The Black Market

by Kiki Swinson

  I swear I didn’t feel like going anywhere. All I wanted to do was lie around my apartment and catch up on the reality shows I’d recorded over the last few weeks. Sorry to say that that wasn’t going to happen today.

  Instead of stopping by a grocery store, I stopped off at a convenience store in the hood not too far from my mother’s place to get her a case of beer. I parked my car three parking spaces from the front door of the store because it was the only spot left. So, after I got out of the car and locked the door, I hurried inside the store, got a six pack of Coronas, paid for it, and then I left out of there. When I got back into my car and drove away, I realized that I didn’t get the salsa and chips my mother asked me to bring her. I knew she was going to be upset when I walked into her house without them, so I turned my car around and headed back to the store. I was in and out of there in less than three minutes.

  I finally made it to my mother’s house twenty minutes later. When I pulled into the driveway, I noticed that her new boyfriend’s car was there. “Where is your man?” I didn’t hesitate to ask her after she opened up her front door and let me into her house.

  “He’s in the room asleep. Why?” she replied sarcastically.

  “Why is he asleep this time of the day?” I pressed the issue while I followed her down the hallway toward the kitchen.

  “Because his job just changed his shift to nights. So, he sleeps during the day.”

  “Oh, so that’s why you didn’t ask him to make that beer run for you?”

  “Who do you think you’re talking to?” my mother said as she pulled one of the beer bottles from the case.

  “Look, Mama, I didn’t come over here to argue with you about your man and God knows what else. All I want you to do is to consider stop drinking. It’s taking your youth from you.”

  My mother took the top off a beer and took a seat at one of the chairs at the kitchen table. She crossed her legs and then she took a sip of the beer. After she swallowed it, she gave me a crooked smile and said, “What are you, my sponsor?”

  I stood there with my back pressed against the countertop and watched the smug look on her face. “Why do you always shoot me down every time I tell you something that would help you?”

  “So, you think you’re helping me?”

  “Of course.”

  “Well, you’re not. I’m a grown woman. And I’m your mother. I know more shit than you’ll ever know. Now, I appreciate you for thinking that you’re looking out for me, but I got this. I’ve been taking care of myself longer than you’ll ever know,” she said and then she took another sip of her beer.

  “Look, Mama, I’m not gonna go back and forth with you about your drinking. Do what you wanna do. I’m over it.” I turned to walk out of the kitchen.

  “You always wanna run off when it gets hot in the kitchen,” she yelled.

  I turned around and stopped at the entryway. “Mama, stop with all the drama. If you can’t see that I want the best for you then I don’t know what else to do.”

  “You know my brother has always been my mama’s favorite child,” she said.

  “What are you talking about?”

  My mother took another sip from the beer bottle and placed it on the kitchen table. “From as long as I can remember, I couldn’t do anything right in my mother’s eyes. It didn’t matter if I came home with honor roll, she’d always find a way to give my brother the shine. And I hated her for that. She always favored my brother over me, which is why she’s got Jillian living over there in that big house she’s got. He couldn’t do no wrong. But when I met your father and dated him for a year, I jumped at the chance when he asked me to marry him. That man treated me so good. He loved me like no one else in this entire world. So, when he got sick with that colon cancer and passed away, I was devastated. When he died, a huge piece of my heart died with him. Do you think I really wanna be an alcoholic? Do you think I wanna sit around here all day and do nothing? I want my old life back. I wanna go out and take long walks on the beach and smell the fresh air. Or perhaps go on a few vacations a year. But I can’t because my heart won’t let me. Dealing with the loss of your father, and you and I not spending time together like we used to, has taken a massive toll on me.” She sobbed.

  “Mama, you and I not spending time with each other and hanging out like we used to is your fault. Right after Dad died, I came here every day to get you out of the house, but you wouldn’t budge. You wouldn’t get out of bed. And you wouldn’t even talk to me sometimes. So, I just stopped trying,” I explained.

