Excuse Me

by Rosanne J Thomas

  When you are finished eating, make this clear by placing the fork and knife next to each other, knife above the fork, with blade facing in, in a 10 o’clock-4 o’clock position. The tines of the fork may be up or down. Most important, do not strew the silverware haphazardly about the plate.

  The Crystal

  The most important thing to remember about crystal is that if it has a stem, it is held by the stem. If it doesn’t have a stem, it is held by the glass, or bowl, in the middle to bottom area, not near the rim. A large-stemmed red wine glass may certainly be held near the base of the bowl to make sure it is steady, but a white wine glass is held in the middle of the stem to avoid warming the wine with the heat of the hand. Do not hold the wine glass by its base or cupped in the hand as you would a brandy snifter.

  Dining Decorum

  Rich can’t wait to share his success. And the annual meeting of the retail sales managers of the national chain Yardley Auto Parts is just the place to do it! Rich’s store is beating sales records by huge amounts. He decides this is the perfect chance to tell the new company president all about it. He will stand out from the sea of 150 managers while the president is still getting to know the staff.

  Rich makes his rounds, chatting with other attendees, all the while searching the tables to see where he is seated. Sure enough, his place card puts him at a table at the opposite end of the room from the president’s table. Confident the meeting planner placed the cards randomly, Rich decides he will surreptitiously switch his place card with one at the president’s table. Rich can’t help but smile, pleased with this brilliant plan.

  The meal is about to begin, and Rich sits down at the head table with the president. Just as he starts his conversation with his fellow diners, he feels a tap on his shoulder. It is the meeting planner. “I’m sorry,” he says. “You are seated at table 10. You have to move.” His cheeks burning red hot with embarrassment, Rich stumbles to stand up and quickly walks to his seat at the far end of the room.

  Rich stood out, all right, in a way neither he nor the new president would ever forget.

  Seating and Conversation

  The guest of honor, if there is one, is seated to the host’s immediate right. The second-ranking guest is to the host’s left. If there is a cohost, he sits at the opposite end of the table from the host, with third- and fourth-ranking guests to his right and left, respectively. All other diners are seated in the middle of the table. The host speaks with the guest of honor first and at some point during the meal, “turns the table” to speak with the second-ranking guest. All other diners follow suit as well as they can, speaking with the available persons on either side of them.

  While conversations between two people work best, there will occasionally be an uneven number of diners or odd seating configuration at the table. Sometimes several people will be involved in one discussion. If everyone remembers their primary conversation responsibilities, no one will be ignored or excluded. Appropriate conversation topics over business meals are the same as they are for all business encounters. This means avoiding any that are potentially divisive or personal. If you are upbeat, show genuine interest, listen well, and interject humor whenever possible, you will be a sought-after dining companion. Laughter, interest, and enthusiasm are all welcome at business meals. Boredom, negativity, and fatigue are not. You must “sing for your supper” or stay home.

  Toasting

  If done well, toasting is an extraordinarily powerful tool. Unfortunately, business professionals miss countless opportunities to honor clients and colleagues with words of praise or thanks. Toasting is actually easier than you might think. It simply involves sharing a sentiment that is well thought-out, sincerely and briefly. That’s it. Some people avoid making toasts because of the enormous pressure they feel it puts on them to be at once brilliant, original, and hysterically funny. Even professional comedians and speakers can’t always hit that high a mark. Just remember to keep the spotlight squarely on the honoree when making the toast and you will relieve yourself of a great deal of pressure.

  TOASTING GUIDELINES

  The host makes the toast. It occurs after the main course has been cleared, during the dessert course. The host stands and says, “May I have your attention please? We are here tonight in honor of . . .” At a small gathering, the host may stay seated. For a short toast, the host may hold his glass throughout; for a longer one, he may pick it up at the end.

  The host invites attendees to raise their glasses. In the U.S., it is appropriate to toast with wine, champagne, or water. All raise their glasses in the direction of the guest of honor and do not clink their glasses among themselves. The honoree is the only person who does not raise a glass; it is incorrect to drink to oneself.

  The honoree reciprocates. A toast of thanks is offered to the host and to everyone who has attended by the honoree. All join in, raising their glasses to the host.

  Challenges

  Challenging situations come up at every meal, and savvy diners handle them deftly. You should call as little attention to them as possible and ignore them if you can. Never embarrass a dining companion by belaboring an incident.

  THE PROPER RESPONSE

  If you drop something on the floor, leave it there—whether food, silverware, or a napkin. If the item is a hazard, such as a fork in a main traffic area, place it under the table. Do not use it or place it on the table again.

  If you find something inedible in your food, such as an olive pit, bone, or gristle, or worse, a bug or strand of hair, quietly bring it to the server’s attention. Do not upset dining companions by sharing this information.

  If you have food stuck in your teeth, take a sip of water or quietly excuse yourself and tend to it in the restroom. If you see something on another’s lip, chin, or tooth, address discreetly. Point to your mouth with raised eyebrows or whisper the information.

