Darkest Pattern- The Door

by Riva Zmajoki

  “I only ask of you to hide your contempt before Tricia because she’ll return it,” he said. “I still want to be able to visit you from time to time. She’s my wife and whatever happens from now on, I’ll take her side.”

  “And that’s how it should be,” his mother lifted her chin. “I’m glad that I managed to teach you at least that.”

  With that, they exited and had a nice family dinner.

  13.3 a Good Man

  Between Tiles

  Evan woke up feeling disoriented. For a moment he thought that he was still in the barracks. Then he remembered that Santos came to rescue him. Surely, he was at the back of the wagon.

  He postponed opening his eyes because in his dream there was Luiz and all was well between them. He even managed to kiss those devious lips again. He sighed and someone snorted beside him.

  Evan frowned. That snort was a familiar one.

  He carefully opened his eyes looking for the signs of danger.

  First, he saw Santos. He slept in the chair leaned against the door with Evan’s pistol in his lap.

  Then he turned his head and saw his face. Luiz was sleeping on the bed leaned against his. His face was restless in his sleep. Evan reached out and touched his face.

  Now he could remember his dream. The kiss was real but afterwards, there was a long nightmare where the war started and they ran across the battle line fired at from both sides trying to reach the safe haven.

  In his dream, they both fell into the freshly dug out grave. They hugged each other and soldiers started to throw dirt over them.

  ‘At least we’re together forever,’ Luiz said and Evan pulled him near.

  ‘Yes,’ Evan said. ‘Now they can’t keep us apart.’

  Luiz woke up with a jolt looking around with fear.

  “You’re here,” he said putting his hand on Evan’s cheek. “I dreamt that we both bleed out to death. I died first. Then you pulled the bullet from your wound. I could feel the warm blood covering us.”

  “Were we at least hugged?” Evan smiled.

  “Yes,” Luiz put his hand over his shoulder and they looked at each other.

  “Then it’s all alright, isn’t it?”

  “Yes it is,” he smiled and moved forward.

  Their foreheads touched.

  “We will have to be more careful than this, you know that?” Evan said after a while.

  “I know but we have this moment and Santos understands. He had spent enough time in the house of sin.”

  “The house of sin?” Evan frowned not really disturbed.

  “The house of your mother’s mistress.”

  “Oh, the lady that sent gifts. How that turned out?”

  “Pretty well, they said that they’ll open a tailor shop somewhere up north. I have a letter for you from her.”

  “What we’ll have?” Evan caressed his hair. “We’ll need a cover too.”

  “I can’t sow,” Luiz smiled and Evan laughed.

  His stomach ached so he stopped.

  “We’ll think of something,” Luiz said. “If we survive this damn hospital. Where is that damn nurse? She can’t be afraid of a small pistol, the fearless woman like she is. That pistol is too small. We’ll have to find you a better one. Nurse!”

  After leaving Luiz to sort his business Evan went to finish his.

  “I have to see my mother,” he said to Luiz who was reluctant to part. “I owe her that much. Besides, it’s best for Francis not to see me.”

  Luiz sighed.

  “I know, I’ll wait for you there,” they kissed and parted.

  ‘My dear Evan,

  I do pray that you are well although you lied to me and your family about your road.

  If you are willing to find me, I’ll be in that town where I sold ten scarfs at once. There will be a shop with a sign in its title. There you might ask of me and find out do I live still.

  If you find this, know that I did everything I did to protect you.

  After that, I found a life I find agreeable.

  I hope you’ll do the same.

  Your mother.’

  Evan went to Yorktown, Pennsylvania and found a shop with a sign that said ‘The Railroad of Threads’.

  The name of the shop couldn’t be more on the nose so Evan stood across it just to see is it a trap.

  Inside there was a woman behind a counter.

  Her face looked familiar but he didn’t recognize her until his mother came from behind and their hands met.

  It was clear to him what he was seeing.

  Evan had a choice. Now he saw that his mother was well. He could just leave, avoid confrontation, and let them be. He could leave and live his life, whatever that will be, with Luiz.

  As he watched the lady frowned and straightened his mother’s scarf. His mother laughed at something she said and Evan started to cross the street.

