He stopped and pulled himself to his full height. ‘I am taking you back. I should have never brought you.’
‘But there are still so many.’
Aydin turned away. ‘Yes…yes, there are.’
He plowed on without waiting for an answer. I stumbled after him, barely able to keep up. We walked for what felt like an eternity and the light was fading by the time we reached the palace. Proceeding through the gate, Aydin led the way to his home. Every part of my body ached, and I’d never been so thirsty in my life. Aydin opened the door and held it for me, but there was no kindness in his action.
I strode past him, went to his bedroom and changed into my clothes. Covering myself with the cloak, I looked at the discarded dress crumpled on the floor. So many of the women I’d seen today would’ve given anything to own a dress like that. I picked it up and folded it neatly, before walking out and laying it on a chair. My hand lingered on the coarse material. Aydin had his back to me busily sorting bottles on his shelves. I felt my anger surge at his blatant disrespect.
I cleared my throat. ‘Please give this to someone who needs it, and after you visit the city tomorrow, I would like to see you again. I will send a note to the senior healer advising him to give you supplies and several assistants.’
He stopped what he was doing but didn’t turn. ‘So that’s your solution.’
I was stunned. ‘Pardon?’
‘After all you saw today, that is it…a few men and several potions to fix an entire city.’
‘What else can I do? Samuel wouldn’t…’
Aydin spun around, his eyes ablaze. ‘These are your people. This is your kingdom. It is not enough.’
His disrespect astounded me. Yes, what I’d seen was beyond anything I could have imagined, but who was he to tell me how to run my kingdom. ‘You will not speak to me like that, and you will kneel when I am addressing you,’ I demanded.
His head tilted, but his gaze did not falter. ‘Why should I kneel? Is it because you are a queen?’ he asked quietly.
‘Yes,’ I almost yelled.
He walked towards me and fell to his knees. ‘Then act like one…my Majesty,’ he murmured.
My whole body jolted; I’d never been treated with such insolence. How dare he challenge me. I opened my mouth to demand penance but nothing came out. Overwhelmed by a sudden need to leave, I stumbled to his door. I fought with the handle, but it failed to open. No wonder he had no respect, I didn’t even know how to perform this simple act. I yelled in frustration and stepped back, the faces of my people invaded my head—the suffering, the death—he was right, it was my fault. I wasn’t their queen; I was their executioner.
A sob escaped my chest, and I lunged at the handle again, this time a satisfying clunk swung it open. I stepped through and slammed it shut. Leaning against the door I felt the sting of tears. Behind me, Aydin roared and something smashed against the floor causing me to flee.
I can’t recall how I got back, but I was soon within the palace walls, ripping the cloak from my shoulders. Hurrying through endless passages, I couldn’t get to my chamber fast enough. But as I rounded the last turn, I collided with a solid figure.
‘Samuel,’ I gasped, stumbling backward.
‘My Majesty, are you well?’ he asked calmly.
‘Yes, I am fine.’
He eyed me with a subtle lip curl. ‘I thought you were in treatments today. You appear a little disheveled and not as…fragrant as one would expect.’
My fury soared. ‘Do you question my whereabouts Samuel?’ I challenged. ‘Perhaps I should ask more about your day.’
If my outburst surprised him, it didn’t show. He simply arched one eyebrow as his golden irises completed their assessment of me. When he was done, he swept into a dramatic bow. ‘My humblest apologies my Majesty, I did not wish to offend.’
‘Then leave me be,’ I stated, rushing past, before his hateful stare could condemn me any further.
A haze of endless hours spent crying followed. The pendulum of emotions swung between humiliation, despair, and loathing. Aydin’s words had cut deep, and as the morning light slid through my window, I’d resolved two things in my mind. First, life for my people would change, and second, I no longer owned Aydin…from this moment onward, he owned me.
By midday, every single advisor was in the Great Hall having been called for an unexpected meeting. I had spent the morning avoiding Samuel, going so far as to command the soldiers to deny him entry into my chamber. More than once I’d heard his raised voice outside my door, but every time I blocked my ears so I couldn’t hear to what he was saying. I dressed in my ceremonial clothes and I called for my crown, hoping to appear as imposing as possible.
