A smile grew on my face, and I leaned toward him, giving him a soft, gentle kiss. That was my Declan. Ever logical, always understanding. Despite his past with Sawyer, he knew the only way things would get better would be to fully move on. Maybe not forgive, but forget.
“I think we shouldn’t jump to conclusions,” I said, glancing at Will after I pulled my lips from Declan’s. Now it was my turn to squeeze his hand, to stop him from pulling away. “I think we should give Sawyer a chance. We’ve all been through a lot, and I think…I really do think people can change. Maybe he has. He told me he wants to be better.”
Will managed to pull his hand from mine, and he got up, angry. “He’s lying, obviously.”
“You don’t know that for sure,” I told him, annoyance ticking inside. I knew Will hated Sawyer for the things he’d done to Declan, but if Declan could be a bigger person and let it go, why couldn’t he?
“He knows Declan loves you—what better way to hurt him than taking you away?”
Finally, Declan found his voice again, “No one is taking Ash away.” His hand, still gripping mine, tightened, and for a quick, fleeting moment, we shared a long look.
I got up, moving toward Will, who now paced on the opposite side of the coffee table. He looked the opposite of okay; I should’ve known bringing up Sawyer, trying to tell him that he wanted to change, would only fall on deaf ears. If Sawyer truly wanted to make a comeback in his old trifecta of friends, if he wanted to make it up to the older brother of the boy he blamed for so long, he had a lot of work on his hands.
Setting my hands on the sides of Will’s face, I said, “Will, everything is going to be alright. Sawyer’s not going to steal me from Declan or you, I promise. Even if you don’t trust Sawyer, trust me.”
His hazel eyes locked with mine, and I honestly believed that was that.
As time would eventually tell me, I had never been more wrong in my life.
Chapter Four – Travis
Ash had told me Sawyer was back, but the truth was I already knew he was around. I knew Ash cared for him, so I’d been keeping tabs on him while he was away, tracking his progress in rehab and knowing the exact moment he came back to Hillcrest.
You see, if Ash cared about something, I cared about it, too.
I would not have him fuck up yet again. Ash had told me about their encounter the other day, and I’d waited a while before crossing campus and heading across Main Street to his rental house. I waited to give him a sort of peace of mind, let him reacclimate to this place, but I needed to talk to him. I needed to make him understand just how important it was he remained on his best behavior.
I would not let Ash fall apart simply because Sawyer couldn’t keep ahold of himself. With Ray gone, things should be good. Things would be good.
My family already had a job for me this summer, but I refused to focus on that when I was here, when I was on a mission.
The night air was crisp and cool, the exact kind of night you’d imagine Hillcrest to have in mid-January. A week of classes had passed, everyone was slowly getting into the groove again. Ash was happy with me—and Declan and Will—but every time I was with her, I knew her mind was elsewhere.
Sawyer.
It’s why I had to see him. Had to talk to him. We didn’t share any of the same classes, and I never saw him on campus. I could’ve figured out his schedule, could’ve stalked him while on Hillcrest sidewalks, but I needed to see him in his home turf, when he was unprepared for company.
I needed to see the real Sawyer, not the mask he wore when around everyone else.
My feet took me to his front door. Lights were on inside the house, but I didn’t see any movement. No extra cars in the driveway, only his. If he wanted to stick around, he’d best not fuck up anymore. If he did, I’d make damn sure he never fucked up again.
Not saying I’d kill him, but I’d definitely get him out of the picture. Ash didn’t need someone who was constantly fucking up left and right. Last semester’s craziness had been enough. We all needed to move on, to pay attention to what really mattered.
Her.
It was always her, of course. I’d known it since the first moment I laid eyes on her. I knew she was different. Didn’t quite know exactly what she hid behind those beautiful grey eyes, but she was a firecracker. A heart-starter. A ball-buster and someone who held grudges. She was feisty, temperamental, and wild.
