Excuse Me

by Rosanne J Thomas

  We all need to use good grammar. Saying “Me and Jim” instead of “Jim and I” will make colleagues who speak correctly wonder how someone managed to graduate from school and get a job without learning the basics of grammar.

  In an article in CNN iReport, “Decline in Grammatical and Writing Skills of the New Generation Due to Techspeak,” Fran Alston says the language, structure, punctuation, tone, and format used in communicating via electronic means, or “techspeak,” is having a bad effect upon grammar. “There is a growing concern . . . among scholars who fret that the wide use of ‘techspeak’ is a real threat to the structure and real essence of languages.”8

  Electronic communication suffers most from the increase of “techspeak,” but it has also crept into verbal communication. Commonly used terms and acronyms among millennials can leave older workers clueless. A useful resource for anyone who wants to learn or confirm the meanings of technology terms is “The Top 30 Internet Terms for Beginners, 2016” by Internet basics expert Paul Gil.9 People can also consult sites such as connexin.net, onlineslangdictionary.com, and slang.org for help. Understanding the language of today’s workplace will give digital immigrants more confidence in their interactions with younger coworkers. Digital natives need to be patient and helpful with older peers as they become conversant with new terms and acronyms.

  Enunciation and regional accents are other aspects of speech to be conscious of. Speaking clearly, with as few fillers as possible (um, ah, like, you know, etc.), makes us sound far more articulate and thoughtful. Regional accents might require attention, too. Boston’s “Paak the caah in Haavaad Yaad” is a real thing. Famous for dropping and adding R’s, Bostonians don’t go to California; they go to “Californier.” They drink “wata,” not water.

  Hearing an authentic Boston accent is, for me, comforting because it means home. But to people from other places, a strong Boston accent may sound provincial. If others can’t understand you or tease you about your accent, try to minimize or even lose it if you can—or risk being seen as unsophisticated or unintelligent.

  How do you lose a regional accent? Listen to newscasters! Their job is to disseminate information and build trust with the widest possible audience. To accomplish this, they must deliver news without a hint of regionalized accents. Try to emulate their speaking style by repeating their words with the same enunciation.

  It goes without saying, using foul language or making disparaging remarks about others reflects badly on those using or making them. It could also cost promotions or jobs. Swearing raises red flags about an individual’s maturity, self-control, and even intelligence. Foul language is offensive to many and can become an HR issue, especially if it is deemed offensive from gender, religious, or cultural perspectives. Swearing is tolerated in some industries more than others, but in general, using foul language does not enhance one’s brand and may impact one’s future.

  The Good Listener

  It’s 8:00 Wednesday morning in Atlanta, and Zoe has arrived at her desk. There is an incoming call from her boss, MaryAnn, who is on an extended business trip to Tokyo. “Why is she calling at this hour? It’s 9:00 P.M. Tokyo time!” Zoe says under her breath.

  Then, like a ton of bricks, it hits Zoe: her boss is checking on the materials for this Friday’s meeting—the materials Zoe hasn’t sent! Before she left last week, MaryAnn had instructed her to FedEx to Tokyo 10 bound hard copies of the comprehensive proposal she would need for the client meeting, along with small gifts for each of the attendees. Originally, MaryAnn was going to carry them with her in her luggage, but with 10 days until the meeting, she decided it would be easier to have them shipped.

  In her haste to get all of the predeparture travel details buttoned up, Zoe had only been half-listening to MaryAnn’s laundry list of postdeparture instructions, thinking she’d deal with them later. Now, just two days before the meeting, there is not enough time to get the shipment to Tokyo. She braces herself and takes the call. She knows, too late, she should have listened more carefully. What could she possibly say to her boss now? She is filled with dread as she picks up the phone.

  Listening is the great and rare gift you give to others. It shows respect and validates feelings. It allows them to vent emotions, gain perspective, clarify thinking, and develop trust. Listeners benefit, too. Greater understanding, fewer mistakes, improved morale, saved time, solved problems, and increased productivity are the results of good listening. Listening boosts reputations and strengthens career prospects. Listening is the magic bullet. So why don’t people listen?

  In part, it is because human beings have a limited attention span, estimated at just eight seconds. People are also so consumed by content on the Internet that they can barely remember their own birthdays, let alone the details of what others are telling them. It seems that an increase in the use of technology is met with a commensurate decrease in attention span.

  The myth of multitasking is another barrier. Many people think they can effectively listen and engage in other activities at the same time. But there is zero evidence to confirm that. John Medina, author of the book Brain Rules, says, “The brain naturally focuses on concepts sequentially, one at a time . . . to put it bluntly, research shows that we cannot multitask.”10 Ryan Weaver, marketing analyst at Mentor Works Ltd., the financing consultancy, says “the proper word for what is commonly referred to as multitasking is ‘task-switching,’ and it is an imaginary skill.”11 No matter what it’s called, studies point out that it doesn’t work. When people try to perform multiple tasks at once, they decrease their productivity and increase their errors. And relationships suffer.

