Darkest Pattern- The Door

by Riva Zmajoki

  There were no words exchanged while Sue helped her with the dress.

  “You’ll do it later,” Josephine chased her away when she started to clean the mess, “and let someone else clean the tub, I won’t be responsible for your baby.”

  “Certainly madam,” Sue bowed her head and disappeared.

  Nervously, Josephine straightened her waist and after short hesitation knocked to the door of her boudoir. There was no reply so Josephine pushed the door entering the room with all dignity she could gather.

  The woman peeked out of the curtain with her pistol again pointed at Josephine.

  “Do you need anything else?” Josephine kept her hands visible pressed on her stomach and pretended that the pistol isn’t there.

  “Yes, a maid’s clothes,” she emerged from the curtain. “This one is too noticeable for the journey.”

  “Straight away?” Josephine kept her voice steady, there was no need for the woman to see her emotions.

  The woman lowered her pistol looking indecisive now as her anger slipped away. She looked through the window into the darkness of the night. When she looked back at Josephine her eyes weren’t alarmed anymore.

  “No,” she shook her head. “Not right away. I’ll stay the night.”

  “Very well,” Josephine nodded shortly. “I will steal the dress when it will be convenient.”

  That made the woman laugh. She laughed with her belly, there was something rough in that sound. Josephine felt her stomach trembling.

  “You will even steal for me?” she said mockingly. “Go now, you look astonishing, the girl will fall from her feet, but don’t come knocking on my door.”

  “Certainly not,” Josephine squeezed her hands into fists shaking her head fiercely.

  The woman threw her pistol on the bed.

  “I believe you won’t,” she shook her head in wonder. “Go now.”

  “What will you do?” Josephine didn’t move.

  “I will sit until I fall asleep,” she stretched out her arms. “It’s better than wandering around in the woods.”

  “You can take a walk,” Josephine said and bit her tongue for her rash reactions.

  “Where?” she mocked Josephine. “Holding you under your arm down your corridor for everyone to see us?”

  Josephine shook her head and approached the wall on the left. There the panel pressed on the top opened and uncovered the hidden door.

  “Oh, well,” the woman moved in closer.

  “Through here you can escape all the way out in the wood,” Josephine couldn’t bear the thought of her trapped in here.

  It was easier to let her escape without a goodbye than to entrap her here.

  “For what the door is used for besides that,” the woman inquired. “I doubt that they go just to the woods and back.”

  “There are certain openings to certain rooms and peeking holes. That was there when I arrived here, built in with the building itself,” Josephine felt herself blushing under her gaze.

  “Wicked, just as I said.”

  Josephine straightened herself up and felt stiff.

  “Maybe I am wicked but I’m also useful. I showed you the door, do with them what you will,” Josephine marched straight to the door.

  “Aren’t you afraid?” the woman’s voice stopped her at the door.

  “Of what?” Josephine paused with her hand on the knob.

  “That I will surprise you one time in the middle of the night.”

  Josephine smiled widely showing her teeth.

  “That’s something I can look forward to,” the woman stepped back and Josephine closed the door behind her satisfied with that last victory.

  Faced with her lady Belva could feel nothing but that she’s being silly doubting the lady’s word. Everything she did since they met was consistent. The lady liked Belva and wanted to help her. It was very simple.

  Belva’s life wasn’t simple. It never was simple. Belva was aware that her lady was a protected woman. In her life, desires were stronger than needs. Belva needed one more night here in safety. Her wound will heal better, her strength will return and she will be able to think of a railroad, a good one. As soon as she stops with this nonsense obsession with the lady.

  Sure, there was some sort of grandness in the lady, which was something most men would agree upon, but that wasn’t the thing that demanded Belva’s attention. It was a certain sense of fragility inside of her that peeked out through her eyes, a fear. That made her bravery even grander.

