Where the Heart Lies

by Ellie Dean

  Feeling rather guilty at how good it was to escape that house of mourning, Julie wheeled the pram up the High Street, her starched apron crackling beneath the warm cloak. It was a dull sort of day, but there were patches of blue amid the scudding clouds which promised a better afternoon, and the salty wind revived and refreshed her.

  She reached the Town Hall and willing hands helped her up the steps with the pram. Smiling and chatting as she headed for the big room that was set aside once a week for the clinic, she realised she’d become a familiar face in Cliffehaven and was now considered an intrinsic part of the community. This knowledge warmed her, and she was smiling as she parked the pram in a corner and took off her cloak.

  ‘Hello, Julie.’ Fay and Jess, the two young volunteer aides, came and peeked into the pram. ‘Oh,’ Fay cooed, ‘aren’t they just adorable?’

  ‘So sweet,’ murmured Jess, gently pulling back the blanket. ‘You are lucky they’re so good.’

  Julie chuckled. ‘You should hear them at five in the morning,’ she said. ‘But yes, they are perfect, aren’t they?’

  ‘What do you mean by bringing those babies in here?’

  All three girls turned to find Eunice glaring at them. ‘Dr Michael gave me permission,’ said Julie. ‘William and Rose are due for their monthly check-up, and because of the memorial service no one else is free to bring them.’

  Eunice’s jaw was working, and her eyes were like flint. ‘See to it they don’t disrupt your duties,’ she snapped before turning on her heel and bustling away.

  ‘It’s time someone taught that one some manners,’ said Fay darkly. ‘And why does she always pick on you, Julie? Anyone would think you were her worst enemy the way she goes on.’

  Jess grinned as she took off her coat and adjusted her neat starched cap and apron. ‘Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it?’ she said. ‘She’s waited for ages for Michael to notice her and along comes Julie, who’s prettier and far nicer – and who Michael notices immediately.’

  ‘If that’s the case,’ said Fay, ‘then I’d watch it, Julie. Eunice is not someone I’d like to upset, and that’s a fact.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Julie murmured as they began to lay out the weighing scales, the blankets and examination tables. ‘But don’t worry about me. I can handle Eunice.’

  Yet, as they continued to set out all the paraphernalia for the clinic, Julie wasn’t quite so sure that she could handle Eunice. The woman had made her dislike clear from the offset, and now this perceived relationship Julie was supposed to have with Michael was making things worse.

  As the doors opened and Michael came striding in, Julie noted how his gaze went straight to her – and that Eunice had noticed it too. Julie could feel her animosity from across the room as she shot him a distracted smile and hurriedly turned away to sort through her patients’ notes. She would have to talk to Eunice and clear the air, but also make Michael aware of what was happening. Was he really so blind that he couldn’t see the adoration in Eunice’s eyes every time she looked at him; did he not notice that she made little biscuits to go with his morning coffee, tidied his surgery and sewed the loose buttons on his jackets? Julie gave a deep sigh. Men could be so dim at times.

  The clinic was as busy and chaotic as every Saturday morning, with Jess and Fay trying to keep the toddlers amused with the big box of toys while mothers gossiped and babies wailed. Eunice, Michael and Julie worked throughout the morning, weighing the babies, checking that all was well, filling in charts and notes and giving advice on breastfeeding and the hundred and one other concerns that new mothers fretted about.

  Julie realised the same apocryphal stories were going round as the ones in London, the same vying to prove their baby was more advanced than any other – and the same sniggering and whispering as they exchanged the latest bit of scandal. Julie felt right at home, and if it hadn’t been for Eunice glaring at her every five minutes, she would have thoroughly enjoyed the morning.

  ‘Right,’ said Michael as his last patient joined the rest of the women who were going in search of a cup of tea and a further natter. ‘That’s it for the morning. I’ll see to Rose and William now if you’d like to bring them over, Julie.’

  ‘Sister Harris still has Mrs Owen to see before she helps to clear things away,’ said Eunice rather forcibly. ‘I’ll get the babies for you.’

  Michael frowned. ‘No, that’s all right, Sister Beecham. You see to Mrs Owen. I need Julie here while I examine both babies.’

