Cyberpunk

by Victoria Blake

  one wing, then another, on my shoulder blades. She paused before she began

  laying in the memory.

  I don’t know that you could call it pain but it’s close. At the moment a

  biobit makes its way into your own system, it’s as though the point of impact

  was exquisitely sensitive, and somewhere micrometers away, someone was

  doing something inconceivable to it.

  “Tomorrow are the Exams,” she said. “Could see what I could download

  for that.”

  I started to turn my head to look at her, but just then she laid down a curve

  of ice with a single motion. My jaw clenched.

  “And?” was all I managed.

  “One of us placed in a decent job would be a good thing.”

  She laid more memory before she said “Two of us placed in one would be

  better.”

  “Might end up separated.”

  “Would it matter, a six-month, maybe a year or two, before we could work

  out a transfer?”

  I would have shrugged but instead sat still. “So you want to take that

  memory and jack in facts so you can pass the Exams and become an upstanding

  citizen?”

  She ignored my tone. “Even a little edge would help. Mainly executables,

  some sorting routines. Maybe a couple high power searches so I can

  extrapolate answers I can’t find.”

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  MEMORIES OF MOMENTS, BRIGHT AS FALLING STARS

  The last of the memory felt like fire and ice as it seeped into my skin.

  She’d never mentioned the Exams in the two years we’d been together.

  You’re not supposed to be able to emancipate until you’re 16, but Grizz

  and I both left a few years early. My family had too many kids as it was and

  ended up getting caught in a squatter sweep. I came home and found the

  place packed up and vacant. The deli owner downstairs let me sleep in his

  back room for the first few months, sort of like an extra burglar alarm, but

  then he caught me stealing food and gave me the boot. After that, I made

  enough to eat by running errands for the block, and alternated between

  three or four sleeping spots I’d discovered on rooftops; while they’re less

  sheltered, fewer punks or crazies make the effort to come up there and

  mess with you.

  Once I hooked up with Grizz, life got a little easier—I had someone to

  watch my back without it costing me a favor.

  We went around to Ajah’s, hoping to catch him in one of his moods when

  he gets drunk on homemade booze and cooks enormous meals. Luck was

  with us—he was just finishing a curried mushroom omelet. It smelled like

  heaven.

  Three other people sat around his battered kitchen table, watching him

  work at the stove. Two I didn’t know; the third was Lorelei. She gave me a

  long, slow, sleepy smile, and Grizz and I nodded back at her.

  Ajah turned at our entrance and waved us in with his spatula. His jowls

  surged with a grin.

  “Jonny and Grizz, sit down, sit down,” he said. “There is coffee.” He

  signaled and one of the no-names, a short black man, grabbed us mugs,

  filled them full, and pushed them to us as we slid into chairs. I mingled

  mine with thin and brackish milk while Grizz sprinkled sweet into hers.

  The drink was bitter and hot, and chased the recycling yard’s lingering chill

  from my bones. I could still feel the new memory on my skin, cold coils

  against my T-shirt’s thin paper, so old its surface had fuzzed to velvet.

  Ajah worked at the poultry factory, so he always had eggs and chicken meat.

  Sometimes they were surplus, sometimes stuff the factory couldn’t sell. He’d

  worked out a deal with a guy in a fungi factory, so he always had mushrooms

  175

  CAT RAMBO

  too. Brown rice and spices stretched it all out until Ajah could afford to feed a kitchen’s worth of people at every meal. They brought him what they could to

  swap, but usually long after the fact of their faces at his table.

  Lorelei being here meant she must be down on her luck. As were we—the

  shelter we’d been counting on for the past year had gone broke, shut down

  for lack of funds, despite countless neighborhood fundraisers. No one had

  the script to spare for charity.

  Two grocery sacks filled with greenery sat on one counter. Someone had

  been Dumpster diving, I figured, and brought their spoils to eke out the

  communal meal. A third sack was filled with apples and browned bananas,

  and I could feel my mouth watering at the thought.

  “I’m Jonny,” I offered, glancing around the table. “She’s Grizz.”

  “Ajax,” said the black man.

  “Mick,” muttered the other stranger, a scruffy brown-haired kid. He wore a

  ragged poncho and his hair fell in slow dreads.

  “You know me,” Lorelei said.

  Conversation faded and we listened to the oily sizzle of mushrooms frying

  on the stove-top and the refrigerator’s hum against the background of city

  noise and traffic clamor. The still in the corner, full of rotten fruit and

  potatoes, burped once in counterpoint.

  “What’s the news?” Ajah asked, ladling rice and mushrooms bound

  together with curry and egg onto plates and sliding them onto the table

  toward Lorelei and Grizz. Ajax, Mick, and I eyed them as they started eating,

  leaving the question to us.

  “Not much,” I said.

  “Found a place to live yet?”

  “Jesus, gossip travels fast. How did you hear about the shelter?”

  “Beccalu came by and said she was heading to her cousin in Scranton. You

  two have people to stay with?”

