Back To Her: Dare With Me Series

by J. H. Croix

  Nora had her hand curled just inside the open door by the pilot seat. I stepped closer, moving on instinct.

  “Are you okay?” My words came out abruptly, the edges sharp like the blades Nora had been dragging across my heart for the past few months.

  She squared her shoulders, and I discovered I was closer to her than I meant to be. That was pretty much the story of my heart and Nora.

  Her brown curls were mussed, and her matching rich brown eyes were snapping. “I’m fine,” she bit out. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  The sound of her voice felt like a bolt sliding into place inside me, but I forced myself to stay focused. “Flynn called me and said you had a problem with the landing. He wanted me to stop and check. Also, Grant forgot he needed to give you a ride home.”

  I knew I should’ve stepped back, but I couldn’t bring myself to do so. The need to feel close to her, to soak in her presence ran so fierce that I couldn’t override it with my brain.

  Nora blinked, her mouth falling open before she snapped it shut. “I don’t know why Flynn called you. I’m obviously fine. I can deal with it.”

  I rested my hand on the open door, curling my fingers around it. The cool metal barely broke through the fiery heat scorching me. The voltage snapped between us in a nearly electric connection. Once upon a time, as recently as a few months ago, I’d convinced myself it was just desire and nothing more.

  I was deeply aware of the folly of that thinking now. She’d taken it away—her touch, her laughter, her sweet lips against mine—but the grip she had on my heart hadn’t loosened, not one increment.

  “I’m sorry,” I said finally, my words coming out raw and hoarse.

  She blinked, and I saw the pain flash in her eyes. She shuttered it quickly, lifting her chin. “For what?” She threw that question at me like a dart.

  “For telling you I didn’t want more. For saying I could never commit.”

  My heart was pounding so hard, I could feel the hammering echo down to my bones. She stared back at me.

  Because my body was always ahead of my brain and my heart when it came to Nora, I dipped my head, brushing my lips over hers. When I realized what I’d done, I braced myself, thinking she was going to shove me away and maybe even slap me.

  She didn’t. I felt the little whimper in her throat like a jolt of lightning through my entire system. And then, I was folding her in my arms, breathing in her scent—earthy with a hint of something sweet and overlaid with the crisp smell of the ocean breeze.

  She still didn’t shove me away, and I cataloged the feel of her pressed against me. She was already imprinted on every cell in my body—the sweet curve of her breasts against my chest and the dip of her waist where my palm landed. Her ragged breathing followed the rhythm of mine.

  She let me hold her just long enough that hope unfurled in my heart like a banner across the sky with her name emblazoned on it. Then she stiffened. “I can’t.”

  I forced myself to step back. The effort ran against every instinct clamoring in my body. Finally having Nora in my arms for the first time in months reminded me of just exactly how right it felt when we were together.

  When I looked down, her brown eyes stared back at me. I thought I saw a teardrop glittering in her eyelashes, but a punishing gust of wind struck us, and her hair blew wild. By the time she brushed it away, the teardrop was gone.

  “You know we’re probably gonna have to stay here tonight, right?”

  “What are you talking about?” Pink crested on her cheeks.

  I waved vaguely in the air. “It’s windy as hell.” I gestured toward the wind sock on a pole mounted above the shed. As if to demonstrate, another brutal gust of wind lashed the poor wind sock, sending it into a furious spin before it held straight as the wind blew steadily.

  “Unless the wind dies down real quick, we’re not gonna have time to get back across the bay before it’s too late.”

  Nora blinked at me before looking away, her chin set in a stubborn line. I knew she was grinding her teeth because I saw the muscle tightening at the back of her cheek. I wanted to pull her into my arms again and tell her I knew how much I’d screwed up. I didn’t.

  She slipped between me and the door, rounding to the other side of the plane and opening the small compartment in the plane’s belly. A moment later, she closed it, slipping her arms into the bright purple windbreaker she’d pulled out.

  “How long should we wait?” She stopped beside me, surprising me with her question.

