Shit. I didn’t think I could handle it. Being away from the guys, now that we were finally together and happy, I just couldn’t do it.
I wouldn’t.
I would find a way to stay here. After all, next year Hillcrest was opening its misogynistic gates and allowing girls. I would no longer be the only female on campus.
That…should be a good thing. It’d make me less singled-out. But, if I was honest, a part of me did worry that whatever special charm I held over the guys would fade. If that happened, then I guessed it meant we weren’t meant to be together, anyway.
That thought hurt, and it really made me lose whatever bit of focus I had on the quiz paper on my desk.
I didn’t even realize I was the only one left in the room, didn’t see Corey walking up to my desk until he plopped himself in the one next to me. He had brown hair that was a bit too long; it was combed to the side, though some of it hung over his forehead, the tips hanging over his glasses. Kind brown eyes stared at me, eyes that almost reminded me of Declan.
“How are you doing, Ashley?” he asked. He didn’t just know my name; he knew the whole class’s already, though I supposed me being the only girl in the class probably helped with his memorization of mine. “You look like you’re either lost or you remembered you left your stove on at home.”
I was slow to set my pencil down, meeting his stare. “That obvious, huh?”
“I mean, I’ve been in your shoes, so I know what it feels like. This is only one quiz out of many,” he told me, tapping the edge of the desk. He was a rather tall and lanky fellow, wearing dark slacks and that silly sweater vest.
“I don’t suppose you’d tell me how many there are?” I tried, giving him a sly grin I hoped was smooth and not overly-flirty.
“That would be unfair to the other students, don’t you think?” Corey asked, slow to stand and head towards the front of the room, where the chalkboard and desk sat. “Although,” he added, shuffling the papers around on his desk, “if I were to say aloud that quizzes happen every second Tuesday, and you just happened to hear me…”
Every second Tuesday? Damn. That was a lot of quizzes, a lot of shit I’d have to study for, in addition to doing all the other stuff I had to do for my other classes.
But, knowing there were so many quizzes, it meant that each individual quiz couldn’t weigh that much towards the overall grade, because there were still projects and exams, not to mention attendance that was taken at the beginning of each class.
That knowledge gave me hope. Hope that, while I might fail this one particular quiz, I could do better, improve my grade. Be the student I knew I was capable of, my life’s drama aside.
“Well, then I guess I have a lot of work to do,” I said, getting up and walking to the front to hand him my paper.
Corey took it with a smile. “I look forward to it. And remember, if you need any help, that’s why I’m here. My office hours are Thursdays from four-thirty to six. I want everyone to pass this class…and not only because I get graded on it, too.” He had a good sense of humor; he was a bit dorky, but I liked him. If I couldn’t get the hang of things, maybe I would have to take him up on his office hours.
Never thought I’d be one of those students, but here I was. The whole situation of my life was not something I could’ve prepared myself for.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I told him, giving him a smile before grabbing my bag and leaving. As I walked out of the building, I texted Will. He had class at the same time as me. I was typing on my phone, asking if he wanted to get lunch, but as I exited the building, my face blasted with cold winter air, I nearly tripped in shock.
Will was here, sitting on a bench, looking like he was waiting for me.
I slipped my phone into the back pocket of my jeans, giving Will a smile as I approached him. “Will,” I said, watching as he stood. “I was just about to text you.”
“I got out a little early,” he said, hazel eyes darting around, as if he was worried someone else would appear and steal me from him. Ever since that night and talking about Sawyer, he’d been acting a little off. I didn’t blame him. “I thought I’d meet you.”
I hooked my arm through his, dragging us to the main sidewalk, towards the union. “Let’s get lunch.”
He shot me a smile, and just like that, the anxious look he wore was gone, and back was the handsome, mature Will that I’d connected with immediately. He’d come into the picture after I’d started developing feelings for the others, but he pulled me to him like a moth to the flame. I was glad he was here, at Hillcrest now, and I was even more glad that he decided to be with me, to chase his own happiness and not just his brother’s.