  I shook my head as Grizz kept eating. “No one I’ve thought of yet. We need

  to head to the library tonight, though, figured we’d doss in the subway station there for a few hours, keep moving along for naps till it’s morning. It’s Exams tomorrow.”

  “I know,” Ajah said. “Look, why don’t you stay here tonight? The couch

  folds out.”

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  MEMORIES OF MOMENTS, BRIGHT AS FALLING STARS

  I was surprised; I’d never heard Ajah make anyone an offer like that.

  “The Exams are your big chance. Get a good night’s sleep and make the

  most of them. Face them fully charged.”

  I rolled my eyes. “For what? Like there’s a chance.” But he and Grizz

  ignored me.

  “We need to make a library run still,” she said.

  “Yeah, yeah, that’s fine. I’m up till midnight, maybe later,” Ajah told her.

  Despite my doubts, relief seeped into my bones. We’d been given a night’s

  respite, and who knew what would happen after the Exams? “Thanks, Ajah,”

  I said, and he grunted acknowledgement as he slid a plate before me.

  The portabella bits had been browned in curry powder and oil, and the eggs

  were fresh and good. Grizz ate methodically, scraping her plate free, but she

  looked up to catch my eye and gave me a heartfelt smile, rare on her square-

  set face.

  As her gaze swung back to her plate, my glance tangled with Lorelei’s. I

  could not read her expression.

  Lorelei and I used to pal around before Grizz and I met up. She and I grew

  up next to each other, and it’s hard not to know someone intimately when

  you’ve shared hour after hour channel s
urfing while one mother or the

  other went out on work or errands. We suffered through the same street

  bullies and uninterested teachers. She was the first girl I ever kissed. You

  don’t forget that.

  But I knew I wanted Grizz for keeps the first moment I saw her. She came

  swaggering into the shelter wearing a rabbit-fur jacket and pseudo-leather

  pants. She’d been tricking in a swank bar, but then someone snatched all her

  hard-earned cash. So there she was, with a bruise on her face and a cracked

  wrist, but still holding herself hard and arrogant, and the only person in the

  world who could glimpse the softness underneath was me, it seemed like. So I

  sauntered up, invited her outside for a smoke, and then within a half hour, we

  were pressed against the wall together, my hands up her shirt like I’d never

  touched tit before, feeling her firm little nipples against the skin of my palms.

  It’s been her and me ever since. As far as I’m concerned, it’ll always be

  that way.

  177

  CAT RAMBO

  • • •

  After eating, we helped wash dishes before heading to the library. We had to

  wait a half hour for a terminal to free. Finally a man gathered his tablet and

  stood, stretching his shoulders.

  “I’ll wait,” I said, and gestured Grizz forward.

  She nodded and went forward to slide her hand into the log-in gloves.

  Within a moment, her eyes had the glassy stare that means the meat’s

  occupant is elsewhere.

  I looked around. Chairs and desks dotted the place, all of them occupied. I

  went outside to the parking garage for a smoke.

  Daylight had fled. At the structure’s edge, where the street was dimly

  visible, I panhandled a dozen people before I found one willing to admit to

  smoking. I lit the cigarette, a Marlboro Brute, and leaned back against the

  wall, which was patchworked with graffiti layers. Maybe by the time I was

  done, a booth would have opened up. It was getting late, after all.

  I closed my eyes as the nicotine rush hit me. Footsteps came across the

  cement floor toward me. I opened my eyes.

  It was Lorelei. She wore a slick, bright red jacket and lipstick to match her

  short skirt and chunky boots. Silver hoops all along each ear’s edge graduated

  to match her narrowing cartilage. She looked good. Very good.

  “Nice night, ain’t it?” she said as she moved to lean on the wall beside me.

  “Gimme.”

  I passed the smoke over and she took a drag.

  “Want to try something to make the nice night even nicer?” she asked,

  smiling as she leaned back to return the cigarette.

  “Meaning?”

  “It’s good stuff.” She fished in the jacket before holding out the lighter

  and one-hitter. The end was packed with gray lintish dust. “Never had

  better.”

  I took the pipe and sparked it. The blue smoke rushed into my lungs like a

  fist, like a physical jolt, and the world dropped half an inch beneath my

  feet. Everything was tinged with colors, an iridescence like gasoline on a rain puddle. I was standing there with Lorelei and at the same time I was on a vast

  dark plain, feeling the world teeter and slip.

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  MEMORIES OF MOMENTS, BRIGHT AS FALLING STARS

  Lorelei watched me. On the side of her face was a new tattoo, a black floral

  design.

  “What’s that?” I asked. I raised my hand, my fingers dripping colored fire

  and sparks. The drug curled and coiled through my veins, and I could feel my

  heart racing.

  “Maps,” she said. “Executable that interfaces with a global database. Got a

  GPS here,” She tapped a purple faceted gleam on one earlobe. “Drop me

  anywhere in the world, I’ll know where I am.”

  “Looks awful big to be a simple database interface.”

  She shrugged, and took the pipe back. She tapped out the ashes with care

  before she tamped a new pinch of greenish leaf into the mouth. “Controls the

  GPS too, and some other crap.”

