The comment struck me as odd. ‘What do you mean?’
He sighed heavily. ‘It was my decision to take you from Earth,’ he admitted. ‘But it seems I was wrong. It was still too soon. I was hoping that being a guardian would help you forgive yourself.’
‘Forgive myself for what?’ I asked. ‘Do you mean Aydin? Can’t you tell me something, anything about what happened to him?’
His eyebrows drew together. ‘I have already told you, I do not know where he is.’
‘But is there any chance he is still on Earth?’ I persisted.
His eyes narrowed, and he studied me carefully. ‘I don’t think you understand…’
‘Please, Isaac just answer me one thing. Could Aydin still be here?’
His jaw clenched. ‘Yes,’ he finally admitted. ‘He could still be here.’
My heart leaped. ‘Then I will find him.’
Isaac grabbed my shoulders. ‘No Callie. You are not listening. You must come back.’
I shook him off. ‘I can’t come back Isaac. Not till I know where he is.’
‘You do not realize how close you are to losing your soul too.’
The world froze. Lose your soul too, was he referring to Aydin when he said ‘too’? Did he know more than he was telling me?
My resolution firmed. ‘You told me long ago that I didn’t become a dark one because I gave my soul to him. He saved me Isaac, now it is time for me to help him.’
‘It is a mistake, Callie.’
I absorbed his pale gray eyes. ‘We all make mistakes.’
His face crumpled. ‘If you do this, I will have no choice but to take your wings.’
I tried to hide my shock—I needed to find Aydin, no matter the cost. ‘I understand.’
I felt Isaac’s devastation; his voice dropped. ‘Without them, you will be in great danger from the dark ones if you are in human form.’ I nodded briskly. ‘Please, Callie I am begging you to reconsider. I cannot protect you if you choose this path.’
The pleading in his eyes nearly broke me. Stepping forward, I hugged him firmly. I didn’t want to let go. ‘I’m sorry, but I have to do this.’
He sighed into my hair. ‘Then I will, as always, be waiting.’
He pushed me away, his face blank. ‘You need to know dark ones will no longer fear you. If you feel threatened, find consecrated ground. The blessing on the earth will protect you. They can still enter these places; they just cannot feel your presence. Be aware they will stop at nothing to take you. Information is all I have to give you now. I wish it were more.’
I could feel myself shaking. ‘It’s more than I deserve.’
His eyes softened, and he placed his hand over my cheek. ‘Is there nothing I can say to change your mind?’ I shook my head. ‘Then come home soon Callie.’
I shut my eyes, and his warm hand slipped away. When I looked again, he was gone, and his silvery glow no longer illuminated my world. It was very dark and very cold, and I was alone. I concentrated on creating my own light, and a soft glow slowly grew outwards, but it didn’t warm me the way Isaac’s had. I took a deep breath, my back felt strange. Glancing behind me I wasn’t sure what I would see, but I saw nothing—my wings were no longer there.
Chapter 13
How do you search the entire world for a soul who has been missing for centuries? I knew he could look like anyone, only his eyes would be unchanged. It almost seemed hopeless.
I began by returning to the places where I’d known him, but I found no trace. After weeks of looking, I started to lose hope. To make matters worse, dark ones seemed to be everywhere now; lust filling their eyes when they saw my weakened state. I found it easier to search in human form, but this meant I only just avoided being caught several times.
With each passing day, my heart became heavier, and I couldn’t remember the last time I felt anything other than frustration and loss. It was wearing me down, and I often fantasized about allowing one of the dark ones to take me. But my need to find Aydin kept me going until there was only one place left to search.
When I arrived at the estate in England, I was surprised by how little it had changed. I paused on the outskirts of the property, taking it all in. The cool breeze cut through my jeans and thick gray coat. The overcast sky drained the color from the landscape and I pulled my woolen scarf tighter around my neck. The redbrick mansion I once called home lay at the end of the driveway. The ivy had overgrown the walls, and the modern cars, parked in the driveway, seemed out of place, but otherwise, it was just as I remembered.
