stopped, a little dazed. Her hair was voluminous, artless waves cascading all over. Her fingertips were painted with a shell pink. He glanced down, and found a brighter hue on her toes. He nearly scooped her up, intent on taking her to the nearest flat surface. Girl day had been good to her.

  “Stop looking at me that way. I’m serious, Matt.”

  “About what?” he asked, in case they weren’t on the same page.

  She pinned him with a sharp look. “Your mother and Grace Ann were hinting all afternoon about taking a cruise on the boat. If we do that, you’ll stay behind and try something stupid.”

  He was insulted by that. “We’d make a smart plan.”

  She flicked that away. “We’re better off sticking together.”

  “Beth, come on.”

  “No, Matt. A divided front never wins.” She came over and leaned against the workbench with him. “You may have the West Point diploma and ring, but I got you through that first year of Military history.”

  “You’re delusional,” he shot back, laughing now. Ben Riley’s children knew their history, Military and otherwise, backward and forward. “And it’s clearly hereditary.” He lifted his chin toward the sad little car. “Our son thinks that’s a car.”

  “Hmm.” She tilted her head, as if a fresh angle might make it look better. “I could make a similar argument, if you believe I’ll go sailing off and let you handle this alone.”

  He reached for her. The knot in his stomach loosened as she slid her arms around his waist. “You do understand I’m trying to protect both of you.”

  Her mouth curved. “Of course I do. The same way you understand I won’t let you go into this alone. He fired bullets at my son.”

  And him too, Matt thought, keeping it to himself. “Feeling bloodthirsty?”

  “More than a little,” she admitted. Her hands smoothed up and down his back. “I know you’re the real target, that Caleb is a bonus or something, but I won’t let you just handle this for me.” She stepped back.

  He immediately closed the distance again. “Beth, you’ve done everything for me,” he countered. “I respected all of your choices and boundaries. Can’t you give on this one thing?”

  Her lovely eyes went wide and then she laughed, dropping her head to his chest. “Is that how you saw it?”

  “Saw it?” He frowned, tipping up her chin so he could look into her face. “That’s what you did,” he said. “You left West Point and your ideal career plan. You flat-out told me to go have a career and leave you and the baby alone.”

  “I should’ve known you’d see my selfishness as an honorable sacrifice.” She hugged him hard.

  “Bethany Trent, you’ve never been selfish a day in your life.”

  “Self-preserving then,” she said. “Matt, I refused to marry you because I wanted to say yes. Desperately.”

  “That makes no sense.” He’d loved her, never actually gotten over her. She’d just told him last night she loved him too, though he wasn’t supposed to know that. Starting a career with a young family wasn’t an insurmountable challenge. People did it every day. “You told me a child needed stability.” And in those words, she’d flat-out condemned the way he’d been raised. It had taken a long time for him to get over that.

  “Matt.” She reached up and stroked his jaw, her fingers toying with the scruff since he hadn’t shaved since their arrival. “I’m sorry for hurting you in my effort to...to survive us.”

  “Us?” He felt about as intelligent as a brick wall in this conversation, but she was finally opening up and he was determined to understand what went wrong then so he could fix it now. “Can you spell that out for me? Please?”

  “I loved you more than any of my plans. It scared me, Matt. I would’ve done anything to stay with you. Neither one of us could have grown into who we needed to be under that kind of pressure.”

  He shook his head as if he’d just come up for air after a deep dive. His chest constricted and his heart raced. “You thought it was better going alone as a single mom rather than trying a family with me?” he asked through clenched teeth. It was water under the bridge, nothing to be gained by rehashing it, and still his temper had him by the throat.

  Her gaze lifted to his. “Yes. I was barely twenty, and you?” She stepped back and flung an arm at him. “Well, you were General Riley’s legacy.”

  He blew out a long slow breath. “You were the only person I knew who didn’t hold that against me.”

  “I held it against me,” she said. “I didn’t want you feeling trapped or limited by obligations I thrust on you.” She bit her lip and pushed at her freshly styled hair. “Caleb and I watched your graduation.”

  “What?” She had to be lying. He would have seen her.

  “We were there,” she said. “I asked another friend in your class for tickets. I was so proud of you. The ceremony made me more determined than ever to keep going on my own. When you reached out and proposed again that next week, I wanted to say yes, but—”

  “You said no.”

