by Cara E Holt
“Honey, are you sure you don’t want to stay? Dylan’s awake. Don’t you want to see him before you leave?”
I step back and offer her a tight smile. “No. It’s better for him if stay away.”
“Honey, I-“
“I said no mum,” I snap, and then feel guilty when I see her face fall. I drop a kiss on her cheek. “I’m sorry I snapped. I’ll see you when I come home.”
She nods and with concern etched upon her weary face, she waves us off as we head down the street. A car comes careering up the street and I realise it’s Connor. He beeps his horn when he sees me in my Uncle’s car.
"Just drive on past," I tell my Uncle, but he ignores me, telling me Connor obviously needs to speak with me. Connor climbs out of his car and comes round to my door and pulls it open. He stares at me, looking exasperated.
“So, that’s it? You are just going to go and not even go and see him? He almost fucking died, Ella.”
I nod my head. “Yeah, he did, because of me. He’s better off without me in his life, Connor. I’m no good for him.”
Connor scoffs and shakes his head. "God, I am so sick of all this bullshit. I've stood on the side lines for years and watched you two pine for each other, neither one having the guts to tell the other how you feel. Jesus Ella, open your eyes and wake up. Dylan's been in love with you for years."
I shake my head. “You know that’s not true. He ghosted me at high school and dated my archenemy.”
Connor clenches his fist. “Because he’s an idiot, He was confused about how he felt about you and was sure you’d never feel the same, so he pushed you away. Why do you think no other boy ever asked you out at school?”
“Because I’m not pretty enough?” I suggest, and this just makes him even angrier.
"Seriously Ella, you're fucking gorgeous. When Dylan started noticing other boys checking you out, he made it clear you were off-limits. Think about it Ella, why do you think he started something up with Freya? To make you jealous. Why do you think he dared you to kiss him that night at that party? Because he believed the only reason, you'd ever kiss him would be for a dare."
I stare at him, open-mouthed. “You’re wrong.”
He snickers, throwing his hands in the air. “I give up. Everyone knows how he feels about you except you. You’re so blind to it. His eyes eat you up when you’re not looking. Dylan James has only loved one girl, and that’s you, Ella. He’s loved you for forever, and I’m tired of the two of you being too afraid to be honest with each other.” Connor looks at his watch. “I need to go. He’s asked after you. Your name was the first thing he said when he woke up.”
“He’ll hate me,” I whisper. “It’s my fault he got in that car.”
Connor smiles at me sadly. “Oh Ella, he could never hate you. He loves you too fucking much. I guess it’s up to you. You can run away, or you can stay and let yourself be happy with him. I love the both of you, but seriously, I could bang your heads together, you’re both so god-damn infuriating.” He leans his head in the car and kisses my forehead. “Please think about things.” He looks over at my uncle. “Sorry for swearing.”
Uncle matt grins at him and holds up a hand. “No need.”
With one last look at me, Connor returns to his car and he reverses and drives back off down the street. Neither I nor my Uncle matt speaks for a few seconds. “Still want to hit the road?”
I hesitate for a second before I nod my head and concentrate my eyes on the passenger window. It is better this way. If I let myself believe what Connor has just told me, then I open up myself to letting Dylan in, but what if he leaves me? Or we don’t work out and then we can’t go back to being friends?
Uncle Matt turns the radio up and hums quietly to the music as he drives. He leaves me to my thoughts, something that I love about him. He knows when to leave me be and not push me. The song ends and my heart stops in my chest when the next song plays. Rihanna's Umbrella plays and my heart drops into my stomach as memories of Dylan and me together play through my mind, including the night I first saw that umbrella tattoo on his chest. Could it be true? Could Dylan James have been in love with me all this time?
“Stop the car!” I shout out, making my Uncle jump a mile. “I need to go back. I need to go to Dylan?”
My uncle looks over at me and he smiles. “Penny finally dropped, huh? Anyone could always see how much that boy idolised you,” he says as he pulls in and makes a U-turn in the road and drives back the way we just came.
