Pugly Solves a Crime

by Pamela Butchart

  But I wasn’t going to let a poodle get the better of me. ESPECIALLY a poodle who was a thief AND a guinea pig-napper!

  And that’s when I came up with the most BRILLIANT and PROFESSIONAL detective plan

  It was my idea to do the STEAK-OUT. I was

  because a STEAK-OUT is when you sit in a car outside a SUSPECT’S house until the suspect MAKES THEIR MOVE and then you follow them and find out what they’re up to.

  “But what happens if Glitterpuff doesn’t come out for AGES?” said Clem.

  So I explained that that’s why it’s called a STEAK-OUT because you take lots of food (like steak!) OUTSIDE with you so you don’t get hungry if you’re there all night.

  And I showed her my bag with the HUGE steak from the fridge in it and some donuts too.

  That’s when Clem said that a STAKE-OUT wasn’t about STEAK and also that I had got my spellings a bit mixed up. But she agreed that it was a

  We knew that Glitterpuff had been lying about staying in to watch TV that night. She was obviously going to sneak off to steal more stuff and hide it in a

  And WE were going to follow her.

  Clem was NOT pleased when I told her that I’d asked Chester to help us do the STAKE-OUT.

  But I explained that we might need someone to KEEP WATCH if we decided to search the kennel once Glitterpuff left. Then as soon as Chester arrived we sneaked up and down the street until we found a car with the window left open a bit. It was RIGHT outside Glitterpuff’s house so it was the PERFECT stake-out spot!

  Clem slipped through the little gap and then unlocked the doors and we jumped in when no one was looking.

  “This is awesome, man!” said Chester as he munched on a donut. “We’re like the cops.

  So who’s the dude we’re spying on?”

  “It’s Glitterpuff,” I said. “We think she might have something to do with Big Sal’s disappearance.”

  Chester’s face went a funny shape and he dropped the donut on the floor. Then he began acting TOTALLY WEIRD and saying that he couldn’t help us any more.

  He tried to get out of the car but Clem had already hit the locks.

  “Look, dudes … you GOTTA let me out!”

  Clem’s eyes went

  “What’s wrong, Chester? Why don’t you want to help us?” I asked.

  Chester began nervously playing with his hair.

  “You KNOW something!” said Clem. She leapt into the backseat and went right up to Chester’s face.

  “You KNOW who the THIEF is, don’t you? You’re PROTECTING them. Or maybe it’s YOU, Chester!”

  “DUDES! I SWEAR on all the ‘Yeah Veg’ dog food in the world I’ve got

  who’s taking the stuff. It

  I’d NEVER kidnap Big Sal! I’m sorta TERRIFIED of that little dude! He’s scary, even though he’s got ladies’ hair.”

  Clem chuckled. “How can you be

  of a little orange guinea pig?”

  “Hey, Big Sal is no joke! And he’s got a LOT of friends, you know? I don’t wanna get involved, man. You’re on your own, Señoritas!”

  And then before me or Clem could stop him Chester rolled down the window and leapt out.

  “Hey, CHESTER! COME BACK! HEY!!” Clem shouted after him.

  “SSSSSSSSSHHHHHHH, CLEM!” I hissed. “You’ll blow our COVER! LOOK, there’s Glitterpuff now!” And then I dragged Clem to the floor so Glitterpuff wouldn’t see us.

  “GET OFF ME!” hissed Clem. “YOUR BREATH STINKS! And now I’m COVERED in donuts!”

  “Let’s GO!” I whispered, ignoring the insults. “It’s time to follow the SUSPECT!”

  We watched as Glitterpuff tiptoed down the driveway.

  She was wearing a long, dark coat with a hood that completely covered her head. But we knew it was her because we recognised her feet and her PAINTED TOENAILS.

  We followed Glitterpuff for AGES. And we had to sometimes DIVE behind bins and trees because she kept stopping and looking behind her.

  All of a sudden, Glitterpuff changed direction and darted straight into the dark park.

  “Clem!” I hissed. “I can’t go in there. It’s COMPLETELY BLACK!”