  Eunice’s lips formed a thin angry line as she shot Julie a venomous glare and rather brusquely ordered Mrs Owen to hurry up and bring her squalling baby to her examination table.

  ‘Whatever’s the matter with Sister Beecham this morning?’ asked Michael as Julie brought Rose to him. ‘It’s not like her to be so sharp with everyone.’

  If only you knew the half of it, she thought. ‘I expect she’s just feeling a bit out of sorts after the raids last night,’ she said as she undressed the gurgling Rose and settled her in the scales.

  He eyed her thoughtfully and then shook his head, turning his attention to little Rose, who was waving her sturdy arms and legs about. ‘She’s putting on weight nicely,’ he murmured, lifting her out of the scales and placing her on the examination table. He checked her ears, mouth and throat, listened to her heartbeat and ran his fingers over her skull and down her spine, before testing her joints and reflexes. ‘All is well,’ he said with a beaming smile. ‘You and Peggy are to be congratulated.’

  Julie chuckled as she dressed Rose and put her back in the pram. ‘It’s a joint effort from every woman at Beach View,’ she said. ‘With so many “mothers” to call on when they need something, the pair of them are in danger of becoming spoilt.’ She plucked William from the pram and nuzzled the sweet spot in his neck which always made him gurgle.

  ‘I understand Anne will be discharged within the next two weeks, so that should lift some of the responsibility from your shoulders.’

  Julie wasn’t so sure, for although it would mean Peggy didn’t have to go to the hospital every day, Anne’s leg would still be in plaster and she’d be unable to do very much at all. ‘It will certainly give Anne more time with Rose,’ she murmured as she gently placed William on the scales. Sliding the weights back and forth until they balanced, she let out a sigh. ‘He’s hardly put on any weight at all.’

  Michael lifted him out and began to examine him. ‘His ears have cleared up nicely.’ He reached for his stethoscope. ‘But he’s certainly still underweight for his age. I presume he’s taking more solids now to supplement his milk?’

  Julie nodded and watched anxiously as Michael listened to William’s chest. William was still far too small and, in fact, looked undernourished after the plump little Rose. Was there something wrong with him, or had he simply inherited his mother’s slenderness?

  Michael hung the stethoscope back round his neck, his expression thoughtful as he felt William’s hands and feet.

  ‘I can never seem to keep them warm,’ said Julie, ‘even with two pairs of bootees and mittens and a hot-water bottle at night.’

  He nodded, his expression still solemn. ‘You can get him dressed again,’ he said, reaching for the grey folder that was on the table beside him.

  Julie read William’s name on the front of that unfamiliar folder, and her hands trembled as she struggled to dress a squirming William. She didn’t like the way Michael was frowning over what could only be William’s medical notes. ‘What is it?’ she asked fearfully.

  He closed the folder. ‘These were sent down a couple of weeks ago from London with a covering letter from Mr Philips, the surgeon who delivered him.’ He looked bashful. ‘It seems they got mislaid in the mess in my office, because I only found them this morning. I can’t think how they ended up at the bottom of my desk drawer – but then I’ve been so busy, it’s hardly surprising I’ve become a little absent-minded.’

  Eunice dealt with the post every morning and, as Julie didn’t want to even cons
ider that she’d stoop so low as to hide the notes, she dismissed the suspicion. ‘Is there something in there that I should know about?’ she asked with dread.

  Michael looked at William, snug in Julie’s arms, and nodded with clear reluctance.

  ‘What is it?’ she breathed, her pulse racing.

  ‘Perhaps it would be better if we discussed this back at the surgery.’

  Julie shook her head. ‘No,’ she said firmly. ‘If there’s something wrong then I want to know now.’

  Michael regarded her solemnly and then gave a sigh. ‘Mr Philips detected a slight heart murmur,’ he said softly, ‘but put it down to the trauma of his birth and the fact that he was a little premature.’

  ‘Murmur?’ Julie held William closer.

  ‘It’s only a slight murmur,’ he said hurriedly, ‘and I’m hoping that as William grows, it will settle down.’

  ‘But it hasn’t yet, has it?’ she said, her fear making her sharp with him. ‘You can still hear it.’