Declan wasn’t the only one who deserved to be happy around here. Will did, too. After everything…
No, I wouldn’t let my mind go back to that night, when I’d got the call from him. No. My life and my thoughts would be carefree—as carefree as they could be while Sawyer was on campus, somewhere, being his best self.
I led us to the union, only releasing his arm when he reached for the door, holding it open for me. “Why thank you,” I spoke coyly, practicing a fake curtsey before heading inside.
I opted for some spaghetti from the Italian place, while Will only got a salad. Granted, it was a huge salad and had chicken aplenty scattered atop, but still a salad. As we found empty seats, I couldn’t help but chuckle at his choice of food. Never took him for a health nut.
He sat beside me, his leg brushing against mine. “What? Laughing at my salad?” he asked, lifting a single eyebrow.
“Maybe a little,” I admitted, digging into my spaghetti.
The cafeteria around us was packed, so much louder than it was that day when Sawyer found me in the bookstore. Nearly every table was packed; there were only two chairs in between us and the next group of people at the long table we sat at. Their eyes, I noticed, were on us.
Will, more specifically. Their eyes were on Will, darting to him every few seconds as they whispered amongst each other.
I wanted to keep Will’s focus on me. If I was alone, I would’ve said something to them, because I wasn’t one to back down from anything, but I guessed if I was by myself, they wouldn’t be looking at me anyway. My newness, my female-ness, had worn off its shiny new status. They stared and gossiped about Will because of what happened with his father, with the dean of Hillcrest. There was a new dean now, but I hadn’t met him.
Anyways, it was annoying. I really felt bad for Will, and I wished I could do something for him. Alas, all I could do was try to keep his focus and drown out the other assholes around us.
Because that’s what they were: rich, entitled assholes who loved to gossip. You might think girls were the gossipers, but I’d found boys did it just as much.
After swallowing my first bite, I said, “I had a pop quiz in statistics.” Just from the tone of my voice, anyone who heard me could tell how it went. Still, Will had to ask.
“Didn’t go well?” He picked at his salad, stabbing the lettuce with his fork, topping the forkful off with a piece of chicken before bringing it to his mouth.
I laughed. “I don’t think I’ve ever done so badly on a quiz in my life. I actually kind of hate it. Usually I’m pretty good with them, but for whatever reason, I couldn’t focus.” For whatever reason. As if I didn’t know. Fuck. I did know; I just didn’t want to admit it to Will because I knew how he’d react.
A muscle in his jaw clenched; it would’ve been attractive, had he not said what he did next: “I bet I know why. Fucking Sawyer.”
I reached for his knee beneath the table, squeezing it gently. “Hey, I know you don’t like him, but what if he’s really trying to change? You’re going to write him off forever?” I kept my hand on him, afraid that if I withdrew, he’d go wild.
Which was ridiculous, because it was Will. Will didn’t go wild.
But he did kill his father, so there was some darkness in him.
Hah. I guessed Travis was righ
t in the beginning: everyone at Hillcrest was a monster, even the ones who only visited campus.
No, that was wrong. Dean Briggs was a liar, a pedophile, and a murderer. He went after Will, and Will defended himself. It was unfair to say that.
“My brother wanted to kill himself,” Will muttered, angrily getting more salad onto his fork. “That’s not something I can just forgive, Ash. Sawyer is an entitled dick, and even if Declan says it’s okay, it’s not.”
“Sawyer was an idiot for blaming Declan—”
“For blaming him? For fucking getting the whole school on his case while he was being investigated for Sabrina’s death?” Will spoke, bitter, his mouth full. “He was more than an idiot. He was an asshole, and for once, I’d like to see him get his.” He let out a harsh sigh, closing his eyes.
It was then I realized making everything okay with Sawyer and the guys might not be possible. Even if Declan and Travis were okay with it, Will clearly wasn’t. I couldn’t say why, but that thought kind of depressed me.