  Clem sighed. Then she grabbed my collar and pulled me into the park anyway.

  It was HORRIBLE. I couldn’t see a thing and the ground was wet and something felt yucky under my paws, like SLIME or CAT POO.

  I kept really close to Clem because she can see much better in the dark than me. But then she stopped suddenly and I crashed into her and yelped with fright.

  Then someone started laughing.

  And I COMPLETELY FROZE.

  “Well, well. Fancy seeing you two here,” said a voice.

  “CLEM!” I yelled. “There are GHOSTS IN THIS PARK!”

  And THAT’S when I looked up and saw two things shining in the nearest tree! GHOST EYES! And then LOADS of GHOST EYES appeared ALL AROUND US!

  I heard Clem gulp. “Those aren’t ghost eyes, Pugly.”

  And as soon as Clem said that, the WAILING started and I realised that the shining eyes were CAT EYES and that it was CARLOS and his STRAY CAT GANG!

  So we ran.

  As soon as we reached the far end of the park we collapsed on to the pavement under a street lamp to catch our breath.

  That’s when I realised that it was

  The investigation. Catching Glitterpuff. My entire career and life as a detective.

  I’d lost my hat in the park.

  “Just LEAVE IT!” said Clem. “You don’t need it.”

  I was explaining to Clem that I definitely DID need it and about how all great detectives NEED their hats when I saw a pair of white legs disappear through a church window.

  “Glitterpuff!” I whispered.

  We ran up the church path and Clem jumped up on to the window ledge and looked inside. She gave a little yelp of surprise.

  “What’s going on?” I asked, frantically jumping up and down and trying to see in. But my pug legs were far too short.

  “Erm. It’s hard to describe…” said Clem.

  “What do you mean? Can you see Glitterpuff?”

  “Oh, I can see Glitterpuff all right. EVERYONE can!”

  I was desperate to know what was going on! “What is she doing? And who is EVERYONE?!”

  Just then there was a really loud HOWL.

  “C-c-c-clem,” I stuttered. “Pu-pu-pupleeeeease don’t say there’s a GREY WOLF in there!”

  Just then the church doors flew open and Glitterpuff came running out. Her hair was bright PINK and she was wearing a WEDDING DRESS.

  She was also howling and she had tears streaming down her long nose.

  “Where is my FIANCE?!” she wailed.

  The church doors flew open again. And I almost weed myself because I thought it was a GREY WOLF.

  But it wasn’t.

  It was hundreds of GUINEA PIGS!

  There were guinea pigs EVERYWHERE. And some of them were wearing TOP HATS which looked AWESOME (but also made me a bit sad because it reminded me of losing MY hat).

  All the guinea pigs clustered around Glitterpuff and patted her legs comfortingly while she howled and said stuff like, “How could this happen to ME?” and “He is the long-haired love of my LIFE!” and “Is it because I’m taller than him?”

  I turned to Clem. Her mouth was literally hanging

  I wasn’t surprised because it was obvious that Glitterpuff was talking about BIG SAL.

  howled Glitterpuff.

  All the guinea pigs looked up at Glitterpuff. Some looked sad. Some looked furious. And one of them was stamping on his top hat.

  “Come on,” I said to Clem. “We need to tell them that we’re detectives and that we can help rescue Big Sal from the guinea pig-napper!”

  “Pugly, wait! I don’t think Big Sal has been guinea pig-napped. Maybe he ran away?”

  “But why would Big Sal run away the night before his own WEDDING?!”

  Clem jumped down from the window ledge and whispered in my
ear.

  “Because maybe he doesn’t WANT to marry Glitterpuff after all. He’s left her standing at the altar, Pugly.”

  I looked over at Glitterpuff. She threw her bouquet of flowers to the ground and then rolled all over them until they were smushed.

  Maybe Clem was right. Glitterpuff seemed mad. And so did everyone else.

  Just then, Chester came bounding over.