  “That was because I couldn’t stop thinking about your father.” She continued to cry.

  That’s when I walked over and embraced her. I tried to hug her like I wasn’t going to let her go. I think I stood there and hugged her for the next three minutes without letting her go. And when she felt like she had cried enough, she released my embrace and started wiping her tears from her face. I wiped a few of her tears away too with the back of my hand.

  After we stood in the kitchen for a while we decided to go into the living room. We took a seat next to each other on the sectional she had placed directly in front of the television. I thought she would want to sit down and watch TV for a while, but she didn’t. She started a dialogue about my father once again. “I remember the good times me and your father used to have,” she said after she took a swallow of the beer she’d carried with her from the kitchen.

  I sat there and looked at my mother while she talked about the good times her and my father had. But then, once again I saw the hurt in her eyes. This was my first time ever hearing her tell me her true feelings about my grandmother and my dad. My mother was dealing with some serious shit. And now that I knew the reason why my grandmother and her didn’t get along, it shed a lot of light on their beef of twenty-plus years. I sure would hate to be in her shoes right now because she really needed some help.

  For the first time in years, I could honestly say how much I felt sorry for her. I didn’t know if I’d be able to help mend her and my grandmother’s relationship. Maybe after I spoke to my grandmother, she’d be a willing participant to bridge the gap in her and my mother’s relationship. If she wasn’t, my mother might never stop drinking.

  “Mama, I won’t ever judge you again. I just wanna see you win. That’s all,” I told her, and then turned around and left.

  My heart felt so heavy. I felt sorry for her and all that shit she’d been holding on to all her life. How had she done it this long? I would’ve checked myself into a psychiatric hospital by now. I knew she didn’t see herself as a source of strength, but in my eyes, she was a strong-ass lady. The next time I saw her, I was going to remind myself to tell her that too.

  9

  MOVING ON

  I thought about my mother the entire drive back to my apartment. At one point I wanted to get my grandmother on the phone and talk to her about the conversation I had just had with my mother, but I figured that it wouldn’t be an effective way to get my mother’s point across. My grandmother would talk all over top of me. The only way I’d be able to get her to really listen to me would be to talk to her face-to-face. And I planned on doing that tomorrow after I got off work.

  Mentally tired because of the visit I had with my mother, I got out of my car and made my way up the sidewalk to my apartment building. Out of the left side of my peripheral vision I saw movement. Startled, I turned around and saw Terrell walking toward me. My heart rate sped up and I wondered how this meeting was going to end. I stopped in my tracks and turned around to face him. “What do you want now, Terrell?”

  He smiled wickedly. “I just stopped by to see you.”

  “You stopped by yesterday,” I replied sarcastically. He of all people knew that I don’t want him around me.

  “So, you don’t wanna see me?”

  “Terrell, what is wrong with you? I can’t do this with you anymore. We aren’t ever getting back together, so this popping up to my apartment anytime you want to has got to stop,” I to
ld him.

  “Where did you just come from?” he asked me, not acknowledging what I had just said.

  “Why?” I said in an irritated manner.

  He stepped closer to me. Fear ripped my heart open. “Whatcha just came from seeing another nigga? So, you’re cheating on me?”

  As badly as I wanted to tell this motherfucker to get lost, I thought about the possibility that he could embarrass me out here where all my neighbors could see. I was not up for that kind of drama, so I played his game. “No, I wasn’t. I just came from seeing my mom,” I told him.

  “She still drinking her life away?”

  “Drinking is all she knows.”

  “What a waste of life,” he commented cynically.

  “Not everybody can live the same way you live, Terrell.”

  “Come on, let’s go inside your apartment,” he insisted and grabbed me by the hand.

  I snatched my hand back from his. “Terrell, please go home. I’ve got a lot of stuff on my mind right now, so I’m not in the mood to entertain.” I let him down easy.

  He reached for my hand and snatched it back. “Don’t ever snatch your hands from me again,” he hissed.