  He nodded. ‘I’m sorry, Julie, but Sam Watson heard it too, and that’s why I got Mr Philips to send down the notes.’

  ‘So you weren’t really discussing rugby that afternoon, were you?’ she said accusingly.

  He shamefacedly shook his head.

  ‘I might have known,’ she snapped. ‘And what about Mr Philips? He gave William a clean bill of health and mentioned nothing about any heart murmur.’ Her voice was rising as the fear and anger took hold. ‘Didn’t any of you think I should know? When were you actually planning to tell me – when he got sick, when . . .?’

  She clutched William and fought back the tears. ‘Oh, God,’ she breathed, ‘he’s not got heart disease, has he? He’s not going to suffer all his life like poor little Franny?’

  ‘Of course he isn’t,’ Michael said hastily. He rushed round the examination table and put his arm round her, unaware of Eunice’s glower, Mrs Owen’s avid curiosity or Jess and Fay’s exchange of knowing looks. ‘The murmur just means that there’s probably a tiny hole in his heart which will heal as he grows.’

  She looked at him in horror. ‘A hole? In his heart?’

  ‘It’s not as serious as it sounds,’ he said firmly. ‘It’s a very small heart, and therefore will be a very tiny hole, and it is absolutely possible that it may close of its own accord. At the moment it is causing William some problems, like his failing to thrive and his cold extremities, but he seems to be holding up well.’

  Julie felt chilled to her very core. ‘What happens if the hole doesn’t heal naturally?’

  ‘After reading through the notes, I spoke to Sam before I came here this morning, and it is possible he will need an operation – but,’ he added quickly, ‘no surgeon would dream of doing that while he’s still so small. It’s not crucial, Julie, so I don’t want you thinking otherwise. Babies are incredibly resilient, and although he’s small, he’s tougher than you think, and in no immediate danger.’

  Julie stared at him, unable to voice the terror that had her in its grip.

  Michael held her firmly by the shoulders and looked straight into her eyes. ‘I know you’re frightened, Julie, but I promise Sam Watson and I will give him the very best of care, and you are to promise me that you’ll come to me any hour of the day or night if the slightest thing is worrying you.’

  She looked through her tears into his kindly eyes and knew she had to trust him. ‘Is there anything we can do to help him get better?’

  Michael became businesslike and reached for his prescription pad. ‘Sam has suggested I put him on diuretics so he doesn’t retain fluid, and give him something to strengthen his heart and make it more efficient, which will improve his circulation. This combination of medication will make him more comfortable, which will, in turn, probably improve his appetite.’

  ‘Is that it?’

  ‘I will need to see him every month, but if he gets a cold, a chest infection or anything similar, you’re to call me at once. That’s very important, Julie, because I will need to get Sam to check him over.’

  Julie could see herself rushing to Michael every time William sneezed or frowned, and wasn’t at all sure if she could cope with this devastating turn of events, let alone trust the others to be as watchful. ‘Perhaps I should think about cutting down me hours,’ she murmured. ‘I can’t expect Peggy and the others to take on that kind of responsibility.’

  Michael’s smile was understanding and kind as he handed her the prescription. ‘I know you’ll panic over the slightest thing,’ he said softly, ‘but it’s only natural and doesn’t matter a jot.’ He squeezed her arm encouragingly. ‘As for cutting down your hours, I won’t hear of it. The important thing is for you and William to carry on as normal. He won’t benefit from being fussed over, and if he gets a cold, I can deal with it. Let him be with other children, enjoy him and don’t feel you all have to treat him like cut crystal. He needs to continue to be a part of the rough and tumble of the family at Beach View, just as you need to continue doing the job you love. As long as you’re both contented he has a better chance of thriving.’

  Julie nodded, realising that his advice made a lot of sense. Yet she couldn’t dismiss the thought that she would never forgive herself if anything were to happen to William while she was at work. On the other hand, if she gave up her job, she’d have no money to pay for William’s prescriptions and all his other needs. They didn’t come cheap – and neither did Sam Watson.

  ‘I’ll see how things go,’ she said reluctantly.

  ‘You aren’t alone in this, Julie,’ he said softly. ‘We’ll look after him together.’

  She looked up at him and suddenly wanted him to hold her, to be her rock and provide the strength she would need to get through this. She swayed towards him as they looked into one another’s eyes.

