Excuse Me

by Rosanne J Thomas

  Cultural Diversity

  You notice, at a departmental meeting, that your Japanese colleague does not look you in the eye. At a business lunch, your German client frowns when you address him by his first name. At the company Christmas party, your Indian guest seems not to appreciate the leather picture frame you give him. The new proposal you send to your Argentinian business partner garners no immediate response, and when you meet, it seems to take him forever to get down to business. And now your Middle Eastern prospect fails to show up at an important meeting. What is happening here?

  As businesses become part of the global arena at an increasing rate, it is vital that we understand how cultures differ and how respect is shown for those whose backgrounds are unlike our own. Everything, including history, language, religion, value systems, communication style, formality of interactions, business practices, greetings, humor, and attitudes toward hospitality, time, money, minorities, women, and age could be startlingly different. Successful professionals accept and embrace these differences, rather than challenge them, paving the way for mutually respectful and successful relationships.

  In showing respect across cultures, we want to remember we are dealing with individuals first and cultures second. It is a mistake to assume that “Asians think this” and “Latin Americans do that.” It is important to learn as much as possible about other cultures, but this information is to be used to help us understand individuals, not to define them.

  Begin by researching colleagues’ or business partners’ cultures of origin, and by asking questions and showing genuine interest in the answers provided. In conversation, listen patiently and speak slowly, at a normal decibel level. Avoid using nonverbal communication such as the “thumbs up” sign, which is considered offensive in the Middle East, or the “A-okay” sign, which is an obscene gesture in Brazil.

  In verbal communication, avoid sarcasm, humor, and words that could be easily misunderstood. Stay away from potentially controversial topics, such as politics, religion, and human rights. Above all, avoid showing judgment or disapproval or comparing cultures in any negative ways.

  The LGBT Community

  In 2014, Apple CEO Tim Cook came out as gay, “forever changing the game for equality in corporate culture,” according to Sara Kate Ellis, president and CEO of GLADD.13 Indeed, the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) community is coming out in the workplace as never before and in the process, contributing to the continued shattering of the “glass closet.”

  Building relationships with and avoiding inadvertent offense to the LGBT community requires that employees educate themselves. Steve Petrow, Washington Post columnist and author of The Essential Book of Gay Manners and Etiquette, says the questions he receives for his column “Civilities” “reflect both the confusion of the social landscape and the hurt and anger caused by bullying and discrimination.”14 But he says respect and kindness go a very long way.

  To show respect for your LGBT colleagues and business partners, educate yourself by learning the correct terminology. Refer to members of the LGBT community in the ways they wish to be referred and if unsure, ask. There are now 56 ways in which Facebook users can identify, including “gender questioning,” “intersex,” “androgynous,” and “neither.” Facebook spokesman Will Hodges said, “While to many, this change may not mean much, for those it affects, it means a great deal.”15

  Refer to married colleagues appropriately. In the past, married same-sex couples were often referred to as partners or spouses. With the 2014 changes in the Defense of Marriage Act, husband and wife are now the legal and appropriate terms, and are used unless a couple indicates that they prefer otherwise. And if a colleague has a boyfriend, girlfriend, or fiancé(e), use that term, not friend or roommate.

  If an LGBT colleague is celebrating an engagement, marriage, promotion, or new baby, home, or job, offer congratulations and join in the celebration. Do not ask an LGBT colleague personal questions, offer religious advice, suggest counseling, tell offensive jokes, use inappropriate language, or—need it be said—whisper, gossip, stare, make fun of, or exclude.

  It is critically important to keep an LGBT coworker’s confidence, especially if he or she has not come out to all. Finally, be an ally. In her article “How to React When Someone Comes Out: Dos and Don’ts for Straight Allies,” Miranda Perry of Care 2, a social network website for activists, says, “If you’re straight, you can be an ally by creating a safe space for them to come out. You’ll help combat homophobia and transphobia, and support the LGBT people in your life—even those you may not know about yet.”16

  People with Disabilities

  Well-intentioned individuals sometimes make mistakes that range from the comical to the offensive when interacting with colleagues with disabilities. According to United Cerebral Palsy, “the rules of etiquette and good manners for dealing with people with disabilities are generally the same as the rules for good etiquette in society.”17 It cautions that everyone is different, however, and that its published guidelines hold true for most individuals most of the time.

  United Cerebral Palsy recommends that one speak directly to a person with a disability, not a caregiver, and shake hands if possible (using left hands is fine). If someone is unable to shake hands, another physical greeting such as a tap on the arm or shoulder is appropriate. Adults are always to be treated as adults. The National Center on Workforce Disability advises using “person first language” such as person with a disability instead of disabled or handicapped. It advises respecting all assistive devices and animals, such as canes, wheelchairs, crutches, and service dogs, and using a normal speaking tone and style.