  “Can you please stop it and leave?” I pleaded with him.

  “Why do I have to leave? Whatcha don’t wanna spend any time with me?”

  “Terrell, stop it. You’re embarrassing me,” I said quietly while I saw a few of my neighbors peering out their windows at me.

  “Do you think I give a fuck about your people seeing us? They can kiss my ass!” he said into my ear.

  “If you don’t stop, they may call the cops. And you of all people don’t like the cops,” I warned him.

  “You know that I don’t give a fuck around the po-po. Let ’em call them.” Terrell tested me.

  “I guess if I get your baby mama on the phone and tell her how you’re harassing me, I know she’s not gonna be happy about that.”

  “Call her. I don’t care,” he replied, and that’s when I knew that he really didn’t care. I also knew that I needed to change my tactics if I wanted to get rid of this asshole because threatening him wasn’t working.

  “Okay look, why don’t you leave and come back later,” I suggested, trying to defuse the situation.

  “Why do I’ve gotta come back when I’m here now?”

  “Because I’m tired. I’ve been out all day dealing with my family’s issues, so I just need to get some rest. After that, we can do whatever.”

  “Nah, I don’t feel like going anywhere. I’m here now.”

  Tired of going back and forth with this fucking jerk-off, I took a long look at him and said, “Why are you acting like this? I didn’t cheat on you, you cheated on me with over a dozen bitches! And if that’s not enough, you come here and attack me like I’m the one that fucked around on you. Who did who wrong? You! So why are you here harassing me? You’ve never acted this way before. I’ve never ever seen this side of you. What, are you on drugs?” I snatched my hand back from him.

  “Fuck nah, I ain’t on no drugs. I just want you back.”

  “But that’s not gonna happen, Terrell. I’ve given you too many chances. I’m over that whole relationship. So, move on,” I said, trying to let him down easy.

  Terrell looked straight into my eyes and chuckled loudly. “So, you think it’s gonna be that easy? You think I’m gonna let another nigga come in and take my place? My mama warned me about you.”

  “What have I ever done to your mother?” I asked him. I’d only met Mrs. Faye a couple of times and each time was good. So, what the fuck was he talking about? If anything, my mother warned me about his disrespectful and cheating ass.

  He ignored me and stormed off back in the direction of his car. “I’ll be back,” he yelled and then he disappeared into the night.

  10

  WHEN I SAY NO!

  I don’t know why I was a bit rattled after I woke up this morning to get dressed and head off to work, but I was. I mean, it wasn’t like I’d be walking into the unknown. I saw Sanjay and spoke with him when I walked into the pharmacy yesterday. So why was I plagued with all of this anxiety? Whatever was burdening my shoulders, I hoped that it could be sorted before it engulfed me.

  When I pulled up to the pharmacy and parked my car, I noticed that Sanjay hadn’t made it here. This wasn’t unusual for him, so I let myself into the pharmacy and tried to disable the alarm, but it was already off. I thought that was weird, but didn’t look too much into it because this has happened before. After I powered on the lights in the store, I logged onto our computer system to see how many orders we had to fill this morning. While I was doing that, I got this nagging feeling to check out our medication supply. The Vicodin and the Percocet supply was my focus.

  Upon entering the supply closet, I noticed that there were a few cases of diabetes meds, blood pressure meds, arthritis meds, and dementia meds to name a few, but there were no Vicodin or Percocet boxes in sight. I was flabbergasted. “What the fuck is going on?” I whispered to myself.

  The thought that Sanjay cleared out this closet had me baffled. I mean, what was he going to do if and when someone came in to get their prescriptions filled with those drugs and we didn’t have them? Now I see why our regular customer Mrs. Landry was sent to the other pharmacy down the block. We were really out of the fucking drugs that really count around here.

  Not knowing how to process what my eyes were taking in, I backed out of the supply closet and continued to log in today’s prescription orders.

  Sanjay walked into the pharmacy through the back door about thirty minutes later. He smiled as he greeted me. “It’s a beautiful day out, huh?” he said cheerfully.