In front of the house, the stables also appeared uncannily similar. Seeing the stables stung more than I expected, and the memory of my night spent with Aydin rushed back. I dreaded to think how I’d feel when I stepped inside, but I knew it was where I had to start.
I took a deep breath and walked up the gravel road; the stones crunching reassuringly beneath my boots. I spent the journey rehearsing my story about being a university student researching the area, and before I knew it, I was at the stables. I paused and stared at the heavy wooden doors. The paint was chipped, and I absentmindedly picked at a piece—it was a habit of the child who’d stood here centuries earlier.
A lump swelled in my throat, but I swallowed the fear and pushed the door open. The smell of fresh hay and old leather hit hard—it was the scent of him, the scent of our final night together, and it nearly brought me to my knees. For several minutes, I just stood there staring. The interior was almost identical, and tears stung my eyes. This was too much, I had to leave.
‘You right love?’
A well-wrinkled, balding man limped out of the darkness. He was wearing a brown hound’s-tooth coat and holding a cane. His genuinely kind face relaxed me. He looked me up and down. ‘Have you gotten yourself lost lass?’
‘Oh… No… I’m sorry. Hi, my name is Callie.’
He smiled heartily. ‘Arthur,’ he said, shaking my hand; his skin was warm and rough. ‘Sorry, I startled you. How can I help?’
‘I’m researching the area for a university paper,’ I replied quickly.
His eyes sparkled with excitement. ‘Well then Callie, it’s your lucky day. Know more about the place than anyone.’
I felt a rush of gratitude. ‘It would be wonderful if you could help me.’
‘Sure. Sure. Cup of tea?’ he asked. I nodded enthusiastically. ‘Great. Follow me.’ He hobbled towards the back of the stable, but I lost my nerve when I realized we were headed for the tack room. He glanced back in confusion. ‘You okay, love?’
‘Yes.’ I replied with a weak smile, forcing myself to move. I walked briskly staring at my feet, counting my steps for distraction.
Twenty-three paces later he stopped. I made myself look up, despite the tightness in my throat. I sighed with relief when I saw the room was unrecognizable. It was now a makeshift tea area, and it looked nothing like I remembered.
Arthur pointed to a plastic chair beside a wooden table. ‘How would you like your tea?’ he asked.
‘Same as you, thanks,’ I replied, sitting down.
Arthur chuckled. ‘All right then.’
I pulled out a pen and notepad, from the small pack I was carrying, to make my story seem convincing. Arthur approached with a steaming cup; he handed it over with a wink. Inside the hot, black liquid smelled distinctly of rum, and I instantly regretted asking for the same as him.
‘Thank you,’ I said, trying not to pull a face. He stood grinning, waiting for me to take a sip. Putting my lips to the steaming cup, I swallowed some of my alcohol-laced beverage. ‘Mmmm, very nice,’ I mumbled, stifling a cough.
He laughed loudly and flopped into a chair. ‘Put hairs on your chest, that will. So, what you want to know?’
I put my cup down and grabbed my pen and paper. ‘How long have you worked here?’
He slurped his tea and smiled. ‘Would have to say me whole life. Born here, you see. On the estate. Dad too.’
He looked pleased with himself as he awa
ited my response.
‘Well Arthur, it sounds like you will be very helpful. My main interest is the working families, in particular, the stable hands. Can you remember any of the other families that worked here?’
Arthur took another sip of his tea and looked skywards. ‘Now let’s see. There were the Coopers, they was here a while. The Evans, two generations of em, and then there was the Jarvis lot, but they didn’t come till after Lord Keene sold the estate.’
My ears instantly pricked at the sound of my once son’s name—it had to be him. The estate and title had passed to him after my father’s death.
I cleared my throat trying to stay calm. ‘Can you tell me about Lord Keene?’
Arthur’s face puckered in concentration. ‘He was a good chap, like his grandfather, Lord Williams. He was always fair to his workers. He had a son, Henry, but the lad wasn’t interested in the estate. So, Lord Keene sold it, and the title, just before he died. He must have been seventy odd at the time. Old Henry inherited millions, but you wouldn’t know it. He still lives in the village, in a small cottage. Bit of a hermit, never married, doesn’t get out much. No one knows what he did with the money.’ He chuckled. ‘Dad, God rest his soul, reckoned he bet it on the horses. I reckon it’s buried under the house.’