  There was a threat of an ambush behind the hidden panel, Belva tried that possible danger on the lady, just to see that fear in the full, not just as a speck in her eyes and movements, but once again the lady stayed elusive accepting her threat as an invite.

  Belva was the one who felt fearful before the lady’s piercing eyes then. The lady closed the door leaving Belva uncertain in her own motives. Was she attracted to the lady too? The threat now seemed hollow. What would she do if Belva would jump out of that panel at the lady in the middle of the night?

  The hidden door stood there unopened and Belva didn’t stand unknown passages and unexplored options. Maybe there is a value behind those doors, something useful.

  That’s why, and only that’s why, she opened the door and bravely went into the darkness. It was to brush off her fear before the lady and her strange desires. As usual, luck wanted for her to fall deeper in the strange abyss full of shadows she was falling through for some time now.

  There was light in the corridor. It came through small holes in the walls. Some of the holes showed empty corridors and darkened rooms full of shaded dark furniture. There was no one in the dark rooms so Belva felt safe gazing through the holes. That’s why they were there, to look through them.

  On her way, circling through the house the rooms started to change. They weren’t dark anymore but bright. Belva caught the glimpse on lady’s servants noticing that none of them was dark, not even as Belva was. Even the rooms they were in were white, populated by the light shaded furniture, and fully lit.

  Soon there was a hole showing the lady as she sat down beside her young lavish guest. It was inevitable to stumble upon the lady, not because Belva looked for her, but because the lady was in the main room that was almost completely white. Even the piano was painted white.

  When she caught the glimpse of the lady it was hard for Belva to break free, to carry on with her exploration of the corridor. The lady was to be blamed for that. She dazzled, there was no other word for that. Her laughter was loud, her movements ran smoothly as water, her eyes sparkled, her words were velvety.

  “My dear,” the lady spoke. “I haven’t seen anyone quite like you before, your hands are so delicate, and how do you maintain them so soft.”

  With that, the lady traced paths on poor girl’s hands and Belva could feel on her own hands how would that tactile feel. No wonder the girl wasn’t moving away, she was hypnotized, as was Belva.

  “I try, but there’s nothing extraordinary on me,” the lady leaned against the girl playing with her hair, brushing her cheeks, leaning in her face, but then escaping just before contact would be established leaving the girl short-breathed.

  The girl spoke fast and barely understandable nervously playing with her embroidery. Belva could relate with that, she too, who wasn’t even near the lady, held her breath when it seemed that the lady will kiss the girl, but then the lady just stood up abandoning the girl who swayed from the shock of separation.

  Belva kept breathing somehow disappointed, but also relieved. There was a certain dose of possessiveness towards her lady. She was forced to kiss that lips, she didn’t want to kiss the lady again, but still. The seal of her kiss was still on Belva’s lips. There was a strong chance that no one will break that seal. Why would anyone bother with pursuing a woman as menacing as Belva was?

  Even the lady didn’t bother. The kiss was enough for her to lose all her interest.

  Belva returned to her boudoir feeling nervous, a ce
rtain dose of restlessness possessed her body. On the other side of the door the lady walked up and down, Belva could hear her steps, but eventually, the lady got tired or went out in search of a girl. It took a long time for Belva to fall asleep.

  When Josephine entered the parlour, her guest looked up with bored expression holding her embroidery in her hands which didn’t make any progress since she arrived. As soon as the girl saw Josephine her eyes widened and her boredom disappeared. Josephine knew that the woman chose the dress well. As she approached the girl she caught her reflexion in a mirror and realized that she looks dignified. It was a long time since she looked like that, mature and respectable.

  There was a need in Josephine for some time now to look young, but the woman was probably right saying that she just ends up looking like a floozy.

  Josephine sat on the sofa near the girl and she didn’t withdraw. There was a sensation of goosebumps on Josephine’s neck. Maybe, just now, the woman is observing her through the opening right behind the sofa. The embroidery in girl’s hands was a sad outline of what should be flowers and birds, but Josephine took it as an excuse to lean over the girl’s shoulder pretending that the embroidery is interesting and not seen on every wall everywhere.