  “Yes, I thought the same thing,” I lied, trying not to address the elephant in the room.

  “Do we have a lot of orders to fill this morning?” he wondered aloud as he hung up his jacket and placed his briefcase on the floor next to the wall.

  “Yes, we have a few,” I told him.

  “Has the UPS driver made his rounds?” he questioned once more.

  Without taking my attention from the computer screen, I told him no. Seconds later, I heard him walking over to the supply closet. After he opened it, he went inside and moved a few boxes around. A couple of minutes later, he called my name. “Misty, get in here right now,” he demanded frantically.

  “What is it?” I replied after I met him in the closet.

  “Did you move any of the narcotics meds out of here?” He got straight to the point as he pointed to every inch of the closet.

  “No. I haven’t. When I looked in here after I let myself into the pharmacy, I noticed that they were gone, but I thought you did it.”

  “No. When I left here last night we had a huge supply of medicine. Get on the phone and call the cops. I think we’ve been robbed,” he concluded.

  “Oh wow! This is scary,” I commented while I watched Sanjay go through the motions. One part of me wanted to believe that we really did get robbed. But since he’d been acting really weird lately, it had me questioning the validity of his robbery story. Now, if we really did get robbed, that of course would have me spooked and worried for my safety, but then what if he was lying? What if he got rid of those drugs in exchange for a large payoff and wanted to cover his ass just in case one of the pharmaceutical companies decided that they wanted to blow the whistle on his ass? Either way, this business of his was a scam, so I wanted out now, more than ever. I was going to start looking for another job.

  “What are we going to do in the meantime?” I questioned.

  “Once the cops get here we’re gonna put in a robbery report and once that happens, we get the report number for our pharmaceutical company so they can give us a clearance number. After that happens, we’ll be clear to order more meds,” he explained.

  I couldn’t lie, this crooked-ass negro thought I was stupid as hell. He knew damn well that he sold all of those fucking drugs that were in that closet last night. See, I got all this
shit figured out. He didn’t come to work before me this morning, because he needed an alibi. A witness. He needed me to fall into his trap. Make it look like he didn’t have anything to do with it. But should I tell ’em the fucking alarm wasn’t set last night? Should I throw Sanjay underneath the bus? He thinks he’s so fucking slick. But I had a trick for him. I really gotta find me another job now. I refused to get mixed up in his bullshit! Not now. Not ever.

  Sanjay got on the phone and called 911. After he gave the dispatcher what they needed to call a cop out to our address, he and I waited patiently for their arrival. As we waited, Sanjay started making small talk and giving me directions as to what to say when the cops started taking my written statement. I wasn’t a dumb chick. In fact, I was street smart. No one could get over me for nothing in the world. I guess being raised in the ghetto really worked out for me in a good way.

  “Think you got everything I just told you?” he wanted to know. I could see the spooky shit overtaking Sanjay again. I hated that he got like this. He didn’t make me feel safe in this store at all. I needed to get away from this man, before I get caught up in the mix.

  The cops finally showed up like thirty minutes later. Both cops were black. One of them was cute as fuck. Boy, do I love men in uniform. “Good morning, gentlemen,” Sanjay greeted them after they walked into the pharmacy. He shook their hands as they approached the counter.

  The officer that I found attractive stood there while the other cop spoke. “My name is Officer Cooper and this is my partner, Officer Flowers. We will be working the investigation,” he stated.

  “Thank you. I appreciate you officers for coming by,” Sanjay said while Officer Cooper reached for a mini notepad from the pocket of his shirt.

  “So, what was taken?” Cooper asked, looking at us both as he prepared to take notes.

  “Come around the counter and I’ll show you,” Sanjay insisted. While Officer Cooper followed Sanjay to the supply closet, I continued to process the prescription orders. I could feel the eyes of Officer Flowers piercing through my body. I knew he was looking at me so I looked up from the computer screen.