  Nora had been giving me the silent treatment for months now. It was crazy to realize how much I could miss her when she was right there. Every day. We worked together and lived at the resort together.

  “Let’s radio over to the other side of the bay and see how things look there.”

  I was surprised, yet again, when Nora followed me over to my plane. We climbed in the front. A moment later, Skylar Bridges, who ran one of the other flight businesses in Diamond Creek, answered, “Yep, what’s up?”

  I wasn’t using the official channels for this call. I wanted a quick, preferably blunt answer. “How’s the wind looking over there?”

  “It’s windy as hell,” she replied.

  Nora wrinkled her nose, her mouth twisting to the side. I chuckled. “Okay, so it sounds as bad over there as it is here at the supply station.”

  “It’s probably worse over there because it’s at a higher elevation. All of our planes are on the ground now. If you’re smart, you’ll sit tight. You set to stay for the night?”

  I risked another glance at Nora. She was staring out the window to the side, but I could see the tension in her shoulders. My eyes shifted down to land on her hands, which were laced together tightly.

  “I’m always prepared. It’s summer, so it shouldn’t be too bad as far as the temperature,” I replied.

  “Make sure to call in your flight update.”

  “Of course. Catch you later.”

  I ended that call and then went through the official channels to notify them that Nora and I would be remaining at the supply station until tomorrow morning. After I set down the radio receiver, silence fell around us.

  Wind buffeted the plane, and my eyes lifted to see how the wind sock was faring, a simple yet effective indicator. It blew wild and twisted with another gust of wind. Trying to fly in wind like this was a fool’s game.

  “How are you doing as far as food goes?” I asked.

  “I always have something on hand,” she said quietly. “What about you?”

  “Same.”

  She glanced at her watch, and as if on cue, my stomach rumbled. Her eyes flicked to mine, and then she laughed, just a little bit. My heart felt split open as swiftly as a log fell in two pieces with a single swing of an ax. That was how it was when it came to my heart and Nora. She had no idea. I hadn’t even known it until I ruined the best thing I’d ever had.

  “I even have a little camp stove,” she offered.

  I chuckled. “Of course you do.”

  “Why, of course?”

  “Because you’re always prepared. It’s one of the things I like best about you.”

  “Let me see what I have. We can sit in the airport.” She rolled her eyes at that. It was a running joke amongst the pilots who came out this way that the shed was actually referred to as an airport. “It’ll keep us out of the wind.”

  A while later after we made sure both of the planes were situated for the night, Nora was sitting cross-legged on the floor in the shed. She had a lightweight portable propane camp stove set up and was presently preparing macaroni and cheese out of a box. I’d propped up a makeshift barrier in the doorway to keep the wind to a minimum. The wind hadn’t eased up at all, and it was past eight o’clock. The sun was sliding down the sky, which we could see through the opening outside. It was a splashy sunset, the sky a swirl of reds, oranges, and golds. Darkness wouldn’t come for more than another hour.

  Nora was being polite to me, and being with
her like this had my heart aching.

  A few minutes later, she handed me a small plastic bowl with a spoon. “Dinner is served. It might not be as good as Daphne’s cooking, but it’ll do.” We’d lucked out when Flynn fell in love with Daphne. She happened to be a kick-ass chef and now handled all the meals for the resort.

  “It’s better than my energy bar,” I said with a chuckle.

  I got a slight smile in return, which was remarkable. I took a few bites, then paused to sip water from a bottle. When I looked over at Nora and felt that now-familiar thread of tension between us, my heart lurched uncomfortably.

  “I’m sorry.” My words startled me. Not because I didn’t mean them. I felt them down to my bones. As sorry as I was, I felt stuck, unsure how to repair the rip I’d torn in our relationship.

  Nora’s mouth fell open. She’d been in the process of lifting a spoonful of the pretty freaking good macaroni and cheese into her mouth. She’d added extra cheese from a few cheese sticks in her backpack, so it was nice and gooey and didn’t have the distinct flavor of packaged food.