We reach the hospital twenty minutes later, and he drops me at the door. “Go on. I’ll find somewhere to park and come find you.”
"Thanks, Uncle Matt," I tell him with a big nervous smile on my face. This is it. It is do or die time. I can close my heart off and live half a life or I can put myself out there and let myself love someone. I go to the main desk and I ask where he is. The kind receptionist directs me up to the ward he’s on. I pause outside his room when I hear voices and laughter. My heart hammers in my chest as I take a step forward and stand in the doorway to his room. He doesn’t see me at first and I just take a minute to drink him in, the beautiful boy who owns my heart and soul. He looks away from his mum and stills when he sees me and his mum and sister both look my way.
“Ella,” his mum says, smiling. She rushes over to me and embraces me in a tight hug. “I’m so glad you’re okay. You two have both had us frantic with worry.” She looks down at my face, checking me over. “How are you feeling? Should you not be in bed?”
I smile and shake my head. “I’m fine, honestly.” I look past her at Dylan. “Do you think I could have ten minutes alone with Dyl?”
His mum looks from me to Dylan with worry on her face. Leila comes rushing over to her mum and cups her elbow. "Come on, mum let's go get a coffee." She beams at me and winks. "We'll give you guys some space." She hustles her mum out of the room, leaving just the two of us.
For a few seconds, we both just stare at each other in silence.
“I’m so fucking sorry. You’re in here because of me. You must hate me,” I say, unable to look him in the eyes.
“Ella, I don’t hate you,” he whispers.
“I’m sorry I haven’t visited. I couldn’t face it. I couldn’t face seeing you like that, like my brother.” A lonely tear falls down my face. “The thought of losing you, it’s too much. I wouldn’t survive it.”
“I’m fine, Ella. I’m here breathing and fine and I’m not going anywhere. I was an idiot getting in that car, but I was just so angry seeing you with him after we’d had sex. We had sex and then you just shut me out.”
“I thought you’d see it as a mistake,” I admit, twisting the hem of my jacket in my hands, still unable to look at him.
“Ella, look at me,” he demands, and I raise my face and meet his eyes. “How could I ever regret having sex with you? I’ve wanted you for so fucking long. It’s always been you, Ella, always.”
My heart picks up a beat at his words. “But I heard you that day on the back field when you told your friends I was boring and frigid.”
Dylan looks confused for a second. "Ella, if I ever said that then it was because my mates had their eye on you, and I was trying to put them off. Because you were mine and I couldn't face seeing you with anyone else. I was a dick, I pushed you away, fighting how I felt about you." He sighs and runs a hand through his dark hair. "When I found out you'd left town, I smashed my room up. You leaving, devastated me. I was so fucking angry at myself. I lost you and it fucking killed me. I love you, Ella. I've loved you for as long as I can remember. It's always been you."
The sob I’ve been holding in escapes.
“Fuck, get over here Ella,” he says trying to sit up in his bed.
I don’t need telling twice. I fling myself across the room and onto the bed and into his arms. “I love you too. So much it hurts.”
He lifts my face, and he cups it between his hands, smiling down at me. “Say it again.”
“I love you, Dylan James,�
�� I confess, smiling back at him as the tears fall down my face. Dylan leans in and kisses my tears away.
“Don’t cry, Ella bear. It kills me when you cry.” He looks at my lips and licks his own. “I’m going to kiss you now. Is that okay?”
I smile back at him. “It’s more than okay.”
His lips press softly against mine and I know that there’s nothing on this earth that feels righter than this. All those years we wasted worrying about how this could affect our friendship, convinced the other didn’t feel the same. We kiss each other like we are each other’s air. Until it becomes hurried and frenzied. Both of us pouring everything we’ve held inside into this kiss. When our lips part we’re both breathless and Dylan rests his forehead against mine.
“I could kiss you all fucking day,” he says with a smile and I can’t help but smile back at him. “Why do you think I had that umbrella tattooed on my chest, Ella? Who else could it have been for but you?”