The hand on his knee moved to rub his lower back, and I leaned closer to him, whispering, “It’s okay, Will. We’ve all been through a lot, and the last thing I want is more drama. I’ll stop bringing him up, okay?”
Will’s expression lightened a bit at that; clearly he was thrilled at the thought of no more Sawyer talk.
“Anyway, like I was saying before that one was brought up—” I started, realizing it wasn’t even me who brought him up, it was Will. “—I totally bombed that quiz. If the quizzes are any indication of how the exams are going to be, I need to buckle down and practice. Corey mentioned his office hours, and I might actually have to use them.” A sigh left me as I frowned. “I’ve never had to go to a professor before for help like that, although technically Corey isn’t a professor—he’s a grad student.”
“If you need help, maybe I could—”
Will was nice to offer, but I knew math wasn’t his best subject. Dragging him into statistics with me would only lose us both down the rabbit hole. His credits had transferred, so he didn’t need to take Hillcrest’s generic courses like me. Still, he was starting over with a new major…though I had no idea what that major would be.
“No, I’ll be fine,” I said, almost sure of it. Mostly sure. “I’ll keep that in mind if I ever need private tutoring, though.” A grin grew on my lips, and my tone grew flirty. I didn’t care who heard us or saw us. I didn’t care what these people thought about me; if they thought I was some slut banging a bunch of different guys.
I loved these guys. They were my world. They were the reason I still had a world. I owed them everything, and I would give them everything for as long as I could. Fight for them, stand by them, protect them, and even side with them over my own conflicted feelings.
Sawyer would never be a part of our group. It just wasn’t going to happen.
Chapter Six – Declan
It was late on a Thursday afternoon when I sat hunched over my desk, my laptop out, headphones on my head. I was listening to music, and it reminded me of that first month last semester, when I’d tried to block out Ash and everything she was.
I failed. I failed so spectacularly, but in this instance, failing was worth it, because I got her. Ash. And now that I had her, I would never let her go.
I searched Hillcrest’s online scholarly database for some articles to use for one of my term papers. Ash was still in class, but she’d get out soon. She was spending tonight with me. It wasn’t like we alternated days, but we did try to get alone time with her every now and then. Spending all our time in a group was…definitely jarring, at first. I was a lot more okay with it now, but Will still wasn’t. The only one Will liked seeing with Ash was me. My older brother, still as protective as ever.
But I supposed it was for good reason. He’d killed Dad.
Dad was…not the father I thought he was. He wasn’t the man I believed him to be. How could he have been with Sabrina? How could he have killed her? My mind still had a hard time wrapping around that fact, but with Dad in the ground, it wasn’t as if I could ask him for clarification, for his reasoning.
And Sabrina—had she ever loved me? Call me a wuss, but hearing that she’d slept with my dad, in addition to all the others like Travis, I couldn’t help but wonder if the problem was me.
The scar on my wrist itched, and I moved my hands off the keyboard of my laptop to trace a finger over it.
No. That was my insecure side talking. That wasn’t me. I wasn’t that Declan anymore. I would be a better person for Ash, for Will, for myself. I wouldn’t let the doubt in my mind nag me until it drove me crazy.
I was about to return to my work when my phone lit up. It sat beside my laptop on my desk, and the moment its screen came to life, my heart skipped a beat. Ash. It had to be Ash. Ash, telling me she was on her way, asking if I wanted her to pick up dinner at the union before coming home.
That’s what I assumed, but it wasn’t her.
It was someone I hadn’t spoken to in a long, long time, at least not by myself. And definitely not through a text.
Sawyer.
Hey, Declan.
That’s it. Nothing else in the text. I was almost nervous to open it, because then he’d see my read receipt. My heart started beating fast for an entirely different reason; I knew Sawyer wouldn’t text me out of the blue.
This was it. He was making his move.
Kind of ironic that he’d make his move on me, but he had to smooth things over with me if he had any hope of reconciliation with Ash. I was the one he fucked over for the last year. I was the one who was the brunt of his jokes, who got notes and nooses taped to his door. I was the one who suffered here, and it was because Ash was close to me that she got sucked into his games, too.