I dropped my gaze so Arthur couldn’t see the emotion on my face. It was odd hearing about my long-lost family. Vague stirrings of memories from that life started to surface, but I pushed them aside. Arthur still hadn’t mentioned the one family I was most desperate to hear about and I wondered if his knowledge could possibly stretch back that far. I opened my mouth to ask another question, but he spoke before I got the chance.
‘Well, that’s most of em, besides my own family of course. We James’ have definitely worked here longest.’
I gasped, and Arthur regarded me curiously. I searched his face, Aydin didn’t have any children or siblings. This didn’t make sense; he couldn’t possibly be the same James.
I bit down on my lip. ‘So who was the first James to work here then?’ I asked tentatively.
‘My Granddad,’ he replied. ‘Grandma and him arrived just after the Great War. Dad was born four years later.’ My spirits sank, and I contemplated leaving. Aydin and his father had been here well before then. He took another sip of tea and put his cup down. ‘Unless you count his Uncle Mick that is.’
I straightened so abruptly that I bumped the table, sending a splash of tea onto my notepad. ‘Who?’ I asked eagerly, wiping up the spill with my sleeve.
‘Mick James,’ he said, looking a little concerned by my reaction. ‘Granddad’s uncle. He was here a good while, but died a few years before Granddad came.’
I was speechless; I didn’t know my father had employed one of Aydin’s relatives. I was desperate to know more. ‘So do you know anything about Michael James, I mean Mick?’
He nodded solemnly. ‘Granddad mentioned him occasionally. Said he came to the estate after his wife died. Brought his son, a lad named Aydin.’ My heart felt like it stopped, and I bit my lip to keep from smiling. ‘Bit of a sad story though,’ Arthur continued. ‘Aydin worked as a stable hand but later left for London to become a doctor. Apparently fell in with bad fellas, was never seen again. Granddad reckoned sadness killed poor Uncle Mick.’
The ache returned—I had so hoped he would tell me what happened to Aydin. My disappointment was complete, and I quickly lowered my eyes, pretending to write.
Arthur must have noticed my discomfort. ‘You right love?’
I stood in a hurry. ‘Thank you, Arthur, you have been very helpful,’ I said, wanting to leave before the tears started. ‘I should let you get back to work.’
He got to his feet slowly. ‘There’s plenty more to tell. I’m not that busy.’
I smiled best I could. ‘You are too kind Arthur, but I have enough for now. Maybe once I’ve written this up, I can come back and talk more.’
‘Sure, sure, anytime. The stable door is always open.’
I shook his extended hand and hurried from the room. No doubt I left him wondering who this strange woman was.
I don’t remember leaving the stables; I was too numb to even cry. The resemblance to my last departure was uncanny, and if I thought I’d felt pain before I was wrong. I was so sure that I’d learn something to help me find Aydin, but now this last chance was lost, and there was nowhere left to look.
I left the estate and starting walking up the lane. I didn’t pick the direction deliberately, I just wanted to get away.
A few miles on I realized I had no idea where I was. I looked around, disorientated by the endless landscape. There was nothing but countryside and cloudy skies, and I spun around hoping to see something familiar. In the distance, a winding line of trees outlined the path of a river. Behind it, a quaint stone church sat atop a small cliff, surrounded by green fields and trees.
My heart sank as I realized what I was looking at—it was the church where I’d married Bradley, and it was also the last place I’d seen Aydin. There would probably be no clues there either, but I knew I had to look, and if nothing else at least I would be safe on the consecrated ground. Not that I cared if I wasn’t.
When I reached the rough-cut, stone building, the first thing I noticed was how unkempt it was. The gray stones had succumbed to a thick layer of pale green moss, blocks were missing from the buttresses, and part of the small bell tower had crumbled. The surrounding field was overgrown, and the gravel road was all but lost. It must have been abandoned long ago, and now the only visitor seemed to be the odd sheep who wandered through the patchy hedge fence. I felt an instant bond to this exhausted structure; it had once been loved, but not anymore.