  Short attention spans, multitasking, and a scarcity of time combine to make listening a challenging undertaking at best. Add to this the fact that most people are not all that interested in issues that do not directly impact them, and listening takes a hit. But listen we must! And it requires real effort.

  Listening well means putting aside our own feelings and thoughts to absorb the speakers’ thoughts and feelings. It does not necessarily mean agreeing with what others say, only that we hear what they say. Listening well means giving undivided attention, tuning into and mirroring others’ emotions, relating as best we can to what is being said, encouraging speakers to say more, and paraphrasing often so speakers know they are understood. Good listeners don’t push conversations in particular directions. Instead, they immerse themselves in what others are saying and feeling and then, if appropriate, share insights, answer questions, or offer solutions.

  THE CAREFUL LISTENER

  Remove distractions. Give the person you are listening to your undivided attention. Turn away from your computer screen. Mute your phone. Look directly at the person speaking. And perhaps take the conversation to a private room to minimize interruptions.

  Be receptive. Don’t judge what is being said, finish sentences, supply words, change the subject, or commandeer the conversation.

  Provide feedback and convey empathy. Emotionally connect with the person you are listening to and let them know you are interested and understand. Offer conversational “door openers” such as “That’s interesting, please go on” or “I’m glad you said that!” Tune in to their emotions by saying, “That sounds exciting!” (Or frustrating, confusing, overwhelming, etc.) Use nonverbal cues: nods, smiles, furrowed brows, or looks of surprise or delight.

  Maintain discretion. Loose lips sink more than ships. They can sink your business, your career, and your finances. They can even land you in jail. Gossip breeds ill will, poor morale, lost productivity, and permanently damaged relationships. Betray a confidence and people will see you as untrustworthy, unprofessional, insecure, or just plain mean. Conversely, the person who demonstrates she can be trusted wins friends and allies and gains a reputation as someone who is mature and professional.

  As you advance in your career, the need for clear, sensitive communication will grow. Without strong communication skills, there may not be advancement. Warren Buffet, Ri
chard Branson, Mark Zuckerberg, and Oprah Winfrey have followed different paths to success, but all are exceptional communicators. Each in their own way has learned how to engage in conversation, read and send nonverbal cues, and listen well.

  REMEMBER

  Nonverbal communication says volumes. Read and use nonverbal cues to your advantage.

  Eye contact has enormous power. It shows respect, engenders trust, and helps strengthen brands.

  Good things come to good conversationalists. Practice your skills until conversation is one of your strongest skills.

  Listening well reaps great rewards. Use the knowledge and trust that respectful listening creates to become an exemplary employee, colleague, and business partner.

  chapter 6

  electronic communication

  Smart Rules for Smart Devices

  “Electric communication will never be a substitute for the face of someone who with their soul encourages another person to be brave and true.”

  —CHARLES DICKENS

  Josh cannot live without his devices. What if a client emails him? What if his buddy texts him with playoff tickets? What if a cancellation gets him a table at that new Thai restaurant? What if his apartment application is approved? He’s got to stay connected. Period.

  But now, he is at this important meeting and they have all been instructed to close their laptops and put away their phones. Everyone quietly complies, including Josh, who tries not to show his irritation.

  While the meeting drones on, Josh itches to look at his phone. He’s been waiting all morning for a client’s final decision on an important contract. “I’ll just take a quick peek under the table,” he thinks. Moments have passed, and now Josh, lost in reading all his messages, suddenly becomes aware of the dead silence in the room. He glances up to see all eyes on him. Josh quickly realizes that he has been called on to answer some question and that he never even heard his name called.

  Red faced, he sheepishly asks, “Could you repeat the question?”

  Now that we have mastered the art of face-to-face communication, we can exhale a sigh of relief and go back to the comfortable, controlled world of electronic communication. In the digital world, we’re in charge. We communicate with whom we want, when we want, for how long we want, and by what means we want. In the digital world, we do not need to concern ourselves with the unpredictability inherent in in-person interactions.

  Digital communication is, by great margins, the mode of choice for younger generations. Traditionalists still tend to favor face-to-face conversations when possible. Baby boomers like in-person encounters but do engage via telephone, email, and text. Generation X prefers email or text communication. Generation Y almost exclusively prefers text or social media. And Generation Z, the next on the workplace horizon, wants FaceTime.

  These generalizations can sometimes be helpful, but it is a mistake to assume everyone in a category conforms to their generation’s predominant communication style. My 90-year-old mother, a remarkably savvy digital communicator, regularly Skypes with her children and grandchildren, one of whom is her Navy pilot grandson in Okinawa.

  You need to determine the best mode of communication for a given set of circumstances, and then undertake it skillfully. Consider the means by which others prefer to communicate, and adapt to their preferred style. Think about what you’re trying to accomplish, and then decide whether face-to-face, voice-to-voice, or text-based communication is the way to go.