  “Dudes! Sorry about running away, that was uncool. But Big Sal made me promise not to tell anyone about the wedding. It’s so rad – the first poodle-guinea pig wedding EVER! But, like, they didn’t want all the press turning up so it had to be totally hush-hush, you dig?”

  “That’s why you didn’t want to help us spy on Glitterpuff,” said Clem.

  “Yeah, man,” said Chester. “She’s been going off at night to see her wedding planner. And she NO WAY had kidnapped Big Sal. When you said the little dude was gone, I TOTALLY just thought he was off partying with his buddies. Those guinea pigs LOVE their disco dancing!”

  But then Chester wiped a tear from his eye. “But the little dudes here haven’t seen him for DAYS. It’s bad news, man. Poor Glitterpuff. I can’t believe he’d do this to such a bodacious señorita. I guess he just didn’t wanna get married. Not cool, though, Sal. Not cool.”

  I felt TERRIBLE that I had thought Glitterpuff was the thief and guinea pig-napper when she wasn’t. So I rushed over to the bride.

  “Glitterpuff,” I said. “I’m so sorry we tried to interview you today.”

  “Don’t worry, Pugly,” said Glitterpuff, sniffing. “I couldn’t let you in my kennel because I didn’t want you to see my wedding dress.” And then she started howling again.

  “Glitterpuff,” I said,

  “I am a

  I’ll find Big Sal!”

  Then I heard a voice. “Ho! Hey! Down here, PUGGLES!” It was the angry guinea pig who’d RUINED a perfectly good top hat by stamping all over it. I wasn’t sure I liked him very much. Puggles!

  “I’ve got a job for you,” he said. “Me and Sal’s mum spent a FORTUNE on this wedding. So if you find him you can tell him that he owes me BIG TIME!”

  Glitterpuff sniffed and wiped her long nose with her wedding veil. “And you can tell him from ME that I don’t want to see that gorgeous, long, orange hair of his EVER again. He has BROKEN my poor poodle heart!”

  And THAT’S when I got another

  Clem was watching my little pug tail whirling round and round. She knew I thought that I might have just CRACKED THIS CASE.

  “What is it, Pugly?” she said.

  “Sal’s gorgeous, long ORANGE hair. ORANGE. Clem, that’s it! ORANGE!”

  Clem looked at me, blankly. She had NO IDEA what I was talking about.

  So that’s when I said, “Almost EVERYTHING that’s been stolen is ORANGE. Maddy’s fuzzy jumper with the ORANGE pumpkins, Tiny’s orange scarf and … wait a minute! Chester! What colour was your new modelling outfit that got stolen?”

  “Oh man, I miss that outfit. It was really beautiful, man. Deep orange, like the Californian sunset.”

  Clem’s eyes went wide.

  I turned to Glitterpuff and took one of her paws in mine.

  “Big Sal DIDN’T run away. He DOES want to marry you. WE WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG. Someone GUINEA PIG-NAPPED him because he’s ORANGE! And I know exactly who it was!”

  EVERYONE went MAD when they heard me say Big Sal had been guinea pig-napped!

  His family and friends all began squeaking and running round in circles.

  “WHO IS IT?” shouted Glitterpuff, rolling up the sleeves of her dress. “I’m going to GET THEM!”

  I gulped a bit when I saw Glitterpuff’s muscles. She looked like a pink-haired wrestler!

  I leaned over and whispered in Clem’s ear, “I TOLD you poodles were SCARY!”

  Clem stared at Glitterpuff and nodded. “But who IS the thief, Pugly?” she asked.

  I couldn’t believe that Clem hadn’t figured it out yet. A good detective

  and I had just remembered something that I NOTICED during our very first interview.

  I looked RIGHT into Clem’s eyes and said, “THINK, Clem. WHO spent AGES looking through my pens until she eventually found an ORANGE one. And now it’s MISSING from my pencil case!”

  Clem’s eyes went WIDE and the hair on her back stood up.

  “TINY THE CHIHUAHUA!” she cried.

  And I nodded.

  Glitterpuff went MAD when she heard my theory.

  “Right everyone, LET’S GET MY FIANCÉ BACK RIGHT NOW!”