My immediate reaction was that I didn’t want to respond. I wanted to pretend I didn’t see my phone light up, leave the message unopened, and go about my day. For once, I held the power here, and I never held such things. The power was never mine. I wasn’t that type of person…was I?
It was so difficult to tell these days.
But the longer I thought about it, the more I realized I couldn’t simply let things be. I couldn’t pretend to have never gotten the message. Ash wouldn’t want me to ignore it. She’d want me to respond, to talk to Sawyer, to listen to what he had to say and forgive him. She thought we could all get along again, be one big, happy group of friends.
The problem was, I didn’t know if we were ever happy together.
Sawyer always had his vices. He’d always slept around and drank and partied it up. Travis had always been aloof, the loner of us, always watching—and calculating, apparently. And me? I’d always been the pushover, the one who said everything was okay when it wasn’t.
How could we ever truly be friends after everything that happened? Could Ash really bring us together again?
She’d brought me and Travis together, in more ways than one, and she was happy with us. Would adding Sawyer to the relationship ruin it all?
Will hated Sawyer; I didn’t think that fact would ever change, but I knew my brother hated him for me. I was the reason Will disliked Sawyer so much, so if I showed Will that Sawyer and I had wiped our slates clean, maybe he’d come around. Ash had told me about how upset Will had gotten the other day when she’d brought him up again, so I knew it was up to me.
Me. I held Sawyer’s fate in my hands. How the tables had turned.
With a sigh, I reached for my phone, a small pit forming in my stomach as I unlocked the screen and opened the message. I responded back, just a short hey, what’s up?
It felt insanely weird to text Sawyer. Like I’d stepped out of reality and into a different one, or into last year, before the shit hit the fan.
It wasn’t but a moment later when my phone screen lit up again, his message reading We need to talk. Can we meet tomorrow?
Tomorrow was Friday, and I ran through my schedule quickly in my head. I had a gap for lunch; if Sawyer wanted to mee
t, we’d meet then. I would not waste my Friday night with him when I could spend it with Ash.
And Travis, and Will—but they were beside the point.
Of course, I had no clue whether or not Sawyer was in class then, but if he really wanted to talk to me, he’d find a way to come.
Sure, I replied. Meet in the union at twelve?
Okay, he said. And that was that. I didn’t reply to him again, and his side was silent, too.
The last thing I wanted to do was meet Sawyer anywhere—and talk about what we would surely talk about, Ash—but I had to. Sawyer meant a lot to Ash. I could tell by the way she spoke of him she hoped he would be a man of his word, that he’d be better this semester. No more games, no more other girls, no more mess-ups.
Would Sawyer be capable of such change? Only time would tell.
A half-hour passed, my attention firmly refocused on finding at least ten sources, when the dorm room door opened and Ash walked in. As I took off my headphones, Ash dropped her backpack to the floor and gave me a kiss on the cheek before sliding her skateboard under her bed. Today’s temperature had been abnormally warm for a January day in Hillcrest, so she’d skated.
I closed my laptop, turning to watch her untie her shoes. Being high tops, she couldn’t just slide them on and off; she actually had to lace them and undo them every single time. Seemed like a lot of work for shoes. After they were off, she slid off her beanie, her blonde and pink hair messy and cute.
God, every part of her was cute.
“How was class?” I asked, sounding the lamest I had in a while, since I was last in her presence. Ash had a way about her that made me feel like an idiot, unworthy of her in every single way.
The least I could do for this girl was try to make amends with Sawyer. Or, rather, try to let him make amends with me.
“You know, same old, same old,” she mused, wriggling out of her jacket and tossing it onto her bed. She now stood before me in her holey jeans, socks, and a tight, thin shirt that was almost one-hundred percent see-through, the fabric so worn. Her bra was a dark red, a deep maroon color.
Liar: A Dark College Romance (Hillcrest University Book 6) Page 5