  When speaking with someone who is visually impaired, identify yourself and others with you. When speaking with a person who is deaf, look directly at the person, and then speak clearly, slowly, and expressively. When speaking with someone using a wheelchair, place yourself at eye level. There is a wealth of additional information available that will ensure interactions with people with specific disabilities are helpful, positive, and professional.

  Most importantly, display the right attitude. Never pity or assume someone is unhappy with his life, or exhibit fear or apprehension. Do not presume someone’s disability has affected his intelligence, comprehension, memory, job effectiveness, sense of humor, or interests. And finally, relax! Do not be embarrassed to use common expressions that seem to relate to someone’s disability such as “See you later” or “I’ve got to run.” People with disabilities use similar phrases all of the time.

  According to the Center for American Progress, approximately 38 million Americans have severe disabilities. Workers with disabilities are nearly twice as likely to be unemployed as their nondisabled counterparts.18 Employers can take advantage of the underutilized talents and vast potential contributions of this population by creating an accepting, understanding, and inclusive culture.

  Veterans

  Adjusting to a new life is challenging under any circumstances and is especially so for a veteran who may be dealing with physical, emotional, financial, and family issues in addition to the pressures of a new job. There are a number of things coworkers can do to make this transition easier. They can welcome a new colleague by inviting him to coffee, lunch, or after-hours events. They can ask how his transition is going and express interest in his military work experience. They can (and must) avoid asking prying questions (“Do you have service-related physical or emotional issues?”) or judgmental questions (“How could you have left your family for so long?”).

  The Brain Drain

  Traditionalists and baby boomers are retiring, cutting back, or moving on to new careers. And unless organizations figure out a way to harvest and transfer their institutional knowledge and relationships, they are going with them. “Brain drain” is an enormous risk to the bottom line and another important reason employers need to ensure respectful communication among generations while there is still time.

  The first year all
baby boomers were at least 50 years old was 2014. Eighty million strong, they possess the greatest amount of institutional knowledge and represent the largest pool of mentors in the workplace today. Granted, many boomers do not expect to retire until their late 60s, and some have no plans to ever retire. But employers cannot rely on boomers staying on as a way to protect their intellectual capital. Many are leaving for better opportunities, beginning new careers, and starting new businesses. And they are taking their lifelong professional experiences with them.

  Employers and coworkers who want to capture this knowledge need to act fast. John A. Challenger, CEO of Challenger, Gray & Christmas, Inc., the outplacement and career transitioning firm, said, “With the leading edge of the Baby Boomer generation reaching age 68 in 2014, it is critical that companies understand their exposure to brain drain related to retirement.”19 There are now roughly two times as many boomers in the workplace as there are Gen Xers. When the retirement floodgates open, there is a legitimate concern that there will not be enough qualified mid-level workers ready to take their places. Those who are ready will be in great demand, and able to command larger salaries as a result.

  Employers should communicate with their over-50 employees to evaluate their skills, knowledge, contacts, and retirement plans in order to gauge and limit their company’s exposure to brain drain. They can offer creative solutions to those who do not necessarily want to retire but would like less demanding jobs or schedules. Sabbaticals, flexible time, shared responsibilities, and fewer hours—the work-life integration benefits so important to millennials—may be enough to entice these individuals to stay on. They can create a mentoring program to ensure the succession of vital institutional knowledge and relationships to the next generations. They can also “hire for age” by replacing retiring baby boomers with employees of similar backgrounds and levels of experience.

  Savvy younger employees can also avail themselves of the treasure troves of information sitting next to them by asking questions and truly listening to answers. Not only are experienced coworkers a font of company information, they have career-spanning relationships with people to whom they might just be willing to make introductions. While gathering information, younger workers want to remember to show patience and express gratitude for the time, advice, and perspective their senior colleagues are willing to offer them. They can also offer advice in a reciprocal mentoring mode.

  REMEMBER

  A culture of respect comes first. Liberal and consistent application of the Platinum Rule makes this possible.

  Life experiences inform attitudes and behaviors. We must challenge our own mindsets and make room for others’ backgrounds and beliefs.

  Diversity is to be embraced. Its value to individuals and organizations is incalculable.

  chapter 2

  social skills

  Putting Your Best Foot Forward

  “I will prepare and someday my chance will come.”

  —ABRAHAM LINCOLN

  Mary, head of Human Resources, has been interviewing candidates all month for a good position at Stellar Insurance Company but still hasn’t found the right person. Her boss has run out of patience. “We need an underwriting assistant now!” he tells her. “Choose the best candidate and get ’em in here first thing Monday morning.”

  Mary reviews the candidates. There was the college grad who asked Mary what the company did exactly. There was the woman who said if she could not bring her cat to work, there was no point in continuing the conversation. Then there was the young man who brought his mother into the interview room for “another set of ears.” Mary also recalled the middle-aged man who arrived, unapologetically, 20 minutes late. He told Mary he was completely overqualified but needed a job, so he’d take it. And then there was Chloe.