  Her feigned interest gave Josephine a nice overlook on the soft curve of girl’s breasts. The girl talked fast. Short breath was always a good sign.

  Josephine continued to court the girl bringing her into a state of heat with gentle caresses on the hand, breathing down her neck, caressing her cheek. Embraces, a bit too tight and leaned in were also effective. All the while, Josephine avoided looking at certain places on the wall fearing that no one is observing her.

  It was the longest time since Josephine herself got so heated from the game, but not from the desire for the pink young thing before her. That realization caught her by surprise when the girl leaned in talking, but in fact completely ready for a first kiss. Josephine moved away because she wasn’t ready to touch her.

  After that, all of the courtings stopped. Josephine was paralyzed by fear that all her flare would be put down in the contact with girl’s innocence, in the fight with her virtue, and in abandonment which would surely follow.

  The abandonment was always inevitable. Just the taste of that feeling made Josephine cold so she continued their conversation from a distance. The girl seemed shocked by the change, confused. Till the end of the evening, the confusion turned into the determination of a child, but Josephine didn’t care for that.

  All she wanted for the evening to end as soon as possible so she can withdraw to her anteroom. She wanted for the girl to just disappear, so Josephine could readjust herself in peace, and give up on this pointless seduction which led nowhere. Major-Domo exuded discontent, but that also didn’t bother Josephine.

  In her anteroom, Josephine paced from wall to wall quickly, but she didn’t approach the door between the boudoir and the anteroom. Josephine was a woman who kept her promises, no matter how often others broke theirs. After the first few paces, when she realized that she can’t stop, Josephine took off her shoes and continued to pace barefooted. She felt that she’s not grounded, that she’s restless and without an anchor. Everything changed, but she got nothing in return, nothing new, that made her feel like crying.

  It was almost dawn when she finally fell asleep tired beyond comprehension.

  In the middle of the night, Belva was awakened by the shaking of the door. She jumped up not sure are those patrolmen coming to arrest her, or her lady breaking her word, but after examination of her surroundings, Belva decided that it wasn’t either.

  The door which was shaking was the one which led to the corridor. If it was the lady she would have a key even for that door. Belva approached the door carefully and through the keyhole could see a sleeping gown. It wasn’t hard to guess that the young girl tried to find a way in the lady’s bed. Belva couldn’t blame her. After a while, she gave up with a frustrated sigh.

  With a smirk, Belva went back to sleep keeping her pistol near.

  Josephine ignored the girl while they had breakfast. The girl was expressively gloomy, but Josephine had a too strong headache to be bothered by that. When she already thought about returning to her room the girl spoke up with her high pitched voice.

  “I’m going home today,” she said looking offended.

  “Really? That’s wonderful dear, say hello to your aunt Luanne. I haven’t seen her in a very long time,” Josephine felt relief that she won’t be obligated to talk to her anymore, court her or just look at her seemed exhausting.

  “I’ll send your greetings, but she won’t be satisfied with you,” the girl lifted her chin in the air and left the dining room.

  It took a few moments for Josephine to absorb her statement. What was she talking about? Josephine ran after her and caught her in the next sitting room, the girl wasn’t in a real hurry to leave.

  “Why would Luanne be dissatisfied with me?” Josephine spoke with the girl’s back. “Didn’t I took you in and fed you, entertain you? What was lacking in my hospitality?”

  The girl showed her profile and Josephine noted that she was blushing. What was that? Anger? Discomfort?

  “She didn’t send me here to do my embroidery and get bored,” she said angrily.

  Luanne sent her? Josephine grabbed the girl by her upper arm and turned to face her.

  “Tell me, for what did she sent you here for then?” Josephine shook her.

  “That hurts,” the girl objected weakly.