Glancing over my shoulder, I looked to where Aydin had stood on the cliff edge, the day of my wedding—if only I could go back, how different things would be.
Inhaling deeply, I seized the rusty iron handle on the heavy wooden door. A satisfying clunk jolted my fingers as the latch succumbed to my angel strength. I scrutinized the darkness inside. The windows were boarded up, but slivers of light still broke through, creating a maze of taught, glowing strings. It smelled musty, and I could hear the scratching of several creatures. I went in slowly, my eyes adjusting. The pews were all still here, and I sat heavily in one, stirring a new cloud of dust to float in the stagnant air.
For a long time, I didn’t move. I just sat there, staring at the strands of light, as they patiently moved with the sun. I didn’t cry; I didn’t speak; I didn’t think.
After a while, I lay down on the hard wooden pew—angels don’t need to sleep, but I could think of nothing else to do. As I closed my eyes, I saw Aydin’s face that final day; it was the only way I could remember him now. An image of Liam joined him—he was another soul I would never make amends with; another soul lost to the dark ones. Or was he? For a moment, I fantasized about finding Liam. The fantasy solidified along with a desire to return to the alley. Even if there was no trace of him, it was one of the worst places I’d ever known, and it seemed a fitting place to be. I didn’t want to hide in this church any longer. I was an intruder here. It was a house for the faithful, and faith was something I no longer knew.
Standing slowly, I walked back towards the heavy doors. The handle turned easily, and the dying sunlight slipped into the church—but it didn’t touch me. I was back in spirit form and on the way to my destination.
Chapter 14
The city was dark, and the streets were alive with lost human souls, wandering without purpose. None of the faces were familiar, but the despondency that etched their skin was.
It didn’t take long to find the alley where Liam had died. Standing at the entrance, little had changed. The stench of rot, oozed from the walls, and the light fled the deep shadows. I walked to the back of the narrow lane to find it blocked by a graffiti-covered wall that wasn’t there the day of Liam’s death. It almost amused me to see this recently added structure was as dirty as its timeworn neighbors—in only a sh
ort time this place had claimed it too, dragging it into the filth.
I found the spot where Liam had fallen. Dropping to my knees, I relived his weight as he lay in my arms. I was useless that day, there was so much more I could’ve done. I now knew how powerful I was, and how wrong it was to let Rosalyn take him like that. A rib aching sigh slid from my lips as I pondered the angel I’d been. I knew I wasn’t that creature anymore, but what was I now? What had I ever been?
I sat back on my haunches, digging my nails into my thighs. I was so focused on everything I’d lost, that I didn’t realize the threat watching from above.
‘Well, well, well. What do we have here?’ The fluid, male voice glided through the alley. Shocked, I leaped to my feet, frantically searching the darkness. There was a light thud as a dark figure dropped down next to me. ‘I don’t believe my eyes,’ he said. ‘Could there possibly be an angel in my presence?’
The alluring tone confirmed my worst fears—it was a dark one. Pulling up to full height I faced him with mock bravery. He stood relaxed, too close for me to transform. Moving with unnatural grace, he stepped forward. Muddy light illuminated his face, and I was struck by how undeniably handsome he was. Glossy, dark hair and arched eyebrows, complemented the thick stubble coating his perfectly symmetrical jaw. His olive skin had a dull sheen like untouched velvet, and his curved lips held both desire and danger. His height and broad shoulders gave him effortless confidence; and his black pants, dress shirt, and leather shoes, completed the clean-cut image that made him look entirely out of place in the alley.
I’d never seen a dark one so close before, not even Rosalyn, and I was both fascinated and horrified. Our eyes met—the dark pools of his irises reflected no light at all; instead they seemed to absorb it, betraying the all-consuming appetite that ruled every dark ones’ existence.
A mind-numbing sensation swept through me, lulling me into compliance. I had felt it before, but I didn’t know when. Shaking my head, I tried to break the hypnotic effect; I had to get away from his influence. I searched the alley for an exit but he was blocking my only escape, and without wings, I couldn’t fly. Heightened by panic I thought of all the times I’d wished for the end, but now it faced me, I knew I wasn’t ready.
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