  ‘Dr Michael, I need to talk to you about one of my patients.’

  The sound of Eunice’s voice snapped Julie from the trance that had enveloped them both and almost sent her into Michael’s arms. She masked her embarrassment by turning away to settle William in the pram and used the moment to regain her poise. She would have to be very careful from now on, she realised suddenly, for despite all her protests to the contrary, she was as drawn to Michael as he was to her.

  Eunice had bitterly watched that little scene between Michael and Julie, and had noted the sly glances exchanged by Jess and Fay. It seemed she wasn’t the only one who’d noticed the growing attraction, and it was time to put an end to it.

  She kept her thoughts to herself as Michael waved a cheerful goodbye and hurried off. Ignoring Julie and the other two girls, she finished with Mrs Owen, tidied up her corner and swept out of the hall without a word to anyone. It wasn’t a long walk back to the surgery, but she didn’t hurry, for she needed time to think clearly.

  She’d seen the suspicion in Julie’s eyes, and had felt ashamed that she could think she was capable of hiding medical files. She was a professional, and despite her animosity towards Julie, she would never have put a patient at risk like that. But William’s heart problems actually played right into her hands. She had a real weapon now, and as long as she used it wisely, it would reflect on her rather well – and perhaps get rid of Julie once and for all.

  The surgery was closed, Michael was at the rugby club where he spent most Saturday afternoons, and Dr Sayers would be in his garden tending his roses. The timing was perfect.

  She found the elderly doctor sitting on a bench in the sunshine, a gardening manual on his lap as he inspected the black spots on the leaves of his favourite climbing rose. ‘Dr Sayers,’ she said warmly. ‘I’m so sorry to disturb you, but I wonder if I could ask your advice on something?’

  He smiled back at her, saw her anxious expression, and reached for her hand. ‘My dear, of course you can.’ He patted the bench. ‘Sit down, Eunice, and tell me all about it.’

  Chapter Sixteen

  JULIE HAD RETURNED to Beach View in a daze of confusion and worry. That short interlude with M
ichael had been a moment of madness, she decided. Of course she didn’t love him. She’d merely fallen into the same trap as a thousand nurses and patients before her and had seen him as some sort of saviour – a kind man who really cared, a knight in a white coat who had the answer to everything.

  She wheeled the pram through the back garden and into the basement. Both babies were awake and beginning to complain that they needed feeding. She picked up Rose and carried her up into the kitchen where she found a rather sad-faced Mrs Finch staring out of the window above the sink.

  ‘They’ve all left for the service,’ she said with a sigh. ‘I do hope it’s not too awful – but then that kind of service is never easy to get through.’ She seemed to make an effort to shrug off her gloom by fetching cups and saucers from the wooden draining board and warming the teapot. ‘The kettle’s almost boiled. I expect you could do with a cuppa.’

  ‘Could you take Rose while I fetch William?’

  Mrs Finch’s little face brightened considerably and she sat down in the fireside chair and held out her arms. ‘I never mind holding them,’ she said softly. ‘Such sweet babies.’ She placed a soft finger on Rose’s cheek and started clucking at her.

  Julie fetched William and quickly changed his nappy. ‘Could we do a swap? I need to change Rose and then get their food prepared.’

  ‘We can’t go down to the shop at the moment, dear,’ said Mrs Finch, ‘and anyway, my clothes don’t need changing. They’re perfectly adequate.’

  Julie gave her a wan smile and exchanged William for Rose, saw to the sodden nappy and put her in the playpen that Ron had managed to squeeze in a corner. William and Mrs Finch looked very happy with each other, so she left him in her care and hurried to make the formula for Rose and mix up a small dish of vegetables for William.

  She fed Rose while Mrs Finch managed to persuade William to eat some of the mashed vegetables whilst getting most of it down his front and all over his face. It took quite a while and Rose was already drowsy by the time Mrs Finch gave up. Carefully putting Rose back in the playpen and covering her with a blanket, Julie made up the formula for William and added the correct dosage of the medicines she’d brought back from the chemist. She gave the bottle a shake to make sure it mixed well, tested its heat, and handed it to Mrs Finch.