  Josephine thought of her as a liar now, Josephine’s grip wasn’t strong enough to cause pain. She let go of the girl with disgust.

  “Why did she sent you here?” Josephine crossed her arms under her breasts.

  “She said…” the girl began but stopped herself in mid-sentence.

  “Yes?” Josephine restrained her voice in a soft shade.

  “She said that you can teach me my marital duties,” the girl said it in one breath

  Josephine stepped back from the shock.

  “For that, for that, you use me for, all of you,” Josephine turned away from the girl pressing a palm to her fluttering heart.

  All those girls since she was a widow, all those easier and easier conquests.

  “That isn’t bad,” the girl said sweetly putting her hand on Josephine’s exposed shoulder. “My aunt Luanne told me that you helped her immensely. Before you, everything was just pain and suffering. You taught her pleasure.”

  Josephine brushed off her hand removing it from her shoulder.

  “Is that what she tells herself?” Josephine yelled hoarsely. “She sang a different tune in the days and nights we spent together.”

  The girl moved away from Josephine.

  “She also said that you’re a lady,” the girl said with disdain. “Apparently she was wrong about that too. Don’t expect many guests after I leave.”

  Josephine looked at her surprised. The girl stood sideways, ready to leave, but waiting for Josephine to stop her, to beg her to stay, to become their whore.

  “You’re a bit young for that kind of extortion,” Josephine said coldly.

  The girl turned red to her hairline. Her virginity might be intact, but her virtue wasn’t convincing.

  “What extortion?” she tried to defend herself.

  “Anyway, can’t I dislike what I see?” Josephine calmed down.

  “You didn’t act that way last night,” the girl was furious now storming at Josephine.

  Josephine lifted her arm stopping her advancement.

  “Send my greetings to your aunt,” she said evenly. “Tell her that what we once had is now buried. Her guests I won’t take in any more.”

  The girl stared at Josephine in shock.

  Josephine just turned her back to the girl and left her like that. Never before did Josephine turned someone down so directly. Nor did someone tried to extort her services so blatantly. It was as Josephine owes her pleasure, as you can force attraction on someone.
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  Josephine searched for Major-Domo and gave him instructions to escort the girl. He just stood there shocked as a stuffed turkey. Not willing to engage with him Josephine went out to a walk. She couldn’t stand the stale air in her home.

  How many girls came in like that, with instructions to let go, to give in? How many did now indulge their husbands with the things Josephine taught them? How many of them even cared for Josephine?

  With these thoughts, Josephine sat on the fallen tree trunk on the edge of the forest. She didn’t care for the dress she was wearing, it wasn’t like she’ll ever wear it again.

  “Don’t move old hag,” a cold barrel pressed Josephine’s temple, she froze examining the young male voice. “Tell me where is Belva? She said that she will take shelter in your white house before we separated. She’s been gone for two days now. Did you sell her to patrolmen? Did you, you old witch?”

  The man pressed the revolver fiercely, but Josephine just tasted her name in her mouth. Belva sounded so noble, it suited her so. The knowledge of the woman’s name brought joy to Josephine and delivered her from the swirl of despair, which threatened to swallow Josephine. Now the young girls seemed unimportant, Josephine didn’t love them either. Belva was in her boudoir waiting for the maid’s clothes. Hopefully, she didn’t disappear, but she wouldn’t, not in Josephine’s dress from which her breasts could fall out of.

  “Hey, beldam,” the man hit her in her back, but not especially hard. “Wake up and take me to Belva.”

  Josephine turned towards him. She saw the young man in the colour of ebony, his hands were steady. He looked determinant but his features were soothing, not threatening. Who was he to her?

  “Who are you to her?” Josephine asked him loudly and harshly.

  “Her son,” he answered proudly and Josephine believed him.

  Her son looked strong. For a moment Josephine was sorry she doesn’t have a son like that, a strong rebellious son who would worry about her, who would protect her from all old aunts of this world.