  If you must cough or sneeze, turn away and down toward your elbow or over your shoulder. You needn’t leave the table, unless you have a prolonged attack or need to blow your nose. Never use a napkin as a handkerchief, but if unavoidable, ask for a replacement.

  If you spill a beverage, right the glass, blot the spill, and ask for a clean napkin. Pick up spilled food with a clean spoon or knife, or fingers if necessary, and put it on the plate. Leave crumbs on the table; the server will attend to them.

  If your guest drinks too much alcohol, be discreet. Quietly arrange with the server to not offer or pour any more alcohol. If you are not sure your guest can safely drive, insist on driving him home or call a cab.

  Dining Dos and Don’ts

  There are a number of telling behaviors in business dining situations that distinguish those who have taken the time to learn the intricacies from those who have not. Here are some important tips.

  THE DOS

  Remember, your bread plate is to the left of your plate, and your drinks are to the right. The acronym BMW, for bread, meal, and water, is a great way to remember this.

  Cut no more than one or two bites of food at a time. Take small bites and swallow any food in your mouth before taking a sip of a drink. Chew with your mouth closed. Once food is on your utensil, put it immediately into your mouth.

  Check coats and umbrellas when possible. Purses, briefcases, papers, eyeglasses, mobile phones, and medication should be kept off of tables.

  Avoid food choices that may be problematic to eat. Save lobster, ribs, and tacos for dining with friends and family. Familiarize yourself with the ways in which to eat various foods.

  Pay with a credit card or a standing account. Do not pay with cash.

  THE DON’TS

  Treat restaurant servers or staff disrespectfully. Executives often take prospective employees out to meals not to see how they treat them, but to see how they treat the servers.

  Use your fingers to push food. Don’t slurp, burp, or smack your lips.

  Announce your food likes, dislikes, allergies, or latest diet. Never complain about the venue, the fo
od, or the service, especially if you are a guest. Do not comment on food choice, offer dietary advice, or monitor consumption. Do not ask to taste others’ food.

  Move or rearrange a place setting for your ease in eating. Do not wipe off spotty silverware or crystal, rotate your plate, or push your plate away at the end of the meal.

  Ask for a doggie bag, whether host or guest, even if the server mentions it.

  Throughout the meal, diners carefully and silently monitor the tempo and tenor of the meal to make good judgments about what to do next. If they notice that everyone has finished a course, they put their utensils in the finished position as well. If everyone else orders a drink, first course, and dessert, they do, too. Of course, they do not have to order exactly what others order, but participating in all courses and drinks keeps the pace of the meal even and allows others to enjoy what they wish without fear of rushing or holding others up.

  REMEMBER

  Understand the connection between business dining and relationships, reputations, and financial rewards.

  Execute host and guest responsibilities faithfully.

  Practice the mechanics of the business meal.

  Observe all elements of dining decorum.

  chapter 9

  the social side of business

  Knowing the Basics for Every Situation

  “A man’s manners are a mirror in which he shows his portrait.”

  —JOHANN WOLFGANG VON GOETHE

  Jared had it made in the shade. A top student in a prestigious MBA program, he had just landed a coveted summer internship at a prominent financial services company. Jared knew all he had to do was ace this internship and a six-figure job offer was guaranteed him upon graduation.

  All the interns were invited to a welcome-to-the-firm dinner in the luxurious, usually off-limits, executive dining room. Jared ordered a glass of fine Merlot, even though the hosts had preordered wine for the dinner. He enjoyed the wine thoroughly, ordering two more glasses before the main course arrived. When Jared’s meal came, it was not cooked to his specifications—he’d ordered his steak medium-rare, not medium, he curtly reminded the server—so he sent it back. While he waited, he asked for another glass of wine.

  Now confidently holding court at his end of the table, Jared proudly shared his achievements with whoever was within earshot. With a barely detectable slur in his words, he spared no detail about the numerous awards he’d received and the work he’d put into achieving his stellar GPA. Throughout the dinner, Jared jumped into conversations when they interested him, always relating the topic to his accomplishments, and checked texts when he was not interested. Toward the end of the meal, Jared noticed many eyes were on him. Terrific, he thought. They’re impressed! That they were appalled was completely lost on him. If the executives had any doubts about offering him a future full-time position, this dinner put that question to rest. Jared had miserably and, unknowingly, failed this crucial test.

  The social side of business encompasses everything from a cup of coffee to a five-course meal, and savvy business professionals are comfortable in all of these social situations. Regardless of the formality of the event, the same guidelines for hosts and guests apply, as do all of the dos and don’ts of dining: Arrive early, do not use electronic devices, and correctly handle the silverware, crystal, and napkin. The only thing that changes is the venue.