She was everything I ever wanted but never knew I needed. Ash had shown me what it was like to feel, not just obsess. I’d been a fool to believe Sabrina was it for me. Ash—Ash was it. Ash was the end of the line for me. After her…there would be nothing.
The wind blew around me, the moon hanging low in the sky as I curled my fingers into a fist and knocked. I could’ve hit the doorbell, but knocking just felt more intimidating.
Not that I was trying to intimidate Sawyer, but…
Okay, maybe a little.
I knocked for a good ten seconds before dropping my hand and taking a step back, waiting for him to come to the door. It seemed like yesterday when Ash was hunkered down in this house, trying to hide out from Ray. I was glad that bit was over with, but a part of me was sad.
Sad because hurting him had been so much fun. And, yes, I really did mean fun. There were no other words to adequately describe it.
I guessed I was just another flavor of psycho after all, but I would never be like Ray. I would never hurt Ash. I wanted what was best for her, and Sawyer…the jury was out on whether or not he’d make her happy or miserable. If it turned out to be the latter, I would get rid of him.
It was at least a full minute before he opened the door. A towel hung over his shoulders, his torso free of any clothing. He was covered in sweat, his short blonde hair slick with it. A water bottle sat in his left hand. So he’d been working out, huh? Back to one of his old habits, I saw.
I supposed if working out got his mind off things, I wasn’t one to judge. As long as he didn’t spiral and lose control, lose himself and break Ash’s heart again, we’d be fine.
“Travis,” Sawyer spoke, his green eyes dropping to my feet, slowly rising as if he was a tad concerned I came here armed with the intention to hurt him.
Come on. I’d never go at a man his size head-on. He was larger than me all around; I wasn’t stupid. My family had taught me to be smart.
I said nothing, only meeting his stare and holding it.
“What are you doing here?” Sawyer asked. He had to have been cold; though he was sweaty, he wore nothing but athletic shorts, and with the cold breeze outside whipping around, his nipples were hard.
It was time to take this inside.
“I came to see you,” I said, pushing past him and entering the house I’d spent so much time in last semester. For Ash. I did a lot of things for Ash; the list was ever-expansive and held no limits. I would do any and everything for her, and then some.
I headed to the living room, finding nothing at all had changed. It was as if I’d never left this place.
My eyes fell to the couch—had sex with Ash there—before moving to the French doors that opened out into the backyard and patio. There, too. Not to mention everything that had gone on upstairs, in the bedrooms, in the shower… I wondered if Sawyer knew we’d used his house as a home base, if he knew the sheets he slept on were stained with Ash, Declan, and me. Not Will, though. That one had never felt comfortable enough here to be with her, and to that I said: good.
Sawyer followed me, studying me as he took a huge sip from the water bottle. His chest breathed heavily, and he stared at me as if I was a stranger to him. In a way, I was. After all, I’d chosen Ash’s side over his; tempted him to fall back into his bad habits and then made him suffer from withdrawals when I realized Ash cared for him too much. I’d been a little hot and cold with him, hadn’t I?
That would change from here on out. Either he proved he belonged here, with us, or he would leave.
“Why?” he asked me.
I had
my hands in my jacket’s pockets, the collar upturned.
Before I had the chance to answer him, Sawyer went on, “No, it’s good you’re here. I…I’ve been meaning to text you.” He was silent for a while, moving to set the water bottle on the coffee table near us. A quick rub of the towel on his face and his chest caught most of the sweat that had formed there, an afterthought of his workout.
I stayed quiet, waiting to hear what he had to say. He was going to text me? I wasn’t sure if I believed it, but maybe he thought the same thing I did: give me time, let the semester start before trying to step in.
Ash had told him she was with us, so Sawyer knew she wasn’t available. If he wanted to be with her, if he wanted to earn back her trust, he’d have to get on my good side, and Declan’s, and Will’s.
Good luck with that last one. Oddly enough, Declan was very compliant when Ash was involved. He was head over heels in love with her, watched her with doe eyes. He would invite his worst enemy into bed if it would make Ash happy.