  My heart thrashed in my chest in a messy, unsteady beat that echoed with thundering kicks.

  Chapter Three

  Nora

  My hand was shaking, and I forced myself to lower it before I dropped the spoonful of macaroni and cheese all over my lap. My eyes stung, and I abruptly realized I might be about to cry. For the second time today.

  I cried so much over Gabriel after he threw my feelings back in my face. I thought I had thoroughly and completely boarded up the windows, doors, and walls around my heart. I’d even built a moat, metaphorically speaking, but apparently, that wasn’t enough to protect me, and I needed a freaking fortress.

  Here I was, almost crying after he kissed me earlier, and now almost crying because he apologized. Jesus. I was pathetic.

  “What?”

  My mouth formed the word, but my lips felt almost numb. The rest of me felt raw, as if his mere presence had sliced me to ribbons.

  “I’m sorry,” he repeated.

  I blinked at him, hoping I blinked the tears away. “For what?”

  He set his bowl on the floor beside him. Leaning back against the bench, he stretched out his long legs with his feet crossed at his ankles. No matter what Gabriel did, he exuded a relaxed, easy masculinity. My eyes dropped down, drawn to the motion of his hand. He was tracing along one of the worn wooden floorboards in here. Lord knows when this place was built. The simple rectangular structure could’ve been here for decades. Somebody had replaced the roof at one point to a bright red steel, which made it easy to spot from the sky when you were flying over. The inside was completely unfinished—just plain wood benches and shelves, all of it covered in dust.

  The sea-scoured wind blew inside, the air salty and dry as I waited for his reply.

  “I’m sorry for screwing everything up,” he finally said. “Can we try again?”

  I stared at him blankly. My heart set up a raucous cheer while my mind scrambled to backpedal on that excitement. No need to let my heart get stupid all over again. Well before Gabriel broke my heart, I’d learned not to trust men. My father taught me well. Never trust a man to hang around. Definitely never trust a man to take care of your heart.

  “Try what again?” I heard myself asking.

  I wanted to smack those words right back into my mouth. Too late, they were already out there. I wished the wind would blow them away. No such luck.

  Gabriel angled his head to the side, his eyes watching me quietly while my heart beat like a jackrabbit in my chest and butterflies twirled madly in my belly.

  “Us,” he said simply.

  “Gabriel, we already did that. I can’t do the whole friends-with-benefits thing. I can’t be your dirty secret. I just can’t.”

  It hurt to say that, but it was all true. You see, I loved Gabriel. I fell in love with him not long after I fell into bed with him.

  “I’m not asking you to be my dirty secret. Let’s really do this.”

  “Do what?” I felt as if I had to keep clarifying every detail so there was no misunderstanding. Because the last time I misunderstood, it had nearly broken me.

  He didn’t even hesitate. “A relationship, commitment, everything.”

  Hope was throwing confetti in the air, clapping its hands and stomping its feet inside my chest. My heart felt yanked like a kite in a gust of wind, lifting it skyward. I clamped down hard, remembering that Gabriel wasn’t even close to being ready for anything resembling a commitment. I had enough of my own issues with it. I couldn’t be stupid all over again.

  “Gabriel, you told me you would never commit to anyone. What’s changed in a few months?” I knew, I freaking knew I shouldn’t be asking these questions, but I couldn’t seem to help myself.

  “I figured something out.”

  I forgot to breathe and was suddenly gulping in air. Gathering myself together after several breaths, with the brisk wind giving me an assist as it swirled into the space, I asked, “What’s that?”

  “I love you,” he stated as though it was no big deal.

  For the third time today, tears stung my eyes. This time I couldn’t hold back and leaned my head down, pressing the heels of my hands into my eye sockets. I would not fall apart in front of him.

  After a moment, the muddle of emotion inside lasered in on anger. It gave me the impetus to lift my eyes again. I didn’t even care if he could tell I was trying not to cry. “What the fuck, Gabriel? This is bullshit. Do not fuck with my emotions like this.”