  Electronic communication disseminates information with speed, accuracy, and efficiency, but it is less effective in building relationships than face-to-face conversation. In his article, “Technology vs. Face to Face,” Barry Siskind cites a report prepared by the Harvard Business Review comparing face-to-face communication with electronic communication. He concludes that in a number of key areas, including developing new relationships, negotiating, maintaining relationships, and overcoming cultural barriers, face-to-face communication beats electronic by overwhelming percentages.1

  Telephone Skills

  Mark has worked very hard to land his new position at a highly regarded graphic design agency, after graduating from one of New York’s top schools. But now that he is on the job, some grim realities have settled in.

  Mark presumed that work on actual projects would take up at least 90 percent of his time. He had failed to anticipate the incredible number of meetings, emails, and telephone calls every workday would include and the impact these would have on his project work. He is especially bothered by the lengthy, rambling email and phone messages he gets.

  Mark was reminded of his college days when his mother would call and leave him long, detailed messages. Mark, most often, did not even listen to them and almost never called back. He had too much work to do. One day he got a call from his father, who told him that if he did not start returning his mother’s calls, he would have to pay for his own phone plan. That got Mark’s attention.

  Mark’s boss, a respected and tenured VP in the company, was now coming down the hallway. And he did not look pleased. His boss says to Mark, “I left you two urgent voicemail messages this morning about a client deadline that has been moved up. Why haven’t you responded?” Mark was going to admit that he hadn’t even listened to the messages, when his boss said, “In the future, I expect you to respond promptly. I would rather not have to walk to your office to get your attention.” Mark starts to apologize, but his boss turns and walks away.

  Mark now knows that listening to messages and returning calls is important, not just to his mother—it’s important to him if he wants to keep his job.

  Millennials would rather do anything—anything—than talk on the telephone. Or leave or listen to voicemail messages. They consider phone calls to be invasive, time-consuming, impractical, and “old school.” Millennials so strongly prefer communicating through text and social media that many are not even sure how to leave voicemail messages. In his New York Times article, “At the Tone, Leave a What?” Teddy Wayne says, “Having grown up in a text-friendly culture, with unmediated cellphone access to friends, they [millennials] have had little formative experience leaving spoken or relayed messages over the phone.”2

  Many millennials just don’t see the point of leaving voicemail messages. If a number shows up on someone’s phone, that means that person should call back, right? The problem is, not everyone realizes this is an expectation. And even if they do, they are reluctant to return a call with no attendant message, thinking it could have been a misdial or “pocket dial.” They may also not recognize the number.

  It’s not just millennials who have an aversion to talking on the phone; many of their older colleagues feel the same way. Once, the telephone was the only technology available, but now they too like the freedom and flexibility of text-based communication. Boomers and traditionalists will still usually answer the phone, but not always. Leaving a voicemail message was once second nature for them, but today even they do not necessarily like to do so. Like their younger colleagues, this generation has begun to experience a kind of performance anxiety and vulnerability. They feel a lack of control over how their messages will be judged—and whether or not their calls will be returned.

  Despite all the talk about the lack of actual talk, telephone conversations may be experiencing a resurgence. People have begun to miss the sound of a human voice, the subtle nuances of tone, the intimacy, the clarity, and the immediacy. According to Jenna Wortham’s New York Times article, “Pass the Word: The Phone Call Is Back,”3 tech companies and entrepreneurs are introducing voice-centered mobile application services that strive to marry voice and convenience, the best of both worlds. The reassurance of a human voice, however and whenever it is heard, is once again in demand.

  Collaboration is the predominant concept in today’s workplace. Even as the tools of collaborative technology become more sophisticated, the seemingly old-fashioned methods of e-communication—telephone and email—are not going away. Industries such as financial ser
vices and insurance, among many others, still rely heavily on cold calling to conduct and solicit business. Companies also rely on the well-honed telephone skills of employees in call centers to attract and retain business, and to guard the reputations of their brands. Even the largest e-commerce companies in the world, including Amazon and eBay, need telephone representatives to step in when technology falls short in meeting their customers’ needs.

  Remember switchboard operators? Those cheery-voiced humans who knew how to quickly and correctly route calls and actually made callers feel that they appreciated their interest in their organizations? They still exist, but in rapidly declining numbers. The position of a switchboard operator, or company telephone operator (actual switchboards haven’t been used since the 1960s), may soon be extinct. Now direct-dial extensions, automated systems, and the occasional receptionist handle all incoming calls.

  Still, it’s trickier than ever to actually get someone on the phone. If callers can even find a company’s phone number, they will often reach a recording encouraging them to visit the company’s website because “we are experiencing heavier than normal call volume.” A caller is required to navigate a maze of recorded options, all with further options of their own, to finally get to the right person or department. Those making business calls increasingly find people won’t answer unless the calls were agreed to and scheduled in advance. An impromptu call is now often considered inconvenient, intrusive, and even inconsiderate.