I place my hand over his chest where the tattoo is. “I just always thought you didn’t see me in that way.”
Dylan laughs. “You mean you never noticed when I perved over your arse or when I’d look at you like I wanted to devour you. The boys have given me so much shit over the years about how much I’m hung up on you.”
I chuckle. “I honestly had no clue, and I was too scared to tell you how I felt and ruin our friendship. I’d rather have had you as a friend than not at all, so I told myself that was enough.”
Dylan leans in and kisses me again. “We have so much time to make up for.”
I wrap my arms around his neck. “We really do,” I reply as I kiss along his jawline and his breath quickens.
“Ella, baby, you’re going to have to stop that or I’m going to take you right here in this hospital bed.”
I lean back from him and I flush slightly. Him talking to me in this way is new, but I like it, a lot. I brush his hair off his face and cup his neck. “So, we’re doing this, huh?”
He smiles a smile that melts my insides and makes me weak at the knees. "We are so doing this. I'm not wasting any more time hiding how I feel about you, Ella. I love you," he says as he drops a kiss on my lips. "I love you," he says again before dropping a soft kiss on my nose. "I love you," he tells me again, grinning as he kisses my forehead.
I put my hand over his mouth. “Okay, I get the message, you love me. Now shut up and kiss me proper Dylan James.”
"With pleasure, my Ella umbrella," he teases before his lips press against mine and we forget all conversation and lose ourselves in each other.
Chapter Seventeen
One month later.
I walk into the cafeteria with a smile on my face. Dylan is back in college today and I have been dying to see him all morning. I mean, I'd seen him all last night when I'd climbed up the side of his house and sneaked into his bedroom and he'd rocked my world all night. I grab a sandwich and a drink and clutching at my tray I make my way to the table where all our friends are. We've kept our new relationship quiet for the last few weeks, just wanting to live in our perfect little bubble, enjoying being together and making up for lost time. Dylan looks up as I near the table and a great big smile breaks across his face. I take the seat beside him and put my tray down, and he slings his arm over my shoulder.
“Hey gorgeous,” he says with that signature sexy smirk of his, before he presses his lips to mine and kisses me to within an inch of my life. I kiss him back just as eagerly, and when we pull apart, he grins away at me.
“What the fuck?” Caleb says, with a chip halfway to his mouth. “About fucking time!” he says, grinning. “Do you know how long we have had to put up with him pining for you, Ella?”
“Fuck off,” Dylan says with an easy smile, keeping his arm around me. I flush red in the cheeks as everyone at our table stares at us.
Aria grins like a Cheshire cat. “I knew it. I knew this was going to happen eventually. Congrats guys. I’m happy for you both.”
“Thanks,” we both say in stereo and we laugh at the fact we both said it at the same time. Connor has been quiet, and I look at him slightly anxious. Is he not pleased we finally got our act together? He places his fork down and he comes around the table and he places his arm around the both of us.
“I was always the third wheel when we were kids, but this makes me so fucking happy. My two best friends.” He leans over and kisses my cheek and then does the same to Dylan. Dylan playfully shoves him and wipes at his cheek.
“Too much Connor, too much. Go sit your arse down.”
Laughing, Connor retakes his seat next to Aria and casual conversation resumes around the table. Dylan pulls me in for a kiss. “My dad has invited me for tea tonight. If I go, would you come with me?”
Dylan and his dad had been slowly building bridges. I think Dylan’s accident made him realise that life is short, and he’s making steps to mend the relationship with his dad.
I nod my head. “Of course, I’ll come with you. You don’t even need to ask.”
Dylan smiles down at me and he hugs me to his side. All these years I'd worried that we couldn't move from friendship to a relationship, but honestly, it feels as natural as breathing. This boy knows me inside out, he knows all my insecurities and all my flaws, and still, he loves me. The anniversary of my brother's death is this weekend, but it's okay, I have my mum, Uncle Matt and Dylan and my friends to support me and help me through. We are having a barbecue at our house and we've bought some balloons to release in the garden, under the stars. Losing Liam almost broke me, grief almost swallowed me whole, and I nearly drowned, but with the love and support of my Uncle Matt, I made it one day at a time and slowly but surely; I'd begun to smile again and laugh again. Liam had left a huge hole in my heart when he passed, but I can't close myself off to love, too afraid of being hurt or left behind. Loving Dylan James gave me hope for the future, a future that hopefully, I would share with my best friend, the only boy I've ever loved.