  Chapter Four

  Gabriel

  Okay, so this wasn’t going well. Nora was really upset.

  I forged ahead anyway. “I’m not fucking with you or your emotions. I’m trying to be honest.”

  She snatched up her bowl of macaroni and cheese and stuffed a bite in her mouth, chewing fiercely. After she swallowed, she said, “I can’t have this conversation. Not now.”

  “Can you listen?”

  She stuffed another bite of macaroni into her mouth, chewing as if her life depended on it. After a moment, she nodded jerkily.

  Because the rapid pace of my heartbeat was wearing me out, I thought maybe she had the right idea. I took a few bites of my own food to try to calm down. The wind blew wild, and a sense of relief settled over me. Maybe I had totally screwed this up, like epically, but I could get us through to the other side of this. It might take some time, but it was worth the wait.

  The crazy part was the relief I felt at having Nora furious at me. It was so much better than the cold, gray wall of silence she’d created between us. It had taken that for me to realize just how much she meant to me.

  She’d indicated she would listen, so I needed to figure out what the hell I wanted to say. After several moments of nothing but the sound of the wind howling while we ate, I said, “I didn’t think I wanted commitment, but I do. With you.”

  Nora had finished her food and was wiping the bowl out with a paper towel. Her eyes swung to mine. She regarded me quietly for several echoing beats of my heart.

  “I don’t know, Gabriel,” she finally said. “We both have plenty of baggage.”

  “What do you mean?” I pressed.

  “I have a father who never bothered to stick around. He also couldn’t be bothered to be a father, and he was a shitty partner to my mother. You have a mom who was hardly there. We’re not a great pair. Let’s just try to be friends.”

  “Friends?”

  Oh, now I was getting angry. For fuck’s sake, I did not want to be polite and friendly with her. I wanted to be with her.

  She stood, holding a hand out and wiggling her fingers in my direction. “What?” I asked.

  “Give me your bowl. I’ll go rinse it off in the ocean with mine.”

  “I’ll go with you,” I said, just to be contrary.

  She rolled her eyes and turned away. I carefully slid over the piece of plywood I’d placed outside the shed and moved the bag of gravel holding it in p
lace. As I leaned both against the side of the structure, I was positive the plywood was there for the very reason we’d used it.

  Alaska was a funny place to live. If you lived here for more than a full round of seasons, you learned right quick that you needed to be prepared at all times. No doubt others had got stuck here at some point due to the weather.

  The wind was still howling, and I watched as it blew Nora’s brown curls in a swirl around her head. We stopped at the water’s edge. Even though it was late summer, the water was freezing cold. Beaches in Alaska didn’t draw many sunbathers or even swimmers. Most people who had the nerve to go in the water wore a wetsuit. Those who didn’t usually wished they had.

  After we rinsed off our bowls and spoons, we walked together back to the planes. Nora had everything put away in a few minutes. Looking up at the sky, she stuffed her hands in her pockets as she leaned against the side of her plane.

  “We should sleep in my plane together.”

  Her eyes whipped to mine. She opened her mouth to reply before snapping it shut, pressing her lips in a line. As much as I wanted a night with Nora in my arms again, that wasn’t why I suggested that. Evenings were seriously chilly here, no matter what time of year. The temperature could easily drop into the forties and probably would. Not to mention, I’d already taken a gander in the back of her plane, and it was stacked with mail that couldn’t be delivered until I got back over here to patch up that wing.

  “Fine,” she muttered.

  We passed the time playing cards until the sun finally slipped below the horizon. Nora didn’t pretend I was invisible, but warm wasn’t how I would describe her.

  We went to sleep in the back of the plane after I moved two of the passenger seats. Nora’s back was to me with her sleeping bag zipped up tight. With the wind dancing in a push and pull between the land and the ocean, I fell asleep to the rhythmic gusts and wondered how I could fix the fracture I’d created between us. Because with Nora, when it was good, it was so, so good.