  His mother was laughing again.

  It was the laughter that made him move and the fact that it was his mother that led Evan to stand as a free man and understand the price of his freedom.

  As he entered the shop his mother paused shocked. When she got her bearings she ran to him just to slap him across his face.

  “You stupid, stupid boy,” she said and hugged him tightly.

  The white lady watched them with a hand on her heart. She looked like she’s about to cry.

  Evan opened his arm and the white lady approached him carefully. He pulled her in and hugged them. He was grateful that he was free and able to hug them both.

  When the hug ended, Evan pulled his pistol and without a word gave it to his mother.

  ‘Love can’t be wrong,’ she caressed the inscription.

  “I was wrong, my son,” his mother told him. “Love can be wrong when it’s fearful. I feared for you too much and didn’t have faith in you but in the end you found your way and I am proud of you. If I would have to,” his mother said. “I would do it all over again and not move a leaf while I travel just to see you grown like this.”

  “Likewise, mama,” Evan bowed his head accepting her wisdom.

  Their experiences made them who they were and those were burdens that will make their shoulders stronger.

  After all, new men will have to climb upon them to find a better way towards freedom.

  Luiz felt strange. His whole world turned upside down, again.

  “You should come with me to see my mother,” Evan said when they exited the train in Yorktown.

  “No,” Luiz objected. “That would be completely inappropriate.”

  “Why?” Evan looked at him and Luiz felt strange.

  This was a moment where Evan would reach out and hug him. The closeness made any conversation less charged. The contact reassured both of them that they are on the same side of the world once again.

  This way his question seemed cold and detached from everything that happened between them. Luiz looked around the station to remind himself that the world changed around him. Soldiers hugged their sweethearts. Wounded men were carried towards the hospital signalling that there was a battle waged somewhere down south.

  “I think she would prefer if I wasn’t there,” he said finally. “I would only remind her that she was mad at me even before everything started.”

  “That doesn’t matter anymore,” Evan risked it and touched his shoulder.

  The hand quickly withdrew. It’ll take time for them to master the amount of closeness and detachment before the world.

  “I won’t force you,” Evan said finally when they reached the pavement. “Take a carriage to the hotel and I’ll meet you there after I talk to my mother. Forgive me, but I have to see her as soon as possible.”

  Luiz nodded and they parted without a hug goodbye, without a kiss. Luiz was left on the pavement feeling anxious. They haven’t parted since the hospital. Luiz had an irrational fear that Evan will disappear if he lets him out of his sight.

  Even here, far away from Francis, he looked around looking for suspicious f
aces.

  The carriage stopped before him and he entered it.

  “Where to?” the coachman asked.

  Luiz paused and then instead of into the hotel went to follow Evan. He stood there hidden behind a corner watching him cross the street. He moved in closer to see him hug the two women. They all cried and Luiz felt like an intruder.

  He was always an intruder. Someone on the outside who tried to steal their light for himself. His father shaped him to be a hunter, to be ruthless, to be unkind, and to look down on others.

  That made him in an excellent Marshal. In the end, he wasn’t all that different than Francis. He did hold the world accountable and asked for the rules to be followed no matter what the price was.

  Following rules became his protection, it was a way of preventing himself from falling back down to sin. More importantly, it secured him against love, against trusting someone again.

  Luiz looked at Evan talking to his mother. The look on her face was more than anything Luiz ever saw targeted at him.

  Evan was inside on the safe ground where he should be.

  Luiz was outside on the street, exposed, ready for a fight as he always was.

  If he was a good man, Luiz would turn away from the sight and leave Evan to stay here in the safety where he belongs. Evan could return to his family or make a new one. He could live a life like it should be, inside of the rules that Luiz protected.

  Like he could hear him, Evan lifted his gaze and saw Luiz standing there. They stared at each other and Luiz thought that there is no real reason for him to stay, there was nothing he had to give to Evan but constant fear and caution.

  Then Evan suddenly smiled at him with his bright smile that made him the most beautiful person in the world and Luiz crossed the street.

  Luiz was never accused of being a good man, it would be silly to try to be one now.