  And then she stormed down the church path with hundreds of angry guinea pigs, some in hats, running after her.

  “COME ON,

  PUGLY,”

  said Clem. “We need to get there first!”

  said Chester. That’s when we saw he had a SKATEBOARD.

  “I used to be the San Francisco Dog Skateboarding Champion when I lived in the USA. That was before I started modelling, of course. I couldn’t risk an injury after that. Gotta keep this face picture-perfect, you dig me? I mean––”

  “CHESTER!” Clem screamed. “Stop YAPPING and start SKATEBOARDING!”

  yelled Chester, excitedly.

  And we went RACING down the street past Glitterpuff and the guinea pigs and on to Tiny’s house.

  When we arrived at Tiny’s house the curtains were still shut tight and she wouldn’t answer the door when we rang the doorbell.

  “Pugly, we’re going round the back,” said Clem. “Chester, you stay here and keep watch for Glitterpuff and the guinea pigs. Don’t let them come near the house until we find Big Sal.”

  Then she dashed away round the side of the house.

  “You know what, Pugly? I think Clem LIKES me,” Chester beamed. “Wanna be best man at OUR wedding one day?”

  I didn’t want to say anything to that so I just ran away.

  When I got to the back of the house, Clem was already halfway through a small gap in the window. As soon as she was inside she unlocked the door and let me in, too.

  Tiny was nowhere to be found.

  “Pugly!” hissed Clem. “Stop breathing so loudly! I can hear something.”

  So I held my breath and listened and that’s when I heard whimpering.

  “It’s coming from downstairs,” said Clem. “There must be a basement.”

  We tried all the doors to see if any of them led down to the basement but they didn’t. That’s when I spotted a bit of a bump under the rug in the hallway.

  “Look,” I said. “Trap door!”

  And I was right. We pulled the rug back and there it was. A door in the floor.

  “Ladies first,” I said, gulping.

  Clem rolled her eyes at me. “Come on,” she said. “Don’t be such a scaredy-pug.”

  So I followed Clem down the little wooden steps into the dark basement.

  I couldn’t see anything, but I could FEEL a cobweb on my face and that’s when

  I SCREAMED!

  “Who’s there?!” said a voice.

  Clem and I froze.

  It didn’t sound like Tiny.

  “It’s Pugly and Clem,” I whispered. “Is that you, Big Sal?”

  “Yes, it’s me,” said the voice.

  Big Sal sounded miserable.

  “We’ve come to rescue you,” I said. “Where’s the light?”

  “NO!” cried the voice. “DON’T PUT THE LIGHT ON!”

  But Clem had already hit the switch.

  Just then Glitterpuff came pounding down the basement stairs.

  “I’m sorry, dudes!” yelled Chester from upstairs. “She’s REALLY strong. I couldn’t stop her.”

  “SAL!” cried Glitterpuff. “Is that YOU?!”

  “DON’T LOOK AT ME!” screamed Big Sal.

  But none of us could STOP looking at him because he was almost completely BALD!

  “My poor Sal-Sal,” said Glitterpuff. “What has that chihuahua DONE to you?!”

  Just then a head poked thro
ugh the trap door. It was Tiny.

  “YOU CAN ALL STAY

  DOWN THERE

  UNTIL THE POLICE GET

  HERE AND ARREST YOU

  FOR BREAKING

  INTO MY HOUSE!”

  she yelled, trying to slam the door shut.

  So that’s when I shouted, “Er, TINY! I think you’re forgetting something!”

  Tiny opened the trap door and poked her head down.

  “What?” she asked.

  “When the police get here they’ll have to arrest you for being the thief!”

  That’s when Tiny started crying. And even Clem could see that this time it was real.

  “I’m SO SORRY! PLEASE don’t send me to doggy jail,” whimpered Tiny. “I was just trying to help Big Sal. I thought if I could find the right shade of orange I could colour him in or glue bits of orange stuff to him in time for his wedding day. But nothing worked! And then I suppose I got a bit carried away.”