Will? Will was the opposite. Will was overly protective of those he loved, which I could relate to. Didn’t mean I particularly liked the guy—he seemed to be doing just fine, considering the fact that he’d killed his own father. To a normal person, murder should weigh heavily on their shoulders. It didn’t seem to mean much to Will. Even though he and his father didn’t get along, you’d think he’d still be a bit more depressed. Most people couldn’t handle blood on their hands. Such an event was usually traumatic.
“I wanted to talk to you,” Sawyer said. “Without Ash around.”
I cocked a brow. Oh, this had to be good.
“You…I thought you were on my side, but then you chose her over me,” Sawyer went on, his wide shoulders rising and falling once with a silent sigh. “And then you tried to…I don’t know, get me out of the picture. I guess what I need to know is if you and I are going to have more problems when it comes to Ash. I don’t want to have to watch my back around you.” His emerald gaze narrowed a bit. “I know what you’re capable of, Trav.”
I stared into his eyes as if I could ascertain the truth from them. He sounded genuine, which was exactly what Ash said when she described him to me. He sincerely wanted to be better, to do better. It would take more than words, though.
“I don’t think you do” was what I settled with saying.
Sawyer cocked his head, a half-smirk growing on his lips. “Come on. Her ex is gone. Tell me you didn’t have anything to do with that.” Silence as his words sunk in, and I wondered if Ash had told him everything. If she’d told him my family and I had taken care of Ray, or if he’d simply put two and two together. “That’s what I thought. I mean, I got into a lot of shit, but nothing like that. Serial killers are in your wheelhouse, not mine.”
He was right, but I didn’t want to admit it. I stayed quiet, knowing I looked unimpressed.
“My point is, I don’t want to fight with you anymore,” he told me, running a hand through his hair, sticking its lengths straight up. “I don’t want to have to watch my back and wonder if you’re going to sabotage me or worse.”
“You only have to worry if you hurt her.”
“Or if you think I’m going to,” Sawyer said, knowing me all too well. I guessed all those years as his friend really did teach him something about me. “Listen to me, okay?” He took a step closer to me, his frame practically towering over mine. He was tall and strong, intimidating to those who didn’t know him. To those people who did know him, like me, he barely made an impression. “I’m not going to hurt Ash.”
I tilted my head, slow to say, “It’s times like these when words mean less than actions. If you want to prove yourself, you’re going to have to do just that. I won’t be satisfied until Ash is, and even then, you know it’s not just me. Declan and Will are in this, too. It isn’t just about you and Ash.”
“I never said it was.” Sawyer shook his head, sighing. “It’s never been just me and Ash. From the beginning, it was all of us.” His green gaze fell to the floor, and he shrugged, almost chuckling as he added, “She caught all of us, even when we were at our worsts.” His gaze lifted, meeting mine again. “She deserves us at our best, now.”
Ash…was right. As I stood there, staring at him, listening to him, I came to the conclusion she was right. Sawyer had changed. Whether he would stick to this new him was beyond anyone’s guess, but he seemed to really want this. If he really wanted her, he’d work for it. Work for her. Maybe Sawyer could turn a new leaf, and things could finally settle down around here.
“I agree,” I was slow to say.
“I know you’d do anything for her,” Sawyer said.
“I would.”
He nodded, running a hand down his face. “Did you eat? Maybe we could order something in. I…I want to talk about Will and Declan, maybe get your advice.”
That was not at all what I’d expected him to say. He wanted my advice on how to go about wriggling himself into Ash’s life and heart while not pushing her current lovers away. Hah. Look at him, Sawyer Salvatore, all grown up and willing to put someone else’s feelings first. Truly, it was a first. I didn’t think I’d ever seen him so desperate to belong.
Maybe Ash had changed him, made him want to be a better person.