  Entertaining Clients

  Advertising executive Emily often entertained clients at breakfasts, taking them to her elegant city club with its beautifully appointed dining room with fresh flowers, immaculate white table cloths, attentive service, and magnificent panoramic views of the city below from the 36th floor. Her guests were always impressed. But today, she was in her new prospect’s city. It had taken her months to get on her calendar, and her prospect had made it clear that her schedule was very tight. When she suggested breakfast, Emily quickly and happily agreed. She’s always had great luck at business breakfasts! But where?

  It had to be distinctive, convenient, and suitable for a business conversation. Emily knew she had one chance to impress this prospect and had to get it right. She did some online reconnaissance and found a charming bistro close to her client’s office. The website showed off its lovely décor and people in business suits engaged in conversations. It looked ideal!

  Emily arrived early but was immediately told there was a 15-minute wait—and her prospect was already on her way. When they were finally seated, it took another 10 minutes to get coffee and menus. The server was rushed, telling them that they were shorthanded. Thirty minutes after they sat down, their orders arrived, eggs cold and toast overdone and rock hard. Their water glasses and coffee cups remained empty as Emily tried in vain to get the server’s attention.

  Her prospect announced she really had to get back. She gathered her things, thanked her host, and left. Emily could not even walk her to the door, never mind back to her office, as she waited for the bill. Emily left glum, realizing she had accomplished nothing but wasting her prospect’s valuable time. Lesson learned: A pretty website does not ensure a great experience. Emily had failed to do enough due diligence and lost out on promising business in the process.

  Coffee

  Meeting a client or prospect for coffee is a modest investment of time and money and a great way to make introductions, further relationships, or discuss ideas in an informal setting. Once, coffee was almost exclusively associated with the morning, but now virtually any time of day that works for your client is appropriate for coffee.

  You can make this mode of entertainment special from the very beginning by picking your guest up at her office. You eliminate potential issues of transportation or traffic, which could affect arrival times, parking, and seating, and the bonus is that your guest will feel valued. If you use your own car instead of a hired car, make sure it is spotlessly clean and odor-free. An additional nice touch is to have bottled water and possibly mints or hard candy available. A friend of mine in real estate does this and tells me that these small gestures are noticed and appreciated every time.

  If picking your guest up is not feasible, ask her in advance what you can order for her. This saves time when schedules are tight. Arrive early to scope out a table. In a self-serve environment, invite your guest to sit, then place and pay for your orders. Offer your guest both something to eat and drink, and follow suit so she feels comfortable in partaking.

  Choose a venue that is conducive to a business conversation. Meeting at a private club or café where the staff knows you, where good service is guaranteed, and where you can handle the bill out of sight is ideal. Engage in small talk until the coffee arrives, then introduce the business topic you want to discuss. Keep your voice low in places where you might be overheard.

  Coffee is, of course, meant to be quick and casual. Ask your guest how much time she has, keep an eye on the clock, and let her know when the time for her departure approaches. If the conversation is going well, she may extend it. If not, your guest will appreciate that you have been respectful of her schedule. As always, thank your guest for joining you.

  Breakfast

  More formal than coffee, breakfast is a great way to secure valuable in-person time with clients and prospects in a cost-effective, time-sensitive way. Clients are often more relaxed at breakfast, the challenges of the day not yet having consumed their attention. And if your client happens to work on billable hours or has a hard stop at the end of the day, breakfast may be the only time you can see him. Breakfast is quieter and more personal than later meals, and the service is usually swift.

  Breakfast meetings can begin as early as 6:30 A.M. and go as late as 8:30 A.M. If your guest orders something to eat, follow suit, but order foods that are manageable, quick, and healthful. It will not go unnoticed if your guest has a nonfat yogurt with fruit and you have a breakfast of bacon, eggs, and home fries, with a tall stack of pancakes on the side!

  Engage in small talk until the coffee comes, then switch to business. When
the food arrives, either reintroduce casual conversation or keep the business topic going. Time is of the essence at breakfast meetings, and it is not incorrect to talk business throughout.

  Lunch

  Lunch meetings are meant for relationship-building and business talk in equal measure. Lunch, more formal and more social than coffee or breakfast, is also more expensive and takes more time. It is a greater investment on the part of your client as well, a testament that you are worth the time!

  Midday meals differ in other ways as well. Over lunch, a host offers his guest a cocktail or wine, although in the U.S. this offer will generally be declined. The days of the three-martini lunch are long gone, and it is rare, but not unheard of, to drink alcohol at lunch. Still, in some parts of the country, and at some venues, the offer of beer or wine at lunch may be welcomed. In cultures where drinking at lunch is customary, guests may also take you up on this invitation. Generally, it is best to make the offer, recognizing that you do not need to join in unless you want to. Never drink alcohol at lunch if your guest is not drinking.

  Another way lunch differs from coffee or breakfast is the point at which the topic of business is broached. The host begins by engaging in small talk, transitioning to business talk after the meals are ordered and prior to their arrival. Once the meal arrives, he reverts to lighter topics of conversation. Business talks may be picked up again after the main course over coffee.