  She shrugged. “Caleb and I were making things work.”

  “And you decided I didn’t need a wife and kid tagging along,” he said before she could. He’d heard her say it too often through the years.

  “I had goals, too,” she said, bristling. “Goals and plans for myself that were a little bigger than being your wife.”

  “Stop. Please.” He stalked away from her. Time and again they came back to this point where her goals and his “couldn’t possibly” line up.

  No matter what had brought them together, he’d been thankful for another chance, another opportunity to look her in the eye and ask to start over. From this point forward. Right now.

  “I love you.” There. He saw her eyes go wide with shock. Everything he wanted to say, every thought in his head and heart stemmed from those three words. If she could tell him, but not accept him, there wasn’t any sense in spitting out the rest of the plans he wanted to make.

  “Oh, Matt.”

  She didn’t sound like a woman about to leap into his arms with joy.

  “A part of my heart will always love you, too, as Caleb’s father,” she added after a lengthy hesitation. Her mouth didn’t twitch. “Caleb loves you already, too. He’s looking forward to spending time with you—with his dad.”

  Matt’s ears were ringing. She was pushing him away. Like every other time. What was it his mom had said this morning? That he should count his blessings Bethany hadn’t married anyone else. Maybe he would have gotten over her if she had.

  No. Not a chance. She’d been it for him from the beginning. And though he’d tried, he couldn’t make her see him as her Mr. Right.

  He reminded himself he’d lived with the disappointment and no son for fourteen years. He had more to love about life than Bethany. Now he could build memories and create a real bond with his son.

  “I’ll arrange to ship the car to a garage near your place,” Matt said, his voice echoing in his ears. “We’ll rent out a work bay and tools by the hour as needed. I’ll be up there as often as possible.”

  “Caleb will be thrilled.”

  Matt nodded. “Me too.”

  “I’ve made you angry. I wish I could give you what you want.”

  Harsh laughter burst out of him, backing her up. “No. I’m not angry.” There were too many other emotions for anger to play into it yet. Sad? Yes. Miserable? Definitely. And he was sure as hell confused. “How can I be angry with you?” he asked. “You were clear about your needs and intentions from the start.” He backed away, toward the door, any escape.

  Color stained her cheeks and he was reminded of her in his arms, her supple body twined with his. Hope had taken root inside him last night. Holding her was something he’d felt he was meant to do. Would he never stop being a fool around her?

  He blew past her and walked straight
out to the beach, his heart in pieces again.

  * * *

  Bethany wanted to kick herself. She lingered in the dark privacy of the garage, wishing for the courage to give Matt what he needed.

  He deserved more from her than she’d ever been comfortable giving. Even after last night, after all the talking, she still wasn’t sure. Holding back might have protected her once, shoring her up to face the challenges ahead. Although locking her feelings away from everyone other than Caleb might have turned into a habit, it brought her no comfort now. She’d tried to be honest—she did love Matt—and managed only to hurt him. When he walked away, it felt as if a priceless treasure had slipped through her grasp and crashed into pieces on the floor.

  Again.

  She’d entered West Point so sure of herself, her goals and her courage. It wasn’t easy to accept she was a coward at heart, too afraid of love to take the chance.

  Being afraid of her reactions to Matt was senseless and maybe more of a habit than she’d thought. He’d shown her nothing but support and loyalty in the strict, limited ways she allowed.

  Caleb had made it clear how he felt about having a father and being welcomed by the Riley family. They’d given her a warmer welcome than she expected, more than she deserved in light of all her mistakes.

  After all of that, how could Matt send her on a cruise while he faced the risks alone?

  Because he loved her.

  Everything he did was for love. She could see it now, in the small moments and the big ones. He would stand and shield her and Caleb for as long as necessary. She might not be brave enough to let herself love him outright with a day-to-day relationship, but she could be brave enough to watch his back.

  Chapter 12

  They left as early on Sunday as Matt could reasonably get away. He’d used the investigation as an excuse to distance himself from Bethany and the rest of his family. His mother had nearly cornered him a time or two, but he’d managed to get away with the help of Grace Ann. Though he’d tried to hide it, his family knew something was wrong.