When I was ready, I had the guards escort me from my chamber. I did not allow them to announce my arrival; instead I just walked into the Great Hall. The familiar group of aging men stood talking, but several gasps of surprise soon killed their conversations.
Spurred on by fleeting courage, I began speaking before anyone had a chance to compose themselves. ‘Thank you all for coming. Yesterday my eyes were opened to the true plight of my people. For too long I have been blind to the disease and poverty destroying our kingdom. From this day forward let every man here, be witness to the changes that will be made. We will work together to eliminate the suffering and let it be heard that if any tries to stand in my way, I will execute them as a traitor.’
My words may have sounded strong, but beneath my heavy clothes, I was shaking like a leaf. I paused for a minute to take in their reaction. Most seemed mortified, some began to clap, all seemed to have forgotten it was forbidden to stare at the Queen.
I searched the crowd looking for the one face I wanted to see more than any other, and there he was, at the back of the hall. I glared at Samuel defiantly, but to my surprise, he merely smiled and joined in with the few advisors clapping. It tainted my moment of triumph. I’d hoped to see some displeasure at my announcement. Sick with frustration, I walked out.
‘Bring Joziah to my chamber,’ I said to a guard, rushing to follow my unexpected movements.
Joziah’s hands shook as he stood before me. He was our chief healer and an essential part of my plan to change the city. He was well respected, and he’d trained Aydin, so I felt I could trust him. He was a small man, old enough to be my father, and his gray hair and matching eyes reminded me of Isaac. The thought plucked painfully at my heart.
‘Do you know how ill the people are?’ I asked, as gently as I could.
His head dropped even further. ‘I…um…yes my Majesty.’
‘Why has it been ignored?’
‘The supplies are minimal. We are barely granted enough to meet the court’s needs. We are already struggling to supply Aydin.’
I winced at the sound of his name. ‘If you had more, could you help the people?’
‘I believe we could,’ he replied quietly.
I did not hesitate. ‘I want you to gather all the healers and discuss what you need. Do not tell anyone what you decide. Report back to me and only me. Do you understand?’
‘Yes, my Majesty.’
I stood in silence for a moment, not ready to dismiss Joziah yet. ‘Did Aydin go again today?’ I asked.
‘Yes.’
‘Tell me what you think of him.’
‘He is a kind man and one of the most talented healers I have ever trained,’ he replied.
I stared at the thin layer of white hair coating the top of his head. ‘Thank you Joziah you may go.’
I turned to the nearest servant, and she fell to her knees as I addressed her. ‘Go to the stores master and tell him to gather all the grain we can spare. Have the soldiers take it into the city and divide it amongst the people. Let me know when it is done.’
I enjoyed watching the commotion from the terrace, as soldiers and servants scurried back and forth carrying out my orders. Frustrated advisors darted between them angrily shouting commands, unaware I could hear their complaints about the loss. More th
an once I chuckled at their red faces and stamping feet. I felt so different, like I could breathe easier.
The imminent return of Aydin also kept me in the sunlight, past the point of being comfortable. As the shadows grew longer, I heard the cry at the gate. Aydin walked in with his head held high, and two exhausted helpers in tow. My heart contracted sharply, sending a giddy rush to my head. I didn’t know if he’d already heard about today’s events, but soon one of the other healers strode towards him. I turned away before he could see me; I was just happy to have him back.
I didn’t go straight to Aydin, despite my burning desire to do so. I wanted to give him time to absorb all he’d heard, and it wasn’t until the patrolling guards made their late calls that I covered myself with a cloak and quietly crept through the palace hallways.
I made my way to his residence, anxiety knotting my stomach. I’d barely knocked before the door flung open and a towering Aydin attempted an uncomfortable bow. I walked in cautiously, not knowing what to expect. He closed the door and went to kneel.