  An expensive toy, but one that would qualify her for all sorts of delivery

  jobs. But she must be broke, to show up at Ajah’s, I thought. It didn’t make

  sense.

  “How’re things?” I asked.

  Her shoulders twitched into another sullen shrug. “Got some deals in the

  works. Just a matter of time before something plays out.”

  I glanced back at the library door. “I should go in, I’m waiting on a machine

  to clear.”

  The drug still held me hard, and every moment was crystal clear as she

  raised her hand to stroke along my jaw. “I miss you sometimes, Jonny,” she

  said, sounding out of breath.

  I didn’t want to piss her off, so I used a move that’s worked before. Catching

  her hand, I turned it palm down and pressed my lips against the knuckles

  before dropping it and taking a step backward.

  “See you around,” I said.

  She didn’t say anything back, just stood there looking at me as I turned and

  walked away.

  When I tried to log in, the drug prevented it. Every attempt shuddered and

  screeched along my nerves, so painful it brought tears to my eyes. But I kept

  trying and trying. A few cubicles down, I could see Grizz’s back, hunched

  over her terminal, every particle intent. Learning. Preparing.

  179

  CAT RAMBO

  I stared at the screen, which showed the library logo and the welcome

  menu, all options grayed out, and cursed Lorelei and myself. Mostly myself.

  After an hour of pretending to work, I slipped away.

  Another hour later, Grizz found me outside smoking. Good timing, too. I

  was on my fourth bummed cigarette, and starting to wonder when a guard

  would show to jolly me along on my way.

  She looked happy, as animated as Grizz gets, which isn’t much.

  “You get what you wanted?” I asked.

  “Got a bunch of stuff,” she said. “Plant stuff.”

  Grizz likes plants, I know. At the shelter, she tended the windowsills full of

  discarded cacti and spider plants. But I hadn’t known she was thinking about

  that for a career.

  “That memory’s something, isn’t it?” she said. “I downloaded a weather

  predictor that monitors the whole planet, some biology databases, some

  specialized ones, some basic gardening routines, and a lot of stuff on

  orchids.”

  “Orchids?”

  “I’ve always liked orchids. I’ve still got plenty of room, too. What about you?”

  “Mine’s not so good,” I lied. “It didn’t hold much at all.”

  Her gaze flickered up to mine, touched with worry. Her eyes narrowed.

  “What are you on?” she asked. “Your pupils are big as my fist.”

  “Dunno the name.”

  “Where’d you score it?”

  “Lorelei swung by, turned me on.”

  Silence settled between us like a curtain as Grizz’s expression flattened.

  “It’s not like that,” I finally said, unable to bear the lack of talk.

  “Not like what?”

  “She just came through and glimpsed me.”

  “She knew you would be here because we mentioned it at dinner. She still

  wants you back.”

  “Grizz, I haven’t been with her for two years. Give it
a rest.”

  “I will. But she won’t.” She pulled away and made for the exit, her lips

  pressed together and grim. I followed at a distance all forty blocks to Ajah’s.

  • • •

  180

  MEMORIES OF MOMENTS, BRIGHT AS FALLING STARS

  In the morning, we showered together to avoid slamming Ajah’s water bill

  too hard. Grizz kept her eyes turned away from mine, rubbing shampoo into

  her hair.

  I ran my fingertips along the spirals on her back. “This is different,” I said.

  Under my fingertips, the wire had knobbed up and thickened, although it still

  gave easily with the shift of muscles in her back. The gray patches were gone,

  and a uniform sheen played across the surface.

  “Does it feel different?” I asked.

  She shrugged. “Not really.”

  “Do you remember the brand name on the boxes? We could look it up on

  the Net later on.”

  “Carpa-something. I don’t know. It looked bleeding edge and you never

  know what’s up with that.”

  “Why do you think they threw it out?” I wanted to keep her talking to me.

  She turned to face me with a mute shrug, closing her eyes and tilting her

  head back to let the water run over her long black hair. Her delicate

  eyebrows were like pen strokes capping the swell of her eyes beneath the

  thin-veined lids.

  I tangled my fingers in her hair, helping free it so the water would wash

  away all the shampoo. Muddy green eyes opened to regard me.

  “Going to sit out the exams?” she asked.

  Saying nothing, I shook my head. We both knew I didn’t have a chance.

  The Exams were the freak show I expected. Rich people buy mods and make

  them unnoticeable, plant them in a gut or hollow out a leg. This level, people

  want to make sure you know what they got. Wal-Mart memory spikes

  blossomed like cartoon hair from one girl’s scalp, colored sunshine yellow,

  but most had chosen bracelets, jelly purple and red, covering their forearms.

  One kid had scales, but they looked like a home job, and judging from the

  way he worried at them with his fingernails, they felt like it too.

  You take the Exams at sixteen and most of the time they tell you you’re the

  dregs, just like everyone else, but sometimes your mods and someone’s listing

  match up and you find yourself with a chance. The more mods you have, the

  more likely it is. So the kids with parents who can afford to hop them up with