  Chloe had the right skill set, but her appearance was alarming. A snake tattoo coiled up her arm to her neck, in homage, she said, to her pet snake Rumplesnakeskin. She had multiple piercings in her ears and wore a tank top sans bra and flip flops with glittery blue nail polish on her toes. But Chloe was the best of the lot. So Mary offered her the job on one condition: that she come to work appropriately dressed for a conservative insurance company.

  First thing Monday morning, Mary gets a call from her boss. “May I see you in my office—now?” he asks, with unmistakable anger in his voice. Mary rushes to his office and sees Chloe sitting demurely outside his door, dressed in what Mary surmises is her version of conservative: a hot pink suit with a plunging neckline and micro-mini skirt, six-inch stiletto heels, heavy gold chains and bracelets, extreme makeup, and of course, Rumplesnakeskin in plain sight.

  The interview process has undergone dramatic changes in the last 20 years. Today, every candidate is expected to be tech savvy, to have a strong social media presence and an unassailable “digital footprint,” and of course, to have the education and experience to do the job. These attributes are essential, but what employers value most are well-honed interpersonal skills.

  Social Skills

  Fresh out of Bates College, one of the most highly regarded liberal arts schools in New England, 23-year-old psychology major Tully knew how fortunate he was to be offered a personal recommendation for a job at a top software company. This got him in the door. The rest was up to him.

  On the day of the interview, Tully groomed himself impeccably from head to toe and dressed in what he called his best “techie attire”: a plaid shirt, pressed khakis, and brown loafers. Tully spent the next six hours in meetings with a HR rep, a team leader, and team members, all of whom would offer input on his candidacy. He was told he would hear from them that afternoon. Tully went home feeling hopeful and waited. Two hours later, he got the call—and the job.

  How did he do it? Tully had done his research, boning up on the company’s culture and the position he sought. He found common areas of interest with his interviewers, talking about his recent travels to Thailand and Greece, his fascination with nature photography, and his love of running. Tully attributed his success to his ability to successfully establish rapport. His interviewers warmed to him because he himself is a genuinely warm person.

  Just how important are social skills? Tom Malone of MIT’s Center for Collective Intelligence says, “It is becoming increasingly important to think about business and organizations not just in terms of how efficient or how productive they are, but also how intelligent they are.”1 When Mr. Malone conducted research, he found that just having “a bunch of smart people in a group” does not necessarily make for a smart group. What does make a group smart is the average social perceptiveness of the group members.

  Employers agree. In its article “15 Traits of the Ideal Employee,” Forbes states, “The most intelligent companies hire on future success and heavily weigh personality when determining the most apt employees.”2 Of course, most employers do look for technical skills as well, but depending upon the job, not having them is not necessarily a deal breaker. Even in a workplace that demands the ability to master tech tools, many employers are hiring for attitude and training for skill. They have found that you can teach technology but it is far more difficult, if not impossible, to instill in individuals the critical qualities of patience, kindness, and empathy.

  Many hiring managers say that they know within a minute or two whether or not they will hire someone. Immediate red flags are candidates who are late, inappropriately dressed, do not make eye contact, or leave their cell phones on and out. Once a conversation is underway, a candidate who knows nothing about the company’s culture, is too focused on himself, or disparages a previous employer is disqualified as well.

  In her Business Insider article, “The All-Time Worst Interview Mistakes Job Candidates Have Made,” Vivian Giang writes of the applicant who warned the interviewer that she had probably taken too much Valium that day, the one who asked for a hug before the interview began, and the one who pretended he was getting a call from the interviewer’s competitor. The applicant who asked for the phone numb
er of the company’s receptionist because he really liked her also made the list.3

  The Hiring Process

  It’s been 30 years since Bob, a business service consultant, has looked for a job. Bob has worked at the same telecommunications company for his entire career, and he knows the job search and interview processes have changed dramatically in those 30 years. Now that his office has moved out of state, he is about to find out just how much. The first thing he does is call the local competitor, where he wanders through a maze of telephone options. He finally reaches a live human voice in HR and is promptly told that they do not field employment inquiries. All information about available jobs and application instructions would be on their website.

  It was on the website that he sees what he is up against. Bob would first be asked to register, complete a detailed online application, and attach a current résumé with references. Next, he would need to take a two-hour three-part pre-assessment test to determine his technical ability, behavioral profile, and problem-solving acumen. If he met all of the requirements, he would then be contacted for a telephone-screening interview. If all went well and he was selected for an in-person interview, he would first meet with a hiring manager. Any subsequent interviews would involve meetings with company representatives at various levels, as well as presentations and role-playing exercises. If he were to be offered a job, he would then submit to an extensive background check.

  Bob sighs. He knew he had his work cut out for him in getting a job, but he didn’t know how much of a job it would be just to get through the interview process.