‘No,’ I said quickly. ‘Don’t.’ He stood up but his eyes stayed down. Every part of my body was numb, torn between fear and excitement. It was warm, almost too warm, and I wanted to take off my cloak. ‘How did you fair today?’ I managed to ask, distracted by how the oil lamp light brought a glow to his skin.
‘We helped at least three times as many. The men and supplies made a difference. Thank you.’
The last of my false bravado collapsed, and a flood of remorse took hold. ‘Please don’t thank me. Everything you said, you were right. I have been stupid and naïve, and I have failed my people.’ I bit my trembling lip and awaited his condemnation.
He stood motionless, seemingly unsurprised by my outburst. ‘Is it true, what I’ve heard?’ he asked quietly.
My voice wavered, betraying my pain. ‘If you are asking if I finally became the queen I should have always been? Then yes, it is true.’
His chin lifted, and he dared to look at me. ‘Then you are truly the ruler I knew you could be.’ I turned my back on him, burying my face in my palms. After all I’d done, after all he’d seen, how could he possibly say anything kind? I couldn’t breathe; I felt faint, and my legs buckled. I reached for something to hold, but there was nothing, and I felt myself falling. His strong arms caught me, pulling me into his chest. He held me tight, so tight that I couldn’t have moved even if I wanted to. ‘My loyalty has always been, and will always be yours,’ he whispered, his lips pressed against my forehead. ‘No matter what, I will never leave you. I would follow you to the ends of the Earth if you asked it of me.’
His passionate words only made my self-loathing swell, and I could barely shake my head as tears streamed down my cheeks. He eased me back so I could see him. His dark eyes, which had been so angry the day before, now burned with something new—it was admiration, it was affection—it was more than I deserved.
Soft creases formed around his mouth, confirming he’d once smiled often. He wiped a tear from my face and the texture of his fingertips brought a flush to my cheeks. His hand dropped to my shoulder, and he traced the line of my collarbone, his touch leaving scars in its wake. My heart hammered with guarded anticipation as his eyes sought my mouth. I raised a hand to caress his jaw; he inhaled deeply and leaned into my touch. His reaction shot delicious heat through my limbs—I wanted to kiss him, but I couldn’t shake the fear of another rejection. He leaned forward, brushing his lips against mine; I gasped and closed my eyes. He cupped my face, and I ran my fingers up his forearms till my hands covered his. He pressed his nose against mine and the entire world stopped for a moment, as our shallow breaths synchronized. And then he kissed me, softly at first, but the intensity quickly built. I could taste his salty sweetness and I could feel the stubble on his chin scratching my face. His lips parted and his tongue slipped into my mouth, igniting every nerve in my body. Obsessed by my need for more, I clutched at his neck—I wanted to devour him, entwine myself in his limbs and melt our bodies together. He stole his lips away so he could look at me, the loss of contact was almost too much. We were both breathing heavily, and he brushed a loose strand of hair from my forehead.
‘Do you remember when you asked me if I wanted this?’ he asked. I nodded, unsure where this was going. ‘My answer is yes. It was always yes. But this…this is how I wanted it.’
His sweet words awoke something wild in me. I wanted this man; I needed this man, more than the air in my lungs and the blood in my veins. My lips pulsated with desire, and as he watched me, his gentle expression turned to something harder. Suddenly he grabbed me, lifting me from the ground; his mouth claimed mine as he carried me into his bedroom. I tore at the material covering his chest and it soon came loose exposing his shoulders. He lifted the skirt of my ornate dress, bunching it at my waist. My exposed legs and pelvis tingled as the cool night air caressed them, but his warm, rough hands soon chased the chill away as they glided over the sensitive edges of my thighs. He pushed me on to his bed and his body pinned mine down. He kissed me as he fumbled with the last of his garments; they came loose and I could feel the heat of his skin. I arched my back and cried out as he pushed into me.
He stilled. ‘Am I hurting you?’ he asked.
‘No,’ I gasped. ‘No.’
He began moving again, and I clutched at his shoulders urging him to go deeper, faster. Sweat coated our skin, and I slid my hands across his back, feeling the linear scar that had fascinated me so much.