Epilogue
Six years later.
I wake up to the sun beaming in through the gap in the curtains. I can hear noise from the kitchen, and I hope that there is a coffee waiting for me. I climb out of bed and slip my slippers on my feet. I pause in the doorway to the kitchen at the picture before me. My sexy as sin husband, wearing nothing but those tight boxers that hug his bottom just perfectly, is singing away to the song radio as he cooks us breakfast. I take a minute just to watch him and I thank my lucky stars that he belongs to me. He must feel my presence as he turns around and he gives me that sexy smile and a wink that has me forgetting my thoughts.
“Morning beautiful. You sleep okay?”
I make my way over to him and he pulls me against him and places a kiss on my lips.
“Not bad. This one was having a party for one last night in my tummy.” I rub my swollen belly and give it a gentle pat.
Dylan places his hands on my bump and a look of love crosses his face. "Our little party animal. Bet he's going to be a handful like you."
I cock a brow, placing a hand on my hip. "Oh, really? Well, if I was a handful, it was because I was easily influenced by my best friend who was a real bad influence, and it might be a girl."
Dylan chuckles. “You loved being led astray by me and it’s a boy, I just know it. Anyway, sit down and let me feed you both.”
I take a seat at the kitchen island and watch him cook. I cup my coffee in my hands, savouring its warmth. Quiet mornings like this will be a thing of the past soon. In just a couple of weeks, we will be a family of three. My pregnancy had been a complete surprise, but we'd both been thrilled. I mean, is there ever really a right time to have a child?
Dylan and I got married just over twelve months ago. Some said we were too young at twenty-three but we'd been loving each other since before we were teenagers and well, when you know, you know. It had been six years since we had finally confessed our feeling for each other. Honestly, being together felt as right as breathing. We both graduated from universi
ty last year. Dylan studied for a degree in accountancy. Yeah, my boy was a whizz at numbers. I'd been undecided about what I wanted to do with my future, so I decided to study something I was passionate about and I now have a degree in Sports Science and Nutrition. I worked for a large gym chain as a personal trainer, and I loved it.
Today it was my mum’s birthday, and we were going over to Dylan’s mum’s house for a birthday barbeque. Our mums were still good friends and our two families had become even closer once we finally got our act together and became a couple. Dylan’s sister would tease him endlessly about how he pined for me for years.
I choose a pale pink summer dress that accommodates my baby bump and white pumps. Dylan comes into our bedroom whilst I’m putting on some blusher. He comes up behind me, cupping my bump and nuzzles into my neck.
“Mmm, baby, you smell good, and you look pretty in this dress. I can’t wait to get you out of it later.”
I chuckle, leaning against his chest. My man had an insatiable appetite for me, but to be fair I was the same with him.
“You ready to go?”
I give myself a quick once over in the mirror and I nod my head. I pick Dotty, our miniature Yorkie, from her bed where she is snoozing and I tuck her under my arm, and we make our way over to the James' house.
We head straight through the side gate to the back of the house and the place is already a hive of activity. Leila is yelling at her girls, Paige and Harper, who are running around the garden chasing each other with water pistols. Jason, Dylan’s stepdad is manning the barbeque and chatting away with Dylan’s dad who holds a beer in his hand.
“Dylan!” Yells, his half-brother, Leo from across the garden. He comes tearing over and throws himself at his big brother. Dylan sweeps him up into his arms and tips him upside down and starts tickling him.
“Ah, here you are.” Stacey places the bowl of fresh fruit down on the table and comes over to embrace me in a hug. She places a hand on my bump. “How’s my grandchild doing?”