Me? Did Ash make me want to be better? That was a difficult question to answer, because it involved me wanting to be better for someone else. I didn’t want to change for someone. I wanted Ash because she fit so well with my inner darkness. I wanted Ash because she was it. There was nobody else. Sawyer might change for her, Declan might change for her, but I wouldn’t. She would have me exactly as I was—and it was a good thing, too. Without me and my family, Ray would still be terrorizing her.
Maybe she’d be dead.
Or maybe she would’ve given in to his demands and joined him.
Eating with Sawyer was the last thing I wanted to do, but, for whatever reason, I couldn’t say no and walk away. I found myself agreeing, letting him do the ordering. I sat myself on the couch, kicked up my feet, and found myself thrust into a sense of deja vu. This was how it was before Ash. Me and him, hanging out here.
Things would never be the same, but…maybe they could get better. Maybe my guard was up only because I couldn’t see Ash being hurt again. Maybe it was all for nothing, and Sawyer really would forget his vices.
Time would tell.
Chapter Five – Ash
The second week of classes came full-force, and even though my mind often wandered to that lonely rich boy, I had too much to focus on. As in, already had some papers assigned. Already had one group project to do. And, alas, a pop quiz in my statistics course that I knew I failed.
Currently failing, I should say, because I hadn’t yet turned it in. It was the last thing we had to do before the professor let us leave. Half of the class was gone already, wanting to get out as quickly as possible, while I remained in the back of the classroom—more like a high school room than a large lecture hall—trying to figure out the equations.
It all looked like gibberish, but maybe that was because my mind was elsewhere.
God damn it. I was letting Sawyer distract me, even when he wasn’t in front of me. Even when I hadn’t spoken to him since I’d seen him that first day.
I shouldn’t let him take over my mind like this. I was stronger than this. I had doting and obsessing boyfriends; I didn’t need to pay any attention to Sawyer freaking Salvatore.
I leaned my face against a fist, staring down at the paper for a moment before flicking my gaze up and checking the clock. I was in no rush to get out of here, so I might as well take every single minute I could and try to at least pass this random quiz that, honestly, happened a little too early in the semester. I mean, we’d barely gotten started.
I shouldn’t say it was a professor teaching the class, either. He was a graduate student, and even though Hillcrest was a cut above the other colleges and universities around, it still used its grad students to teach some of its
courses. Because that was college in America. The grad student, who told us on the first day of class that we could call him Corey—because he was too cool to be called Mr. So-and-so, apparently—was probably in his mid-twenties. Kind of cute, in the academic, sweater vest way. Not really my kind of cute, but hey, to each their own.
The equations on my paper looked like another language. Like hieroglyphics, an ancient set of symbols no one knew these days. Why was I taking statistics again?
Oh, right. Because certain math courses were part of the curriculum for everyone at Hillcrest. Math courses, and writing courses, because I guess what we learned in high school wasn’t enough.
Apparently not, if my blanking mind had anything to say about it. Granted, it wasn’t like I spent my winter break studying up on bell curves and flow charts and equations that held nearly every letter of the alphabet.
More guys got up and turned in their quizzes, zipping up their bags and generally being loud before leaving the room. Based on this alone, I knew this class would be the one I would have the most trouble with. I needed to crack open my textbook and actually study the chapters we learned in class.
Math was something you either understood or you didn’t. You were good at it, or you were horrible at it. There was no in-between. I was good at algebra, but Hillcrest statistics were…let’s say a bit more advanced than I was used to. I normally got good grades, but this course might just kill me.
Not the best thing to joke around and say, but I meant it.
And with Dean Briggs dead, I had no idea what the hell I was going to do next year. Most of the tuition this year was covered with a scholarship, but what if that scholarship stopped? There was no way I could afford to go here, no way I could take out that many loans. If I’d only have one year at Hillcrest, what would I do? I’d have to say goodbye to these guys, because I’d have to go somewhere closer to home, somewhere cheaper. Maybe Sumit, where Kelsey was going.
Liar: A Dark College Romance (Hillcrest University Book 6) Page 4