Intense gratification built and built; the euphoria surged higher and higher, until finally it crashed down, drowning me in soul-numbing satisfaction.
His yell of pleasure was muffled as his face pushed into my shoulder. His chest dropped nearly winding me, and I clung to him as we panted in unison. I didn’t want him to move, not now, not ever.
After a while he rolled on to his side, his face was close and he looked upset.
‘What is it Aydin?’ I asked, my heart sinking
‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered.
I rolled toward him. ‘Why are you sorry?’
‘Because you are my Queen, and I am no one.’
I propped myself up. ‘But you are everything to me, and I want…I mean, I would like you to be with me. But you don’t have to be. You are free to leave…if that is what you want.’
He touched my cheek gently. ‘There is nothing I want more than to stay with you, my Majesty.’
I smiled with nervous relief. ‘Then you can’t call me that anymore.’
He tilted his head. ‘Then what should I call you?’
‘Callie. I want you to call me Callie.’
***
Aydin moved into the palace and became my greatest champion for change. The treasury money was redistributed, and the rebuilding of the city began. Everyone within the palace was still cared for, but only the essentials were permitted.
Aydin accompanied me to every council meeting, and with him by my side I felt like anything was possible. He was fiercely protective, and the natural leader in him could no longer be contained. I promoted him to the role of advisor, and soon all trace of the pliable, subordinate man soon disappeared—my charismatic river god was back.
Fortunately, most of the court adjusted well to the changes, and none could disagree that the feeling of hope amongst the people made everyone’s lives easier. But despite the smooth progression, I knew there was one who was secretly seething. Surprisingly, Samuel kept his distance, though more than once I caught him assessing Aydin from afar, his distaste palpable.
***
Several months later, at one of the many now regular council meetings, Aydin stood by my side waiting for me to address the advisors. The hall was almost full, and I watched as they conversed. Samuel was the last to arrive, and he quietly stole to the back of the group his venomous stare fixed on Aydin. I almost smiled knowing he was about to become even unhappier.
Standing, I instantly had their attention. ‘I have called you here today to fur
ther discuss the plight of our people. I would like to thank everyone for their dedication. The improvements have been great, but more work is required. It has been brought to my attention that illness is still a concern, so this is where we will focus our attention.’ I paused wondering how they would interpret my next move. Aydin was the only one privy to what would follow. ‘Aydin if you would be so kind as to explain.’
Gasps rang out as I sat down, the reaction wasn’t unexpected—it was unheard of for another to address the council. All individual comments were traditionally addressed to the Queen, not the group. The look of shock rippled through the advisors, and I watched as Samuel wove through the group, placing himself beside Joziah.
‘Thank you my Majesty,’ Aydin said as if this was an everyday occurrence. ‘The health of the people remains poor despite the significant improvements. It seems the water is…’
‘Pardon me, my Majesty.’ The loud voice cut short Aydin’s sentence and everyone turned to see Samuel’s most radiant smile. How dare he. I opened my mouth to demand his removal, but he continued speaking. ‘Please excuse my rude interruption, but as your chief advisor I must strongly recommend that issues of such significance should be presented by our most accomplished healer, Joziah.’ Joziah looked as stunned as me. ‘Though none of us would question Aydin’s tireless work,’ Samuel continued. ‘I’m not sure that he is qualified to comment on such important matters.’
This was too much. Who did this man think he was? I could feel the ache in my fingers as my hands tightened into fists. I stood slowly, adamant Samuel would regret his defiance, but it was Aydin who spoke first.
‘Do you question the judgment of our Queen Samuel? Perhaps some would consider me most qualified as I was, until recently, a part of the people you speak of.’
I was on my feet but didn’t comment, I wanted to hear Samuel’s response.
Samuel nodded. ‘My point exactly Aydin. Perhaps you are, in fact, too close to the problem.’
Aydin’s lips thinned, and his broad shoulders rose. ‘Indeed Samuel, I would agree I am too close to the problem, but that is only because I’m looking at it right now.’
Guardian Page 5
